by Ivy Smoak
"I don't want to know what you did."
"Penny..."
"Please don't tell me."
"I want you to be honest with me. How can I expect you to be if I'm not honest with you?"
"Is it going to hurt me?"
Professor Hunter ran his hand through his hair. "Yes."
I bit my lip. "You kept my clothes in your closet. Why?"
"I felt like if I got rid of them then what we had really would be dead."
"So this thing that you did didn't make it feel like what we had was over?"
"No. I thought it would, but it didn't."
"I wish you would have talked to me. I wish you would have told me that you thought you weren't good for me. I would have convinced you otherwise."
"You've convinced me otherwise the whole time we were together."
"You still should have talked to me."
"I can't take that back either."
I nodded my head. "I kissed some guy that lives in your apartment."
Professor Hunter lowered his eyebrows. "Who?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
"His name is Brendan."
"Okay. Just one kiss?"
"Yes. And he gave me some advice. About how if things are so hard between us maybe we're not meant to work things out."
"It's not bad advice."
"Clearly I didn't take it."
"I know." We were both silent for a moment.
"Is what you did worse than that?"
"Yes."
"Is it worse than the fact that I slept with Tyler?"
Professor Hunter closed his eyes. "I left you. You thought I had broken up with you. You weren't in the wrong."
"Is it worse?"
"By default, yes."
"So you had sex with someone else?"
Professor Hunter leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. "I did."
I stood up from the couch. "A stranger?" My heart was racing.
"No."
His words made my body feel cold. He didn't have to say it. I knew what he had done. He had sex with Isabella. He had sex with his wife. That's what married men did. They had sex with their wives. What should I have expected? He ran back to his wife when things went sour between us.
"Did you enjoy it?"
"It was just sex. It didn't mean anything. It wasn't like it is with you."
"So you did enjoy it?"
"Penny..."
"When we were arguing earlier you said all we were doing was fucking."
"I didn't mean it. I was upset."
I took a deep breath. "I shouldn't be upset with you. I slept with someone else too. But I am. I don't know what you want me to say." It was hard to picture his hands on someone else.
"You're allowed to be upset with me."
"It was her, wasn't it?"
He looked up at me.
"Isabella? Your wife?"
"Yes," he sighed.
"Okay."
"Penny, I didn't go to New York with the intention of sleeping with her."
"Okay."
"It just happened."
"Okay."
"Please stop saying okay. It's not okay. And I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Penny."
"You don't have to explain it to me. She's your wife."
"I needed you to know."
I took a deep breath. "I need some air."
"Okay. Let's take a walk."
"I want to be alone."
"Penny, you have a concussion..."
"I'm okay. Please. I just need some air."
"Take this." He lifted up the envelope.
"I shook my head."
He folded the envelope and stood up. He slipped it into my pocket. Then he grabbed my phone out of his pocket and slipped it next to the envelope. "Please be careful."
"I promised you I would be." I went over to the elevator and pressed the button.
"Please stay."
"I can't."
"I'm begging you, please."
"I can't look at you right now." The elevator dinged as the doors slid open. I stepped on.
"Penny."
"Professor Hunter."
The doors closed.
Chapter 8
Saturday
I hugged my arms around myself. I needed to be alone. I knew that I could forgive him for not talking to me for weeks. Hell, I already had. But sleeping with Isabella? He was supposed to be getting a divorce, not fucking her. I shook my head and looked down at my sneakers. I hated that I was wearing clothes that he had bought for me.
The elevator doors dinged. I kept my eyes on the ground.
"I apologize in advance for what I'm about to ask you."
I looked up. Brendan had just stepped onto the elevator. He hit the button to close the doors.
"So, the dramatic guy. Did he do that to you?"
"No. It's not like that." He just spanks me when he thinks I've misbehaved. "I fell. That's all."
"Okay." He moved closer to me and leaned against the wall. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine."
"Then why does it look like you're about to cry?"
"I just found something out that I'm not happy about."
"Did you want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
Brendan sighed. "You seem to be having a bad day. And I don't want to make anything worse. But I do need to tell you something. And just so we're clear, it's not because I want to get into your pants. I mean, I do want to get in your pants. But I'm not telling you because of that."
I couldn't help but laugh. I looked up at him. "What do you need to tell me?"
"I'm not 100 percent sure. Closer to 85 percent. But I'm pretty sure that both of the men that have penthouse suites are married."
I looked back down at my shoes. I could feel his eyes on me. He thought I was a monster. "I didn't know that when I started seeing him."
"But you do already know?"
"Yes." I felt ashamed. "He's getting divorced."
"That's what they all say."
"I believed him." I sighed. "I believed him until about five minutes ago."
The doors opened. We both stepped out into the parking garage.
"It was nice seeing you again," I said.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"For a walk. I need to clear my head."
"I was actually going to go for a walk too. Do you mind if I join you?"
