by Vi Keeland
He releases his belt and reaches over to unbuckle mine. “I’m fine. I just can’t wait to get you inside. I missed you, that’s all. I want to be close to you.”
He jumps out of the truck and I whisper, “I missed you too.” But it’s too late for him to hear. He’s already on my side of the truck opening the door and pulling me out of the seat.
He holds me against him while struggling with his other hand to stick the key into the lock. “Shit!” he growls. “Stupid key.”
I gently take the key from him and slide it into the door. I look up and he’s looking down at me with his eyebrows raised. “There we go.” I smile.
He kisses me hard, while turning the key to let us in. As soon as we get inside, he pulls away from the kiss and types some code into his alarm system. Then he tosses his keys down and stands in front of me, breathing heavily. “I want you so bad it fucking hurts.”
“I want you too.”
Rayne runs over to Kellan’s side and I half expect her to growl at me again, but instead she nudges my leg with her head as if she wants me to pet her.
Kellan laughs and bends down to pat her head and her butt. “That’s a good girl.” He kisses the scar behind her ears and smiles. “You know what’s precious to daddy, don’t you?”
I’m still standing here, just watching them interact. She seems so different from the dog I met last night. She’s not quite as intimidating. Then I shake my head out of the daze I’m in and bend down next to him to pet her. “Hi there, Rayne.” I smile.
Kellan stands back up and pulls me up with him. “Rayne doesn’t usually take to people. Especially females. She must be able to sense how much I care about you.”
I swallow hard as he backs me into the counter and kisses my neck. “Now that I have you alone. I’m going to take care of you. I’m going to do everything in my power to please you. You’re not going to want anyone else when I’m through with you.” If only he knew that was already true.
He picks me up, throws me over his shoulder and carries me into his room. He stops when he reaches the bed and gently lays me down. “Stay right there. I’ll be right back.”
Five minutes pass, but it feels more like twenty. I’m so anxious for him to come back that I can’t sit still. I can hear the water running in the bathroom and I wonder if he’s filling the tub. The thought gets me excited. Being in a hot bath with Kellan has always been one of my fantasies. Ever since I found him floating around the pool naked. The thought of his naked body lying in a pool of water, confined to a small space with me completely turns me on. I would picture him walking me naked to the tub and stepping inside, placing me between his legs. Too bad I was too young back then.
I stand up as Kellan walks back into the room, shirtless. His jeans ride low on his waist and his erection is poking hard against his zipper. Oh how bad I want to release it.
“You ready to fall in love with me? Because I can’t stand the thought of you loving anyone else.” Before I can respond, he scoops me up in his arms, presses my body against his chest and carries me into the bathroom.
Once inside he sets me down on the edge of the tub and tangles his fingers through my hair. “My body is yours. It belongs to you. As long as I can have you, you will be the only one to take these jeans off.” He places my hands against his tight stomach and runs them down his body, stopping at his belt. “Show me how much you want me.”
With my heart beating in my ears, hardly able to focus, I somehow undo his belt, sliding it through the loops and toss it to the ground. I bring my eyes up, looking at him as he watches me unbutton his jeans and slide his pants down his legs. “Oh shit, Kellan. How do you do this to me? I want every part of you. Do you know that? I’ve never wanted sex before and now I want it every day. What have you done to me? I’ll never be the same now.”
He grabs my hands, hooks them into his boxers and exhales as I pull them off. “I know. And it’s all yours. I’m all yours. I’ve never given myself to anyone this way.” He kisses my forehead and pulls me to my feet. “This is a big step for me. I’ve never cared about a woman this way. You do something to me and it scares the hell out of me.”
He kisses my lips and steps out of his jeans. Then he reaches for my dress and pulls it over my head. “I want to make love to you,” he whispers. “I want to make you happy. This is the only way I can show you how I feel.”
Within seconds we are both completely naked. He gets ready to pull me into the water, but stops. “Fuck!”
I squeeze his arm as he sets me back on the ground. “What’s wrong?”
