by Lisa De Jong
Loving fingers ran through my hair, traced my jaw, played across my lips, perfection across my skin. She seemed thoughtful as she played with a lock of my hair. Her eyes finally locked with mine, filled with some unknown emotion. “You’re going to be a father.”
I stiffened under her, unable to stop my reaction as I rolled away and sat up on the side of the bed. Thinking of Vanessa’s baby made it hard to breathe. Melanie crawled up behind me, wrapping us up like a cocoon in the sheet. She leaned into me, holding me tight. “Daniel...what’s wrong?” Calmed by her touch, I ran my hand over my face and through my hair, drew in a shaky breath.
“I...I...” I looked down, unable to face her, but unwilling to lie. “I don’t want him.” I knew that statement was wrong in so many different ways. And honestly, I was terrified of Melanie’s reaction to him.
Melanie remained silent as she continued to soothe me, never faltering in the rhythmic movements she made on my shoulders and neck. With her mouth close to my ear, she spoke quietly, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Did I? Not really, but I couldn’t hide from it much longer. In three months, I would have a son, whether I liked it or not.
I turned to her. My lips were tight as I studied her face, looking for any indication of how she felt about the fact that I was going to be a father. All I found was concern for me. “I messed up. I was careless and stupid, and now there’s a child who’s going to suffer because of a mistake I made.”
“Suffer?” Her voice was soft, confused.
And this was where I failed.
“Because I can’t love him.”
Her hand stilled for a brief moment before resuming its calming reassurance, the slight shaking in her fingertips my only clue she was disappointed in me, just as she should be.
“Daniel, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you—whatever you need.”
Okay, not disappointed, just understanding and sympathetic.
I was afraid to voice the words. What if this was all too much for her? Could I ask her to deal with all of my baggage?
“I’m going to have joint custody.” I looked at her, hoping she’d understand what this would mean.
Her mouth gaped. “I don’t understand. I thought you didn’t want him?”
I exhaled heavily, wishing I knew the answer to that question. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I told Vanessa that’s what I wanted. I’m not sure if it was out of spite or obligation.” I cringed as the words came out my mouth, appalled at my own admission, but I couldn’t be anything other than straightforward with Melanie. “I guess probably a bit of both.”
I was positive it weighed a little heavier on the spite side, demanding that control, doing anything to take some of it from Vanessa. As it was, Vanessa had been completely up my ass lately, texting and calling continuously, trying to get me involved in the pregnancy and, no doubt, with her. I’d almost recanted my claim to the child and offered just to cut her a check. But paying her off would give her control and would do nothing to stop her from hounding me in the future. I refused to allow that to happen.
I waited, giving Melanie the opportunity to digest all of this information. I grew restless when she said nothing. Finally, unable to take her silence any longer, I pleaded, “Please…say something. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I’m thinking that I love you, and anything you have to deal with, I have to deal with.”
I turned and pulled her to me, tugging her onto my lap, breathing my relief onto the top of her head.
“Thank you.” What more could I say?
I glanced at the little clock on the nightstand. It was already past two. We’d been in this bed for almost four hours.
“Come on...let’s get your stuff.” Gauging what little I knew about her marriage, I was betting that Melanie had very few possessions of her own. What we couldn’t fit in the car, we’d just replace.
Her head jerked back to meet my face, panicked as she scrambled to sit up. “I can’t leave yet.”
What?
After everything we’d just shared and promised, she was going to say she couldn’t leave?
“No way, Melanie.” The thought of leaving her here with Nicholas—I didn’t even try to hide my disgust. “I will not share you with that asshole.”
“Stop. Listen to me.” She gripped my shoulders. “You’ll never share me. I’m yours. If you look around,” she said as she gestured around the room, “you’ll see that this is where I sleep. I haven’t shared his bed since the night of the dinner. I knew then I was yours, even if I couldn’t have you. I’ll never again give myself to anyone else, especially Nicholas.” I relaxed a little, not because I was conceding but because of the relief from knowing that Melanie hadn’t been sleeping with him.
“This isn’t just about us, Daniel. What about your building?” she said, as if that somehow could be more important than she was.
“I couldn’t care less about the building, Melanie. It means nothing.”
“Maybe not to you, but what about Shane and Katie? They’re the only family I’ve had this whole time. I owe them this for everything they’ve done for me. I honestly don’t know whether I would still exist if Katie hadn’t been there for me, and I’m not going to do something that would jeopardize Shane’s freedom.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Shane hates Nicholas almost as much as I do. With the profit from the building, he’s planning to break from Nicholas and start his own company. He needs this. We have to at least figure out how to do this without putting the deal in jeopardy.”
It was so frustrating—Melanie always thinking about everyone except herself. I didn’t see how Melanie leaving Nicholas would affect the building. I had a signed contract. Nicholas had to stick to it, didn’t he? Honestly, I hadn’t even looked at the contract when I had signed it, so I had no idea.
Okay, so maybe I needed to talk to Shane—and my lawyer.