"I find that hard to believe." He was so easy to talk to. And he seemed to like offering me free advice. "But no, I don't mind."
Together we walked out of the parking garage. The sun was bright and the autumn leaves crunched under my feet. My head pounded. I was glad Professor Hunter had made me take those pills. We walked in silence for a few minutes. "Do you mind if we sit down for a second?" I suddenly felt dizzy.
Brendan grabbed my arm and escorted me to a bench. He sat down next to me and put his arm behind me on the bench, but he didn't touch me. I rubbed my forehead.
"Do you need to see a doctor about that?"
"I already have."
"And?"
"I have a concussion. I needed stitches. Because I'm an idiot."
"Should you be walking around like that?"
"Probably not," I laughed.
"I'm curious to know how you ended up with a concussion. I'm even more curious to know how you ended up dating a married man. Girls like you don't need to date married men."
"Girls like me?" I laughed.
"Yes, girls like you." He put his hand on my knee. "Tell me your story."
I crossed my legs on the bench and turned to him. "It's a long story."
"Luckily I'm free all afternoon."
"It kind of started last semester. I was dating this asshole. He made me feel small. But when things didn't work out it still hurt. He was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first...well, you know."
"The first person you'd ever had sex with?"
"Yes." I looked down at my lap. I launch
ed into the story about running into Professor Hunter before I knew he was a professor. I told him about meeting Tyler. I told him about my obsession with wanting Professor Hunter to want me. And how my feelings for Tyler had always skirted away from the friend zone. How I led him on. How I lied to both of them. I told him about when I found out that Professor Hunter was married. About my awkward speeches in class and my almost hookup with Tyler. I told him about lying about my age and my fight with Professor Hunter. I told him about not hearing from him for weeks, which led me to being a stalker and running into Brendan in the first place. I told him about taking his advice and having sex with Tyler.
"Let me stop you right there." He hadn't said anything the whole time. He was just listening. "I never told you to have sex with anyone. I just wanted you to let me take you on a date. If I had known there was a Tyler in the equation, my advice probably would have been different."
I laughed. "It was good advice. Until the professor showed up." I had referred to Professor Hunter as the professor since the beginning. I didn't want to run his name through the mud. "We got in a huge fight. And then he and Tyler got in a fist fight. Tyler accidentally hit me and knocked the wind out of me. I slipped on some spilled beer and hit my head."
"End of story?"
"Almost. The professor carried me back to his apartment and took care of me. It was sweet. We got in another fight. We made up. A couple of times." I could feel my face blushing. "And then he told me that while he wasn't talking to me he had sex with his wife."
"You're kind of adorable."
"What?" That's not the reaction I had expected from my horrific story. If anything, I expected a 'See you later, you idiot.' "
"I don't know. You look at the world in this really naive way. And no matter how many times something goes wrong, you always see the best in people. Like I said before, I find you endearing."
"I think I'm a mess."
"And that's why you keep doing messy things."
I laughed. "I guess so."
"So, who's better in bed?"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me, Penny."
"That can't possibly be your advice."
"A sweet guy is nice. A mysterious guy is great. But a good lay? I'm sorry, but it always goes back to that."
"I don't believe that. There's so much more to a relationship than sex."
"Well, I'm assuming you're great in bed. Especially if you have two men fighting over you."
"I don't think that's why they like me. I mean, Tyler's liked me this whole time and we only just had sex for the first time yesterday."
"Then it was the idea of fucking you that kept him around. He liked the chase."
I shook my head.
"And you said you fucked the professor twice this morning. And fought the rest of the time. It sounds like sex is the only thing working in your relationship."
I lowered my eyebrows. Maybe he's right.
"So I'll ask you again. Who's the better lay?"
I sighed. "The professor."
"By the way, there's only one professor at your school that's rich enough to live in my building. James is a lucky guy."
"Oh my God." I put my hand over my eyes. "If you knew this whole time why didn't you say anything?"
"I thought you reaction would be funny." He grabbed my hand and removed it from my face. "I guess he's not that lucky, though. Because you're out here talking to me instead of him." He kept his hand on top of mine.
"You're easy to talk to."
"Because I'm an unassuming acquaintance."
"I don't know why." I looked down at his hand. "Do you have any other advice for me?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
I raised my eyebrow.
"I just got distracted. The bandage on your forehead makes it look like you were in a fight. You're tiny. It just put a comical image in my head."
I laughed. "I asked if you had any other advice for me?"
"I think you need to tell Tyler that James is better in bed."
I rolled my eyes.
"Did you want me to walk you to wherever he is?"
"It's not that easy."
"I thought everything was settled?"
"James is married."
"And he doesn't love her."
"But he's still married. You said yourself that all cheaters say they're getting divorced."
"Maybe he'll be the exception."
"Do you really believe that?"
Brendan shrugged. "I'd be lying if I didn't say I had my own agenda. Because if it doesn't work, I'll probably run into you on the elevator. And then you'll know what a good lay is."
