Stay with me.
I walk into the room with purpose, but she doesn’t lift her head. I scoop up her body into my arms and hold her to my chest. I rock her gently and pet her back and her hair. Just holding her calms the beast pacing within me. She needs me, and I need her. That’s all that matters. Doesn’t she know that? She’s all I need. I kiss her hair, but she doesn’t look up. I walk us slowly to my room, but I don’t even know if she notices.
I try to kiss her, but she shoves me away. I hold her closer to me, but she tells me, “No.” She won’t let me in. I watch her deny me over and over as she sheds her pain in my arms.
I want to make love to her and show her what she means to me. But I feel like I’ve already lost her. My need to control her was wrong. I shouldn’t have punished her. It’s my fault. I hold her close to me as she cries herself to sleep.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her ear as her shoulders gently shake. “Please forgive me.” She doesn’t respond and I don’t know if it’s because she never will, or if she’s fallen asleep.
I hold onto her as tight as I can and watch her. That security I’ve had since I first laid eyes on her is gone. I look down and I know I’ve lost her.
I shake my head and swallow the lump in my throat. I don’t know if I can make this right. I don’t see how it’s possible to move forward. I’ve broken her trust. I need her to forgive me, but I know she won’t.
Chapter 28
Catherine
I can hear his steady heartbeat and feel his warm body against my back. We fit together perfectly, and that very thought frightens me to the core. My heart hurts as I try to ignore it. But this isn’t right. I’m not okay. I’m falling in love with a man who’s taken me against my will. These feelings can’t be real. I need to leave. I have to get the fuck out of here before I lose what little sanity of I have left. Before he kills me.
I slowly move away from him and hate myself. I watch him sleeping peacefully and I have to cover my mouth to keep the sob from coming up and waking him. If I don’t leave now, I may never have another chance. And I know I have to leave.
I walk as quickly and quietly as I can. I remember him leaving the keys in the dining room. I know it’s a risk trying to leave. He could come down here. He could take me back upstairs by force, or he could lock me away in the cell, and part of me hopes he does. I’m sick for having these thoughts, and I know it. But I use the knowledge that his familia won’t keep me safe to motivate me. I summon my strength and force my limbs to move and go to the door. I take one last look around, gripping the frame and try to keep down the sickness threatening to come up.
I can’t even take anything with me, because it’s all locked in a room I don’t have a code for. If that’s not a fucking sign that this was never real, I don’t know what is.
Rain beats against my skin and thin clothes as I run to the car. My heart pangs sporadically and I don’t know if it’s from the pain or the fear.
What hurts the most is knowing I would have stayed. I never would have questioned him. What we had was fucked up. But it was my fucked up fairytale come true. I loved him. I know I still do.
Tears cloud my vision and I brush them away, shoving the keys into the ignition. I look over my shoulder and hate the pain growing in my chest. I’m leaving him. I don’t want to, but a small part of me is saying if I don’t leave him now, I never will. Is it so wrong? I can’t answer the question. “Forgive me,” I whisper as I put the car in reverse and turn the wheel.
I don’t care if it’s wrong, I fucking loved him. Even knowing he was going to kill me, I still love him and all his broken pieces.
I wipe the bastard tears from my eyes and sniffle as I speed away. I’ve left him. He’s the only man I’ve ever truly loved, and I’ve left him. The car swerves and I fight the steering wheel in the rain to stay on the road. I try to steady my breath as a pain radiates in my chest.
In two turns, I’m out of the development and onto the busy road. It’s late. It’s nearly deserted, with just three cars parked at the front of the entrance.
I had to go, didn’t I? I’m not safe with him. I shake my head in denial. He’d keep me safe, but he’d have to fight the world to keep me. I feel so torn and so confused. I hit the brakes and turn off the side of the road. I let the tears consume me.