He steps away from the tub and gently picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. “I forgot about the tattoo. You can’t go in the water.” He looks me in the eye as if he’s afraid he hurt me. He kisses my nose when I squeeze him with my legs. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to make you happy.”
I grab his neck and pull his face against mine so we’re nose to nose. “Shut up and make love to me, Kellan. I know you would never physically hurt me.”
With one long look into my eyes, his legs start moving as his lips meet mine. He guides me back onto his bed, lips still pressed together and spreads my legs with his free hand.
I open them freely to let his body lay between them, his hard muscles flexing above me. His head pokes my entrance and my whole body quivers at the brief contact. He takes hold of his shaft and rubs the tip up and down the slickness, spreading the wetness from my pussy to my clit. Fuck! He feels so good and it hasn’t even made its way inside. All I can think about is having it inside of me. All of it.
Gripping the back of his neck, I rock my hips up until the tip pushes inside of me. He moans against my lips and let’s go of himself as he grips my thigh, squeezing it. “Oh shit, you’re so tight and wet. I can’t wait any longer.”
Wrapping his arm behind my neck and gripping my hip with his other hand, he slams his lips against mine and slides all the way in. I can feel him filling me and I cry out and shake in pleasure. He stops for a second, worried that he’s hurt me, but I bite his shoulder and dig my nails into his back.
“Don’t stop, Kellan.”
Realizing he hasn’t hurt me, he pulls out all the way before slowly pushing his way back in and sucking on my bottom lip. His speed starts out slow and intimate, both of us holding each other as tightly as we can before it slowly picks up, both of us fighting for air as we moan into each other’s mouths. Our bodies continue to glide together, him rocking into me as he slowly kisses me everywhere his mouth can reach, neither of us wanting to let go of the other. He grabs hold of one breast, kissing my nipple. The tip of his tongue slithers through his lips, touching my sensitized nipple. As he swirls his wet tongue in a circle he looks up at me. Him watching me as he does it is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. As he thrusts, I can see his abs tighten. I can’t pull my eyes away.
This feeling is better than any feeling in the world. I could lay beneath this man, in his arms forever and be happy. I love him. I love him so fucking much. Too bad I have some questions for him later. I have a feeling they could change everything.
Chapter Twenty-One
Phoenix
I awaken before Kellan does with my face pressed against his warm skin. At least, I think he’s still asleep. I pull my head away from his bare chest and lean up to look at his face. His eyes are still closed and the arm he has wrapped around me is so firm, I couldn’t get away from him even if I tried. Not that I would. I could lay like this forever.
Again, we spent the whole night naked, making love and talking in between, any attempt to catch our breath. Of course, he kept bringing me food and demanding me to eat to get my energy up. I did so too, knowing that afterward, we would make love again. The night was so beautiful I barely even worried about the pain from my fresh tattoo. He cleaned it for me a few times and placed some kind of tattoo stuff on it to keep it moist. He took care of me just as he did the other night.
Last night was different though. He d
idn’t want to leave my side for a second. He held onto me as if he would never see me again. Something in witnessing that, caused my heart to ache. I was happy he wanted to be close to me, but worried about what that meant for us. I’m still worried, but I have to keep it together long enough to ask him about that night. I can’t wait any longer. He could be gone in the blink of an eye and then I’ll never know. It’s something that has eaten at me for eight years. I need to know. I need that closure.
Looking around the room, my eyes settle on Adric’s old guitar. My fingers lightly brush Kellan’s chest as I stare at it. I had no idea what happened to that guitar and it scared me. I felt as if I had lost Adric all together and everything he loved. Then when Kellan said he took it after Adric died.
… Wait a minute.
He said he took both the guitar and binder after Adric died. How was that possible? He left after that and no one ever saw him again. How did he take his stuff after he died? I mean, I assumed he heard the news traveling around town and left, but the rest makes no sense to me. Why haven’t I questioned this before?
