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by Ivy Smoak
"Yeah. There's just something that I need to tell you. Do you want to get dinner tonight or something?
"Sounds good to me."
"Oh, Tyler, you never gave me the notes from Friday. Anything helpful for our speeches today?"
Tyler laughed. "Um, not really. I actually didn't even take notes in this class. I just wanted an excuse to come see you. Professor Hunter was talking about fighting or something on Friday. Like how in your speech you need to make the audience listen. Almost like it's a battle you need to win. It was really weird. You know how he is. All of his advice is super unhelpful and strange."
Interesting. Was that because Professor Hunter was fighting for me? I felt sad for a moment but shook the feeling away. He should be fighting for his marriage. My anger was growing again.
"Are you ready to finally find out why I chose economics and finance? I think you'll like my speech."
"Does that mean you're finally going to answer my question of what you want to do when you graduate?"
"Indeed."
Professor Hunter walked in, and I couldn't even help but turn my attention to him. It wasn't just the danger, he was the sexiest man I have ever laid my eyes on. Why does he have to be so unbelievably sexy? He was wearing a crisp suit that hugged his body perfectly. He locked eyes with me and smiled. But his expression immediately changed. He could probably sense how angry I was. His eyebrows lowered and he suddenly looked brooding.
That's right! I found out that you were lying to me again, you asshole!
Professor Hunter cleared his throat. "Okay, time for speeches. I'm excited to learn why all of you chose your majors." He pulled the podium to the middle of the room and made his way to the seat in front of Tyler. Professor Hunter's scent reached my nose, but it just fueled the flame growing inside of me. I had never been angrier in my entire life.
"Adam Zabek, you're up," Professor Hunter said once he had pulled out his papers to grade the speeches with.
Adam and a few other people went and then it was my turn.
"Penny Taylor." My name seemed foreign in Professor Hunter's voice. I was used to him saying Penny in a seductive, sweet way.
"Good luck, Penny," Tyler said with a smile.
Professor Hunter seemed to tense at Tyler's words. Good. I wanted Professor Hunter to be as upset as I was. It would serve him right if I really did fuck Tyler in front of the class.
"Thanks," I said and stood up. I walked past Professor Hunter and slowly to the front of the room, making sure not to trip on anything.
I knew you were supposed to envision the audience naked, but in my dream they had all seen me naked. Certainly my speech today would be less embarrassing than that. But it hadn't really been embarrassing. It had been insanely sexy. I held the sides of the podium. Everyone was staring at me, it was like they knew what I had dreamt. Tyler was even smiling at me and Professor Hunter looked angry. I looked down at my speech. No. No, I had something else to say. The same courage from my dream suddenly washed over me.
I locked eyes with Professor Hunter. The anger continued to swell to the surface. Something seemed to snap inside of me. Fuck him and his stupid, beautiful face. Someone cleared their throat. Shit. How long had I been standing up here?
"I am currently majoring in marketing. And for some reason I'm having a really hard time remembering why I chose it." I picked up my paper in my hand and waved it around. "I have a whole list of reasons on here why marketing is a great major, but I'm not sure how much of that I can believe anymore. Because sometimes you think you know something, but actually you have no idea what it's really like. Marketing is like that. It's a complete lie. I mean, we're all taught that marketing is sexy, right?" I blushed remembering my dream. "But it's really not. Marketing is ugly on the inside. Hideous, really."
I looked at Professor Hunter. He was fuming. It looked like he wanted to yell at me. Good. Screw him. I wasn't even close to being finished. My anger was bubbling over and I couldn't stop it now.
"Marketing lures you into getting something that you don't really need or want. A product can't cheat on you. A product can't lie to you. But a marketer can. And a marketer doesn't blink an eye when they lie and cheat. They hook you in and sell you awful products that you don't even want. You know what? I'm actually thinking about changing my major because of this assignment. Because I can't for the life of me think of a reason to continue pursuing marketing. Because marketing is a fucking joke."
"That's enough!" Professor Hunter slammed his fist on his desk.
"Marketing can go to hell." I grabbed my paper and ran out of the room.
"Penny!" I heard Tyler yell as the door closed behind me.
What the hell did I just do?
Chapter 44
Monday
The rain started to fall as I stood outside my dorm. I didn't have my sensor pass to get into the building. How could I leave class without getting all my stuff? I shook my head. That wasn't the question I needed to answer. More like, how could I give a speech filled with strange metaphors about Professor Hunter and marketing? My anger had just boiled over. It had almost been as bad as my dream. The whole class must think I'm completely insane. Geez, am I insane? Everything was a complete disaster. I wasn't even sure what I had said in my speech, but I was pretty sure it was time to drop the class. Was it past the deadline yet? There was no way I could ever face anyone in that class ever again. I had acted so immature. I wanted to know what Professor Hunter was thinking. I took a deep breath. What is Tyler thinking?
The light rain felt good against my flushed face. I closed my eyes and tilted my head toward the sky as I leaned against the brick wall. No one was coming in or out right now because it was during class. I was going to have to wait for awhile. It wasn't too late to go back and grab my bag, but I couldn't make myself do it. My speech was supposed to be why I chose the major that I did. I had ended it with "marketing can go to hell." I would never live this down.
