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by Maya Banks
When she was finished, she was exhausted and nauseated. Her family was furious, their rage evident in their eyes, their expressions and their words.
But they surrounded her with their love and unconditional support. Plans were made. OB visits were divided up so that one of her family would always be there with her. Her father immediately began planning an addition to Honor’s bedroom so the baby would have a nursery but always be close enough that Honor could hear the infant.
Honor’s hands slipped down over her belly to the slight bump there she’d assumed was a result of her gaining back badly needed weight after she had nearly starved herself. According to the doctor, she was right at four months along. How could she not have known until now?
Looking back, all the signs and symptoms were there. Overwhelming fatigue, nausea, tenderness in her breasts and being overly emotional. But after what she’d been through, how could she have thought it could be anything but the fallout from that?
In some strange way, she welcomed the thought of having Hancock’s child. A piece of him that would live on through her. The very best part of them both. And if it was a boy, she would raise his child to be the man Hancock wanted to be but thought he could never be. He would have Hancock’s drive to protect others, and he would have his mother’s strength and courage.
If it was a girl, she’d have the thread of steel that infused Hancock’s will and his determination for justice. And Honor would teach her to never undervalue herself. To follow her heart and her dreams and to never avoid the road less traveled.
She would cherish this child as the gift it was. Her only regret was that Hancock would never know his child and never know that he was capable of loving and protecting and that he would never hurt what belonged to him.
His child was his blood. Honor wasn’t. While he could sacrifice Honor for his mission, she knew that he’d never sacrifice his own flesh and blood.
CHAPTER 44
HONOR’S mother appeared on the back porch, a frown on her face. “There’s a man here to see you. He says it’s important.”
Honor glanced up, trepidation skittering up her spine. But no, she had no reason to fear. Her family was here. Nothing would happen to her.
“Show him back here,” Honor said in a low voice. “And please. Give us privacy until I know what it is he has to say.”
Her mother looked as though she’d argue, but resolve was centered in Honor’s eyes and so, tight-lipped, her mother nodded and disappeared, leaving Honor to wait and worry over her unexpected visitor.
A few moments later, the door opened and for a moment she refused to look up. Then she swallowed, refusing to be the coward she’d been for so long, and she lifted her gaze, shock hitting her like a bolt of lightning.
“Conrad?”
He nodded grimly.
“We will be just inside,” her mother said, more to Conrad than to Honor. It was a clear warning, one that brought a small smile to Conrad’s lips.
“I have no intention of hurting your daughter, Mrs. Cambridge,” Conrad said gently. “But I would like to speak to her privately.”
Cynthia nodded and reluctantly withdrew, though Honor knew the entire family would be gathered just inside the doorway, watching them the entire time.
“You look like hell,” he said bluntly as he took a seat across from the swing Honor occupied.
“I could say the same for you,” she said dryly.
“Touché,” he said wryly. “But you concern me, Honor. You don’t look well at all.”
She arched one eyebrow. “Why are you here, Conrad?”
“I came for many reasons,” he said. “I came to thank you for saving my life. I came to apologize for failing you. But the most important reason I came is to tell you that Hancock did not betray you, Honor.”
She stiffened, her gaze becoming hard and impenetrable. “I have no desire to talk about Hancock. If that’s all you’ve come to talk about, you can leave now.”
Conrad’s expression became as hard and as determined as hers. He leaned forward, his features savage.
“I will not leave until I say what I have to say. What you do with what I have to tell you is solely up to you, but I will tell you what really happened.”
Honor closed her eyes as grief consumed her all over again. In the weeks since she’d discovered she was pregnant with Hancock’s child, she’d worked so hard to put Hancock and his betrayal behind her. To look forward, not back. To concentrate on the tiny, innocent life inside her that she’d protect with her dying breath.
“Say what you have to say, then,” she said hoarsely. “Then get out.”
“You know he changed the plan. That we stayed up all night planning an alternative. And then he drugged you and he hated it. He loathed himself for what he knew he must do. For two reasons: One, Maksimov ordered you drugged and we were forced to carry out the charade. And two, if you were conscious, there was no way Maksimov would see what we needed him to see. You’re too honest, Honor. There is no way when Maksimov looked at you he would’ve seen the terrified, beaten down, and broken captive that he’d expected. He’d’ve seen the courageous, defiant woman who’d spit in his eye before ever allowing him to intimidate her.”
“Which he did,” Honor pointed out. “I’d call that a waste of a good night’s sleep.”
Conrad shook his head. “You don’t understand. He couldn’t tell you the plan. God, he wanted to. He hated the idea of deceiving you when you’d given him your trust. When he’d vowed not to betray your trust. But too much was riding on you not knowing. You had to have no knowledge or it could compromise the entire mission and it could get us all killed. And Hancock made it clear that you were the sole priority. That even if it meant letting Maksimov get away, you were to be protected at all costs.”
Honor sent him a puzzled look because she didn’t understand any of it.
