by Amy Brent
“Do you regret it?” Cole asked as I reached for the eggs and started cracking them into the oiled pan. Cole loved his eggs in bacon grease, and I’d learned to eat them like that over the years.
“I…I’m not sure. Do you?” I asked as I watched the eggs sizzle in the pan.
“Ris, it was a great night. I’ve never felt anything like that before. I understand that you were drinking and upset, though, and I’m not sure if that’s what you wanted. You’re so beautiful, and I should have stopped it. But I didn’t, and I need to know if you are you okay with that?” Cole asked as I focused on turning the food over with my spatula. “Larisa?”
I turned them and looked up at him with a forced smile. “I’m okay with it. It was great, you know?” I grabbed some plates and slid two eggs on each one along with some bacon before sliding some bread into the toaster. “Coffee?”
“I’ll get it,” Cole told me as he poured a cup and added some cream. “Things are going to be weird now, aren’t they?”
“They don’t have to be. I mean, we’ve both had sex before with other people and moved past it, right?” I looked at him for affirmation, realizing that my feelings for Cole had officially crossed the line that I’d drawn in the sand. I’d had a crush on him for some time but always hid behind the fact that we were such good friends.
“I guess, yeah. That’s what you want to do?” His face looked disappointed, and I turned as the toast popped up, buttering the slices and putting one on each plate.
“It’s best, Cole. We’re not like that towards each other.” I stared at him as he walked heavily to the couch and sat down with his plate. I grabbed my breakfast and coffee and followed him, choosing to sit in the chair across from him. I couldn’t stop the memories from replaying through my mind of last night, and I took a quick drink of the coffee as I looked away, towards the television that Cole was changing channels on as he scowled.
He ate quickly and made some excuse about meeting the team before he left. Cole was cold and didn’t even look at me as he walked out, and I sighed. It had gone from bad to worse in a matter of hours. I went back and tore the sheets off of my bed, washing the scent of Cole and of us off of them as I allowed self-hatred to fill me.
God, I was just messing things up left and right. I spent the rest of the day miserable and studying, pretending that Cole wasn’t ignoring me. It wasn’t that he was always in touch with me, being busy with football and school anyway, but I knew that things were different now. I didn’t know what I would do without him since I didn’t click with a lot of girls and was usually shy with guys. Cole had always been different for me.
Mom called that evening to talk about the upcoming Thanksgiving week, which I had off from school. I agreed to come home even though I dreaded spending any time with Brett. I hoped that I would get past this uncomfortable feeling at some point with him since he was my stepfather. Ugh, what an awful thought. My life should be a movie on the Lifetime channel.
I had two weeks until I went home and just decided to get through it the best that I could.
Sadly, getting through that time meant a lot of drinking for me. Mom gave me a generous amount of money every month, and I bought a lot of wine and even a few bottles of sweet hard alcohol. I’d go to class and then home, where I’d drink, study and watch anything that I could on television.
Cole didn’t call me, and I saw him around school with a new blonde girl. He had his pick of ladies being athletic and handsome and it didn’t come as a shock to me at all. It just hurt a lot more than ever before. I’d see him look at me before turning his head away, punishing myself with the inner shame and hatred all over again. I used to be more important than his flings and even some of his football buddies, but now I was nothing.
I was just a fling to him. Ouch…that stung a lot.
I left my last class and drove back to my apartment to finish packing. My mom lived close by and it was an easy drive, but there were times that it felt like a separate country to me. I threw some clothes into my backpack and heard my phone chime from the kitchen counter. “Geez, Mom. I’m leaving soon.” I rolled my eyes as I grumbled out loud and walked across the room.
To my surprise, it was a text from Cole.
Cole: Are you headed home for the holiday?
Me: I am leaving now. How about you?
There was so much more that I wanted to ask him but I merely waited for his response.
Cole: I am going to see my dad over the weekend. He wants to fix things and have me meet his new wife.