I push my way out of Kellan’s tight grip and slam my back against the headboard, placing my hand over my mouth. The thoughts racing around in my head is causing me to panic. What the hell hasn’t he told me?
Kellan jumps up, when he notices my absence and reaches for my face. “What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?” He looks around the room as if he’s afraid someone else is in the room with us. When he sees we’re alone he relaxes. “Shit! Don’t scare me like that, baby. I thought I was going to have to kill someone. Are you okay?”
I shake my head and take a deep breath. “Kellan, we need to talk.” I jump out of bed and reach for Kellan’s shirt, pulling it on to cover my naked body. I can’t be exposed to him right now. It makes me feel too vulnerable.
Kellan watches me in alarm as he sits up and runs his hands through his hair, gripping it between his fingers. “Phoenix …”
My eyes land on Adric’s guitar and then back on Kellan. His face turns to stone as he sees the question in my stare. He’s definitely hiding something from me. The question is, what? “How did you get Adric’s guitar after he died? I never saw you come to the house. No one saw you, Kellan. How did you get it? That and the binder. How did you get them?”
Standing up, he walks over to me and rubs his hands up and down my arms, soothing me. “Calm down please. It’s hard to explain. You know I will never lie to you so please don’t ask. Just don’t. I need you to trust me.”
I yank my arms away from his and back away, holding my arm out to keep distance between us. “Calm down? Are you kidding me? I’m tired of being left in the dark about my brother. Don’t you dare pull the trust card on me! No, this time I will not stop. Tell me how, Kellan. His guitar was missing as soon as I stepped into that room and saw him lying on the ground. The paramedics said he had not been dead long. It was gone. That means you were there. Did you say it backwards? Did you get the guitar before he died? Please tell me I heard wrong and I’m just confused.”
He shakes his head, flares his nostrils and leans his head back in guilt. I want with everything in me not to be mad at him right now, but I can’t help it. I have to know. I can’t keep it in, bottled up, any longer. “No. I got the guitar, binder and motorcycle after he died.” He takes a deep breath and reaches for his jeans, sliding them up over his naked body. “After he died,” he repeats.
Talk about mind blowing. I think a nuclear bomb just went off inside my head. What the hell! Reaching behind me to make sure I’m close to the bed, I sit down and grip the silk sheet between my fingers. Maybe there’s a perfectly good reason for him being there. There has to be. He would never hurt Adric. I know this.
“Tell me what happened,” I demand. “I need to know, Kellan.”
I take a deep breath and when I look back up, Kellan is leaning over his dresser, gripping the top with his hands. The veins in his arms and neck throb angrily as a growl sounds in his chest. I’ve never seen him so upset and this worries me more. “I was supposed to spend the day with Adric,” he starts, “But someone asked me to help them move.” He grips the dresser tighter before swinging his arm across the top, grunting as he knocks everything off onto the floor. “I knew I should have listened to my gut, dammit. I should have gotten there in time to stop him. He wouldn’t wait. I told him to hold on until I got there, but he wouldn’t listen. By the time I got there it was too late …”
My heart is pounding so loud I can barely make out what he’s saying. Wait…what is he saying? I take a deep breath through my nose, exhaling slowly from my mouth. I need to calm down and get the room to stop spinning around me before I pass out. Breathe and repeat, Phoenix.
It takes a few seconds to regain control, but when I do, I get it. I get what he’s saying. It wasn’t an accident. “So you’re saying you knew Adric was going to overdose?” I grip the sheet tighter, not believing what I’m hearing. “He did it on purpose.” It’s more of a statement than a question and it scares the hell out of me. “Why! Why would he do that? Why didn’t I know something was wrong? I don’t understand. I need to understand! “
Pushing away from the dresser, Kellan stares at me with hurt eyes. He looks as if he wants to come to me, but stops before shoving the dresser over, smashing it into the wall. He drops down in a crouching position with his head in his hands, defeated. “I fucking hate myself every day for not being there. It’s my fault because I knew he had a problem and I’ll never forgive myself. I should have told someone, but I promised him it was our secret. He didn’t want you to have to deal with anything and that’s what would happen if anyone knew. He said you were just a kid and needed to do the shit normal kids do. Don’t you worry though. It’s buried so far into my brain, it’s suffocating me.”
