by Lisa De Jong
I did it.
He’d backed down, and I’d done it almost unscathed, all except for the throb in my wrist. I cradled it against my chest as I massaged it, fingering the band of red, swollen skin. It was definitely going to bruise.
Once my breathing returned to normal and my body began to relax, I realized I was exhausted—and starving. It seemed days since Daniel had come. So much had happened since then, so much had changed. I just wanted to eat and then curl up in bed so I could relive today.
I tore open the intact foil packet. Steam rose as I dumped its contents onto a plate. I added a healthy portion of salad, skipping the rice that sat overdone and dry on the stovetop. By second nature, I began to pack up the other serving but stopped myself. That wasn’t my job anymore. The bastard could fend for himself. I took my plate and left the kitchen, leaving the rest of the food on the counter. I just hoped he would get the message I was sending him.
****
I yawned as I lay my head against the pillow. My stomach was full and satisfied, my body pleasantly tired and seeking respite. I curled onto my side, burying my face in the sheets, breathing in Daniel’s scent mixed with mine. My muscles twitched as I relaxed and slowly drifted to sleep. Daniel’s face was the only thing I saw from behind closed eyes. I murmured, “Good night, Daniel. I love you,” into the darkness, certain now that he always sensed my distant thoughts and words.
My eyes darted open from my half-conscious state, jarred by the sudden buzzing coming from somewhere deep within the bed.
I had a text.
Frantically, I shuffled through the twisted sheets, searching for the offending object. I hadn’t called Katie today, so she was probably worried, and Katie worried translated to Katie being just a little bit pissed. The red, blinking light served as my guide, and I reached deep into the covers to grab the missing phone. I pressed the roller ball to retrieve the message.
Not Katie.
My stomach did a flip-flop and suddenly I felt like a teenage girl again, butterflies making an appearance for the first time in nine years. The sender was unknown and the message simply asked if I was there, but I knew it was Daniel.
He told me he missed me and loved me, that he couldn’t wait to see me again, and then he bid me goodnight. Knowing that tomorrow we didn’t have to wake to feel the same emptiness and hopelessness we’d felt for nine years, I knew it would be a very good night.
****
I was soaring.
I had awoken rested, refreshed, feeling loved and wanted. There had been a text patiently waiting for me when I woke, one sent hours before that wished me a good morning.
Yes it was.
I replied, telling him I couldn’t wait to see him again. I had no idea when that would be, but I knew we wouldn’t be able to stay apart for long. Carefully, I erased all of our messages, feeling a little guilty about doing so. Every single one of his words was precious to me, but I knew I was going to have to be cautious if I was going to pull off this ruse. My phone immediately vibrated and I grinned, expecting his reply. Instead, a snarky message from Katie illuminated the screen, demanding to know what was going on.
Crap.
That’s where Daniel had gotten my number.
I’d had every intention of calling her this morning, but she beat me to it. Instead of explaining myself on the phone, I asked her to meet me for lunch. Three hours later, I arrived at our favorite deli.
As I walked through the door, I found Katie already seated. Her eyes flooded with relief when she caught sight of me. It lasted only moments before a whole lot of curiosity washed it away. Apparently, Nicholas was not the only one who’d noticed the difference. I smiled as I crossed the white and black-checkered floor and slid into the red vinyl booth opposite her.
“Look at you.” She shook her head in disbelief, reaching both hands across the table to take one of mine. Then she muttered, “Unbelievable,” under her breath, making me uncertain whether she’d intended for me to hear it or not.
Our regular waitress greeted us, and we ordered our usual chicken salad and iced tea. The moment she walked away, Katie assaulted me with questions.
“What the hell happened? I’ve been freaking out all night! Did Daniel call you? I mean, obviously, look at you.” She waved her hand at me, exasperated, before continuing. “He called Shane and asked for your number and then asked to have a meeting with him.” She was nearly panting by the time she finished. To the casual onlooker, it would have appeared that she was upset with me, but I knew she was just dying to know what was going on. She did not like being kept in the dark.
“I was busy yesterday,” I spoke softly and slowly, communicating to her more by tone than with actual words. I watched as comprehension flickered in her features.
“So, he didn’t...just...call.”
I looked down and shook my head, redness working its way up my neck and onto my cheeks.
“Tell me everything.”
As I told her of what happened the day before, I was unable to keep myself from crying, once again, when I went into detail about how we’d been cheated out of the last nine years.
“That’s...awful.” Katie reached across the table to grab my hand with hers, gently squeezing. “See, I told you that you were his more.”
I nodded, this time without doubt.
“So?” Katie prodded, bouncing in her seat, impatient for me to get to the good part. She gaped as I described the most incredible day of my life. I thought I’d be embarrassed, but there was nothing embarrassing about what Daniel and I had shared.
“I’m so happy for you. All I’ve ever wanted is to see you happy, and I can see it. It was obvious when you walked through the door. I almost didn’t recognize you.”
She might not have recognized me, but I definitely did.
“So, what’s the plan?” She hesitated, lowering her voice. “I mean, what are you going to do about Nicholas? That asshole isn’t going to take it very well when he finds out you’re leaving him for another man.”
