It didn’t take us long to get to the location the organizers had picked for the race. Having grown up here, I knew the “course” inside and out. That gave me an advantage. Felicia too. Izzy, Hookup, Felicia, me…San Diego had been our stomping grounds, where we’d thought we were indestructible. And inseparable. Life was proving us wrong.
Hookup pulled up to the sidewalk sideways, and I tucked my bike next to his car. Felicia squeezed in the space right beside me. Keeping true to my commitment to keep my identity a secret, I left my helmet on. Felicia did the same this time. At least she was being smarter about her stupid decision to street race. I should really talk her out of it. Rekindling her friendship with Hookup wasn’t worth risking her career. Of course, I knew Hookup wasn’t the entire reason she was night racing. I wasn’t a complete idiot.
I could feel Felicia staring at me, could sense that she wanted to restart our earlier conversation. I kept my back to her as much as possible. It didn’t stop the heat I felt boring into me, but it did make it easier to ignore her.
The crowd up and down the street grew larger with every passing second, and an almost palpable energy vibrated in the air. The thrill of competition began to tingle up my spine, and a wave of missing Kenzie nearly knocked me over. She should be here beside me, cheering me on, encouraging me to help her make her dreams come true. But she wouldn’t approve of any of this, so she wasn’t here. And it killed me.
As I’d had to do several times recently, I forced thoughts of Kenzie to the back of my mind, and focused on the job at hand.
Hookup was waving Felicia and me over almost frantically. When we stepped up to him, he immediately started explaining the route. He’d explained it three times at his house already, so I tuned him out and shifted my attention to the competition. Three of the racers I could see were regulars to the circuit. So far, I hadn’t lost to any of them, but assuming a win only assured a failure.
I started replaying past races with them in my head, and realized every single one of them had ended with a fluke accident that contributed to my victory. Shit. That meant they had all been close races, and Hookup had tipped the scales in my favor by messing with the other riders. That wouldn’t be happening this time; I was on my own. But I was ready. I could do this.
Felicia was up first, so Hookup was sending her over to Grunts to have her helmet cam put on. Hookup shifted his attention to me once she was gone. He was smirking—never a good sign. “I totally saw that, by the way,” he said.
“Saw what?” I said with a sigh.
“You and Felicia…getting snuggly on the couch.” He wriggled his eyebrows, making a not-so-subtle innuendo.
It was pointless engaging him, but I couldn’t help myself. “You saw nothing, because nothing happened.” My phone vibrated from inside my jacket pocket, but I ignored it.
“Nothing,” Hookup murmured. “Right. Just like Tammi and me were doing nothing for forty-five minutes in the garage earlier.” He made a crude gesture with his tongue and his cheek, just in case I wasn’t aware of what he was talking about.
My phone buzzed in my pocket again, but I ignored it again. There was an opportunity here to broach the waters with Hookup. “Hey, Hookup…you understand this is a temporary arrangement with me, right?”
His good humor instantly vanished. “What do you mean? You bailing on me?”
I instantly held up my hands. “No, but I can’t do this forever. When I get enough money to help Kenzie…and the stars align and a crazy old man changes his mind about me…I’m out. I’m retiring. For good…no more comebacks.”
Anger scrunched his face. “What the hell, Hayden? I’ve done everything you asked. Gave you most of the fucking cut, and kept my hands off the other riders. It’s working. Why the fuck are you bailing?”
“Because this isn’t my future, Hookup. Skulking in the dark, lying to everyone, hiding…being worried all the time. This isn’t what I want for the rest of my life. Is it really what you want?”
A strange look passed across his face, a contemplative look, like he was actually considering his future for the first time, and he didn’t seem too comfortable with the self-inspection. “Whatever, Hayden. You’re just chickening out on me, like you always do. I can’t say I’m surprised.”
And I wasn’t surprised that the conversation hadn’t gone well. Hookup didn’t like letting go once he had a good thing going. He’d targeted Kenzie last year in large part because she’d walked away. I really didn’t want to justify my life to him anymore than I already had, and luckily, my phone buzzing for a third time gave me the perfect opportunity to move away from him.