I knew that Cole had been on the outs for years since his parents divorced when he was fifteen. I’d never met either parent and knew very little about them since he stayed quiet about the subject. Something big must’ve happened for him to go see him since Cole chose his mother’s side from the beginning. Maybe he was just tired of the distance.
Me: I hope it goes better than meeting my new stepdad.
Cole: I don’t think I’ve slept with any older woman lately, so I’m not worried. Have a good week, Larisa.
Was that a dig at me? Asshole! I took a deep breath and decided what to write back.
Me: You, too. I’m sorry, Cole.
I took the phone and shoved it into the pocket of my jeans as I took one last look around the house. I had everything I needed to make the one-hour trek, and I slung my backpack over my shoulder as I slipped my purse the other way. I made my way to the car, listening too closely for a text that didn’t arrive. I turned on some loud music to play over the speakers while I drove and sang along as I forced my mind to go numb. My mom could be tough to deal with on a normal basis much less with a new guy. I wanted to be happy for her, but it was just weird right now.
I pulled up to the big house with the tall turret and parked near the garage where I wouldn’t block anybody. I gathered my things and headed to the front door, opening it as I smelled something good inside. Mom didn’t cook so maybe she had a chef. I set my bags down on the couch and walked towards the kitchen to find Brett standing at the stove as he stirred something. My eyes roamed over his body, remembering how tight his ass was as I pulled him inside of me and begged for more. I knew what he felt like inside of me, but I had no idea that he was a cook. I found that sad. “Where’s Mom?” I asked as he turned around to look at me with a smile.
“She’s out of town for the night. Work stuff.” I frowned and pressed my lips together as I realized what an uncomfortable night this was going to be. “I hope that you like beef. I made a roast with some veggies for dinner.”
“It’s fine,” I answered dismissively as he looked me over for a moment, seeming to be unsure of something. “I’m going to put my stuff away.”
“Larisa? I think we need to break this iceberg between us,” Brett said as I paused in my spin and frowned. “I recognized you at the restaurant, but I didn’t know who you were before that. I hadn’t seen any photos yet since I was still living in an apartment.”
I knew that there wasn’t a lot of family photos here, to begin with. Mom preferred art to real life, it seemed. “If you had, would it change anything?” I asked as I slowly looked at him. I saw the way his eyes darkened and felt the heat in the room as I cursed myself.
“I…I wanted to contact you after that night, Larisa. I know we left it with no way to do so, but I enjoyed myself. A lot,” Brett told me as I frowned at him. “It was more than just a one-night thing to me, despite meeting in a bar. I think that if I knew that she was your mom, I might not have rushed into this. I don’t know.” He seemed confused and leaned against the counter.
“It doesn’t matter now, right? That was a long time ago, and you’re here now.” I waved my hand around and shrugged. “We just have to find a way to move past that.”
“Do you ever think about it?” Brett asked as I looked at him. “I could tell that night that you’re not the kind of girl to just sleep around, though I sensed that you were hurting inside.”
“God, it was a one-night stand. Aren’t those
supposed to be epic?” I had asked before my face flushed pink. “Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.” I started to leave the room as I heard him chuckle.
“I got my answer. Dinner is at six, Larisa. I’ll see you then.” God, he had a sexy voice, and I snatched my bags from the living room and hurried upstairs to my room.
I was in hell, the worst kind of hell. I was still suffering from the loss of my best friend, and now I had to sleep here tonight with someone else that I slept with. “Drinking is bad. Drinking is atrocious,” I murmured to myself as I entered my room and put everything on my bed. It looked the same as when I left for college, with all of the same knick-knacks and pictures in the cork board near my door.
I looked at pictures of Brenna, my best friend from high school as I took a deep breath. If she were here, I’d discuss this with her, and we might laugh about it; but she’d been killed in an accident driving home from school in our senior year. That was a lot of why I shut down, and Cole was the only person that managed to break down my walls since then. I sighed and unpacked my stuff to put it in my closet and drawers, letting some music play from my phone. I rested against my many pillows and pulled out my Kindle to try and read a book, but the past kept flashing through my mind as I watched the screen blur through my tears.