“We planned an ambush. The original plan, you see, was to turn you over to Maksimov as a way of gaining access to him. To finally be part of his inner circle after years of working through middlemen like Bristow. He would turn you over to ANE while we worked to systematically dismantle his entire operation from the inside. Every player, every source of crime. We wanted his entire network destroyed, and then we were going to take him out. And that was going to take time. A lot of time. You would have been dead by ANE’s hands before we completed our destruction of Maksimov’s entire organization.
“But Hancock decided against that. Bristow set up the exchange and Maksimov dictated the terms, but we planned an ambush. We were only going to get close enough to take Maksimov out and then get you the hell out of there no matter what it took. He didn’t care that the connections would still be there, that someone else would simply pick up the reins of Maksimov’s empire. He only wanted him taken out and you safe and then he was going to walk away. With you. And let someone else take on the task of taking down Maksimov’s vast empire.”
“Then how . . . ?”
Her brow furrowed, not understanding any of it. She’d awakened in a cage, Maksimov taunting her. He’d tortured her for days. And then she’d awakened on a plane with Hancock, who was taking her to ANE.
“Maksimov obviously had more than one mole planted in Bristow’s organization. We took out the one we were able to ferret out. And he would have reported Hancock losing his shit and killing Bristow when he tried to rape you. So he ambushed us instead of the other way around. We lost Mojo,” Conrad said painfully. “Viper and Cope were both badly injured and Hancock was shot twice. He nearly died and even then, Maksimov had to pry you from his grasp. Hancock called in every favor ever owed to him from an organization where much bad blood exists. We aren’t direct enemies, but neither are we allies. Hancock didn’t care. He had no pride when it came to you. He begged them to help him find and save you. He tortured himself endlessly, knowing you were in Maksimov’s hands, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He blamed himself. He believes he betrayed you. That he failed you
. Every single thing you believe of him, he believes it too. But he didn’t betray you, Honor. The mission was FUBAR. We lost much and yet he wouldn’t stand down when he desperately needed to be in a damn hospital.”
Honor shook her head in bewilderment. “I don’t understand.” It seemed it was all she was capable of saying. It was too much to take in, to have what she’d believed and grieved over for months change in seconds.
“He loves you, Honor,” Conrad said gently. “Hancock hasn’t ever loved anyone in his life except his foster family. He’s never been loved by anyone except his foster family. He’s never felt he deserved to be loved. He believes himself to be a monster. He believes himself to be worse than Maksimov. He’s dying with every passing day. He’s grieving, tormenting himself, loving you and yet knowing he’s not worthy of you, that he doesn’t deserve you. He let you down. He betrayed you. He allowed Maksimov to hurt you and he will never forgive himself for that.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” she whispered.
“Because I believe you’re hurting just as much as he is. I believe you love him as much as he loves you. I believe you’re both dying and that you’ve given up. And I know you’re the only one who can save him. I couldn’t allow you to believe what he wouldn’t even defend himself against, because he believes it all. That he betrayed you. Let you down. Hurt you. Manipulated you. Lied to you. But Honor, you didn’t see him when he told us the mission had changed. You didn’t see the determination in his eyes when he told us that you were the sole priority, that your safety took precedence above all else. He didn’t give one fuck about the mission or whether he was successful in taking Maksimov down. He tried to do the honorable thing and spare you but still take out a serious threat to thousands of innocent lives. And he lost everything as a result.”
Tears spilled down Honor’s cheeks and she hugged herself, rocking back and forth in the swing.
“Why didn’t he explain? On the plane. After he’d freed me from Maksimov. Why did he let me believe he was delivering me to ANE? Why didn’t he at least try?”
“Because you believed it. You weren’t there, Honor. You were a million miles away and you wouldn’t have heard a word he had to say. And it’s hard to defend or explain when you feel that you are guilty of every single sin you accused him of. He didn’t defend himself because he knew he was guilty of the crimes committed against you. And he loves you as much as he hates himself.”
“Where is he?” she demanded.
Conrad closed his eyes. “I don’t know. He disappeared after Maksimov and ANE were taken down. Titan is no more. We all walked away. We’re done. He’s a lone wolf, Honor. He’s gone off somewhere to die a slow, painful death because he can’t live with what he did to you. But I know this much. He loves you with every breath in his body. I’ve worked with him, followed him, been loyal to him for over a decade. And before you, every single characteristic attributed to him was true. He was more machine than man. No emotion. He had his own code and he lived by it. The greater good. And sometimes that means sacrificing innocents. He hated it, but knew it was a necessary evil.
“But you changed everything. You changed him. Suddenly he wanted to be the man you saw when you looked at him. He wanted to be better. For you. You showed him how to love. How to feel. How to be human. And he’ll never love again. He’ll love you forever just as he’ll hate himself for eternity for what he did to you.”
“Then how can I find him?” she asked in frustration. “Damn it, Conrad, you can’t come here and tell me all this and then walk away without giving me something. I won’t let him do this to himself. I won’t. I love him. Do you have any idea how much it hurt when I believed that he’d used me, that he’d betrayed me and allowed Maksimov to torture me?”
Conrad’s eyes were haunted. “I failed you too, Honor. Not just Hancock. We all failed you.”
“Bullshit,” she said angrily.
