by Maya Banks
“I’m sending you home with our injured,” Sam said to Steele.
Steele’s lips tightened. “You’re taking me out of action?”
“Dude, you’ve been shot,” Rio said. “That’s what normally happens.”
Sam held up his hand. Then he turned to Rio. “What I’m asking you to do is off the books. You’ll get paid just like always, but this isn’t official, and you don’t have to agree.”
Both Steele and Rio went silent as they stared back at Sam.
“Okay,” Rio said slowly. “What are we talking about here?”
“I want you and your men to go back into Colombia. Deep cover and surveillance. Chances are the village will move since we know their location. I want their every movement closely monitored. It will require patience. I want reports, but I don’t want you to move—yet.”
Rio nodded. “Okay, we can do that. What’s the big hairy deal? You act like this is high treason or something.”
Sam’s jaw tightened as he tried to control the surge of anger. “This isn’t a mission, Rio. It isn’t business. This is personal. I want these bastards. I want them to pay for what they did to my family. I want information, and I don’t care what we have to do to get it.”
Steele and Rio went still and Sam could see they were finally understanding where he was coming from.
“I want to know why they kept Rachel alive. Why the big hoax. Why would they make us believe she died and then keep her alive all this time?”
“I understand,” Rio said evenly. “I’ll get your information for you.”
“Not just you, Rio. Me. I can’t—won’t—ask you to do something like this without me. I’m going home with my family. They need me right now. When I get everything settled, I’ll meet up with you in Colombia and we’ll go in.”
“You’re not doing this without me,” Steele cut in.
Sam shook his head. “No. You’re going back with your team. They’re your responsibility. Cole and Dolphin need the downtime. You know the rules. We work as a team. We live as a team. The team is everything.”
Steele swore under his breath. “I don’t like it, Sam. You have too much of a personal stake in this. If you don’t want me going, fine. Let Rio lead his team in.”
Sam slowly shook his head. “I can’t ask someone else to do what I want done.”
“I don’t like it,” Rio said. “If you want the job done, fine. I’ll take my team and we’ll round up the riffraff. We’ll make them talk. But I think you should go home with the others. Your family needs you right now.”
“I’ll take care of my family,” Sam said quietly. “But then I’m going back in. I want their blood. I can’t ask you or anyone else to do my dirty work for me.”
“Bullshit,” Steele snorted. “Think about this, Sam. Use your damn head. You’re as emotionally involved as Ethan is. You take this shit personally. Someone fucked with your family and you want revenge. Do you honestly think Garrett is going to quietly go home while you race back into the jungle? Do you think Ethan is going to just say okay while you go avenge his wife? What you need to do is go home and take your brothers with you. You know it’s the right thing to do or you wouldn’t be sneaking outside your brothers’ hearing and trying to slide one by them.”
“That’s a load of crap about you not asking us to do something,” Rio cut in. “We’re beyond that shit. This isn’t the U.S. fucking Army. I’ll take my team back in. Steele can fly his home and you take your family home. They’re going to need you. I’ll find your answers.”
Sam hesitated, torn between his need for vengeance and the knowledge that Rio and Steele were right. Ethan needed him. The next weeks were going to be hard on his family. But at the same time, getting answers was all important. He needed to know why Rachel had been taken. Why his family had been lied to. Why the grand deception? None of it made sense.
“Leave it to us,” Steele said bluntly. “I know it slays the control freak in you, but this is one mission you need to stay away from. I’ll get my men settled and the rest of my team will provide ground support for Rio and his team.”
Rio raised one brow. “Wow. The mighty Steele is going to act in a support role.” He clutched his chest and staggered backward.
Steele pinned him with the full force of his glare.
“And you wonder why I have such a hard time turning things over to you guys,” Sam muttered. He ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I appreciate the concern. But tell me this. If it was your family. If this was someone you loved we were rescuing. Would you be willing to let someone go back for vengeance?”
