I can’t let it happen. I can’t.
A few men start moving around. They’re lining up. Some of the Cassanos start looking behind them, but most are going to be gunning for us. It doesn’t matter either way, they’re all going to die. The only thing they can do is try to take out a few of us first. I can’t let that happen. I have to do something. She can't die, and our men can’t go down because of my mistakes.
“Give her back, and we’ll go away.” I say the words and hate the weakness in my voice. I also hate that Vince is looking at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. He’s ready for a fight. No one takes us on like this and makes fools of us. I know he won’t stand for it. But I have to try. I’d beg them for her. I’d trade places with her if I could.
“It’s not happening, Anthony. Not after you betrayed us.” Marcus’ voice rings out with clarity. He’s firm in his decision.
“Take me instead then. Take me and it’s over.” Vince still hasn’t said anything. I hear Tommy yell out from behind me. But Vince holds up his hand and silences him.
“Your gun,” Marcus says loud enough for everyone to hear. I don’t hesitate to lower myself, place my gun on the ground, and kick it away.
As I stand up, the fucking prick in front of me, Lorenzo, shrugs his shoulders and raises his gun at me. Every man in the room raises their weapon but me. I’ll make the trade. I’ll do it for her.
Catherine looks up with wide eyes and shakes her head. As the reality presses down on her, she does the stupidest fucking thing I can think of. She jolts upright and grabs the gun. She yanks it out of Lorenzo’s hand. It falls to the floor with a loud clack and goes off. The room fills with the sounds of bullets.
“Fucking bitch,” Lorenzo yells out and reaches for the gun. A bullet flies past me, but my eyes are on his gun. He’s going to get it first. I see it happening in slow motion. I run to her and cover her small body as the sounds of bullets firing and men yelling ring out and ricochet off the wall.
She screams and cries. She tries to push away from me to fight. But I can’t move, or she’ll be in danger. She’ll die. I have to protect her. I can’t let her die. Not her. If I do anything good with my life, it’ll be keeping her safe and alive. I need to get her through this. Even if I die, at least she’ll know what I felt for her.
My body flinches with impact of a bullet, this one at close range. I feel a radiating pain throughout my shoulder as the bullet comes out the other side. The vest can only cover so much. I duck my head and tell her to stay down. I hear her crying and the thud of bodies hitting the floor. I lift my head for only a moment to look into her eyes and she looks wretched with guilt. I push my lips to hers to try to take the pain away. And as another bullet rips into my back, I do everything I can not to let her know.
I just want one more moment with her. One real moment where she can see the real me and what we really had.
The pain expands inside of me. I’ve been shot before, and more than once, but fuck it hurts. My body loses its strength and I fall onto her body, unable to brace myself any longer. I hear a few more shots and then silence. I don’t look. I can’t move. I can’t risk her. It hurts. Fuck, it hurts. I cough and blood spills from my mouth. Men yell, “Take those three.” Fists are smashing against flesh. I recognize the voices. We won. It’s over.
“Anthony!” Vince calls out.
“Anthony,” she cries out. Her grip on me is strong. She’s okay. She’s safe.
Vince pulls my body off of her and I lie flat on the ground. A pounding ache in my chest makes it hard to breathe.
“Anthony,” she says as she holds on to me as she frantically searches my chest for the wounds. She’s okay. She’s on her knees, hovering over my body. Tommy comes up behind her.
“Take her away!” Vince yells.
I use the last of my strength and grip onto his shirt, pulling him close to me.
“Promise me she’ll be safe, Vince.” I hold his stare and make him promise me. “Promise me.”
“I swear on my life, Anthony. But I don’t need to tell you shit.” He’s bullshitting me. I know he is. Blood fills my mouth and it’s hard to breathe. I should’ve died a long time ago. It’s alright with me, as long as she’s safe.
“You’re gonna be fine. You’ll make it through this,” he says. I shake my head and let my head fall back.
“I love her, Vince. I don’t deserve her, but I love her.” I have to tell him. He has to believe me and take care of her when I’m gone.