Finally someone came out of my dorm building. The girl gave me a weird look, probably concerned that I was a crazy homeless person trying to break into the building. But I was able to quickly grab the door handle before I got locked out again. I ran into my dorm and up the stairs. Melissa didn't have class right now, so our room would be unlocked, but she'd be in our room. Could I face her? All I wanted to do was bury myself under the covers of my bed.
I slowly opened the door. Melissa was on her feet and running over to me right away.
"Tyler just texted me. What's going on?"
I was sick of the lying and the secrets. I burst out crying.
Melissa gave me a big hug. "Penny, what happened? Tyler said you ran out of class during your speech?"
"It was worse than that." I pulled away from her. Melissa closed the door.
"Sit down, tell me everything."
And I wanted to. I so badly wanted to tell her about dating my professor and then finding out that he was married. And why couldn't I? I trusted Melissa. She was my best friend. I sat down on my bed and she sat down next to me. She rubbed her hand on my back.
Why couldn't I seem to tell her? Professor Hunter had broken my trust, I could break his too. I put my face in my hands. No, I couldn't. Despite everything I still loved him.
"I just lost it, Melissa. I don't even know what I said during my speech. But it definitely had nothing to do with the topic."
"I thought you wrote your speech yesterday? You didn't even seem nervous."
"I wasn't nervous. I just got so mad and snapped."
"But why?"
Melissa's phone buzzed. She gave me another hug and hopped off the bed. "Look, Tyler's here. He brought you your stuff that you left in class. I'm going to head out and give you two some privacy."
I wiped my tears away and looked up at her.
"We can talk later, okay? Penny, it can't possibly be as bad as you seem to think." She grabbed her backpack. "I'll see you later. And I'll pick up Chinese takeout after my classes are over."
"Thanks, Melissa," I sniffed. I grabbed a tissue from my desk and blew my nose.
She smiled and left the room. I blew my nose again. What was I going to say to Tyler? I grabbed another tissue and blotted my eyes.
After a few minutes I heard a knock on the door.
"Come in," I said without moving from my bed.
Tyler walked in, carrying my backpack. He didn't look like his usual happy self. "That was quite the speech, Penny."
I groaned. "I don't know what happened, I completely lost it."
He walked over to me. I thought he might hug me or try to kiss me, but he just dropped my backpack on my chair and stood there and looked at me instead.
Finally he spoke. "I didn't have Melissa's number. I used your phone to text her so that I could let her know I had gotten your bag. I didn't want you to worry." He pulled it out of his pocket, put it on my desk, and slid it toward me. His eyes were locked on mine. God, does he know about Professor Hunter? Why hadn't I changed his name to James in my phone?
"Do you want to tell me who your speech was about? Or should I try and guess?"
I gulped. "My ex."
"Now, is that the same ex as it was when we first met?" He shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked so pissed. And he should be. It was awful for me to sneak around with Professor Hunter behind Tyler's back.
He definitely knew. "Tyler, that's what I wanted to talk to you about at dinner tonight. It's true, I had started seeing someone else. But it didn't work out. We're done. I'm going to end it. I was going to tell you."
"And why do I find that hard to believe?"
"It's true. It's over." I could feel the tears welling in my eyes. "Tyler you have to believe me."
"You told me you weren't ready to see anyone because you were still getting over your ex. So I guess what you meant by that is that you just didn't want to date me?"
"Tyler, that's not what it was at all."
"Remember when we were watching The Princess Bride together and I asked you why Buttercup was always so mean to Westley?"
"Yes."
"You said that it was because she didn't realize that she loved him yet."
"I know." I bit my lip.
Tyler laughed. "You know, I convinced myself that was what was happening between us. That one day you'd just wake up and realize that I was perfect for you."
"Tyler, I really like you."
"But it's never just us. You never liked me enough to date just me. I'm always competing with someone."
"No, there's no one to compete with. Tyler, it's just you."
"Penny," he laughed. He was shaking his head back and forth. He looked down at his sneakers. "It wasn't just one kiss, was it?"
"What?" My heart was racing.
"With that professor. Your answer to the most scandalous thing you've ever done."
"You read my texts?"
"Penny I would never invade your privacy. I didn't read your texts. But when I went to text Melissa, Professor Hunter tried to called you."
I swallowed hard. "No, it wasn't just one kiss."
"You were dating Professor Hunter this whole time?"
"Yes, I was, but I'm not now. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. He didn't want me to tell anyone. We'd both get in trouble."
He nodded his head. "Look, I just wanted to make sure you got your stuff. I'm not here to give you a lecture about how it's wrong to date your professor. I'm just gonna go. I'll see you in class, Penny."
"Tyler, please don't go. You don't understand. I met him before I even knew he was a professor. Everything was just so complicated. I should have told you that I was seeing someone, though. I'm sorry."
"Penny, you're not the person that I thought you were." He opened up the door and walked out.
Chapter 45
Monday
I pulled my knees into my chest. Tears ran down my cheeks. Tyler hated me. His rejection stung worse than I ever imagined. I didn't just like him, he was also one of my closest friends. And I had ruined everything. I was mad at Professor Hunter for not being honest with me, and I had done the same thing to Tyler.
