by Tillie Cole
Reaching a veiled door, Phebe pointed to the inside. “This is where I leave you. I am without a partner for tonight. I am not permitted to enter.”
I stared at the door. “How many people are in there?”
Phebe followed my gaze. “Many, my Lord. Perhaps a hundred? This Lord’s Sharing is meant for only the elders and the disciples. Those who are taking on the elevated honor of awakening the sisters.”
My body tensed at Phebe’s words, and I whispered, “Awakenings…?”
“Yes, my Lord. Judah organized for all the appropriately aged girls to be gathered in commemoration of your attendance. The commune is quite abuzz that you shall be overseeing so many firsts. They believe it is a significant sign from God, that we are in his favor.”
Anger filled my veins, then I asked, “And Judah organized all this in my honor? This many… firsts... did you say?”
“Yes, my Lord. He wishes to honor you greatly. He has been excited all day.”
Waving my hand, I said, “Thank you, Sister Phebe, you may leave.”
Phebe bowed and walked away. I stayed at the door. Because I knew, as much as I believed in my people’s cause, as much as I believed I was the prophet of The Order, I knew I could not stand by and—no, I could not bless the raping of children. Nothing in my faith told me it was right under God’s eyes. Not even the supposedly revealed words of my uncle.
Then the anger rose again when I thought of Judah. We had barely spoken more than a few strained words since I released the Cursed sisters. He and Brother Luke were always together, heads joined in hushed whispers, Sarai following Judah's every word, like he was the prophet, not I.
His lies about Delilah. His secret plan to kidnap the Cursed before we were ready. And now this? The organizing of awakenings in my presence. And I knew.
He was testing me.
My own brother. My twin. My only family... Had lost faith in me.
Hearing the pained cry of a young girl, I plowed through the veil into the smoky room of the Lord’s Sharing… and the image before me as the smoke cleared would forever be burned into my memory.
Grown men, of all ages, naked and erect, were braced behind young girls, girls little older than eight years. And some were already within them. Raping them. Taking their innocence… devices between their young legs as they lay forehead to the ground, behinds raised in the air, with their hands clutched behind their backs.
I fought to hold back the vomit as a cacophony of pained cries assailed my ears. And then when I stepped forward, a young girl, braced on her knees, her face red with pain, clashed her gaze with mine. And I knew her in an instant. It was the young girl from the video. The young girl who was dancing; forced to dance for me, her pretty young face fighting back tears as she did so.
And here she was, being raped by a grown man, a man that had to be in his forties.
And I snapped.
That sight, the girl’s tears; a messed up mass rape disguised as celestial worship… it made me fucking snap.
Rushing forward, I grabbed the man forcing himself on the little girl from the video. I ripped him backwards. I ripped him backwards, and when his shocked face stared up at me, I struck. I struck and I struck, my fist pummeling his face with all the force I could muster.
But I could not stop. Every ounce of anger and resentment, every ounce of stress that had built up over the last year, was pouring out of me via these fists.
But I did not hear the music stop.
I did not hear children screaming.
I just kept hitting this cunt’s face, blood spraying over my arms and white tunic. Until finally, someone pulled me off him and I hit the ground.
I scrambled to my feet ready to strike whoever was behind me, when I saw a familiar pair of eyes—identical eyes to mine.
“Cain,” Judah hissed, his eyebrows pulled down in anger.
My hands shook. Shook so fucking badly that I had to look down at them, only to see blood coating every inch of my skin.
“He is dead.” My head snapped to my side, as Brother Luke crouched over the man on the floor. The man that had been beaten so hard by me, that his face was unrecognizable.
“Cain, what have you done?” Judah asked in shock. And just like that, the anger that had momentarily dissipated from my body ignited tenfold. I stared up at the identical face I no longer considered to belong to my twin brother.
“What have I done?” I asked in astonishment. I shook my head, laughing a humorless laugh. “What have I fucking done?”