Rio blew out his breath. “No. I wouldn’t.”
Steele nodded his agreement.
“Okay then it’s settled.” He broke off and glanced back toward the cottage where his brothers were resting. “This needs to stay between us for obvious reasons.”
“You’re the boss,” Rio said.
Sam wiped a tired hand over his face. “You guys get some rest. I want to check in with Ethan and Rachel one more time.”
“You coming in?” Steele asked Rio as he turned in the direction of the house.
“Nah, I’ll head back to the chopper. I’ll check back with you guys in a few hours.”
Steele shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
A hand closed around Ethan’s shoulder and gently shook him awake. Beside him, Rachel lay curled in his arms. He turned his head to see Sam standing over him.
“What the hell happened?” Sam demanded in a whisper.
It took Ethan a few minutes to process that Sam was looking at Rachel’s blood-spattered clothes.
Carefully, Ethan eased away from Rachel and awkwardly got up from the bed. Every muscle in his body protested, and he had a monster crick in his neck from sleeping in such a cramped position.
“Get much sleep?” Sam asked.
“Not much. Rachel’s in pretty bad shape.”
Sam put a hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “We’ll get her home. She’s going to be fine. She’s a fighter. How else would she have survived this last year?”
“She shouldn’t have had to. I should have been here for her.”
“Bullshit.”
Ethan remained silent. Only he knew the depths of his failure when it came to Rachel. He didn’t want Sam to know. Ever. He couldn’t stand the disappointment in his older brother’s eyes. Their father had always drilled a sense of honor into them. Do right by your woman. His thirty-plus years married to their mother was a testament that he lived by his word.
Not only had Ethan not done right by Rachel, but he’d ducked responsibility, and he’d laid the blame for his own unhappiness at her feet.
“You can’t live in the past, man,” Sam said in a voice barely above a whisper. “Rachel needs you. Get over your guilt and be strong for her. You’ve got some tough days ahead of you.”
Ethan nodded, though he doubted Sam could see him in the darkness. Sam was right. For whatever reason, he’d been granted a precious second chance. No, he didn’t deserve it, but he wasn’t going to turn his back on it.
“Maren doesn’t think Rachel should go home just yet, and after what happened earlier, I think I agree.”
Again Sam’s gaze drifted over Ethan’s clothing. “What the hell happened?”
Ethan explained Rachel’s hallucination and told Sam what Maren had said about monitoring Rachel’s withdrawal and her concern about Rachel going home to a family and life she couldn’t remember.
“She’s worried about the strain it’ll put on Rachel. She thought it would be best for you and the others to go ahead and smooth things out so that her homecoming would be as low-key as possible.”
“I don’t like the idea of leaving you behind,” Sam muttered.
“I’ll stay.”
Ethan and Sam looked up to see Garrett standing in the doorway.
Sam shook his head.
“You don’t get to make all the decisions,” Garrett said evenly. “I’ll stay with Ethan and Rachel. You can take t
he others back. Cole, Dolphin and Steele need medical care beyond what they’re getting here. You and Donovan can break the news to the family. Whenever Rachel is well enough, Ethan and I will take her home.”
Ethan nodded. “I think it’s best. If I call Mom and Dad, it’s just going to upset them. They’ll never believe I’m not delusional. They’ll have time to process the news before Rachel gets home. I don’t want her overwhelmed. This is going to be hard enough on her as it is.”
Sam frowned. “I don’t like leaving either of you behind.”
“Ethan and I can handle it,” Garrett said.
Sam let out his breath. “Okay,” he conceded. “That’s what we’ll do. If Maren gives the okay to transport the injured men, we’ll leave in the morning. I want a report every three hours. I’ll have a chopper return for you as soon as Rachel can leave.”
“And what about Maren?” Garrett asked. “I don’t think we should just pack up and leave her without protection.”
“She hasn’t been without protection since we got her out of Africa,” Sam said. “She’s watched. She just doesn’t know it.”
