by Tillie Cole
Then those big green eyes I loved so fucking much lifted to lock onto mine. Maddie’s cheeks flushed pink, and inhaling a long shaky breath, she smiled and put her right hand over her heart. “I am so nervous,” she whispered, and just about crushed me where I fucking stood.
“Yeah,” I replied, feeling exactly the same and Maddie squeezed my hand. She always understood what was going on in my head.
“Because I want this so much,” she then whispered. “I… I just never… it is too surreal for me, being here, dressed like this, doing this. I… I never ever thought I could have this. But I have, Flame. And the miracle is that I get to have it with you.”
My chest clenched so tight and my throat clogged real full. Inhaling through my nose, I managed to ask, “Is it enough? Is this enough for you without a Pastor or some official here to make it real? Is this, just us giving each other rings, legit enough? I’d fucking hate it if it didn’t seem real to you, like a real wedding.”
Maddie pressed a kiss to our joined hands, and assured, “It is real, Flame. This is completely real to me. I do not need anyone else here to tell me what I already know… that I am yours, and you are mine. Our vows to one another tonight are what matters most, not a signed piece of paper from a stranger who has no idea who we are as people. What we mean to each other. What we have overcome together.” She shook her head. “No. This private ceremony of two is as real as it gets. There is no fuss, no frills. I am purely betrothing my heart and soul to you tonight, and you I. To me, that is the ultimate expression of our love. And it is perfect. There is you, and there is me. That is all we will ever need.”
“Maddie,” I groaned, needing to fucking hear those words so much.
Maddie traced the back of my hand with her finger, and with a quiet voice, said, “I have come so far since meeting you, Flame. I have grown as a person, but more than that, I have found solace in your arms. A wonder I did not feel I would ever get. We discovered what love is through each other, and we learned that we could move on from the horrors of the past.” A tear slipped down Maddie’s cheek, and her little fingers shook as she gripped hold of mine. “You are my miracle, Flame Cade. You truly are my soul’s other half.”
My jaw clenched as I held back the fucking lump crawling up my throat, water blurring my sight, when Maddie laughed a single laugh and shook her head. “I used to wonder how two people—one broken girl, and one broken boy—could ever move on from their dark and tortured pasts. But now I know. Together, that’s how. They fight their way through… together.”
My nostrils flared as Maddie took the large ring in her hand and pushed it down on my ring finger. And as that fucking piece of metal stared up at me from my hand, I thought my fucking black heart would explode from my chest.
Using my thumb, I turned it around. Maddie gasped as a gold engraving came into view. “My Maddie,” she whispered, reading the engraved name aloud.
“Yeah,” I hushed out, unable to find my fucking voice to say much else.
“Flame,” she whispered, “It is perfect.” Maddie traced over the ring’s words with her finger, tears dropping from her eyes. “Your Maddie,” she whispered under her breath.
Seconds passed as she stared at the ring on my finger. Lifting her head, she said with blushed cheeks, “It is your turn.”
Maddie shifted our hands’ positions so that I now held hers, and I felt my stomach drop. Gritting my teeth, I said, “I don’t know what the fuck to say.” I held Maddie’s tiny ring in my right hand, gripping it tight. “I’m not good… with words, Maddie. I’ll fuck this up.”
Maddie pressed her right hand over my heart and explained, “Just say what is in your heart, Flame. Here,” She took the ring from my hand and placed it at the top of her ring finger. “Say whatever you want to say, whatever you feel in your soul, then push the ring down.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I fought back the growing pit in my stomach, and said, “I’m shit at talking, Maddie. Can’t ever express myself right.” Maddie smiled, then looked up at me with the most beautiful fucking expression I’d ever seen on her face.
Lifting my right hand, I ran it down her pink cheek, and said, “But fuck, Maddie, I know this. I fucking love you. You fucking saved me. You fucking understand me. And you’re fucking mine.” I pushed the ring onto Maddie’s finger, and I caught a damn hit to the chest seeing that black and gold ring sat on her hand.