Judah stepped back, eyes wide. Then I noticed that he was dressed only in his tunic pants… as was brother Luke.
My eyes drank in the room. And on the white linens covering the floor were bloodstains. A mixture of blood and semen from the union of young girls and men. “What have I done! What have I fucking done!” I roared, and stormed at my twin, thrusting my hands toward his chest. “What have you fucking done?”
Brother Luke closed in behind me. Spinning round, I slammed my hands on his chest and screamed, “Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out, before I snap your fucking neck!” Brother Luke blanched and ran from the room.
I turned to see Judah watching me. And I saw real fear in his face. “Cain?” he tried to calm, palms high.
I cut him off. “You think this is okay? You think raping little kids while they scream, being ripped apart by fucking old men, is okay?”
Judah eyes scanned the floor, staring absently at the burning incense and discarded devices, which kept the young girls’ legs apart. “It is the Lord’s way. It is one of our most fundamental beliefs. The men, the men need this. It is part of our faith.”
As I regarded Judah, my jaw clenched and, sweeping an arm over the scene, I proclaimed, "I am the prophet. And as such, I will be changing our practices. Starting with this.”
I turned, intending to leave, when Judah reached out and grabbed my arm. I whipped back round. With a hard face, Judah asserted, “The brothers will not accept such a change. Not even from you.”
With genuine incredulity, I stared at my twin brother and pointedly asked, “Are all the men here fucking pedophiles? Are they here in our commune for God and their souls’ salvation, or to fuck young girls?”
Judah staggered back. He shook his head. “Those men. The evil men you lived with for five years. They have corrupted your beliefs. Look at how you are acting. Hear how you are speaking! Hear the sinful words slipping from your lips!”
“I am nothing like them. But hear this; as fucked up as they are, as evil as their actions may be, they do not fuck innocent children!” I stepped back, and said quietly, “How am I alone in seeing this?”
“They infected your soul,” Judah snapped.
Laughing without humor, I pointed at his face, and said, “No, brother. What you don’t understand is that I fucking hate those men. I want them destroyed as much as you. They sin, they whore, and they disregard God’s laws day in and day out. But what living with them did give me is fucking context. You never left our childhood home, Judah, not once. It was me. It was me who lived in the outside world for five years, and as much as I hated every fucking second of being in that hell, it has convinced me that these fucked up sessions are wrong. Maybe if you had been the one sent on that mission, you would not be standing here like a pedophilic fool, defending the indefensible!”
Needing to get the hell out of this stifling place, I made for the door, when Judah announced, “You have lost our faith, Cain. You have been corrupted. You do not deserve the prestigious mantle of leading our people, not acting like this.”
I stopped dead, and turned round to warn, “Careful, brother, that sounds dangerously like treason. And treason against the prophet is punishable by imprisonment.”
Judah’s face turned ashen and, face tight, he fled from the room. I raced back to my mansion, and into my office. I began poring over the scriptures, set on creating my own version.
I worked for hours, deciphering and burning old, often unintelligible,
revelations by my Uncle David from his later life. I purged the practices that so offended, and I put pen to paper, creating new laws and practices that wouldn’t jeopardize the innocence of our children.
I work so hard that the moon fell, giving way to the lightening sky of a new day. I worked so hard that I fell asleep at my desk, pen still in hand…
Suddenly, a blow to the back of my head ripped me from sleep. My eyes stung with the pain of the strike, and my vision blurred. I turned to fight off my attacker, when a sack was pulled over my head, plunging me into darkness. I fought to get free, but tight ties were wrapped around my arms and feet. I was picked up, many hands holding my arms and legs. And I was ripped from my home into the cold dawn air.
As a light breeze whipped through my tunic and pants, I heard the unlocking of a door, and the echo of feet pounding on stone floors.
I tried again to get free, I tried to loosen my ties, but they were too tightly bound. I breathed hard as the opening of another door sounded out. Then pain racked my body as I was tossed onto a hard floor, the impact causing my head to crack against a hard wall.