Sorrow swamped her eyes. “I’m so sorry about Mojo. He was a good man. He didn’t deserve to die because of me. Because Hancock changed the mission. Are Viper and Cope okay now?” she asked anxiously.
Conrad smiled gently, reaching for her hand to give it a light squeeze. “Always worried for others. You are a remarkable woman, Honor. My life is better for having known you. And if you can save Hancock, you will have my eternal gratitude. Yes, Mojo was a good man, but he died peacefully. He was given redemption, something none of us ever dreamed we would be given. And Viper and Cope are fine. I don’t know where Hancock is, I swear it. But I can point you in the direction of people who might know or at the very least can help you find him.”
She leaned forward eagerly. “Tell me.”
“I’ll bring you there myself,” he said. “I won’t send you off without protection. And it’s not far at all. Dover, Tennessee, just a few miles south of the Kentucky border. How soon can you be ready?”
She was already rising from the swing. “Give me five minutes.”
Conrad smiled to himself as he watched her stalk away, her eyes fierce with purpose. The dull, lifeless look that clung to her like a second skin had evaporated and she looked like the Honor he’d first met. Full of fight and fire. Courage and bravery.
If anyone was going to save Hancock, it was going to be her. He almost pitied the man. Almost. Because he was never going to know what hit him when Honor Cambridge ran him to ground.
CHAPTER 45
HONOR’S family made it clear that she was going nowhere with a man they didn’t know, and she damn sure wasn’t going alone with Conrad. Brad insisted on accompanying her, and Conrad and she were equally insistent she was going alone.
An argument broke out, and every single member of Honor’s family refused to allow her to leave without them.
“This is something I have to do,” Honor said quietly.
“I realize you don’t know me and have no reason to trust me,” Conrad said in a calm voice. “But I will protect Honor with my life. You have my word. And where we’re going, there is no danger to her. She will have an entire army of men surrounding her at all times. This is important to your daughter. She needs to heal, and that is exactly what I mean to make happen. If you love her, and I know you do, and if you trust her, which I know you do, then let her do this. She needs this if she’s ever going to come back whole.”
“I don’t have much time,” Honor said impatiently. “Trust in me to know what I’m doing. I’ll keep in touch. Conrad will keep you informed. But I have to do this if I’m going to survive.”
There were shocked and worried expressions on every one of her family’s faces, but also resignation, much as there had been when she’d been so determined to go to the Middle East to help those in such desperate need.
They all gathered around her, hugging her, tears shed as they kissed her and told her they loved her. And then Brad leveled a hard stare at Conrad.
“I know your kind. I know the things you do in the name of justice. I’m not judging you. But you protect my sister. You keep her safe and if things go bad, you get her out. I don’t care what she wants or says. You get her back home where she belongs.”
Conrad came to attention, a signal of respect for the lawman.
“I’d give my life for her,” he said truthfully. “She saved my life, and I repay my debts. I swear to you that she will be safe with me.”
Honor gave each of her family one last hug, and then she urged Conrad out of the house so they could be on their way.
“How far is it? Are we driving or flying?”
“We’ll fly. KGI has a private landing strip in their compound and it’s secure. It’s not only the fastest way, but also the safest.”
Relief staggered her. Now that she knew, every minute was agony. Every moment apart from Hancock seemed an eternity.
• • •
HONOR swallowed nervously as one of the men who’d met them at the landing strip and driven them to the “war room” punched in the access code and the doors slid open with speed that
made her blink.
She’d purposely worn baggy, oversized clothing because at approaching five months pregnant, her pooch had developed into a tight ball. But all the weight loss and starving she’d done was in reality making her pregnancy look like her regaining her normal weight and size.
Besides, she wanted Hancock to want her. She wanted him to love her independent of anything else. And she knew, regardless of whether he loved her or not, whether he wanted her or not, he’d never turn her away if she was pregnant with his child.
It wasn’t in her nature to deceive, but she refused to manipulate him or force him to make a decision he wouldn’t have ordinarily made by revealing she was pregnant until she knew the outcome of her come-to-Jesus meeting with Hancock.
As soon as she was herded into the main area, she could see that apparently everyone who worked for KGI had turned up for the occasion. It only took one person to tell her how to find Hancock. Not a room packed full of kick-ass operatives.
Anger suddenly gripped her. She was tired of being endlessly intimidated by soldiers, mercenaries, terrorists, assholes, whatever. If they thought to intimidate her they could all kiss her ass.
She narrowed her eyes and stepped from behind Conrad’s protective position.
“Look, is it that all twenty or so of you all know where Hancock is, or are you just fucking with me and trying to intimidate me? Because if this is all you’ve got, bring it on.”
She was greeted by broad smiles, some outright laughter, and she could swear she heard a female voice saying, “You go, girl.”
One of the men stepped forward with a smile. He had muddy blond hair and the clearest blue eyes she’d ever seen. He extended his hand and she had no choice but to reluctantly take it.
“Miss Cambridge, it’s an honor to see you again. I’m Sam Kelly.”
She looked at him, faintly puzzled, but then realized he would have been on the mission to rescue her from Maksimov. Which meant that she was facing an entire room of people who’d seen the way she was when they’d gotten her out.