Melanie’s hands were back on my face, forcing me to look at her. “And my mom, I need to try to work things out with her...to know her again. I miss her.” She looked away, deep in thought, whispered, “You know I’m not ashamed of us, Daniel, but I think she and I need to resolve the past before I tell her you and I are back together.”
I groaned with frustration. I couldn’t imagine walking out that door without her.
“If you think I want to stay here, you’re wrong. There’s no other place I want to be than with you.”
I drew her close, murmured against the soft skin of her neck, “It absolutely kills me to leave you here.”
She tightened her hold and exhaled softly, knowing I’d surrendered.
I knew a little part of her wished I’d refuse and throw her over my shoulder and carry her out the door.
“I know,” she said, “but we have to.”
She pulled me down on the bed beside her, her face at peace as she smiled at me. Even though it had been hard revisiting all of our issues, we had come to the place where our questions were answered and we were confident about our future.
Our future.
Melanie kissed me solidly on the mouth, humming in contentment as she snuggled in close to my side. “Besides, was this afternoon so bad?”
I grinned back at her and trailed my nose down her jaw. “No, no, not bad at all,” I agreed as my hands began to roam her body.
As I came to her for the second time that day, the desperation of our broken hearts was gone, replaced with the security of what would be.
Chapter Nineteen
I watched as the black car slowly drove away. It took all the power within me not to run after him. I stood there in silence as he disappeared from view, wondering if this qualified as breaking the promise that we had just reiterated, the one that bound me to tell him everything I was feeling, what I feared, and what I needed.
Yeah, probably.
But I couldn’t voice it to Daniel.
He didn’t
know Nicholas like I did.
I was the one who bore witness to the highly questionable things that had taken place in my home over the past nine years, things that Nicholas did without a second thought if it benefitted him in any way. I’d seen him lie and cheat and steal. He would go any distance to keep something from damaging his reputation—his self-importance.
When Daniel nonchalantly told me to get my things so we could leave, he’d caught me off guard. It was as if being with him hadn’t been real, that the afternoon was a figment of my imagination, and soon I would wake up to live my non-existence.
Realizing what Daniel planned had solidified the reality of what we’d experienced, and I’d panicked. I was seized with visions of the punishment Nicholas would impose upon me when he dragged me back here. Most of them centered on Daniel being harmed in some form or another because of me. So I’d searched for reasons to stay, and well, they seemed likely enough because they were, in fact, true. We had to make sure the building went through and it was high time for me to reconcile with Mom. I had to see that through. The fact was, though, one way or another, those situations could have been resolved without my being here.
Deep inside, I was probably being irrational. In all probability, Nicholas would do nothing to me, but I had to have time to think about how to leave him. He would take it a lot better if he didn’t come home and just find me gone. If I gradually withdrew from him, he wouldn’t be shocked when I finally did leave. He’d expect it. It was what I’d initially planned to do when I had made plans to leave with Katie, so this wouldn’t be any different.
I just needed a couple of weeks to make it clear to Nicholas that he did not own me. Then I would leave. I would stay through Mom’s visit, and ensure Daniel and I didn’t hurt Shane and Katie with any rash decisions. Then I would be free.
A contented smile spread across my face at the thought. Free—with Daniel. I’d spent nine years here. I could somehow endure a few more weeks.
I withdrew back into the house, filled with emotions that had so long been lacking from my life that I almost didn’t recognize them.
I padded barefoot across the cool floor, my feet light as if I were no longer weighed down. I hummed quietly to myself as I stood in front of the refrigerator, pulling out the ingredients for the salmon I’d planned to make for dinner. I sealed the salmon in foil and placed the packets in the oven before dancing across the kitchen to start water for rice. When I caught my reflection in the arched window overlooking the backyard, I stopped short.
And grinned.
I ran into the bathroom to get a better look. The mirror confirmed what I’d seen in the hazy window.
Yes, my hair was a mess and my clothes were wrinkled and disheveled. But my face—it was flushed and pink and glowing.
It was me. The real me—not broken Melanie, but my mother’s little girl. The girl who’d run carefree and climbed trees in her daddy’s backyard. The one who’d stayed up late giggling with her friends in sixth grade as we’d dreamed of our first kiss. The fifteen-year-old girl who’d fallen in love with Daniel Montgomery. The same one who’d love him until the day she died. I’d almost forgotten her, but there she was, staring straight back, her eyes alight and alive.
I traced the outline of my face, touching the heated skin of my cheeks and fingering the creases at the corners of my eyes as if I had to confirm that what I was seeing was real.
I smiled once more at my reflection before heading back into the kitchen. Joy surrounded me like an aura, hovering in the air, dense and thick, but unlike the weight of pain, it provided comfort and warmth.
Daniel loved me, wanted me, had me. The experience was euphoric. It was as if we had been taken to another realm, to a place where only the two of us existed.
My hands worked with precision as I sliced tomatoes and onions for a salad, fingers wet from the lettuce as I ripped the leaves from the head piece by piece. My body hummed with excitement, right along with the humming that came from my mouth.
There was nothing that could touch my mood. Well, except for the sound of the garage opening and the purr of the car pulling in. I vowed that I wouldn’t even let Nicholas steal this feeling from me. Instead of focusing on the sound of his footsteps echoing through the house, I focused on the warmth still covering every inch of my body from Daniel’s touch.