Ethan nodded. And suddenly the thought of going home didn’t hold the comfort it had before.
“Something wrong, Ethan?”
Ethan looked up at Garrett. His brothers always picked up on his moods. Any change or shift no matter how small. At times it was like living under a microscope.
His hands shook, betraying him as he fought to remain steady and unaffected. How was he supposed to be Rachel’s rock when a good stiff wind would blow him right over?
The words stuck in his throat, refusing to roll off his tongue. He was a man who’d seen and experienced the worst the world had to offer, and he’d done it stoically and without fear.
He closed his eyes. “I’m afraid.”
“You have every right to be,” Sam said evenly.
Ethan shook his head. “No. It’s time for me to step up to the plate. Man up and be the husband Rachel deserves. I may not have been afraid in the past, but I was a fucking coward.”
His brothers looked at each other and Garrett shrugged. No, they wouldn’t know what he was talking about. His marriage to Rachel was a study in secrets. Secrets she would have never divulged. She would have never gone to his family with their problems. He’d known it and taken advantage of it.
“I’m afraid she’ll never remember. And then I’m afraid she will,” he said quietly.
A distinct, uncomfortable silence ensued. Ethan looked down. He’d said too much. It was harder to keep quiet now, and maybe in a twisted way, he was seeking absolution from past sins. But only Rachel could grant him that. It was her he had to make restitution to.
Garrett cleared his throat. “The best thing you can do, man, is to take her home and surround her with as much love and support as you can. We’ll all help. You won’t be doing this alone.”
Sam leaned forward, his expression intense. “The important thing is, you have her back. Nothing else matters.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. I just feel like I’m going to wake up and be back home in our bed. Alone. And this will have all been a dream.”
“I know this year hasn’t been easy for you, but you’ve been given another chance that many would kill for. Don’t waste your time borrowing trouble. Enjoy each and every moment, because you of all people know how fast it can all be snatched away.”
Ethan raised his haunted gaze to his brother. “Yeah, I do. And I’m not going to let it happen again. I won’t lose her. Not twice.”
CHAPTER 12
THE next morning, an hour before dawn, Maren’s clinic was buzzing with activity. Cole and Dolphin were propped against the wall in the waiting area as they waited for the chopper to arrive that would carry them into Mexico. Maren had given Cole a pair of crutches, but he’d promptly discarded them with a few choice words.
Sam, Donovan and Garrett met with Ethan inside Rachel’s room. She was resting comfortably for the first time in hours, and they spoke in hushed tones so they wouldn’t disturb her.
“Maren’s right about one thing. It’s better for us to go ahead and pop the surprise so that everyone has a chance to get used to the idea before Rachel comes home. It’s going to be overwhelming enough as it is,” Donovan murmured.
“Hell, our family intimidates me half the time,” Garrett grumbled.
Ethan thrust his hands into his pockets. “I don’t want this just thrust on Mom and Dad. They loved her like a daughter. I know they’re going to be happy, but I don’t know what kind of shock this is going to be for them.”
“You let us worry about that,” Sam said. “You just take care of Rachel and get her home as soon as possible.”
He slapped his hand on Ethan’s back. “This is the best news this family has gotten in a long time. Just think about how great Christmas is going to be this year.”
For a moment Ethan couldn’t even speak. Christmas. Rachel was crazy about the holidays. She and his mom drove everyone nuts every year decorating, shopping, making everyone else join in on cutesy family celebrations. He hadn’t realized just how much he enjoyed that time of year until last year, the first Christmas Rachel missed. It had been a solemn, gut-wrenching holiday.
He’d spent Christmas Eve alone at home with a bottle of cheap liquor. In the dark. No festive lights or Christmas music that predated his grandparents. Only the memory of Rachel’s smile and the way she tore into presents on Christmas morning.
He would have given anything for just one more Christmas with her, and now his wish had been granted.