Tears stream down his face as he grips his hair and spreads his knees apart, holding his arms bent at the elbow, between them. “It’s my fucking fault! He depended on me to keep his sanity and I let him down. I failed him and in turn his family. My family.” His shoulders slump as his body jerks with sobs. He’s not just crying now, he’s bawling and my heart aches to take away those tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I would take his place if I could. I would save you from all this hurt you’ve gone through over the last eight years. He was a better person that me. He deserves to be here. Not me.”
I find myself crying with him. Not just for Adric but for him as well. I can’t stand to see him beat himself up. I want answers, but not like this. Not if it causes him this much pain. I run over to him and grip his face in my hands, pulling him up to his feet. He grips my arms and looks at me through wet eyelashes. “Stop it, Kellan. I can’t take seeing you this way. I love you too much. I love you. Please stop,” I plead. “Please.”
His eyes close and he tilts his head back as more tears fall down his face. His eyes are red and his skin splotchy. I watch him, not moving a muscle. When he opens his eyes, he reaches out and wipes away my tears. “I’ll tell you what I can. You deserve to know the truth.” He picks me up and carries me to the bed, setting me down on the edge beside him. “This is going to hurt, but it’s the truth. Adric had a lot of demons. He hid them the best he knew how and I did my best to protect him. If you hate me after this, then I’ll just have to live with it.”
I place my hand on his knee and squeeze to show him I’m ready.
“I was helping a friend move when I got a call from Adric. He was hysterical. He was screaming and crying. I tried to calm him down.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “He said he couldn’t take it anymore and the baggy full of pills in front of him was getting smaller by the minute. He said he couldn’t stop. That they were taking away the pain. He kept repeating it over and over as if he didn’t think I got the point. That’s how I knew he was already high off the pills.”
“I jumped in my car and took off, driving a hell of a lot faster than I should have. I was a good fifteen minutes away, so I tried keeping him on the ph
one for as long as I could. He announced every pill as he popped another into his mouth. He just kept on going and going and I just kept on pleading with him to stop. He just ignored my pleas and kept rambling. Stuff about how everyone was better off without him and that he would never amount to anything. He said the pain finally consumed him and he couldn’t house it anymore. That he just needed to be free, to be relieved from the pain. When I got just a few blocks away from your house, the last thing I heard was ‘tell them I love them, I love you bro’ and then I heard the phone drop to the ground. I panicked and I stomped on the gas losing control. My car hit a tree and I blacked out for a few minutes. As soon as I woke up, I jumped out of the car and ran to the house as fast as I could. That’s how I got this scar.” He touches his eyebrow and closes his eye. It’s a line that begins at his forehead and runs through his eyebrow, stopping above his eye socket.
I reach out and trace my fingers over it, both of us gripping onto each other. It hurts so much and I don’t want to see him hurt, but I want to hear more. I need to hear more as much as it hurts. I squeeze his leg again and tell him to continue. “Go on,” I choke out.
He leans his head back, running his hands down his face. “I burst through the door and ran up to the attic, but it was too late. He was on the ground with the phone lying on the ground beside him. I dropped down to my knees and placed my ear to his chest, only to realize it was silent. There was no heartbeat. His body was already starting to look … dead. He didn’t look like the Adric I knew. I started balling like a fuckin’ baby, shaking him, in denial. He couldn’t be gone. I called 911 and held him in my arms, trying to wake him up. When I realized there wasn’t a pulse returning to his lifeless body, I freaked out. I knew I had lost him and it killed me. He finally did it, went through with it. He finally took the permanent escape. The pills no longer satisfied and numbed the pain. Then the anger took over and I trashed his room. I was so mad. Mad at him. Mad at myself. Mad at the world. I was furious. I couldn’t believe he could do that.”