by t. h. snyder
I clench my fists and feel my palms begin to sweat as I enter his room. When I walk around the curtain I see Riley is asleep. Emma was right, he does look like shit.
His head is wrapped in a white bandage and a few strands of his hair are poking through the top. I walk over to the side of his bed and can see that blood has stained his face, neck and chest area. His arm and shoulder are in an odd looking cast that is supported with a rod that is attached to somewhere on his body near his right side.
I still can’t believe this is happening. It’s like a fucking nightmare. I know my friend needs me and will probably be a wreck when he wakes from his nap. I decide to take a seat in his room and wait it out till either he wakes up or Teresa comes in to give me some news.
Once inside the main doors of the hospital Tony walks over to the information booth to see where Riley and Char are within this huge place. I’ve never had the need to go to the hospital in my entire life, just lucky I guess. Tony walks back over to us and I watch his eyes as they glance down to my hands. Both Pete and Chris are still hanging on to me for dear life and I just smile at the expression on Tony’s face.
“You would think these two douche bags were your only life line Chloe.” Tony says with a smirk.
“Well if this is the lifeline I need to survive, I think I’ll just deal.” I tell him while looking back n forth between these two handsome men on either side of me.
Pete looks me right in the eyes and squeezes my hand. “You ready to do this doll?”
“As much as I would like to say no, I think we better get up there. Lead the way Tony.” I say lifting my arms to get Chris and Pete moving.
Accompanied by the three amigos we get into the elevator and Chris hits the #4 button. My heart rate increases as the elevator lifts up to the fourth floor. When the doors open I can see the visitors waiting area. We get off the elevator and Chris leads up around the corner through a set of wooden doors. Just pass the entrance is another room where I see mom, dad, Rose, Bud and Derrick holding hands with some girl.
Oh god. Not only am I about to panic about what may be going on with my sister, but I have to stand here and watch Derrick and his girlfriend. Okay breathe Chloe, breathe….in and out…in and out.
“Hey, you okay Chloe?” Pete asks.
I shake my head no and he leads me back out the doors and to the restroom. Without even hesitating he opens the women’s door and follows me. He escorts me over to the sinks and splashes some water into a paper towel.
“Here take this and wipe your face. You need to calm down your breathing before you have a panic attack. And believe me I’ve been on drugs for years for those fuckers.”
I have no clue why he’s doing this, but I listen as he talks and calm myself down.
“I know you’re freaked out about Char, but she’ll be fine. You two girls are the biggest fighters in Boston, you can get through anything.” He tells me with a big smile and his blue eyes sparkling.
“Pete it’s not that. I mean it’s not Char. Well yeah I’m a nut case with everything that happened today, but seeing Derrick here with his girlfriend. Damn it, why did he have to bring her here. Was she close with Char? Is that why she’s here?”
Pete looks at me like I’ve grown a second head.
“Chloe, what the hell are you talking about. Of all people I should know if Derrick has a girlfriend, which he doesn’t. Who are you talking about? The only girls out there are your mom, his mom and Emma. And she sure as hell is not Derrick’s.”
Oh my god Emma, I didn’t even think about her. I look up at Pete and feel like a complete ass.
“I’ve been so consumed about Char, I totally forgot about Riley. Emma is Riley’s sister and I…I thought she was with Derrick. I mean when we walked in there, I saw…well they were holding hands and ugh, I’m a stupid idiot.”
Pete takes the ripped up paper towel I’ve been destroying from my hands and throws it in the trash. Lifting my chin with his fingers he makes me look him straight in the eye.
“Look Chloe, I’ve know Derrick as long as I’ve known you. The two of you are perfect for one another. Just get your shit worked out because honestly I’m sick of hearing him bitch like a girl about you. He loves you and you love him. Deal with it and make it work. Capice?”
I laugh at the tone Pete is using and the words he says. He’s totally right, I do love Derrick and need to find a way to make this work. I just hope it isn’t too late.
“Capice.” I respond.
“Okay then, get yourself cleaned up and meet us back out in the waiting room.” He tells me with a stern voice and points his finger at me as if to scold me.
And with that Pete walks out of the women’s restroom and I plan to do exactly as he says. He just told me that Derrick still loves me. With all the pain I feel about what Char is going through, I still feel a sense of happiness knowing that Derrick still loves me.
I quickly splash water on my face and dry my eyes to remove the melting mascara. Now that I look presentable I take a deep breath and head out of the restroom and into the room that holds our families.
As soon as I walk through the doors my parents stand and walk over to me. Mom is the first to get within a close enough range to grab a hold of me and she does just that. Right behind her is dad and as a family we all begin to cry. The three of us hold one another so tightly that I begin to struggle for a breath. I loosen my hold from mom and dad soon follows suit.
“Hey kiddo, glad you could get here so quickly. We just wish it was under different circumstances.” Dad says.
“I know. Me too.” I reply.
Mom wipes at her eyes and does the same for me giving me a kiss on the nose.
“Have you guys heard anything more about Char or Riley? I feel like such an ass. With all my worry focused on Char I completely forgot to ask about Riley.”
