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by Ashley Jade
“I don’t th—”
“Sawyer Grace, don’t you stop now. You should aim for another ten pounds…at least.” Mama shrugs when we all look at her. “What? Everyone knows the camera adds ten pounds. You want to look good for pictures, don’t you?”
She’s right. “I—”
“I don’t think you need to lose any more weight,” Dylan says. “You were perfect before and you’re perfect now.”
I give her a smile, feeling grateful she agreed to come with me.
Dealing with Mama without any backup can be…difficult.
Mama pats Dylan’s leg again. “She is such a good friend.”
“If I only lose five more pounds, would you still be able to alter the size ten?”
I honestly don’t know how I’d lose more than that.
Unless I up my dosage a little.
“Of course,” the lady says. “It won’t be an issue at all. Heck, you can even gain a few pounds. We’ll just let the seams out a little.”
Yeah, I definitely don’t want to gain anything. I’m just starting to feel good about myself.
“What if I lost more than five pounds?”
She mulls this over for a moment before she answers. “Well, it’s different for everyone. Usually ten to fifteen pounds will drop someone an entire dress size. But you’re so short, it’s…” Her voice drifts off, but I read her loud and clear.
Girls over five-foot-four are much thinner compared to someone who’s only five feet.
“Order the eight.”
I make a mental note to hit up Oakley for more pills later.
Chapter 66
Sawyer
I trace his eyebrow with my finger. “When did you know football was what you wanted to do with your life?”
Since I have the night off, we’re spending a lazy Sunday in his bed.
And sulking over the fact that neither of us has heard back from Duke’s Heart yet.
He doesn’t even think about it before replying, “The second Jace placed one in my hands.”
“So it was love at first sight.”
He grins. “Pretty much.”
He traces little circles up and down my spine. “When did you know being a teacher was what you wanted to do with yours?”
“I don’t,” I admit.
His brows furrow. “But I thought—”
“I mean, I definitely want to be a teacher,” I clarify. “I’m just not sure I want to be a science teacher.”
“What subject would you rather teach?”
There’s no point in telling him because it’s not going to happen.
“Doesn’t matter. And I don’t want you to laugh at me.”
“I’m not going to laugh at you…unless you tell me it’s clown school.”
That actually makes me laugh. “My feet aren’t that big.” I avert my gaze. “If I had my way, I’d be a music teacher for kids.”
Unlike my mother, I’d encourage them to pursue their dreams…no matter what they looked like.
“Who says you can’t?”
“It’s not very practical, Cole. More and more schools are getting rid of their music departments.”
He props himself up on his elbow. “Not all of them. Besides, you could always teach privately.”
I think about this for a moment, but decide that’s even more impractical. “No. I’ll just stick with the plan.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “What’s the plan?”
“Become a science teacher. Marry a nice southern man who’s involved with the church and have one child…because more than one will make you broke. Not to mention—fat.”
I can thank my mother for that little tidbit.
“That sounds like a boring ass plan.”
I roll over until I’m facing his ceiling. “Blame my parents. They’ve been shoving that plan down my throat for years.”
“You don’t have to follow it. You could always make a new plan.”
A laugh flies out. “I guess…but my plan isn’t that much different from theirs…except…” Nope, definitely not telling him that. “Never mind.”
Never one to let things go, Cole laces his fingers through mine. “You know you have to tell me now, right?”
I sigh. Yup. Sometimes it’s just easier to give the stubborn ass what he wants.
“Fine. In my ideal life, I’d be a music teacher.” I look at him. “Marry someone who’s so in love with me he’ll always fight for us…no matter how hard it gets.” Because I don’t want to be like my parents. “And I don’t just want one baby…I want many babies.”
At that, his eyebrows shoot up. “How many?”
I grin as I think about skinned knees, kisses, bedtime stories, and loving each and every one of them so much my heart could burst.
“Four…at least.”
He blows out a breath. “Damn. That is a lot.” He frowns. “But with so many of them…one is bound to feel left out and neglected. Especially if they aren’t your favorite.”
I can’t help but wonder if that’s how he felt growing up? As if Liam—and the rest of his siblings—were more important than he was.
I can’t say I don’t understand, but fortunately for me, I only have one sister to compete with.
Catherine’s obviously my mom’s favorite, but I’ve always known I’m secretly my dad’s. Or rather…was.
Either way, I was still lucky enough to feel loved by one parent.
Something tells me Cole’s never felt that.
And God how much that sucks…because his mother gave birth to an incredible human being.
It’s a shame she wasn’t alive to witness it.
But not nearly as shameful as her not valuing him for who he was while she was still here.
Shifting slightly, I run my thumb over his cheekbone. “Children aren’t dolls or movies. You shouldn’t favor one over the other. They’d each get an equal piece of my heart and soul.”