I gulped. He was so forward. "So I shouldn't trust your advice?"
"I think it's pretty good advice."
I stood up and Brendan stood up next to me. "Thank you for letting me talk so much."
"Like I said, I find you endearing. I do wish you the best of luck."
"You're a really nice guy, Brendan."
"I'm actually not. I only listened to half of what you said. I was mostly just staring at your breasts."
For some reason I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. "Do you think that maybe we could be just friends?"
"Isn't that what we already are?" He smiled at me.
"I guess." I stepped forward and hugged him. He seemed taken aback, but he wrapped his arms around me. I let go of him and stepped back. "See you around, Brendan."
"See you around, Penny."
Chapter 9
Saturday
I wished Professor Hunter was as easy to talk to as Brendan. I walked up the steps to the front door of Tyler's frat. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I didn't know if Brendan was right about the sex. But it was Professor Hunter that had my heart. I had never stopped loving him. I needed Tyler to know. And then I needed to tell Professor Hunter that I wanted to be with him. But not until he divorced his wife.
The door squeaked open. A guy who I had never seen before opened it.
"Sup?"
"Hi, is Tyler here?"
"Yeah, he's upstairs." The boy walked away from the door.
Okay. Such a gentleman. I couldn't help but think he would have been nicer if I didn't have a huge bandage on my forehead. I stepped in and closed the door. The whole house seemed trashed from last night. There were empty red cups on the floor and it smelled like stale alcohol. I stepped over the mess and made my way up the stairs.
I wasn't sure how I'd feel once I saw him. He had an effect on me. I was just about to knock on his bedroom door when I heard something. I put my ear against his door. He was playing guitar. Softly. I closed my eyes and listened. I didn't recognize the song, but it sounded sad. I couldn't help the tears welling in my eyes. Could I do this? Did I even want to?
I listened to the rest of the song. It was beautiful. I had never heard him play before. When it ended I quickly knocked on the door before I had time to chicken out.
The guitar made a weird noise and then everything was quiet. "Umm, just a sec," I heard Tyler say. A moment later he opened his door a crack. "Shit, Penny." He came out and closed his door quietly behind him. He was wearing just his boxers. He still hair sex hair. But the inside corners of both his eyes were bruised and his nose looked swollen. Professor Hunter must have broken his nose.
"Penny." He touched the side of my face. "Penny, I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault."
"God." He put his hand over his mouth. "I called you a million times. Didn't you get any of my messages?"
I hadn't checked my phone. I shook my head.
"Penny." He wrapped his arms around me. "I was so worried."
I still liked how comfortable I felt in his arms. "Tyler can we sit down?"
Tyler glanced at his door. He suddenly looked nervous. "Yeah, let's go downstairs." He grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs. We sat down on the couch in his living room.
"Are you okay?" He eyed my bandage.
"It's nothing."
&nbs
p; "Penny." He pushed my bangs out of my face.
"I have a concussion. I needed a few stitches. It's not a big deal. I feel okay now."
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just got so angry when I saw him yelling at you."
"It's okay."
"It's not okay." He put his hand over his mouth again. "I punched you. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I punched you."
"It was an accident."
"I'm so sorry," he repeated. His fingers traced the hem of my tank top. I could tell he wanted to see where he had hit me. But I didn't want him to see the bruise. I didn't want him to feel bad.
"I'm okay."
He shook his head. He pushed my tank top up.
I grabbed his hand. "Don't, Tyler."
"I need to see." There was so much pain in his eyes. I let go of his hand. He pushed my tank top up to my ribcage. "Fuck." He put his hands over his face. "Fuck. Penny, I can't apologize enough. I'm so sorry."
"Tyler, I'm fine. Really, I'm okay." I pushed my tank top back down.
"It really doesn't hurt?"
"Not as much as my head." I tried to laugh. It came out forced.
"Which is also my fault."
"I slipped. It wasn't your fault."
"You slipped because I knocked the wind out of you."
"Tyler." I put my hand on top of his. "Are you okay?"
"You mean my busted up nose? Yeah I'm fine. I kind of deserved it, didn't I? I provoked him enough."
"You both acted stupid. But it was my fault for putting you in that situation."
Tyler shook his head. "I don't regret being with you. Not for a second."
"I don't either."
Tyler sighed. "When you fell I didn't know what to do. I let him take you. I didn't know how to take care of you."
"It's okay."
"I was scared. I was so scared that you wouldn't be okay."
"I'm okay, Tyler."
"He knew exactly what to do. I just stood there like an idiot and watched."
"I wouldn't have known what to do either."
"I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you."
"I've forgiven you. Actually, scratch that, because there's nothing to forgive. It was an accident. You're being too hard on yourself."
"You wouldn't open your eyes. I was yelling your name and you just laid there. Penny so many thoughts went through my head."