I know I need to keep going. I need to run as fast as I can. He’s going to find me if I stay here. The thought brings me more comfort than anything else. Maybe I’m sick. Maybe the feelings I have aren’t healthy. But I hold on to them so I can calm myself. As I look in my rear-view mirror I spot the three cars from earlier driving toward me. None of the cars have their headlights on.
Something triggers inside of me and I quickly put the car into drive and hit the gas. As I speed up, so do they.
My heart beats in my chest with a fear I haven’t felt in so long. They’ve found me. I swallow thickly and search the cars for a face. I don’t know if it’s the Valettis or the Cassanos, but as I make a sharp right and see them follow me, I know it’s one or the other. I wish I could turn around and drive back to him. To Anthony. I wish he were here. I wish he could save me.
He would save me.
Out of instinct, I yell for Anthony. Tears fall down my face. No! I hit the gas harder and the back end of the car swerves. I try to straighten the wheel as my hands grip the leather and I pull to the right, but the car spins out, and in a blur my body smashes to the side. My head smacks against the wheel and my body falls limp. My hand touches my forehead and I look down at my fingers only to see blood. My vision spins and my breath feels hollow, but I have to run. I unbuckle the seatbelt and prepare to run. I have to run. I have to fight.
As my hand grips the handle, the door opens and I look up to see a sick smile from the last person I ever want to see.
“My little mouse came back to me.” I hear his words, followed by the smash of his fist against the side of my temple. I’m vaguely aware that he’s gripping my hair and pulling me out of the car, but I can’t move my legs. Slowly, darkness overwhelms me, and I lose the battle to stay awake.
Chapter 29
Anthony
I push the curtain back and watch her drive away. I see her look over her shoulder with one last glance at the house, and it kills me not to run out and get her. I couldn’t move as I felt her stir next to me and leave me. I knew that’s what she was doing, and it took all of me to lie still and let her go free.
I knew she’d leave me. I was a fool to think I could have her. I was wrong to think she’d be safe with me.
She needs to leave me. I can’t protect her. I need to let her go. She doesn’t love me, and Vince will never let me keep her if she doesn’t love me back.
They’ll never understand.
If I could tell her anything right now, I’d tell her to run. Run far away from me.
It hurts. The pain in my chest hurts so fucking much as I watch the car disappear.
She left me. I really thought it was love in her eyes.
Mom. I thought she loved me too.
When Dad killed her in front of me to get rid of the fear and the nightmares, she cried out how much she loved me. I thought that was love, too.
Maybe I’m wrong and I just don’t know what love is.
If love is what’s causing this pain, I don’t want it. But I still want her. Fuck me, I do. I want to lie to myself and think that we can be together in this fucked up way and that the world will leave us alone. But I can’t put her in danger. I’ve been selfish and stupid, and I fucking hate that I ever took her the way I did. At the same time, she’s all I want. If I could go back upstairs and keep her lying in bed with me, I would. If I had to lock her up and never let her out again, I would. That’s only more reason that I need to stay here and let her go. She deserves so much more than a man like me.
I sit outside in the rain, letting it soak through my clothes, just thinking about how I should have let her go right from the start. I should have let her go fre
e. I thought I made her happy though. I thought she wanted the same things I wanted. But I was wrong.
I hear a car swerve in the distance and my heart starts pounding in my chest. I run inside for the keys to my pickup truck and haul ass as fast as I can. It can’t be her. I pray she’s okay. It takes too fucking long to get there. I’ll save her. She needs me. I’ll protect her. I slow the car as I see skid marks, but there’s nothing there. It looks like a car crashed, but then drove off.
I stay at the scene for a long time, thinking it wasn’t her. It wasn’t my kitten.
She’s left me and now she’s safe. She’s better off without me. I wish I had a way to track her to know for sure. Again, another reason she needs to run from me.
The pain won’t go away.
I can’t get rid of this hurt in my chest. I just know something’s wrong.