“You can tell her yourself.” Vince looks down at me as my vision starts to spin and darkness fades. “I promise I’ll keep her safe for you.”
The last words I hear come from her mouth as she pushes Tommy away and runs for me. “Anthony,” she cries out. But I can’t answer her. My world fades and I dream of her touch. Of her love.
Chapter 31
Catherine
“No!” I scream while shaking my head in denial. They try to pry me away from Anthony. My hands grip onto his shoulders and my tears fall onto his chest. I feel numb everywhere, but my heart is aching.
Blood’s soaks into Anthony’s shirt and pools around his back as he lies still on the ground. “Help him!” I frantically scream out. They need to do something. He can’t die. No! He can’t leave me like this. He can’t die because of me. Please, God, save him. I pray as I watch Vince rip off his shirt. Anthony doesn’t move. His limp body sways as Vince looks over the bullet wound in his back.
I vaguely hear the grunting of men as they haul off dead and limp bodies. I hear the smash of a fist pounding into tender flesh and threats being made. They took prisoners, but most of the men are surrounding their own man, the only Valetti to fall. My Anthony.
“Get her out of here,” Vince yells back. He looks directly past my shoulder at Tommy who’s holding me back.
“I can’t leave him,” I say. I search for understanding in Tommy’s eyes, but he’s not looking at me. He looks like he’s carrying the pain that Anthony must be feeling. His eyes are full of anguish. He grips me closer to him as I try to push away and go back to Anthony. I can’t let him die. He can’t die.
“Right now you need to,” Vince says as he looks at me, but it’s not said with hate or anything other than sympathy.
“The cops are going to come and you can’t be here. You shouldn’t be anywhere around them.” He motions to our left, where the Cassanos are all lined up execution style. My heart twists. I don’t care about them. I don’t care about any of this.
“I can’t leave him,” I cry out to Vince as Tommy drags me back.
“I won’t tell you again.” Vince looks me dead in the eyes. “If you never want to see him again, go ahead and stay. Have him try to explain it to the cops.”
“You can’t stay. Just listen to Vince. He’ll take care of Anthony,” Tommy whispers into my ear. I know he’s hurting, too. I turn around in his arms and close my eyes tight, willing Anthony to be alright.
From my left, I hear a grunt of a laugh and someone spit. My eyes open and I see that prick. The bastard who started all of this. His hands are tied behind his back and he’s on his knees. He’s lined up like the others. Two of them are getting the shit beat out of them. But not Lorenzo. He looks at me with one black eye and gives me a bloody smile, and I’ve never wanted to hurt him more. I’ve never felt such a strong need for vengeance. It’s his fault. All of this is his fault.
I don’t think about it, and I don’t consider the consequences. I just reach for Tommy’s gun tucked in his waistband.
I hear his scream as I pull out of his grasp for just enough time to pull the trigger. I fire once, and it hits the fucker in his shoulder. I take a single step and scream with all the rage and pain I'm feeling. He falls backward with a cuss ringing in my ears. My second shot hits him square in the chest. Tommy’s arms wrap around mine. Several men yell. I don’t care. I stare at the man who made my life hell. The man who laughed at my pain. And I watch the life leave his eyes.
A strong hand rips
the gun from my hand and I look up to see Vince scowling at me. He looks between me and Lorenzo. I can’t look him in the eyes. I swallow the lump in my throat and stop fighting against Tommy. His hold on me loosens, and I instinctively try to go to Anthony. But Vince is blocking me, and Tommy’s still gripping my wrist.
“Your ex?” Vince asks.
I nod my head as tears fall down my cheeks. I look back at him. That piece of shit should have died long ago.
"You snitched 'cause of him?" he asks me. I fucking hate that he brings it up. I want to cower, but I don't. I nod my head in response. Vince looks me in the eyes and gives me a small smile as he says, "He fucking had it coming." He pats my shoulder and leans into my ear as he reassures me, “You did good.”
He pulls away from me and I feel the faintest bit of relief. But it’s not okay. Nothing can change what’s happened. Lorenzo being gone won’t bring Anthony back. He can’t die on me.