I woke up when there was a tap at my door and blinked in the dim room. My room. “Yeah?” I croaked as I pushed my hair back and blinked a few times.
“Dinner’s ready,” Brett called through the door as I licked my lips. I was starving, and I decided that I needed to move past what happened with him as well as Cole.
“I’ll be right down,” I said as I stood and walked into the attached bathroom. I looked a mess, and I splashed some cold water on my face and shoved my hair into a messy bun. The fact was that Brett had seen me drunk and naked and nothing would probably surprise him at this point. I pulled on a flannel over my tank top and wandered down the stairs to the kitchen, where Brett had set up the small table by the window overlooking the lavish backyard.
“There you are. I didn’t know if you wanted a drink, given the last time that I saw you.” His face turned up in a smirk as I stared at him and felt my cheeks heat up.
“Do you mean the first time or dinner a few weeks back?” I asked in a sarcastic tone as I walked to the fridge and opened it.
“You were drinking both times, weren’t you?” He asked as I pulled out some wine and went to grab a big glass.
“You know I was,” I replied as I poured a generous amount and walked over to the table. He brought over something in a glass and joined me as I looked over the spread. “This looks good.”
“I hope so. It’s my mom’s recipe,” Brett told me as I looked at him in surprise. He didn’t seem like a mama’s boy to me. He sliced a few thin slices of the meat and loaded it onto my plate before I helped myself to the vegetables and picked up my fork. I tasted a potato and tried to determine what the spices were as I frowned. I took a bit of the meat and ate the same thing and chewed carefully as he looked at me in amusement. “Like it?”
“It’s unique. Delicious. What am I tasting?” I asked him as our eyes locked across the table for a long moment before he sipped his drink.
“It’s a family secret,” Brett teased me as I raised an eyebrow and picked up a carrot with my fork. I had a memory of his face between my legs, tasting me with his tongue deep inside of me as I gripped his hair and stammered his name, making me blink as the silverware clattered on the table. My hands were shaking, and I grabbed the wine and drank a large sip. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.” Brett observed as I pressed my lips together.
A tear slid down my cheek as I sniffled and he leaned forward. “I…seeing you brought back memories of that night, something that started as a way to forget about my asshole ex and turned into everything I didn’t think it would be. I’d let it go until dinner that night and the way that I dealt with it was sleeping with my best friend at my apartment that night.”
“You’re bi?” Brett asked with a dark look in his eyes as I laughed and shook my head.
“Guy best friend,” I corrected as he nodded. “It was pretty good, and I knew that I fucked up the following morning. I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have.”
“So why not see him as more than a friend?” Brett asked as I looked at him.
“I was just confused that night. I was a hot mess,” I confessed as I took another drink of wine and wiped at my tears. “I still am, I suppose.”
Brett stepped up and walked over as he offered me his hand. I stared at him as I took it and felt him pull me into his arms. I sensed a sweet concern in this gesture, but there was an underlying heat that was hard to deny for me as I let out my breath and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re not a mess, you’re beautiful.” His voice was low in my ear, and I shivered as his hand moved down my back. “This is so fucking wrong, Larisa but I can’t help but to want you.”
I slid my hands into his hair and closed my eyes as I pulled. Brett groaned, and I moved away just enough to finish the wine before I looked at him. “I’m already in hell so why the fuck not?” I hated myself as I kissed Brett, my stepfather. I felt like the worst daughter but I was suffering inside, and I wanted it to stop. My need for Cole blended with the memories that I had of Brett as he pulled against him and returned the kiss. His tongue met mine as he lifted me onto the table and gripped my ass.
Everything about the night came back to mind as I wrapped my legs around him and tilted my head to deepen things. Brett pressed against the seam of my jeans, and I remembered how well he filled me as I rocked against him. “Oh, God. Why did you have to be hers?” Brett mumbled against my lips before he kissed me again and moved against me as I felt shame filling my body.