Shuffling sounds surrounded me, then the sack was roughly lifted from my head. I blinked against the hard bright light. As I focused, I saw four gray stone walls, the smell of damp and sweat filling my nose.
Then I looked up. Looked up to find Judah and Brother Luke, along with two other disciples dressed in black, all peering down at me.
Judah was staring down at me as though I were a stranger. “Release me, now!” I snapped. My head throbbed at the blows I had taken. When my twin did not react, I fought against the restraints, then snarled, “As your prophet, I demand that you release me!” Nobody moved, until suddenly, they turned to leave.
My heart pounded in my chest, and I thundered, “Judah!”
My twin stilled, and walking back into the cell to stand at my feet, he said, “You, Judah, brother of the prophet.” He pointed at my face and my eyes widened at his words. “You are charged with treason against The Order. You are to be incarcerated in this cell until I decide your punishment.”
He turned to leave, when I again screamed, “You can’t do this! JUDAH!!!”
Judah froze in his steps, and turning to me, he shook his head. “No, brother. You, are Judah.” He reached up and pulled his long brown hair from its band, the long brown strands falling down his back in the style I, as the prophet, always wore. “I am Prophet Cain. I am the destined Prophet of The Order. And I have a holy war to prepare for.”
With that Judah left, slamming the door shut, plunging the cell into darkness. Leaving me alone. Betraying his own twin. His brother. His only fucking family…
“JUDAH!”
Epilogue
Flame
A knock sounded on the door. Pulling it open, AK stood in front of our cabin. Without saying a word, he handed me two small boxes and a bigger one. My stomach rolled with nerves as I held them in my hands.
AK cleared his throat. “It’s all there, brother. Good luck, yeah?” He smirked, then flicked his hand in a wave as he walked back to his cabin.
Turning, I shut the door, just as Maddie walked out of the bathroom. And I fucking froze. My hands gripped on the boxes as I took in how she looked.
She wore a long white dress with no sleeves. Her long black hair was curled into waves that fell to the bottom of her back, and she had flowers pinning back two sections of her hair from the front of her face.
Maddie’s face blushed as I stared. “Maddie,” I rasped.
Running her hands along her dress, she asked, “Do I look okay?”
“You look fucking beautiful.”
Maddie dipped her eyes, then glanced up at me through her long black lashes. “It is silly, but I wanted to dress appropriately. I,” she swallowed, and fiddling with her hands, said, “I wanted you to think me beautiful tonight. When we did this. When we made this commitment.”
A groan left my throat, and I replied, “I always fucking think you’re beautiful.”
“As I do you,” she replied. I looked down at my leathers, boots and cut, and frowned. I looked the same as always.
Maddie moved toward me and smiled. Her fingers pointed to the boxes in my hand, and she asked, “You have everything we will need?” I nodded, and Maddie held out her hand. “Then shall we?”
My heart fired off in my chest, but I let Maddie lead me out of the cabin and into the woods at the back of our clearing. It was dark and it was cold, but I couldn’t feel a fucking thing as I watched Maddie walk ahead. In fact, I barely noticed that we’d arrived at the river.
Dropping my hand, Maddie turned to face me. “I love being beside the water. I spent so much of my life indoors, that I adore hearing the flowing stream and smelling the fresh air. I… I could not think of a better place to do this with you.” Maddie pointed up at the sky. “The night is clear too. Not a cloud in the sky. And the stars and moon have come out to watch.”
But I didn’t bother looking up. What the fuck were the stars and moon, when I had her? I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
I could barely fucking breathe.
I could barely breathe knowing this was our fucking wedding day. Or at least our version of one.
I’d asked her to marry me days ago. I knew it wasn’t done right. But I’d just been inside her, Maddie stealing my fucking heart as always, and I knew I had to have all of her. She as mine and me as hers…
*****
We lay in bed, Maddie in my arms, her head resting on my shoulder. I could hear her breathing begin to change from fast to slow, and I knew she was falling asleep. As her hand pressed on my chest, she released a quiet sigh, I knew this wasn’t enough. I wanted more than what we had. I fucking wanted it all. I needed to have her. Have her as mine.