“Yeah, I know. Daniel was all set for me to leave with him yesterday, but I just couldn’t do it. Who knows what Nicholas would have done if he’d come home and found me gone. I need some time to think about the best way to get out of there.” I leaned in closer, hyperaware that the people around us could hear our conversation. “I feel terrible, but I misled Daniel. I told him we had to talk to Shane first and make sure it wouldn’t affect the building in any way. If I had told him the real reason, I know he would never have let me stay.”
“Oh, thank God, that’s what the meeting must be about. Shane’s been pissing his pants since Daniel called. He was convinced Daniel wanted to cancel.” She grimaced, stopping short. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that...you know we’d happily let the building go if it meant your freedom.”
I shook my head, dismissing her worry. The building was a really big deal, life changing for them. Of course they would be worried about it. “You guys have been there for me more than you could ever know, and I want the building to happen, too. Regardless of whether I stay in that house or not, I can’t see Nicholas letting that kind of money go.”
Katie took a bite of her salad, thinking about what I’d said. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just don’t know what it’s gonna take for him to let you go. I don’t see him taking subtle hints. I mean, look what happened the last time you told him no. The guy’s a tyrant.”
I sighed, shifting uncomfortably. “It wasn’t the last time.” I pushed my sleeve up to reveal the very green and blue ring wrapping around my wrist.
“I’m going to kill that asshole,” she said, her voice a low rumble as she carefully inspected my wrist. “What led to this?”
I couldn’t contain the smug feeling I got when I described the altercation I’d had with Nicholas the previous evening. It’d left me feeling in control. Yeah, I’d been scared—really scared. But I’d won.
We ate in silence for a few minutes. Katie would pause every few moments, chewing
more on her lip than on her food.
“What?” I asked. She was making me nervous.
She exhaled heavily, sitting back in her seat. “I just know this must be really hard on you.”
I looked at her, puzzled.
“The baby,” she clarified, “How do you feel about that whole situation?”
Oh.
How did I feel about the baby? Jealous? Yes. Scared? Yes. Sad? Very. Very, very sad. Truly, it was devastating. Every single insecurity I had was wrapped up in the fact that I couldn’t give Daniel a child. It was the reason that for nine years I had believed he didn’t want me. More than that, I wanted a child. I desperately wanted to be a mother. Yeah, they’d cut me open and removed the ability, but they couldn’t remove the ache, the need to hold, feed, and nurture. The pangs of envy I’d feel as I’d walk through a store and hear a child call mommy as if no one else in the world existed. The way she’d pick up that precious little person and ease his or her fears. The way she loved and coddled. I wanted to be her, and I would never be.
What troubled me most was the way Daniel felt about it. I’d never allowed myself to really consider how broken he was over Eva. It was as if when I lost the ability to become a parent, he did too. That scared me because he was actually going to be one, and I wasn’t sure he could handle it.
But if I put everything together, that question was easy to answer.
“I wish he was mine.”
****
After lunch, I sat in the office checking my e-mail when that welcomed tingle ran down my spine. My phone vibrated with a text, asking if it was clear.
Daniel was here. I bounced in excitement. Yep, officially fifteen again.
I skipped out of the office and raced to the front door, swinging it open the very moment he topped the stairs. As soon as the door closed behind him, he swept me into his arms and buried his face in my hair as he breathed me in, my heart thrumming in contentment.
“Hi,” I whispered into his chest.
“Hi.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “Look at us, sneaking around again.”
“We can’t win, can we?”
He pulled back, just enough so that I could see his gorgeous face, his hazel eyes brilliant and filled with fire, the sorrow of yesterday gone. “We already won, Melanie.”
He was right. Maybe the battle wasn’t over, but it was already won. We had each other, and that was the only thing that mattered.
“I can’t stay, but I had to see you.”
I squeezed him tighter. “No...stay with me.”
He groaned, lingering as he held my face and kissed me. “You have no idea how badly I want to take you up on that, but I have a meeting in a half hour that I can’t miss. Can you get away tomorrow night? I want to take you to dinner.”
“Like on a date?” I laughed at the absurdity of the whole situation.
He grinned down at me, red-faced. “Yeah, like on a date.”
He was too adorable. And truly, there was something really appealing about pretending we were just a normal couple for a few hours.
“Well, in that case, I’d love to.”
He finally tore himself from me when our chaste kiss goodbye evolved into five minutes of much, much more. His voice was low and rough against my ear. “I love you.”
In the middle of the living room, I stood gasping, trying to bring myself down from the high I was riding as I watched him walk out the door.
I scrambled to my phone and fumbled through the numbers with trembling fingers. “Katie, I need your help.”
****
I stood in front of Katie’s full-length mirror, appreciating the way the simple black jersey dress hung on my body. The scoop neck revealed just a modest amount of cleavage, and the three-quarter length flared sleeves brushed against my forearms. The only problem was the skirt; it was a bit too tight and a bit too short—really short. Of course, Katie paired it with four-inch heels.
“I don’t know, Katie. It might be a little much.” I turned and peeked over my shoulder at the back.