I close my eyes and shake my head. It’s all in my head. I’m only hurting because she left me. I’m looking for reasons to search her out. It’s my own sickness.
I need to let her go. I settle on that truth as I drive back home. But I can’t sleep. When the sun filters through the curtains and my phone pings a few hours later, I reach for it like it was meant to go off.
I expect it to be my kitten. I don’t know how, but I do. All night I’ve waited up, hoping she’d come back to me.
I stare at the phone and I fucking hate myself. I click it off and move as quick as I can.
Cassys want a meet.
I know why. And I’m ready to end this. They’re all fucking dead.
Chapter 30
Anthony
I can’t stop pacing. It’s not a fucking coincidence that the night she left we got a call for this meetup. We’re supposed to meet at the garage in an hour. It’s not right. Something’s horribly wrong. She’s not okay. I can feel it. My girl’s not okay.
“Vince, it can’t just be us two,” I say. I know this is a setup. It’s not just going to be Marcus there wanting to clarify the situation. There’s more to this, and I know it deep down in my gut. He texted Vince to come meet with him, and later asked to bring me along. But I know this is a trap. I fucking know it.
“We can’t trust them,” I tell him again.
“What the fuck, Anthony?” Tommy asks me for the fourth fucking time.
I just shake my head. “It’s not good. It’s not going to be good.”
Vince has been watching me like a fucking hawk. I haven’t told him yet.
We’re all here and I haven’t said shit, but I can’t shake this feeling. I need to tell them.
“Let me go in first,” I finally speak up and look back at Vince.
He doesn’t answer.
“You’re freaking me out, Anthony,” Tommy says, grabbing my arm.
“You couldn’t fucking listen!” Vince yells out, and it gets the attention of everyone. The air is thick with tension.
“You know I wasn’t going to.” I can’t reach his eyes. I know I fucked up, but I need him right now. I can’t let them hurt her. Not her. She didn’t do anything wrong. She can’t pay for my sins.
“What the fuck is going on?” Tommy asks with a pain that breaks through his words. He’s worried. He’s worried for me and it’s all my fault.
“They have her; I know it.” I say just above a whisper.
“Catherine?” Tommy asks, confused. It breaks my heart to know I’ve betrayed him. I betrayed all of them.
“Why? Why would they do that?” Tommy asks.
“War. It’s the start of war.” I answer him with pain in my chest.
“What’d you do?” Tommy demands to know as he shakes my shoulders, and I have to look him in the eyes, but I still can’t tell him.
“Catherine’s a rat. She’s supposed to be dead.” Vince answers over my shoulder and Tommy’s grip loosens until his arms fall to his side. He looks at me like it can’t be true. But it is.
“She had no choice.” I try to defend her. They have to believe her; they have to believe me. She needs me. She’s mine.
“This is over Catherine?” Tommy asks with doubt.
“She’s mine,” I say with finality. A look of hurt flashes in my brother’s eyes. He doesn’t understand. They’ll never understand.
“You fucking bought her as a slave--” I understand Vince’s anger, but I don’t need it right now. I need him on my side. I need my familia to help me get her back. I need her. I need her right fucking now.
“I don’t care if you don’t understand. None of you ever understand me. That doesn’t make me any less family. If I say she’s mine, then she’s fucking mine,” I growl out.
“If she’s yours, then how did they get her?” Vince steps up to me like he knows. Like he already knows that she left me. But that makes no difference to me. I let her go because I love her, and I’ll save her because I love her. Even if she doesn’t love me back.
“She left me.”
Tommy grips his hair like he can’t believe this shit. I hear the men walking around us, waiting on their orders, even though they already made up their minds. No one fucks with us. They mess with one of us, they fuck with all of us. The only thing that would hold them back is if Vince told them not to.
“You didn’t let her go?” Vince asks with disbelief.
“I watched her leave me. She needed to.” I swallow the lump in my throat as I add, “But I know they have her. I know they found her.” He looks at me with doubt and then nods slightly.