Taking a deep breath, I rolled over, and Maddie slipped beneath me. Maddie’s sleepy eyes opened in surprise and I took hold of her left hand, and blurted, “I wanna marry you.”
Maddie’s breathing paused. Her green eyes went huge. And it was several seconds before she swallowed and quietly whispered, “You… you do?”
I nodded once, my head twitching as I tried to explain how I felt inside. I put my hand on her face, and said, “I need you as mine. Need you owned and completely belonging to me. I need you as Maddie Cade. I need to know you’re never gonna leave me.”
Maddie still didn’t say anything, so I lifted her ring finger to my mouth and kissed it. But then, placing her hand on my cheek, she said, “Flame, as I lay here, my heart is racing thinking of something so perfect—marrying you. But we do not have a faith we follow. And… and I could not stand in front of your brothers and my sisters to marry you. The idea of being the center of attention fills me with such fear I can scarcely breathe. I do not think I could go through with it. Or even speak and betroth myself to you in front of an official. I fear I would not cope with something like that.”
I sighed, feeling my muscles tense at what she was saying. But when I thought of a Pastor or an official—some fuck that we didn’t know—I admitted, “Neither could I.” I blinked. Maddie’s eyes dropped, looking sad. As she did, I felt a bigger need to have her as my wife.
Lowering my head to meet hers, I pushed, “But I fucking want you, Maddie. I want you as mine. Fully fucking mine.”
Maddie looked up and smiled. Smiled a huge fucking smile that hit my chest like a bullet. Maddie placed hand her on the back of my head, and she pulled me down to her mouth. She kissed me softly, then promised against my lips, “We will find a way, Flame. As I need to belong to you too. If it is possible to belong to you more than I already do.”
I crushed my mouth back to hers, and as I did, I imagined my ring on her finger and my name on her back. I imagined owning her. I imagined finally having her as my old lady…
Maddie—my old lady.
I didn’t know how the hell we would do it.
But like everything else, we’d have to find a fucking way.
*****
Madd
ie stepped forward until she was right in front of me, the river flowing behind. Reaching for the boxes in my hands, she placed them on the ground, and stood up. Getting to her tiptoes, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I bent my head down so I could see her face.
Maddie smiled as I lowered to her height, and said, “I love you, Flame. I cannot wait to become your wife.”
Growling, I pressed my lips to hers then pulled away. Maddie stepped back, and I picked up the two smaller boxes from the ground. I handed one to her, and she opened it. Maddie stared at the ring inside, the ring meant for me to wear, and took it out to hold in her hand. “It is black,” she said, and threw me another smile.
Doing the same with the box in my hand, I placed her tiny ring in my palm. Maddie glanced down at it, and whispered, “My ring is black and gold.” She studied it harder, then stopped breathing. Fixing her attention on me, she said, “Like flames. The black and gold look like flames.” She sighed. “It is you. This ring… it will forever be my little piece of you.”
My chest ached as she stared at that bit of gold and I rocked on my feet. I had no fucking idea how to do this. All this romantic shit. I wanted to tell her so fucking much, about how she made me feel, what she meant to me, but I knew I didn’t have the words. I wasn’t built to be able to tell her shit like that. But I’d fucking show her. For the rest of my life I’d fucking show her every single day.
I just wanted her to be mine.
Property of Flame.
I just wanted her as my wife.
“What is the other box for?” Maddie asked quietly, looking behind me.
I glanced at the only box left on the ground. “I’ll show you after.”
Maddie frowned up at me, but didn’t say anything else.
Then it got real fucking quiet.
Hearing Maddie breathing quickly, I watched as she straightened her shoulders and stepped even closer to me. Suddenly, she reached down, and shyly took hold of my left hand with her left hand.