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by Ivy Smoak
"No. I thought I wanted to. But I was still confused about you. I've been a mess if you can't tell. I still don't know how I feel. Things seemed easy with Tyler. You just have so much baggage. I think I was just trying to get over you."
"By getting under someone else?" He was gripping my comforter in his fists.
He had been cheated on by his wife. And now me. I was a cheater. He wasn't the bad guy, I was. "It didn't go that far, Professor Hunter. And it never will. Tyler found out about you and he wants nothing to do with me."
Professor Hunter's body tensed. "What do you mean?"
I looked into his eyes. He was going to think I was so stupid. "Tyler looked at my phone. He saw that I had missed calls from you."
"You had me in your phone as Professor Hunter?" He looked incredulous.
"I'm sorry." I wanted to cry again. "I don't think he'll tell anyone."
Professor Hunter pulled me into his chest. I could hear his heart beating, slow and steady. Now he knew about Tyler. It was time for him to leave my dorm thinking I was an awful person too.
"Can I walk you out?" I asked.
He pushed my shoulders back slightly and looked down at me. "You want me to leave?" There was so much pain on his face.
"No."
"Then I don't want to go."
"But I broke your trust. I had told you Tyler and I were just friends."
"And you were just friends when you told me that. I broke your trust by not telling you about my marriage. Even though I never said I wasn't married."
"So neither of us lied, but we both hurt each other."
Professor Hunter nodded his head.
"Then I guess we're even?"
A sly smile crept across Professor Hunter's face. "Penny, you're hard to control. And I'm used to being in control."
I gulped. I knew he was. The way he touched me, the way he could make my body react to him; he was always in complete control. His hands were still on my shoulders. I didn't understand why he was still here, but I was glad that he was. Even though I had been angry with him, I still loved him.
"So what do we do now?" I asked. It felt like we were in a stalemate. We had both hurt each other and neither one of us knew if we could trust the other.
"Penny, what do you want to do?"
"I don't know."
"You're the one that needs to make a decision. I still want you. I don't care about what happened between you and Tyler. All I care about is what we have."
"I've never felt the way I feel about you with anyone before. You make me feel like I'm living for the first time. But I'm sick of secrets. I don't want to hide that I'm dating you anymore. All the secrets make everything so much harder."
"Who do you feel like you're keeping secrets from?"
"Melissa."
"So tell Melissa that I'm your boyfriend."
I gulped. Boyfriend? My heart was beating fast. I had never heard anything more glorious in my life. "Is that really what you want?"
"Yes, I want you to be my girlfriend, Penny. I told you before that I didn't relish the idea of sharing you. I don't want you to be with anyone else ever again. Just me." He leaned down and kissed me hard. When he pulled away, he looked around my room.
"So this is where you live?" Professor Hunter pulled off his suit jacket and draped it over the back of my desk chair. He had a mystified look on his face.
"It's a dorm room. What did you expect?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I haven't been in one for awhile. It's a lot smaller than mine was." He turned to the montage of pictures on my bulletin board. "You're quite popular." He smiled at me.
I laughed. "No, not really."
"Why do you always put yourself down like that?" He reached for my hand. "Don't you see how wonderful you are?"
"No one else sees me the way that you do."
"All I see is you."
I gulped.
He looked over my shoulder. "Do you always make a habit of sleeping with clothing that you've stolen from people?" He pulled his sweater out from underneath my comforter.
My face flushed. "Just you."
"Just me." He traced his finger along my jaw line.
I wanted him to kiss me.
"This past week has been exhausting," he said.
"Then maybe we should take a nap."
Professor Hunter's lips curled into a smile. "As you wish." He slowly pulled his tie loose and unbuttoned his dress shirt. He laid both on top of his suit jacket. I would never stop admiring his sculpted torso. He unhinged his belt and pulled it free. He sat down in my chair and leaned over, unlacing his dress shoes.
I bit my lip as I watched him. Unlacing shoelaces shouldn't have been sexy, but everything he did somehow seemed sexual. He kicked off his shoes and socks and stepped out of his dress pants. Professor Hunter was standing in my dorm room in just his boxers. He folded his pants and draped them on the back of my chair.
"Are you going to join me?" he asked with a smile.
I had been staring. I unzipped and unbuttoned my pants, slid them down my legs, and pulled off my black t-shirt. I was left in just my panties and bra.
He picked up the pint of ice cream from my desk and took a spoonful as his eyes gazed over my body. "Delicious," he said seductively.
I wasn't sure if he was talking about the ice cream or me.
"Get in bed." He put the lid on the ice cream and put it back into the fridge.
I pulled the sheets back, hopped into my bed, and slid all the way over so that he could join me. He climbed in beside me. The twin bed was barely long enough for him and definitely too small for both of us together. He put his head down on the pillow beside me and looked into my eyes.
We stared at each other in silence for a few minutes. Him laying beside me felt so normal and so comforting. The pain in my chest had completely subsided.
"What are you thinking?" he whispered.
"That I'm not that tired." I moved closer and wrapped my legs around him.
"I thought you wanted to nap." He put his hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face. His hands on me made my whole body alert.