“Riley is a bit banged up and has a broken humerus and collar bone, but other than that he’s just beating himself up about the whole thing. Rose and I were just in to sit with him for a bit, but they wanted to get him in for a cat scan so we had to leave.” Mom tells me while playing with my hair.
She always has a need to do something with her hands when she is nervous. Thankfully I love to have my hair played with when I’m scared. We are a perfect match right now.
“Well that’s good, but what about Char? Is she okay? I mean I know she isn’t okay right now, but is she out of surgery yet?”
“She’s out of surgery and they’ve been able to stop the bleeding on her brain. They’ll have to do a bit of restructuring to her right arm and leg once she is out of the coma they placed her in, but for right now all we can do is wait for her to wake up.” Dad says rubbing his hands up and down my back.
My hand flies to my mouth as I gasp for air.
“She’s gonna wake up though, right?”
The tears begin to fall from my cheeks and the fear of losing my little sister increases the longer my parents take to respond to my question.
“We don’t know yet kiddo.”
I move away from my parent in need of a seat. My legs begin to feel weak and I don’t know how much longer they’ll be able to support me. Once I sit, I throw my head into my hands and begin to sob.
Char has to wake up. She has to be okay. Char is the rock that holds us all together. She is the one that makes us a better family.
This waiting around shit fucking sucks and I don’t know how much more patient I can be. I know that there are hundreds of other patients in this hospital, but how hard is it for one nurse or doctor to let us know how Char’s surgery is going?
I’ve been sitting in Riley’s room for the past two hours and he’s knocked out. If it weren’t for the damn beeping of the machines I’d think the guy was dead. Oh wait, I shouldn’t even think that. I’m grateful he’s alive and breathing. Fuck this whole day is turning me into a nut case.
I know when he wakes up he’s going to go off the grid and if it were me I would do the same damn thi
ng.
God if it were me and Chloe in this situation I’d be going bat shit crazy trying to get out of this bed and up to find her. There’s no way I could lay here knowing she was somewhere else in pain and I couldn’t help her heal with my touch.
Fucking shit, what am I even thinking? Chloe and I will never even be together again to get us in a situation like this.
I lean forward on my legs and put my head in my hands. Feeling the need to relieve some pressure I run my fingers through my hair and pull.
A knock on the door jolts me from my mood of irritation. I look up and see my mom standing in the door way. She walks toward me and grabs for me to stand. Pulling me out of my chair she silently walks me out of Riley’s room and into the hallway.
Once we’re in the hallway, she moves me to turn and face her.
“Dad and I just got back a few minutes ago and I wanted to come in and see how you were holding up. The doctors just came out to talk to Teresa and Bryce about Char. Why don’t you come on out and hear what they had to say. Then I suggest you go home and get a shower and something to eat. You look like you could use a recharge.”
“Thanks mom, if I didn’t already feel like shit, I sure do now.”
She gives me a smile that warms my heart and I wrap an arm around her shoulders as we walk out of the hallway and back into the waiting room. Walking into the room I see Teresa and Bryce stand and walk toward us.
They both have a calm expression on their faces which is hard to read. I don’t know if what they are about to tell me is going to be good or bad. I clench my fists to my side and hope for the best.
“Well, let me have it. How is she?” I ask.
Bryce wraps Teresa into his side and she puts her hand to her mouth. Tears fall from both of their faces and I feel the urgent need to sit. This can’t be good.
“She is out of surgery and will remain in the ICU till they know more about her condition. When she went into surgery there were a lot of things going wrong at once, but they had to focus on what was important first.” Bryce says.
“So what does that mean, did they fix what’s wrong with her? Will she be okay? Can we see her?” I ask stumbling over my words.
“Her head injury was pretty intense and that was their main concern. They found the area that was causing blood to sit on a section of her brain and they were able to stop it.” Bryce says.
“Thank god.” Teresa chimes in and reaches for my hand. “She needs our thoughts and prayers more than anything else right now. They said immediate family can go up to see her in a few hours. They want to monitor her pretty closely first. The nurse said she’ll come down and let us know as soon as we can go up.”
I look between the two people that love Charlie more than their own lives. This is a hard pill for all of us to swallow. I can’t imagine how much this is hurting them.
“I don’t know what to say or do. I feel lost and helpless right now.”
“Derrick there’s nothing you could do to prevent this and nothing you can do right now but pray for our Char.”
I nod my head in agreement. “Well I think I’m going to go home and get a shower. I know Emma will be back soon to keep an eye out for Riley, but till then will you go in and keep him company mom?”
“Of course we will son, he’s an important part of this family and we need him to get better too.” She says.
“While I’m over at the house, I’ll check in on Manny and make sure he has food and water. Thank god for the doggy door Char insisted Riley install last week. The poor dog would be pissing all over the place.”
“Good thinking.” Bryce says.
“Do either of you need anything while I’m out?”
“No we’re good. Chloe and the guys should be here in a few hours and by then I hope we can go up and see her.” Teresa says.
“Okay, call me if anything changes with Charlie or Riley.”
“Will do Derrick, be safe.”
“Always.” I reply and walk out of the room heading home.