Maddie sighed.
And I fucking smiled.
That ring, right there, was my home.
Lifting my eyes, Maddie was crying. “Maddie?” I questioned, but before I could say anything more, she threw her arms around my waist and pressed her cheek to my chest.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so very much. Do you know that? I need you to know how much you mean to me.”
I exhaled, feeling all kinds of fucking right. Because I knew she did. My little black-haired bitch loved me. I wrapped one arm around her waist and the other on her head.
She still smelled of strawberries.
We breathed, and stayed that way for what felt like forever, but then Maddie leaned back, and eyes on mine, declared, “You’re now my husband, Flame. My forever.”
Groaning, I pressed a kiss to her forehead and rasped, “My fucking wife. Maddie Cade.”
Maddie tipped her head back, her face beaming, and she whispered, “You make my heart smile.”
Groaning, I pressed my lips against hers, making this marriage shit iron-tight.
Maddie broke away and, cheeks blushing, said, “I… I want to go home. I want… I want to be with you.”
My muscles twitched, fucking needing that too, but just as I went to lead her out of the woods, I caught sight of the box on the ground. Letting go of Maddie’s hand, I picked it up and handed it over.
“Here. I got you this too. You’re my old lady now. This fucking tells the world.”
Maddie slowly took hold of the box and opened it. Reaching into the box, she pulled out a tiny leather cut, her name stitched on the front. “Flame,” she whispered and turned it over. Her eyes filled with tears again and her finger traced over the stitching on the back that read, “Property of Flame”.
“I am,” she whispered as a teardrop fell onto the untouched leather, right over my name. “I am yours. You have no idea how ‘yours’ I truly am.”
My pulse slammed in my neck, and clutching the vest to her chest, Maddie looked up. “Take us home, Flame. I have the need to make love to my husband. I want to be as close to you as I can possibly get tonight. I want to cement this union. I want us to be one.”
*****
I panted, out of breath, my skin slick with sweat. Maddie opened her eyes, her cheeks flushed with red, the green of her eyes bright next to the flames from the fire.
Then she smiled. Smiled and, with her hands on my face, her wedding ring shining in the light, she brought me down to her soft lips. I groaned into her mouth, then pulled back to hush out, “I love you.”
Maddie blushed and replied, “I love you too,” she smiled, and added, “my husband.”
I rolled over to lie on my back, Maddie shifting to rest her back against the new sofa she’d had put in. Maddie had redecorated the entire place. We had furniture, a large king sized bed… and I’d had the hatch boarded up.
For the first time in my fucking life, I had a real home.
A real home, for me and Maddie.
Needing to be closer still, I laid my head on her bare lap, Maddie immediately stroking through my hair. I closed my eyes at the feel of her fingers on my scalp, feeling so damn happy I could barely fucking stand it.
“Are you okay?” Maddie asked.
Opening my eyes, I held her left hand, and rasped, “Yeah. Too fucking good. Never knew people could feel like this.”
Maddie smiled at me, and her soft gaze became lost in the flames. But I looked up higher. I always looked up higher. I did it every night. Every morning when I woke. I looked up to Maddie’s sketches, now framed
above the fire. She’d told me that these sketches were the life she used to dream she could have. The life she wished she led. And she broke my fucking heart when I asked if I could frame them and put them on the wall above our fire—the only bit of decorating I’d had a part in.
Maddie had gone real quiet for a while, then handed me the old sketchpad that she’d stopped using a while ago, in favor of a new one. As she handed it to me, she told me, “You can take those sketches, Flame. It will make me happy to see my old dreams on our wall. It would make me happy, as nearly all of them have come true. It will forever remind me that I am the luckiest girl in the entire world.”
And so I put them up. New ones along the bottom: of her sisters, my bike, Little Ash on my Harley as I taught him how to ride, Little Ash sitting beside me in my workshop, “Prospect” cut on his back as I started to build him his bike.