I pushed away thoughts of my mom and pulled myself up as Brett stumbled for a moment. He dropped me back on the table and pulled away as he took a ragged breath. “What the fuck? I didn’t plan this,” he stared at me with his intense eyes before he downed his drink in one gulp. “I knew there was a connection with you that night, but we left things in that hotel room. But you’re here again and I…” Brett walked into the kitchen and poured more whiskey as the phone on the counter rang. He walked over and stared at it. “It’s your mom.”
We both stood in silence as the phone continued to ring and then went silent. “I can’t right now with her. I just can’t.”
“She said that you’re not close. She stated that there was a rift after your dad died and she didn’t know how to reach you anymore,” Brett told me as he stared at me. “She didn’t tell me who you were.”
I knew that Cole was out of my life now and that I couldn’t go back. Somehow, the men reminded me of each other, and I blinked as he drank a large swallow of his drink. Could Brett fill the void, as sick as the idea was? “We’re not close, and we never were. I was always a daddy’s girl and when he was gone…I felt like I lost everything.” I looked at him as more tears shimmered in his eyes, caught somewhere between lust and pain. “I didn’t even have a sibling to talk to and the one that was closest to that left me years later.”
“Jesus, Larisa. I didn’t know,” Brett said as he stepped forward and cupped my face before he kissed me gently. I melted against him, drunk more on emotions than the wine as he pulled me against him. I knew that I wasn’t going to stop this from happening and we ended up in my room, tearing our clothes off as Brett worshiped my body all over again as I cried through it, hating myself but loving his hands and mouth as he brought me close to the edge over and over. I was begging him by the time he slipped a condom on and moved slowly inside of me.
This wasn’t the heated one-night stand that we shared before. This was Brett comforting me the way he knew I needed him to and I pulled him closer to me as he thrust harder inside of me and brought me to an explosive emotional release as I cried out his name. Brett moved slowly through the waves as he sucked on the skin of my neck and then jerked as he came at the very end of my
orgasm. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as he rested against me and kissed my shoulder. “That’s twice now,” he said as I stared at the ceiling.
“Yeah,” I said as I stroked his hair. I wanted to feel terrible, but I felt amazing inside as we rested together. His skin was damp and warm as I felt his lips brush against mine.
We got up and went down to heat up the food, eating silently at the table with thick robes covering our skin. I felt like he knew me well now, having had me twice and I wondered where this was going to go now. I drank the wine in large gulps, and he had a few more drinks as I got to know him more.
I learned that Brett was a partner in a graphic design company here in New Mexico, one of the most successful in the country. He told me that the night that we met but I was drunk and couldn’t remember. Once we kissed, I only wanted one thing from Brett, and I listened closer tonight. I wanted to know him, for the time we had and the future, no matter what happened between us.
I talked to my mom, keeping it brief as she told me that she’d be back in two days. Two days alone with Brett here…I didn’t know how to feel about that. I finished my dinner and helped him wash dishes before we went out to the back patio and stripped our robes off to soak in the hot tub. It felt so good to let the hot water soothe my bare skin as I giggled from the effects of the wine and the way that he was making me laugh.
I thought of Cole later that night as I drifted off to sleep with Brett by my side, drunk on need and wine. I wasn’t ready to face what I’d done, not yet. I was just trying to feel good inside.
The morning dawned bright and jolting as I looked beside me in the king sized bed and found Brett curled up beside me. I stared at him as I remembered the second time I’d been with him in this house, hot and rough compared to the first time. I got up and went into my bathroom as I stared in the mirror and caught the scattered markings on my neck.
“Oh my God,” I murmured as I took a deep breath. I pulled on the robe from the night before and went down to make coffee and think. I sat at the table from the night before, sipping my drink and breaking things down in my head. Brett was my mom’s husband, a vow that should be taken seriously. I just knew her and the way that she looked for men with money to take care of her. Marriage was a big step, but Brett was handsome, and I could see why she’d cling to him, but did he want that? They knew one another a few months at best when they married, and I was curious to know what came over him.