“But don’t do that shit again,” Vince says to me, handing Tommy back his gun. “Get your shit together, Tommy.”
“Let’s go,” Tommy says, pulling me away from the scene.
I hear someone ask Vince a question. I don’t know what the question was, but I hear Vince’s response clear as day.
“All of them. They’re fucking done.” Bullets ring out in an instant. I look over my shoulder to see the Cassanos falling to the ground, blood splattered on the ground in front of them. I should feel a sense of shock. But I feel nothing. I turn back around and let Tommy take me away before I give in to the urge to run back to Anthony.
I walk, but not by my own free will. I keep looking back, but they’re surrounding Anthony. I can’t see him. It hurts. It hurts too much. I feel like I’m dying. I get in the car, but I don’t know how. All I can see is the look in Anthony’s eyes as the bullets hit his back. I cover my face with my hands and let all the pain out as I sob.
“Catherine?” Tommy asks me after a long time. I look up and see that we’re driving, but I don’t know where we're going. He pulls over and holds me against him as I cry. His hand rubs gently on my back and for a moment I pretend it’s Anthony. I pretend it’s okay. “I know Anthony has problems. It’s not his fault.” He chokes on his words and refuses to look me in the eyes, “I’m sorry.” I don’t know how to respond, so I say nothing.
“Did he hurt you?” I hear the pain in Tommy’s question and I look up at him with confusion. Did Anthony hurt me? It takes me a long time to gather the strength to answer. “No. Never.” My heart twists with a pain I’ve never felt before.
“I didn’t know he was keeping you against your will. I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll take you anywhere you want, Catherine. You’ll be safe. I’ll make sure of it. He’ll never find you if you don’t want him to.”
I shake my head frantically. “You don’t understand. It’s not like that. I want to go to Anthony,” I insist. I hold onto Tommy’s arm with an unrelenting grasp. My heart stammers in my chest and anxiety races through my blood. They can’t send me away. I need to know he’s okay.
“Do you love him?” Tommy asks.
“I do; I don’t care if it’s wrong.” It’s the truth, and I pray Tommy knows that. But he doesn’t respond.
“He can’t die for me; tell me he’ll be okay.” He has to be okay.
“I wish you’d ask me for something I can give you, Catherine, but I can’t give you that.”
Chapter 32
Catherine
The faint humming of the machines and the steady beeping of the monitors are the only sounds in the room, but I need to keep hearing them. They tell me he’s alive. They removed the breathing tube from his throat today. It’s been three days and they keep telling me he’s going to wake up soon since now he can breathe on his own. They’re just waiting on him now.
I’m waiting on him, too.
Tommy comes back into the room and hands me a styrofoam cup with a lid on it and the string from the teabag draped over the side. I give him a small smile and say thank you. I haven’t slept at all. I didn’t realize I haven’t had to drink my tea or take my pills to sleep until I found myself curled up in the hospital chair, wide-awake and watching Anthony.
My voice is hoarse as I thank him.
“You can go if you want,” Vince says from across the room as Tommy sags in the seat next to him. He keeps telling me that, and I give him the same response I did last time.
“I want to stay.” He nods his head and looks down at his phone then back up at Tommy. They start talking in hushed tones. I don’t mind. I don’t listen. I just keep my eyes on Anthony’s chest as it slowly rises and falls.
I put my cup down and scoot my chair closer to Anthony’s bed. The clink of the metal is the only sound in the room. I take his hand in mine and rub my thumb along the palm of his hand and wait. I need him to hold me back. I just need a sign that he’ll be alright.
I look up and my heart stops beating as Anthony clears his throat and his head turns to the side. He’s waking up. My eyes widen and I do what I’ve been trained to do. I get onto my knees in the chair and kneel as best as I can. I watch my dom, my master, my love, and my life as I wait for him to wake and acknowledge me.
I see Vincent and Tommy rise from their seats from my periphery. I don’t look at them though. I don’t care what they think. I need Anthony to see me waiting for him like this. I need him to know I was waiting for him, that I would always be here for him.