And then there were old ones on top: sketches of our joined hands, the sketch of my face looking up to Maddie from the page, the sketch of her eldest sister, Bella, her sister who’d looked just like Mae… and then at the very top, the biggest sketch of all—the one that held pride of fucking place, the one that fucking owned my soul, and the one that was my entire fucking heart—Maddie’s sketch of us. The one she believed couldn’t ever come true. The one that told me, without needing any words to explain, what she’d wanted for us both, back when I was still locked under the flames. The sketch I knew by memory—every stroke, every detail. The one of me holding her, and her holding me back. My arms around her waist, her tiny fucking hand on my chest and her eyes closed in happiness.
The one that fucking started it all.
The one burned forever onto my dark soul.
Opening my eyes, I stared at that picture, as I did all the time, and my heart felt like it might explode.
Then she started to sing.
My wife quietly sang as I stared at my favorite sketch.
At us.
My Maddie.
Her Flame.
The End
Acknowledgements
Souls Unfractured was a very different type of novel for me to write. It had such serious and sensitive topics woven into its pages, that, at times, it felt like my version of conquering Mt Everest! From a first person point of view perspective, it was the most difficult story I have ever written. Flame was the most difficult character I have ever attempted to understand and give life. But my love for him in the aftermath knows no bounds. Flame and Maddie are my soul. They are the fantasy, the hope that everyone can get their own happily ever after, no matter how broken they may be.
I do not think I have slept in all the months writing this. The tears were many, the stress level was high and the coffee and Red Bull consumption was epic! But we got there in the end.
And, let’s face it, IT’S FLAME! Many people waited a very long time for his story, so I wanted to make it as true to his character as possible. Hopefully I have achieved that!
So, to the people who helped me along this very bumpy road…
Dad, your psychological insights were vast and helped me shape this novel into something I could love. Flame and I thank you! To Mam and Dad, thank you for being my rock when I didn’t think I could write this novel. And thank the Lord for Facetime! Love you both!
To my husband. You have put up with A LOT from me over the last three months. To quote you when I wrote ‘The End’, “Thank God that’s over. That was the craziest you’ve ever been while writing a novel!” Love you, babe. Thanks for supporting this neurotic and crazy writer version of me!
Sam, Marc, Taylor, Isaac, Archie and Elias. Love you all. I have abandoned you all writing this, but now the fun sister/auntie will return!
To my fabulous beta readers: Thessa, Kelly, Kia, Rachel, Rebecca and Lynn. Your comments and advice were invaluable. You coped with my breakdowns with understanding and patience. And Rach, huge shout out to you! You steered me through the threatening waters of defeat, with your texts of, “You got this, Tills.” Love you, missus. And Matt for no doubt being your sounding board! ;)
Thessa, my personal cheerleader and good friend. You have coached me through this book every step of the way. Thank you for everything you do. You are the cog to this machine.
Kelly, and Have Book Will Read Book Blog for hosting my blog tour and being an epic beta. You are fabulous, and a true friend. Love you!
Ann Rigby. Thank you for talking me through Flame’s—very dark and complex—state of mind. Listening to your vast and Awe-inspiring medical experience and knowledge in the field of abuse and self-harm helped me more than you can ever know with Flame’s character. You deserve a medal for what you have done for so many broken people in your life. I know in your line of work you don’t see many happy endings, but I hope Flame and Maddie’s happily ever after made you smile.
To Ed Williamson for sketching me the most perfect Flame and Maddie imaginable, and for painting such a gorgeous painting. “My Maddie” will forever hang in my house, thus so will your genius. So so Beautiful.
Gitte and Jenny from TotallyBooked Book Blog. You support and champion me. You have become amazing friends (Yes, I may have squealed like a little girl when Jenny surprised us all in London!). You mean the world to me. And I love you. That is all.