“God help us,” Donovan said in amusement. “Between Rachel and Mom, no one will escape with their sanity intact.”
Garrett rolled his eyes. “Or without one of those stupid Santa hats.”
“Which reminds me, it’s your turn to play Santa,” Sam told Garrett.
They all burst out laughing at the deer in the headlights look that flashed on Garrett’s face. God, it felt good to laugh again. To not feel like nothing good would ever happen.
Ethan grinned broadly as he stared at his brothers. He’d missed them as well. The last year had been painful enough without Rachel, but he’d closed himself off from his family as well. This would be a homecoming for him as much as Rachel.
“I’ll let them dress me like Rudolph if it puts a smile on their faces,” Garrett said after he stole a quick look at Rachel who was still sleeping soundly.
“Amen to that,” Donovan muttered.
Sam’s expression grew serious as he looked at Garrett and Ethan. “We need to get on out of here. You two stay in touch and be careful. Donovan and I will break the news to Mom and Dad and get things ready for Rachel to come home.”
Ethan stared back at Sam and then glanced at Donovan and then Garrett.
“Thanks.”
“Come on, Van. Let’s go before Ethan gets mushy again,” Sam said.
Ethan slugged Sam in the gut as he walked by and Sam bent over in an exaggerated grimace.
“Pussy,” Garrett muttered.
Ethan turned to Garrett. “Will you hang out here in case Rachel wakes up? I want to see them out.”
“Yeah sure. Go ahead. Give them a kiss for me while you’re at it.”
Ethan grinned and shook his head. Then he flipped up his middle finger as he walked out behind his brothers.
RACHEL stirred and sleepily opened her eyes. Then she remembered the things . . . the bugs that had crawled over her body, and she yanked her gaze down to her arms, her belly. But all she saw was bloodstained clothing.
She frowned as she struggled to remember all that had happened in her hysteria. And then as she looked beyond the bed, she saw Garrett slouched in a chair by the window.
When he saw she was awake, he immediately got up and moved to stand beside the bed. His smile was gentle, and his voice low and soothing.
“Hey, sweet pea. How you doing?”
She tried to smile, but she felt more like crying.
> Garrett sat down on the edge of the bed like Ethan had done the night before. “Hey now, don’t look like that.”
“I’m losing my mind.”
Her voice came out as a sob, and she despised it.
He touched her cheek and smoothed hair from her face.“You’re not losing your mind, Rachel. You’re getting it back. There’s a difference. You’ve been through a very tough time. Most people wouldn’t have survived it, but you did. Don’t sell yourself short.”
Tears gathered in her eyes, and he gently thumbed one away as it trickled down her cheek.
“Where’s Ethan?”
“He’ll be back soon. Want me to go get him?”
She shook her head. She did want him, but she hated the way she seemed to cling to him. Surely she could survive a few moments alone. But then she wasn’t alone. Garrett was here, and he’d been her friend. She knew that much.
“You gave me away at my wedding,” she whispered.
He smiled. “I did. It was a toss-up, really. Dad very much wanted the honor.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Then why didn’t he?”
“Because you asked me to,” he said simply.
“Ethan said I had no family, that I was a part of his before we ever married.” It was voiced as a question rather than the statement she’d intended.
“That’s true. Mom taught you in school. You were always one of her favorite students. After your parents died, she pretty much adopted you into the Kelly fold.”
“So Ethan and I knew each other? I mean before we got involved?” Then she frowned. “Involved” sounded so . . . impersonal.
Garrett smiled. “I’m pretty certain he always noticed you, but it wasn’t until he came home on leave and discovered that our younger brother Joe had asked you out that he got his ass in gear.”
Her brow furrowed in concentration. Try as she might she couldn’t summon a mental picture of Joe or Nathan. “Ethan told me that Nathan and Joe were twins, but I can’t remember either of them.”
“Maybe when you see them it will all come back, and if it doesn’t, there’s no hurry,” he said easily.