"Not anymore."
"Thank God." He pulled me to him and placed a kiss on my lips.
Chapter 46
Monday
I groggily opened my eyes. Professor Hunter and I were still intertwined on my bed. I took a deep breath, ensconced by his heavenly scent, then slowly unwound myself from him until his face was a few inches from mine. He looked so peaceful as he slept. I hadn't realized how much pain I was causing him. I ran my fingers down the side of his beautiful face, but he didn't even stir. He had made love to me slowly and gently, but so passionately. His feelings for me hadn't changed at all. And neither had mine. The way he had stared into my eyes as he had made love to me made me feel closer to him than ever.
His words from earlier made me smile. He didn't want me to be with anyone else ever again. I was his. He hadn't said it, but I knew that he loved me. And I loved him. This was real, more real than anything I had ever experienced. I ran my fingers down his neck and traced his clavicle.
He blinked and slowly opened his eyes. "Hey," he said and smiled at me.
"Hey, yourself."
"Were you watching me sleep?"
"Mhm. Not in a creepy way, though."
He laughed. "I didn't think it was creepy until you said that it wasn't. Now I'm not so sure." He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Your bed is extremely uncomfortable."
"You get used to it."
He raised his left eyebrow skeptically. "But I do find it easy to fall asleep next to you. You're the only person that seems to be able to make me relax." His hand slipped down my back and he grabbed my ass.
I laughed. "Melissa is going to be back soon."
"Did you want me to stay and introduce myself?"
"I don't really want you to leave, but I think it's better if I tell Melissa alone."<
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"Are you kicking me out?" He had a playful grin on his face.
"It's nothing personal."
He placed a kiss on the tip of my nose and got up. I loved seeing him standing naked in my dorm room. After bumping into him in the coffee shop, I never would have thought I'd ever see him again, let alone date him. He pulled on his boxers and pants. When he put on his shirt, I got up and slowly buttoned it for him. He smiled as he watched me. After buttoning one of the last buttons, I pulled his collar and brought his lips to mine.
"You're making it hard for me to leave," he said after a soft kiss.
I laughed and let go of his collar. I quickly dressed as Professor Hunter laced his shoes. Once his tie was tied, he looked around my room again. He eyed the roses in the trash.
"Not a fan of roses?"
"Oh I am. It was just that a domineering professor gave them to me. Or else I would have loved them."
Professor Hunter laughed. "Before I leave, let me see your phone."
My cell phone was still sitting on my desk. I grabbed it and handed it to him. He typed in something and handed it back to me. I looked down and saw that he had changed his contact name to James.
"I thought I wasn't supposed to call you James in private?"
"Apparently your phone isn't private."
I bit my lip. So he was mad. He rubbed his thumb along my lower lip and gave me a small smile.
"My girlfriends usually call me James."
"That makes it sound like you have more than one girlfriend right now. Am I one of several?"
"Dozens."
I nudged his shoulder with my hand.
"No, just you, Penny." He grabbed his suit jacket and draped it over his shoulder. "Let me know how your conversation with Melissa goes."
"I will." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again. "I'll text you later, James."
Chapter 47
Monday
Melissa came in the door with two bags. She kicked the door closed with her foot and put her backpack on the ground.
"Hey, Melissa."
"Hey! Wow, you look a lot better, Penny. Did you take a nap or something?"
"Yeah," I sighed. "And I do feel a lot better."
"Okay, this one is yours." She tossed me one of the bags as she sat down beside me on my bed.
"Thanks for picking up dinner." I opened up the container and snapped my chopsticks apart.
"So how did your conversation with Tyler go?"
Tyler. I felt sick to my stomach thinking about him. I had treated him so horribly. I twirled a noodle around my chopsticks. "Not great."
"Did you tell him about James?"
"He found out on his own. James tried to call me while Tyler had my phone."
"Oh. Well, he's dating someone else too. He couldn't have been that upset."
"But it wasn't just that I was dating someone else. It was that I had lied about it to him. I kept using getting over Austin as an excuse to not date Tyler, when really I was seeing James the whole time. I should have told him right away." Just like I should have told you. Maybe I should have let Professor Hunter stay to explain things.
"What did Tyler say to you?"
"I hurt him, Melissa. He hates me."
"I'm sorry, Penny."
Things with Professor Hunter were great, but I had lost one of my closest friends in the process. Even though I had told Tyler I only wanted to be friends, I had lied to him about the reason why. And then I almost jumped into bed with Tyler as soon as there was a glitch in my relationship with Professor Hunter. What is wrong with me?
As if hearing my question to myself, Melissa said, "Okay I have to ask. What is going on with you? Dating two guys at once is really not like you."
"No, it's not at all. I guess I was going back and forth in my head just because I was mad at James. I've never had such an instant connection with anyone before. It's really hard to explain."
"When we went through the pro con list between James and Tyler, Tyler clearly won. But I could tell that you wanted to be with James. I get it. Either there's that connection or there isn't."
I nodded.
"There's one thing I'm still confused about, though. Why didn't you just tell Tyler you were seeing someone else right away? Were you worried you were going to hurt his feelings?"