Heat flooded my cheeks.
I averted my face as Nicholas entered the room, concealing myself by stooping to retrieve the silver salad bowl from under the island. I waited until the refrigerator door snapped open to stand.
I said nothing to Nicholas when he turned, simply ignored his presence as I filled the bowl. He twisted the cap off the beer bottle and crossed his arms over his chest. Sighing deeply, he rested against the refrigerator door and took a deep drag of the yellow liquid. I moved across the room and poured the rice into the boiling water, careful to keep my head down as I made my way back to the island to keep from drawing attention to myself. It took everything in me to stay focused on the task in front of me.
The intensity of Nicholas’s dark eyes burned into the side of my face, and anxiety steadily built within me. I’d been so successful in avoiding him for the better part of a month. Neither of us had said anything more than was necessary to the other. Now there was something very different and very unsettling about the way he stood silently drinking me in.
Did he know?
I struggled to control my escalating breaths as fear set in. My stomach twisted in knots. My mouth became dry.
He couldn’t know. There was no possible way. Could he?
Keeping my eyes focused in front of me, I spent an exceeding amount of time arranging the salad in the bowl. Still, I couldn’t keep myself from glancing at him through the veil of hair that had fallen over my shoulder.
The fear I’d had that he knew about Daniel was put at ease. For the first time, Nicholas’s face held no anger or disdain, only complete curiosity. My hands trembled as I continued to work. He took another swig of his beer before stepping to the island. He placed the bottle on the counter and pushed my hair from my face. I cringed away from his fingers, desperate to escape the scrutiny. “You look different.” His shook his head, trying to put his finger on the change.
Oh, if he only knew.
I scowled at him, tried to brush him off. “That’s ridiculous.”
We both jumped when the buzzer went off, effectively giving me an out. I took the long way around the island, pulled the salmon out, and went to the cabinet to get the plates. The heat of his intense gaze never left me for a second. In my shaky hands, the plates clattered, and I clipped the edge of the cabinet as I pulled them down, thankfully not hard enough to break them.
I took a deep breath to steady myself. I had to get myself together. I needed to stay here for at least another month, and I was raising suspicion the first day.
Collecting myself the best I could, I turned and cautiously placed the plates on the counter.
I should have known Nicholas would not let this go. As much as I hated him and would have liked to believe otherwise, he was an intelligent man and never easily deceived.
He was suddenly behind me, breathing down my neck as he looked over my shoulder. My hands visibly shook as I tried to tear the foil packets open and dump the salmon onto the plates. I went rigid when his fingers ran up the length of my arm, my chest quaking as I held down the sob forming within.
“Not ridiculous, Melanie.” His voiced oozed an unknown tenor, intrigued and searching, unlike anything I’d ever heard from him before, but more frightening than any threat he’d ever made. “Something’s different.” He swallowed, the sound loud against my ear. His words came rough and needy as he whispered into my jaw, the complete foulness of his being washing across my face, “And I like it.”
My fingers dug into the countertop as he ground himself against me, his mouth aggressive on the skin of my neck. I tried not to whimper as tears sprang to my eyes.
No.
I
couldn’t let this happen. I had just promised Daniel I was his, that I would never allow myself to be touched by another man, and here I stood, enabling it, just like I’d done those nine, miserable years. But there was more. I didn’t want to be touched. I wanted to keep that promise I’d made to myself, not just because of Daniel, but because I deserved to be respected, to respect myself. I didn’t have to subject myself to this.
Though I was scared, the need to be free was so much greater than that fear. Somewhere within me, I found the same courage I’d found the night I’d successfully removed myself from Nicholas’s bed, because there was no way in hell I was going back to it.
I wrestled out of his grasp and he released me in his surprise. His eyes first widened, then narrowed as his anger flared.
I rounded my shoulders and turned back to him, praying I looked much more confident than I felt. Truly, I was terrified. My whole body rocked with the fear coursing through my veins. The pumping adrenaline was my only salvation.
Amazingly, my mouth spilled the words I’d dreamt of saying every day for the last nine years. “Don’t ever touch me again.”
Nicholas’s face twisted in fury, indignant at being defied for the second time. It became clear in his expression that I needed to get away. I turned on my heel to flee, but he wrapped his hand around my wrist and jerked me back, digging his fingers into my skin.
“Don’t forget who you belong to, Melanie.” His words were sharp, deep with implication.
I was tempted to end it all right there and tell him exactly who I did belong to, but I was certain that it would push him over the edge. Instead, I remained still, never backing down as his eyes bore into mine.
He squeezed harder, his hold becoming increasingly more painful, but I could see the uncertainty swirling in his thoughts. “I’ve had about enough of you.” He constricted his hold on my wrist, and I bit my lip to hold back the cry before he dropped my arm in frustration, glaring at me before turning and stalking from the room.
The breath I’d been holding escaped in a loud, audible gush, leaving me gasping. I braced myself on the counter for support, my knees weak and threatening to give way.