I deserved to be hated. I wasn't the person that I thought I was either. I had fallen in love with a married man. And I had strung Tyler along for far too long. Who had I become? I laid down in my bed and pulled my comforter over myself. I felt so cold. Before I knew it, my pillow was damp. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I had gotten what I deserved. I had broken the rules.
My phone buzzed but I ignored it. I just wanted to be alone. I didn't think it was possible, but I started crying again. I got off my bed and went to my closet. I pulled the dead roses out of the vase and threw all of them in the small trashcan, then slammed my closet door. I grabbed the single rose that Tyler had given me from my desk and threw it down on top of the others.
I opened up the fridge. A pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey was waiting for me. It was soft from being in the small, weak freezer portion of our mini-fridge, but that wasn't going to deter me. I grabbed a spoon and sat back down on my bed. Delicious. Who needed men when there was ice cream in the world? I ate half of it before I started to cry again.
A knock sounded on the door.
I tried to stay as quiet as possible, but continued to eat my ice cream. Hopefully whoever was out there would just think no one was here. People on my floor could be so annoying.
"Penny?"
I stopped mid bite. Professor Hunter? How the hell did he get in my dorm?
"Penny, it's me. Can I please come in?"
I set down the pint of ice cream on my desk. He couldn't be here. People would see him. I quickly wiped my tears away and opened the door. He was still wearing his suit from class. His hair was unruly from the rain.
"Oh, Penny." He grabbed my face in his hands and wiped my tear stained cheeks with his thumbs.
"What are you doing here?"
"I needed to see you."
"Don't you have a class?"
"I canceled my classes for the rest of the day."
"But, Professor Hunter..."
"The most important thing right now is that we talk." He stepped back and closed the door. "I think it's safe to say that something is bothering you."
He looked so out of place in my dorm room, with his dark gray suit and dress shoes. I suddenly felt self-conscious. There were clothes strewn on the floor and my pint of ice cream was sitting on my desk melting. And his roses were in the trash. I moved slightly to the right, to block his view of the trashcan.
"How did you know which room was mine?"
"Your name is on the door."
"So you walked around the whole building looking at all the doors for my name? Are you trying to get caught?"
"Everyone's in class. And you're avoiding talking to me. If you don't tell me what's wrong, it's impossible for me to fix."
"I don't want you to fix anything." I couldn't think straight when he was staring at me like that. His smoldering gaze made my thoughts swish together. I turned away from him.
"Penny." He walked into the center of the room and turned me toward him. "Just tell me what's wrong. I mean, I gathered from your speech that I'm a lying cheat who's ugly on the inside. I'd like to know why you think that. Because I thought that we were in a good place. Unless you were talking about someone else." His face looked grave. He was thinking about Tyler. I gulped.
"On Saturday you asked me if I had looked you up online and you were really mad. So I was thinking maybe there was more to find out about you."
"So, you googled me?" His look was impassive. He wasn't giving anything away today.
"I just wanted to make sure you were telling the truth."
"I would never lie to you, Penny." He grabbed both sides of my face again. He always seemed so sincere, but he never truly was. I looked at his mouth. I wanted to kiss him, but I needed to be strong. I shook away from his grip.
"I found an interview with Isabella that makes it seem like you were lying. And it was only from a few weeks ago."
"You can't believe everything you read in tabloids."
"This one seemed pretty convincing."
"So what did it say exactly?"
"That you two have never been happier. And that the rumors of your split were completely fabricated."
Professor Hunter sighed. "I told you that it hasn't been a smooth process. She won't sign the papers. She's being incorrigible."
Our beach trip flashed in my mind. He had taken a phone call and I had overheard him saying "just sign the damn papers." He had been talking to her. How had I not seen all the signs?
"She said in the interview that you were waiting for her to decorate your apartment."
He looked down at me. "She's lying."
"Then how did she know your apartment hadn't been decorated?"
He crossed his arms over his chest. "Because she's been there before."
"What? Why?" I was jealous. Of his wife. What is wrong with me?
"She came a few months after I moved here to talk about our relationship. Or lack of one I guess."
"I don't know if I can trust you."
"And I don't know if I can trust you."
"Why? I haven't done anything wrong." But that wasn't true. If anyone had been paying attention to my speech, I had basically told our whole class that Professor Hunter was an asshole. I hadn't told him that I was only 19. And I had almost started a relationship with Tyler, despite promising Professor Hunter that I wouldn't see him.
"I saw Tyler Stevens coming out of your building when I pulled up."
"He just came to drop off my stuff that I left in class."
Professor Hunter raised his left eyebrow. He knew I was lying. He could read me as well as Melissa could.
"After I found your wedding ring, I told myself we were over. I was in so much pain. I had never felt so broken before." My tears started to well just thinking about the ache in my chest. "So I started to think about my relationship with Tyler. I thought maybe it could be more than a friendship. He's always wanted it to be more. It just seemed like the right time."
Professor Hunter took a deep breath and leaned against my bed. He looked distraught. "You're dating him?"