Grabbing the phone, I slightly turned away from Hookup as I glanced at the screen. Seeing Izzy’s name in bold letters made my blood turn ice cold. She never called me this late at night unless something was wrong. What could be wrong?
Ripping off my helmet, I hurried to answer the phone before voicemail kicked in. “Iz? What is it? What’s wrong?”
Izzy’s voice on the other end of line was so frantic, it made my heart pound in my chest. “Hayden…” Her voice hitched as a small sob escaped her. “It’s Antonia. Something’s wrong, something’s really wrong…she’s in so much pain…”
My grip tightened on the phone, and I began almost manically looking around myself, like somehow, I could spot Antonia in the crowd if I searched hard enough. “Are you at home? Where are you?”
“Children’s Hospital,” she choked out. “I just brought her in.”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can, Iz. It’s gonna be okay.” I didn’t know if that was true, but I had to believe it was.
Disconnecting the phone, I shoved it back into my pocket. Turning around, I waved my hands over my head to get Felicia’s attention. She noticed me immediately and popped her visor up. Her eyes were concerned, and I momentarily wondered what I looked like right now. If it was anything like how I felt, I probably looked wrecked.
Shooing Grunts off her, Felicia started heading my way. I turned back around to get Hookup’s attention. He was starting to promote his racers, spouting untrue facts to the crowd like they were gospel. Stepping close, I tugged on his arm. “We have to go.”
With a frown on his face, he yanked his arm free. “You have to go. Race. I have to stay here and make you seem even better than you are. That’s how this works, Hayes. You know that.”
Shaking my head, I patted the pocket holding my cell phone. “Izzy just called. Antonia’s in the hospital.”
Hookup’s eyes widened for a second, but then he shrugged. “Kid’s always in the hospital.”
I wanted to throttle him, but I managed to control myself. “It’s different this time, I can tell. Izzy’s freaking out.”
He still seemed unaffected. “She’s always freaking out. Kid could have a cold and she’d start crying.”
This time I did grab him. Just by the shoulders though. “There is something wrong with your niece. Your namesake! Get your ass in the car, and get to the fucking hospital. Now!”
Hookup seemed shocked by my outburst. Then his phone rang. I let him go and he reached down to unclip it from his belt. I knew who it was even before he answered it. “Iz? What’s up?”
I couldn’t hear Izzy’s end of the line, but I knew what she was saying. “Ya, ya, okay…calm down. I’ll be there soon.” Frowning, he hung up and stared me down. Then he said over my shoulder, “Pack it up, Grunts. We’re leaving.”
The big man snorted some response, and Hookup’s gaze shifted to him. “Don’t argue with me, just pack it up.” Grumbling, he closed his bet book. That was when Felicia’s phone started ringing. Fuck…if Izzy was calling all of us in, it had to be bad. Really bad. Please let her be okay. God, just…let her be okay.
***
CHAPTER 16
~Hayden~
All of us sped to the hospital. We were in the city anyway, so it didn’t take us long to get there. Iz was pacing the room, waiting for us. Her cheeks were wet, her eyes were red; she looked wor
n to the bone.
When she saw me, she ran my way and practically tackled me in a voracious hug. Knowing she needed to release some anxiety before she could tell us what was going on, I rubbed her back and murmured soothing words in her ears. All meaningless crap, since I had no idea what was going on.
After she calmed down, she pulled back to look at me. “How did you get here so fast?” she asked, sniffling. Then she finally noticed I wasn’t alone. Her eyes bulged as she took in her brother, Felicia, and Grunts hovering behind me. “All of you…together…”
Her gaze snapped to mine, and fire sparked in her eyes. “Goddamn it, Hayden. Are you racing again?”
While I preferred seeing heat over devastation, I had questions of my own. Squatting down, I looked her in the eye. “Iz, what’s going on? What’s wrong with Antonia?”