And a huge thank you to all the many, many more wonderful book blogs that support me and promote my books. Souls Unfractured had an epic number of blogs getting behind its release, and for that, you have my eternal gratitude.
To all the fabulous authors that have supported me through this process, thank you. We have sprinted. We have vented. We made it through. What a fabulous world I’ve found myself in.
Tracey-Lee, Thessa and Kerri, a huge thank you for running my street teams, Tillie’s Hot Cole’s and The Hangmen Harlots. And to all of my street team members—LOVE YOU!!!
My @FlameWhores on Instagram. You ladies are just so bloody brilliant. What a fab bunch of chicks you all are!
A HUGE shout out has to go to Josh Mario John, my readers’ muse for Flame. You have kindly embraced the Flame love. My readers and I want to thank you for your gracious comments and support.
Jodi and Alycia. Love you. To pieces. Always.
My IG girls!!!! You just keep getting better and better! I adore all of you and your support means them world to me.
And now my readers. The saying goes that you should never talk about religion, politics or football (Or something else depending what county you come from). So it still moves me just how much support you give to my Hades Hangmen Series that breaks at least one of those rules! It does not follow the usual MC storylines, contains some bizarre twists and turns, and unfamiliar ideologies and practices that I’m sure would turn many people away. But you embrace it whole-heartedly. As a writer, to express your academic and personal passions on the page is a dream come true. These novels are my dream. They are my life, and so are you for loving them just as much. I can never thank you all enough for that.
And lastly, to Flame and Maddie. What can I say? You bruised my heart the entire way through this novel. At times I had to walk away from you in your deepest darkest moments because your pain was too real for me to endure. But we kept strong, we preserved, and by the end, you branded yourselves forever onto my soul.
I used to wonder how three people—one broken boy, one broken girl, and a hopeful writer—could ever bring the characters from their dark and tortured pasts. But now I know. Together, that’s how. They fight their way through… together.
Playlist
The Funeral — Band of Horses
Two of Us On The Run — Lucius
My Blood — Ellie Goulding
Beat The Devil’s Tattoo — Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Gun In My Hand — Dorothy
Down By The River — The Dirty River Boys
Dust to Dust — The Civil Wars
Beautifully Unfinished — Ella Henderson
This Little Light Of mine — Elizabeth Mitchell
Cannonball
— Damien Rice
Need The Sun To Break — James Bay
Soul On Fire (feat. All Sons & Daughters) – Third Day
Devil’s Backbone — The Civil Wars
Stolen Roses — Karen Elson
Into My Arms — Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Wings (Acoustic) — Birdy
Crash This Train — Joshua James
Sleep Baby Sleep — Broods
Falling For Me — Johnnyswin
The Fire — Kina Grannis
Full of Grace — Sarah McLachlan
I Found You — The Mastersons
Dead Hearts — Stars
Poison Tree — The Milk Carton Kids
Ain’t No Grave — Crooked Still
Two Boys — Sin Fang
Snake Song — Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan
Fear & Loathing — Marina & The Diamonds
True Colors — Cyndi Lauper
All My Tears — Ane Brun
In Your Hands — Joshua Radin
Clarity (Live) — Foxes
Healing Hands — Marc Cohn
House By The Sea — Moddi
As It Seems — Lily Kershaw
Lost — Liza Anne
Broken Ones — Jacquie Lee
Under Stars — Aurora
To listen to this playlist, please follow the link:
https://open.spotify.com/user/authortilliecole/playlist/0zlnIJrwaamlENSACv3zx0
Hades Hangmen Series
It Ain’t Me, Babe (Hades Hangmen #1)
Heart Recaptured (Hades Hangmen #2)
Souls Unfractured (Hades Hangmen #3)
Upcoming Hades Hangmen Novels
Deep Redemption (Hades Hangmen #4)
Damnable Grace (Hades Hangmen #5)
Crux Untamed (Hades Hangmen #6)
Darkness Embraced (Hades Hangmen #7)