On my way to the house I think of how quickly life can change. How in a split second someone you love can be taken away. I try to remember the last thing I said to either of them and a draw a blank. I know that both of them know how important they are to me and I never go a day without telling them how much I appreciate their friendship.
My mind wonders back to the thoughts of what I would do if it were Chloe in the ICU. That girl was my life before I even knew she meant the world to me. Being apart from her for the past few months has been torture. I miss her. I love her. I can’t stand another day being apart from her. But I don’t know if we could ever make it work. We tried and we failed once before. Who’s to say if we did try again it would work?
Fucking hell, what am I even thinking? I don’t even know how she feels. For all I know she has already moved on and hasn’t wasted a second of her time thinking about me.
This sucks and all I know is that I still love Chloe. I need to get her back and I need to never let her go again.
Shortly after I arrive at the hospital and hear the news of Char I’m introduced to Emma. I still feel like a jackass for assuming she was dating Derrick, but now that I’ve met her I feel a bit better. There’s a lot that I need to get reacquainted with if I’ll be moving back to Boston.
God, I haven’t even thought about where I’ll live. I mean I own a house with Derrick, but that doesn’t mean I can just move back in…does it? Shit I need to think some things through and fast.
Now that the whole crew is here we have pretty much taken over the family waiting area. I look around at all the people that are here showing their love and support for my sister and Riley. I haven’t gone over to say hello to Rose and Bud yet though I’m feeling kind of guilty. Not for fear of rejection, but because Derrick is now sitting between them and Emma has found a home next to Rose.
Knowing that Derrick still loves me is the best feeling in the world, but I still feel a bit awkward. A few times we’ve caught one another looking in the other’s direction. It’s funny how we’ve spent majority of our lives together and now it’s as if we’re complete strangers. I want to be able to run over to him and sit on his lap. I want him to be the one to comfort me and me to be there for him. It’s a sticky situation we’re in and I want more than anything to talk to him alone.
I need to tell him that there’s a huge possibility that I’ll be moving back here to Boston. In fact my final interview is this coming Monday at the Red Sox and Orioles game. My family will be thrilled to know that I’ll be so close again, but is it the right time to tell them? Everyone is so consumed with the fear of what will happen to Char. Would me telling them my news make them feel better? I wish I knew the answers so I could break the silence in the room. It’s making me a little nervous.
Pete begins to stand and I see him move over to Emma out of the corner of my eye. She too gets up from her chair and they walk over to Derrick. The three of them walk toward us and my heart begins to beat at an uncontrollable speed. I don’t know why but seeing him and having him so near has my nerves and heart racing.
Derrick extends his hand to me and I look up at him.
“We’re going to go grab some coffee. Do you want to join us?” He asks me.
Hearing his voice and having him talk to me gives me goose bumps down my arms and butterflies in my stomach. It amazes me how much his body still effects mine. I grab his hand and allow him to help me from my seat. I give him a smile and nod my head. He never lets go of my hand and I don’t try for second to pull it away.
I can feel the warmth from his touch spread through my entire body and I feel as though I’m on fire. I have missed this, I’ve missed him.
I turn and look at my parents telling them to call my cell if they hear anything about Char or Riley. Derrick pulls me forward and I look into his baby blues. He’s smiling at me and my heart melts.
“So where we going?” I ask.
“Well Pete and I are going for a walk outside to get
some fresh air.” Emma says. “And we both agreed that you and Derrick need a chance to talk. The sexual tension is thick enough to get your parents in the mood for a little wam bam thank ya mam up there.”
“Fuck Emma, that’s just gross.” Derrick says. “But I do agree that we should talk. You wanna go to the cafeteria and grab some coffee?”
“Yeah.”I reply. My throat feels like there’s a million cotton balls lodged in there and I’m feeling nervous to be alone with Derrick.
Emma and Pete follow us down to the elevator, but stay on when we get off on the second floor.
We walk in silence to the cafeteria our hands still interlocked the entire way.
So many thoughts and questions are racing through my mind. I have no clue how Derrick feels about any of this. We left one another on such emotional terms and haven’t spoken a word to one another in months. Even though Pete said Derrick still loves me, what if he isn’t still in love with me anymore?
Can four months of being apart erase the love and passion we shared for so long? Choosing my career over Derrick was a difficult decision, but look at where it has lead me, right back to him.
I have heard it over and over again, everything happens for a reason. And even Char told me that if Derrick and I were meant to be together, we’d find our way back to each other.
I think we just did. But wait, did he find someone else while I was gone…did he date? Oh god how will I explain things with me and Andrew to him? I can’t keep it a secret. I mean, even though we were never intimate I still owe him an explanation…right?
I glance over at him as we walk through the cafeteria doors and my heart skips a beat. I know that I’m still totally in love with him. Not even the past few months could take that away from me. I miss looking into those baby blue eyes, running my fingers through his soft brown hair and wake up every morning to his touch.
In some ways I feel like nothing has changed between us, but I know better than that. A lot has changed. Where do we go from here?
If someone would have told me that I would have the worst and best day of my life today I probably would have stayed in bed waiting for the best part to come find me.