The way it should be.
Bringing my hand up to his mouth, he kisses the inside of my wrist. “You’ll be an amazing mom, Sawyer.” The look he gives me cuts right down to my marrow. “Not anytime soon, but…eventually.”
My heart is pounding so fast I feel like I just ran a marathon.
I don’t know if that’s his way of saying he sees us together for the long-haul like I do…or insinuating it will happen after we’re over and we’ve both moved on.
However, the sharp pang in my heart tells me I’ll never move on from Colton Covington.
He’s not just under my skin…he’s buried so deep inside me I no longer know where I end and he begins.
I’ve never been the type of person to beat around the bush, so I cut right to the chase. “Do you want that life…with me?”
His eyes go so big I’m afraid they might pop out of his head. “I’m gonna go order us some food.” He hops off the bed like he’s been burned. “In the mood for anything in particular?”
Yeah. Him to stop acting like I just asked if he wanted to become serial killers and begin our first string of murders tonight.
“I’m not hungry.”
“I’ll get you something anyway.” Phone in hand, he starts walking to the door. “Be right back.”
I open my mouth to ask him why he needs to walk away to order food…but he’s already gone.
Chapter 67
Cole
Do I have feelings for Sawyer? Hell yes.
Do I want to spend the rest of my life with her and have babies? I have no fucking clue.
I’m only eighteen for fuck’s sake. I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, let alone five years from now.
Christ. Why do girls have to make everything so goddamn complicated?
Besides, there’s a huge, glaring flaw in her plan for us.
We can’t possibly have this big, bright future together she wants when it’s based on lies.
I might not know where we’ll end up in five years, but I do know I’m not willing to give her up now.
I bring my phone to my ear, intending to order a shitload of junk food, because Sawyer’s been losing even more weight lately and I don’t fucking like it—but my screen lights up with an incoming call.
I don’t recognize the number, but I want to buy myself some more time before I join the fairytale land upstairs.
“Hello?”
“Hello, this is Coach Jenkins over at Duke’s Heart. I’m looking for Cole Covington.”
I nearly drop the phone out of my hand. “Speaking.”
Raising my fist in the air, I let out a silent cheer. Finally.
About damn time he called.
“As I’m sure you know, you’ve had a phenomenal season this year,” he begins. “Therefore, I’m just gonna get straight to the point of this phone call. We’d like to offer you a place on our team as the starting quarterback. Full ride, of course. Our QB will be graduating and we need someone that can take over and play from day one.”
Hell motherfucking yes. “That’s me. I’m your man.”
Todd Harris can suck my sweaty balls.
“Glad to hear it. When Todd Harris turned us down for Ohio, we thought we were screwed.”
The thing beating in my chest stalls.
Todd turned them down?
“Hello?” he says over the line. “Shit. I think we have a bad connection. I’ll give you a call next week.”
The phone goes dead, but it doesn’t register.
I wasn’t their first choice.
I’m never anyone’s first choice.
Chapter 68
Sawyer
I’m walking out of the bathroom when I notice a partially open door down the hall.
Thinking it must be Bianca, I head that direction so I can say hey.
I feel like an idiot when I realize it’s not her after all…it’s no one.
I’m about to turn and leave when I notice the big block letters above a shelf.
Liam.
My conscience says I have no business being in this room and I should walk away.
But my curiosity is too strong to override it.
Cole won’t talk about him…ever.
And Dylan and Jace talk about him like he was a saint…which isn’t very useful because it does nothing to help me understand why Liam and Cole didn’t get along.
Usually you can get a sense about someone by their room…what things they like, the kind of stuff they’re into, the kind of personality they might have.
There’s a sharp prick of sadness the moment I step inside Liam’s.
It looks like the typical room of any thirteen-year-old boy.
A life that was over way too soon.
Heaviness fills my chest as I take in the green comforter and pillows on the bed.
Cole said it was their favorite color.
I wander over to the desk. There are some Post-its, highlighters, and a few notepads full of notes.
Like me, Liam took school seriously.
We even had the same scientific calculator…and a map of the solar system above our desk.
I smile when I spot the periodic table of elements.
I remember learning it when I was in seventh grade…and then rushing to make a photocopy at the library later that day so I could jump ahead and memorize every one.
I wonder if he did the same.
Too bad I’ll never know.
Wandering over to his dresser, the first thing I notice is the lack of dust.
Someone comes in here and cleans.
There’s something so tragic about that. As if they’re trying to preserve his memory.
Hoping he’ll come back home one day.
My eyes linger on a picture in a frame.
With shaky fingers, I pick it up. It’s the Covingtons. All of them. In what must have been much happier times.
I knew Cole’s mother was a Bollywood dancer, and therefore beautiful, but I’m still taken back by how breathtaking she was.