That brought her back to the problem at hand, and her eyes started watering again. “She’s in surgery… They said it was her appendix… She tried to warn me, but I just didn’t think it was serious. I waited to bring her in. I waited too long…”
“Hey,” I said, rubbing her arms. “It’s okay. You couldn’t have known what was going on with her. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She weakly nodded her head, but I could tell she still blamed herself. “How long will she be in surgery?”
“I don’t know,” she mumbled. “I just don’t know…” She started crying again, and I held her tight.
A knot cinched my throat closed, and I turned to look at Felicia. She had a strange expression on her face, like she wanted to run and never stop running, but also like she was determined to stay no matter what. I wasn’t sure what she’d end up doing; she’d fled for four years the last time something scary had happened with Antonia. That had been much worse than this though. This was just an appendix.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. They take out appendixes all the time. It’s routine. It’s totally routine.”
That calmed her down again. I released her, and she headed over to Felicia. The pair shared a long hug before Izzy let her go to acknowledge Grunts, and then Hookup. She got teary again when she hugged her brother. “I can’t believe you came, Tony. Thank you.”
He rolled his eyes as he gave her a one-armed squeeze. “Well, of course I’m here. You were all crying and shit.”
While I found his comment annoying, Izzy laughed and playfully socked him in the stomach. She always forgave him, no matter what he said.
We picked a spot to sit in the waiting room. God, I hated waiting rooms. There was always tension in the air; people waiting to be seen, or people waiting for good news. And since this was a children’s hospital, it was even worse. Everywhere I turned I saw parents who were either concerned, or flat-out scared. It almost made me never want to have children—I didn’t think I could handle that level of fear. Too late though. Antonia was mine, by choice if not blood.
My thoughts spun as I waited for the doctor to give us a report. I bounced my knees incessantly as I sat there, until Felicia put a comforting hand on my thigh. I froze, both because she was touching me, and because it helped ease the anxiety. She looked over at me, and I saw compassion in her eyes. She knew, she understood. Her hand turned over and opened, fingers spread in invitation. I knew I should decline the offer of support, but goddamn it, I needed it.
I clasped my hand with hers, and instantly wished I hadn’t. Not because I hated it, not because it felt wrong…but because it felt so right. And that terrified me almost as much as not knowing what was going on with Antonia.
Memories swirled within me, threatening to drown me. Meeting Felicia for the first time. We’d both thought we knew everything, but we hadn’t had a fucking clue. We’d faced every obstacle together though. Fought every bully side by side, helped each other deal with every failed foster placement, cheered each other on as we’d conquered racing the streets, swapped between friends and lovers so seamlessly, it had seemed normal that the two things were one and the same. She had been my world back then. And then she’d fucking left.
I tossed her hand aside, just as the emergency room doors slid open…and Kenzie walked in.
Her eyes were wide and frantic as she looked around for someone with information. She spotted me, and relief visibly filled her. Then she noticed who I was with, and her expression shattered, hardened. Shit. Leaping to my feet, I walked over to her.
Her wavy hair was secured in a haphazard ponytail; some of the pieces were still loose and free, like she’d missed them in her rush to get ready. Unlike us, Kenzie had probably been fast asleep when Izzy had called her. Damn it. It hadn’t occurred to me that Izzy would call Kenzie too. But she was family now to Iz…and to me…it was only right that she was here.
“Babe,” I said, wrapping my arms around her. The refreshing smell of lavender hit my nose as I squeezed her tight. Sometimes she put it on her pillow when she couldn’t sleep. Was that because of me? God, I hoped not.
She was rigid in my arms, barely holding me back. “I thought you were in L.A. How did you beat me here?” she asked.
Relaxing my grip, I pulled back to look at her. Right. I’d told her I was at a party with Keith in L.A. Thanks to the “parties” we went to during ARRC events, she knew they typically went late. Really, really late. What could I say to her that would possibly explain how I’d magically appeared here before her? What could I tell her, except the truth?