His eyes slowly open and he looks down at me with confusion as he takes in a heavy breath and winces. My heart hurts for him. I know he’s in pain.
“Kitten,” he barely manages to get out.
“Anthony,” I say as I look up at him and move my hands to his bed, crawling to get close to him.
“Can I get in with you?” I ask him. I know he’s in pain, but I need to feel him. I need to be next to him and be by his side.
“Please,” I beg him. “I need to feel you.” He gives me a nod and watches as I quickly move to him. I never want to leave his side again.
I climb onto the small bed and hold him close to me. Tommy and Vince stand and talk to Anthony, but I don’t listen. I can’t do anything but hold him.
Once they’re quiet I finally speak.
“I’m so sorry, Anthony,” I say as I bury my head into his chest.
“Nothing to be sorry about.” He kisses my hair and rubs my back. He’s consoling me when he’s the one who’s so badly hurt. I pull away and brush the tears from my eyes while I shake my head.
“I never should’ve left you.” I push down the sob threatening to choke me.
I look over to the left and see Vince and Tommy watching us. Both look confused and are obviously judging us, but I don’t care. I need him to know how much I want him, how much I need him. I can’t go back to a life without him. Never.
“I’ll go to the cell. I deserve to be punished.” I speak clearly and I know the other men heard, but I don’t care if they know. It’s none of their fucking business, and what they think of me is none of my business. I’ve never felt more safe and complete as I do with Anthony. I’m not letting that go.
“No, you need to go. Now,” Anthony says dully as he stares at the back wall.
“You’re throwing me away?” I ask him as my heart shatters in my chest. I shake my head in complete denial. I feel so broken. Every part of me hurts all the way to my soul.
“Please, Anthony,” I beg him. “Please don’t throw me away.”
He closes his eyes and refuses to look at me. “You don’t understand, Catherine. You’re free now. No one will come for you. You can live your life in peace.”
“We’ll make sure you're safe and settled in.” Vince interrupts us and motions for Tommy to follow him. He holds the door open and they both look back at us. “Whatever you two decide, we’ll make sure you’re safe, Catherine.” He locks eyes with Anthony for a moment before leaving and closing the door behind him.
“But I don’t want to go.” My shoulders shake a
nd my voice cracks. I try to scoot closer to him and he lets me. Thank God he lets me. “Please, Anthony. I can’t live without you.”
“You can.” His hand cups my chin and his thumb strokes against my jaw. I lean into his warmth and kiss his palm.
“You’ll find a man who can love you.” It breaks my heart that he’s willing to let me go. That he’s shoving me away. “I don’t deserve you.” He says the words with finality.
“Just the fact that you’re saying that means you do.” I breathe out the words, my hands clutching his. I need him to take me back.
“I’ll do anything.” I will. I’ll do anything he wants for him to take me back.
“Then leave me,” he says.
“I won’t.” I almost yell the words, but somehow, saying it in a calm voice and locking my eyes on his, it comes out with force.
His eyes heat with anger and a dark lust that I’ve missed. “Are you disobeying me, kitten?” he asks. His chest rises and falls with a sharp intake of air.
“Yes. I am.” I stare back at him defiantly, hoping it’s enough. That his need to punish me is enough that he’ll keep me. Even if he doesn’t realize it, I know he loves me. And I love him.
I close my eyes and gather up the courage to spill my truth to him. “I love you, Anthony.” I wipe the tears away angrily. “You'd better not throw me out. I’d rather die.”
“You wouldn’t,” he says as though he knows it to be true.
“I would. I can’t live without you.” The pain in my chest is unbearable. I know I won’t be okay without him. Never.
“I did that to you,” he says with regret.
“You did what I wanted, Anthony. You always did what I wanted.” I take his hand in mine and press his palm to my cheek. “I need you now more than I ever did. I’ll beg until you cave. I swear I will.”
He looks at me for a long time and I remain still, waiting for his verdict. My heart pumps slowly in my chest as though it’s prepared to stop beating if he denies me.