Vince looks past me and addresses the familia. “It doesn’t matter what started it. Get your guns ready, boys, and call for the rest of ‘em.” I nod my head. Thank fuck. Thank fuck I have a real chance to save her, if they didn’t already kill her.
“Anthony,” Vince says to get my attention. I look up at him. “We’re going in first.” I put my hand on his shoulder before he has a chance to move away. I lean in and give him a quick hug. He's shocked, and it takes him a moment, but he pats me on the back in return.
I don’t let him go. “I have to save her, Vince.” I pull back to look him in the eyes. “She can’t die. I can’t let her die.” His brow furrows with confusion and I know I’m not getting through to him. He doesn’t have to understand. He just has to give me his word.
“Don’t be stupid--” he starts to answer me, but I cut him off.
“If it’s between the two of us, save her. I can’t let her die,” I say.
That’s the moment his look changes.
He gives me a small nod, and only then do I release him.
There she is. Just like I fucking knew she’d be. Fuck! She couldn’t run fast enough, could she? It’s my fault. She’s on her knees with that fucker's hand gripping her shoulder, pushing her down. She looks up at me with the saddest expression and cries out, “I’m so sorry.” The man behind her whips his hand across her face and she lands on her side. My hands fist at my side and my blood boils.
Not her. He’s not going to get away with it. He cocks the gun in his hand and aims it at her head. His eyes are on me though.
“Was this little bitch worth it, Anthony? Was she worth war?” I hear the words but I can’t take my eyes off of her. Lorenzo is still standing behind her. And behind him are a dozen or so of his men. I know I’ve walked into a sentencing. Her sentencing.
“Knock it off, Lorenzo.” Marcus finally speaks. He puts his hands out as if to welcome us.
“What’s this?” Vince asks from behind me as he walks up to my side. It’s just the two of us, for now. “It was just supposed to be us, Marcus.”
Marcus gives him a twisted smirk and shrugs his shoulder as he says, “Thought I might need a few more men to make my message clear.”
Vince looks at Catherine and motions to her. “Is this really necessary?” He’s keeping his voice even. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was completely unaffected. But I know him, and he’s fucking pissed.
“It’s the fucking rat your boy didn’t fucking kill like he was supposed to.”
“You kno
w that’s not what the deal was,” Vince says as though he’s on my side, but I know he’s not. All this is my fault. I brought this onto my familia. I put us all in danger for her. Simply because I wanted her. I wanted to break something so beautiful. And I did. And now I have to take my punishment. I hope I fucking die today. I’ll never forgive myself if I see her die though. I've watched death all around me my entire life, and it’s never affected me. Not since my mother. But I can’t today. Not her. Not my Catherine.
I walk toward the men and a few take a step back, but Marcus and Lorenzo hold their ground. “I bought her fair and square.” I say the words like I’m not ready to rip them apart. Like this isn’t war. Like this is just a business meeting over terms.
I hear the rest of my familia walk in behind us. A few guns cock. The clicks fill the air. Marcus’ eyes turn hard. He tried to set us up, but the dumb fuck wasn’t ready for an even match. The doors behind the Cassanos open and more of our crew walk in, guns loaded and ready. We have on our vests; I’m sure the Cassanos do as well, but this is nowhere near an even match. They’re fucking dead.
“You really wanna do this, Vince?” Marcus sneers at my boss behind me. My eyes are locked on Lorenzo’s. My hand’s on my gun.
“You brought this on yourself. You wanted to put on a show,” Vince says as he reaches for his gun, but keeps it pointed at the ground.
“What’d you think was gonna happen?” he asks. Silence fills the air and the men line up on both sides. We’re in the middle. Vince is by my side, and my kitten on the floor just a few feet away from me. Everyone’s armed but her. My eyes dart to hers and I can see she’s already accepted it. She’s gonna be the first to die.