“I…I um…well…” Words wouldn’t form, and by the way Kenzie’s brow was furrowing deeper and deeper, I knew I was digging my own grave with every stuttered syllable.
“Kenzie, thank God you’re here. I’m freaking out!” Izzy engulfed Kenzie in a storm of hair and arms, and she was ripped from my grasp. I staggered back, then froze in place, trapped by the heat in Kenzie’s glare. Fuck.
Kenzie forcibly pulled her attention from me so she could comfort her distraught friend. Izzy filled her in on the details while Kenzie discretely glanced around the room. Her eyes shifted from Felicia, to Hookup, to me, then back to Hookup. She had to be wondering why we were all calmly sitting around together. Last she knew, we all hated Hookup. Well, I did, at any rate. Did she believe that the power of mutual concern had momentarily rebuilt a burnt bridge? Or was she putting two and two together? Just how I’d gotten here so fast. How we’d all gotten here so fast…
And that was when Hookup decided to make my life living hell.
Stepping up to me, he loudly said, “Hey, Hayden…I don’t want to seem cold here, but Antonia’s gonna be fine. You said yourself, this shit’s routine…so how about…” He leaned in and lowered his voice, but it still seemed like he was yelling. “Look, if we leave now, we can make the last heat. You can still win this thing, and I won’t be out all my cash.”
“Are you serious?” I hissed. Now was not the time or the place. Kenzie was close to us, but she seemed absorbed in what Izzy was saying. And what Izzy was saying was what we should all be thinking about. Tonight was about Antonia, not racing.
Hookup didn’t look one bit abashed by his suggestion. “Yeah, I mean, we know where Antonia is, we know what’s wrong with her now. It’s cool, the docs will handle it, so let’s go win some money!”
I was just about to tell him that none of this was cool, when Kenzie broke free from her conversation with Izzy. Stepping forward, eyes intense, she said, “Money? Does he mean race money? Are you…are you racing for him again?”
Her mouth popped open, and I could tell that, just like that, all the pieces had fallen into place for her with the force of an avalanche. “Oh my God, of course you’re racing for him again. I’m such an idiot. There were never any parties. It was always about racing. You…and Hookup…and her…” Kenzie’s gaze shifted to take in Felicia. Fire blazed in her eyes. When her gaze snapped back to mine, I could feel the heat on my face. “All this time you’ve been… You son of a bitch!”
Shit. It was over, I could feel it. Nothing was going to work now, no argument was going to be listened to, no reason would be seen. But I had
to at least try to save this. “Kenzie, I can—”
She jabbed her finger into my chest while angry tears moistened her eyes. “Don’t you dare try to explain this away. You said you would tell me the truth. Always.”
I could feel a black hole opening in my chest where she was touching me, obliterating everything that was good about us. Fuck, I didn’t want to lose her. “I did…and I planned to… I said I’d tell you the truth, Kenzie, and I meant it. I just…never said when I’d tell you.” My argument made me want to sock myself in the nuts. Really?
Kenzie’s expression turned ice cold. “That is fucked up, Hayden.”
I know. “I’m sorry, I just…I didn’t have a choice. You needed to race again. I was trying to get money to help you race. You belong on a bike.” Hope surged through me at finally getting that off my chest. Surely she would calm down, once she understood my motivation.
But no, she didn’t. She just turned even frostier. “Oh, so you lied for me? Is that your argument?”
“I…” I could feel her slipping through my fingers. I had no words to save us. It wasn’t supposed to go down like this.
Kenzie lifted her chin, that smoldering defiance that had drawn me to her in the first place was back, full force. God, she was beautiful. “I never asked you to be my hero,” she coldly stated. “All I asked from you was to be honest…and you couldn’t deliver.”
“Kenzie…” I murmured, reaching out for her. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me too.
She pulled away from me, and I knew right then, there was no going back. We were forever changed, altered by my repeated lies. Our relationship vanished in a puff of smoke…and it was all my fault. That black hole in my chest gnawed its way throughout my entire body, leaving only a void-filled shell in its place.