On paper, Tyler had won. Why hadn't I just told him I was seeing someone, without saying it was Professor Hunter? Because I told Melissa that I was dating someone else. It was because I knew I could see myself with Tyler too. I really could. I had been keeping him as a backup plan. I was an awful person.
"I never really believed James could possibly like someone like me. I thought our relationship was doomed from the start. I think I wanted Tyler to like me. Because I knew he would be great to date too. Please don't think less of me. Tyler was my backup plan."
Melissa laughed. "Everyone has a backup, Penny. I don't think anyone has ever made Tyler a backup before though, because he is damn sexy." She paused. "Sorry."
I looked down at my food. "Do you think he'll ever want to be my friend again?"
"Penny, I don't really think men and women can be friends. I already told the two of you this when you were both pretending to be friends. Someone always wants more, and in this case you both wanted more. Unless Tyler is gay. If he's gay, you guys can be friends."
"He's definitely not gay."
"Then you were never just friends and never can be just friends. Besides, if you ever wanted to get serious with James, he would probably get jealous if you were friends with another guy."
Professor Hunter was jealous. He had asked me on our first date not to see Tyler anymore. Melissa was so good at stuff like this. I should have been talking to her about everything from the start.
"Okay, so what happened with your speech today then? You said you were mad?"
It was time to tell her now. I swallowed hard. "Remember when I slept over James' apartment last week?"
Melissa nodded.
"When I woke up I wanted to change into clean clothes." I tried not to blush. I had actually been naked and needed something to wear. "So I borrowed a shirt from one of his drawers and I found his wedding ring."
Melissa stared at me. I thought she was waiting for me to say just kidding or something. When I didn't, she said, "What an asshole. Oh my God! And I convinced you to try and work things out with him? Why didn't you tell me, Penny?!"
"I was embarrassed. I was so mortified. I felt like it was partially my fault and I felt so guilty. But your advice was actually good. Because when I talked to him on Saturday I found out that he had left his wife. He filed for divorce last year."
"So they're divorced? Well that's a relief, you little home-wrecker." Melissa smiled.
My stomach knotted. "The divorce isn't official yet. Apparently she won't sign the papers."
Melissa scrunched her mouth to the side. I could tell that she still thought Professor Hunter was sleazy. She definitely didn't approve. But she didn't know how sincere he was when he talked to me. He didn't love his soon to be ex-wife.
"Are you sure he's telling you the truth?" she asked.
"Well, that brings me to this morning. It really seemed like he was, but I wanted to look it up to make sure. And I found an interview with his wife saying that everything was fine between them. So I freaked out."
"You need to learn how to control your temper, Penny. I get being upset, but ruining your Comm speech because of it? You probably failed."
"It would have been easy to get over before my speech if I didn't have to see him while I was giving it."
"I thought you said he wasn't in your class?"
"He isn't exactly." I took a deep breath. "He teaches it. James is the guy from the coffee shop. He's Professor Hunter."
Melissa laughed. "Right, like you'd date a professor."
I stared back at her.
Melissa's jaw dropped. "You're shitting me, Penny?"
"Ever since meeting him in the coffe
e shop I couldn't stop thinking about him. And seeing him in class three times a week made it impossible to get over him."
Melissa just stared at me.
"I wanted to tell you right away, but if anyone found out, we might get in trouble. And he came over today after my meltdown in class. He promised me that he was telling the truth about his wife. And I believe him. If you could have seen how upset he was that I was mad at him... He would never hurt me." I knew I was rambling but Melissa was still just staring at me. "He asked me to be his girlfriend. And I said yes. I know it probably sounds crazy, but I want to be with him. Melissa, please say something."
"Well it makes sense now."
"What?"
"Dating James is against the rules. Tyler was a safe choice, but you wanted a bad boy."
"That's not true." Was it true? I found Professor Hunter irresistible. Was I drawn to him because he wasn't good for me?
"Your boyfriend is a married professor. And you're a student. So, yes, I think you could classify him as a bad boy. Penny, bad boys are exciting, but they are always the wrong choice. Haven't you ever seen a romantic comedy?"
"Melissa, you don't even know him. He makes me so happy. He's wonderful." And sexy and dangerous. Oh my God, I've fallen for a bad boy.
"He makes you miserable, Penny! You've been a mess this whole past week. I've never seen you this upset and crazy before."
"Because I love him! And I was heartbroken when I thought it was over."
"I'm sorry, I am. I don't want to be judging you, but..."
"Then don't. Just be happy for me."
Melissa scrunched her face to the side again. "I'm sorry. I am happy for you. So you really love him, huh?"
"Yes." I smiled.
"I need to meet him."
"Okay, you can definitely meet him now. He almost stayed today but I told him I needed to talk to you first."
"Thanks. I would not have appreciated being blindsided with this. I can't believe you're dating your professor!"
"And you can't tell anyone, Melissa."
"That's going to be hard."
"Trust me, I know how hard it is."
"I can't even tell Josh?"
"Hopefully he doesn't already know. I haven't asked Tyler not to tell anyone yet. But if Josh doesn't know, please don't tell him."