And how much Bianca resembles her.
My gaze travels to their father next. He’s tall, easily towering over six feet. Must be where Cole and Jace get their height from.
He’s also very good looking. Almost too good looking.
Whereas Jace has features from both his parents, and Bianca clearly favors her mother…Cole is the spitting image of his dad with his striking green eyes and fair skin.
I can’t help but notice the way they’re lined up in the photo. Bianca—who’s still a toddler in the picture—is being held by her mother, and all three boys are on the floor. Liam and Cole—who are dressed so similarly, I honestly can’t tell them apart—are sitting on opposite sides of Jace…both sporting scowls.
Like they couldn’t stand to be next to one another.
I’m about to put the picture back when I spot a Bible on the dresser. Cole isn’t religious, and neither Jace nor Bianca have ever mentioned religion before, so it’s surprising.
Not to mention, it isn’t something you’d typically find in the bedroom of a thirteen-year-old boy.
I can’t help but notice that one of the pages is bookmarked.
Holding the frame in one hand, I open it.
My heart skips when I realize the bookmark is a picture of two precious identical babies in a crib…holding hands while they sleep.
It’s such a beautiful moment captured.
I’m about to close it, when I notice there’s a scripture circled.
‘If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.’
—1 John 4:20-21
The phrase ‘hates his brother’ is underlined.
My eyes well with tears. The once beautiful picture now feels tarnished somehow.
The scripture itself is a reminder that we should all love one another. But given the picture, the underlining, the relationship he had with his twin…I could see how one might take it very literally.
Especially if they’re grieving and searching for answers.
An eerie feeling burrows in my gut.
I knew Cole had his reasons for not believing—and that’s okay, it’s his choice—I just can’t help but feel like this might have something to do with it.
“What the hell are you doing in here?”
Cole’s icy voice startles me and the picture frame falls from my hand.
“I’m so sorry.” Not thinking, I drop to the floor and pick up a shard of broken glass. “Sh—shoot,” I say as the glass slices through my finger, remembering I’m still holding onto the Bible.
Cole leans down.
There’s a dark, menacing look in his eyes as he examines my finger. “I warned you you’d cut yourself on my fucked-up pieces, Bible thumper.” His teeth flash white and he points to the closet. “That’s where he did it. Wanna have a look? Satisfy your curiosity even more?”
I open my mouth to apologize again, but he doesn’t give me a chance. “Let yourself out when you’re finished snooping.”
With that, he storms out of the room.
A moment later, the front door slams shut.
Chapter 69
Cole
Rage pumps through my blood as I charge out the front door. I feel around for my keys, but remember I don’t have a fucking car.
Turning around, I make a run for the guesthouse.
Oakley answers on the second knock. The look in my eyes as I demand to borrow his car must tell him I am not fucking around, because he hands the keys over.
“What’s going—”
I’m off before he can finish his sentence.
She shouldn’t have gone in there.
She had no goddamn business poking around Liam’s things.
A flash of dread runs through me.
Now she’s going to ask questions about him.
Ques
tions like—why did he take his own life?
What was up with that Bible passage?
I might be able to skirt around the truth with Jace for the sake of our family, but I can’t lie to her.
She sees right through me.
I slam on the gas so hard I burn rubber as I fly down the street.
I’m gonna lose her.
I grit my teeth as I make a sharp left.
I need to beat the shit out of something—someone—before I lose my goddamn mind.
Lose her.
Unfortunately for Stone, his big brother’s no longer around to take the heat.
A morbid laugh flies out of me as I pull around to the back of Sawyer’s job and cut the engine. My big bro isn’t here either.
I was planning to wait until his shift was over, but I don’t have to, because I spot him taking some garbage to the back dumpster.
While Bianca chases after him, screaming her head off.
I have no idea what that’s about, but I’m already fired up, so I hop out of the car.
“Yo, DaSilva.”
It’s the only warning he gets before I bash his face in with my fist.
Chapter 70
Sawyer
“I don’t know what to do,” Bianca yells. “Jace won’t answer his phone and I don’t have Dylan’s number.”
Jesus. I’ve never heard her so terrified.
“Okay, calm down. What’s going on?” I grab my purse and walk down the Covington’s stairs. “Better yet, tell me where you are. I’ll come get you.”
There’s a moment of hesitation before she says, “I’m at Cluck You.”
“Why—”
“It’s not important. What’s important is that Cole is currently beating Stone to a bloody pulp. It’s bad, Sawyer. So fucking bad.”
My heart jumps to my throat as she screams, “Get off him, Cole. You’re gonna kill him.”
I sprint to my van. “I’m on my way.”
I never should have gone inside Liam’s room.
I honestly didn’t think it would set him off this much.