“Are you kidding me? You look amazing.” The doorbell rang, declaring that the time to worry about my appearance was over. Katie pushed me toward the door. “Go. Have fun.” Her smile was warm, encouraging. I hugged her, thanked her for taking care of me, and moved to follow her from the bedroom. I stopped short when I reached the threshold, reaching for her arm.
She looked at me over her shoulder, confused.
I mouthed, “Wait.”
Something didn’t feel right.
We both stood silently, straining to listen as Shane unlocked the door. A very familiar voice cut through the air. My fingers curled into the tense muscles of Katie’s arm when we both realized Nicholas was here.
“Yeah.” Shane sounded irritated. “No, that’s fine…Yeah, she’s here, that is her car...I don’t know, they rented movies or some shit...Why don’t you just cut her a break for once?” Shane was arguing with Nicholas—over me. I desperately fought to hear the other side of the conversation, but couldn’t with Nicholas’s hushed tone. I’m sure my expression verged on terrified, because Katie squeezed my arm, reassuring me it would be okay.
Tonight was the first time I’d ever simply left Nicholas a note saying I was going out for the evening. In my mind, this was just one of the painful steps I’d have to take in order to extract myself from his control. Little by little, I would free myself.
Finally, after what felt like hours, the door slammed, and Katie rushed down the hallway.
“What the hell was that about?” she demanded.
Shane exhaled, his body tense. “He knows something’s up.”
I wrung my hands to calm my flaring nerves. “What do you mean? Is he suspicious about Daniel?”
He shook his head and strode into the kitchen, Katie and I close behind. He pulled a beer from the fridge and downed half of it. “No, I don’t think so. He just knows something’s changed.”
When bell rang again, I knew who it was, but Shane told us to stay in the kitchen. Seconds later, Daniel trailed Shane to where we waited. He was visibly shaken and full of apologies. “Baby, this is so messed up. I’m so sorry.”
I cut him off by pressing my lips to his. We couldn’t let it ruin our night. He returned the kiss, though I could feel the despondency in his touch. He rested his forehead on mine, his eyes strained as he looked down at me. “I don’t know how long I can take this.”
“All right you guys, get out of here,” Katie urged, trying to pull everyone from the heaviness threatening to suck us under. Daniel nudged me, breaking our embrace.
I shrugged into my jacket and reached for Daniel’s hand.
We thanked Shane and Katie and bid them goodbye. This night would never have happened without them.
Tension rolled off of Daniel as he scanned the yard and road. I hated that the choices I’d made had left us with Nicholas haunting our every move. Desperate to ease his nerves, I touched his arm. His face was gentle when he smiled down at me, colored with his own regret.
“We’re going to be okay,” I said.
“I know.”
The mutual reassurance was all we needed for the mood to lighten. A cool breeze rustled through the trees, blowing through the sparse yellow and orange leaves that still clung to the branches as winter approached. Daniel wrapped his arm over my shoulder and led me down the steps to the walkway. I sighed, relishing in his warmth against the crisp, night air. A feeling of contentment settled into the depths of my bones.
I giggled when he opened the passenger door and helped me inside, careful to keep my dress from riding up as I sank down into the low seat. I whispered a breathy, “Thank you,” against his lips when he ducked inside for a kiss.
He rushed around, jumped in, and leaned over the console to kiss me again. I was not going to get tired of that.
“Chinese okay?” He started his car and pulled away.
“Yeah, that sounds great.” It was my favorite.
He travele
d farther out of town than I normally would have ventured, I’m sure out of fear of running into somebody who would recognize us. Twenty-five minutes later, he pulled into a half-full parking lot. “I ate here a few weeks ago. It’s quiet and has the best Mongolian beef I’ve ever eaten.” He smiled at me, touching my cheek. My chest swelled with the love I felt as he showed me that he remembered me, not just taking me for my favorite type of food, but for the exact dish we’d shared many times before.
“Thank you.”
Dinner was perfect. There was no awkwardness, only complete calm as we talked for what seemed like hours. We teased and loved. His lips were never far, and we shared gentle caresses beneath the table, whispered tender words that had been silent for too long.
Laughing, we reminisced about our high school days. When Daniel’s phone chimed, he was making fun of Erin, his words still flowing as he casually ran his finger over the face of the phone. The shift in his demeanor was instant, his jaw clenching when he read the message.
I watched as he tried to play it off as if nothing had happened. He turned back to me and continued with the story though his words were forced.
I sat back, feeling unsure of myself. Where did we stand here? Before, I wouldn’t have hesitated to ask him who it was and what was wrong. We had told each other everything—shared everything. That was the way it should be.
He trailed off mid-sentence when he noticed my pained expression. He grimaced and ran a frustrated hand through his hair before answering the question I’d never voiced.
“It was Vanessa.”
Tentative, I asked, “What did she want?”
He stared down at the table, struggling with what to say.
“Daniel, look at me,” I prodded, making him look up. “Please, don’t hide from me. You can tell me anything. We have a lot of stuff to deal with, but we have to do it together.”
Shaking his head, he looked away before cutting his eyes back to me. “She just...she’s constantly calling...sending these little messages...anything to get my attention.”