by Maya Banks
look at you. To know the Eliza that I know and admire and have more respect for than I do any other living person.”
She stared wordlessly at him, too overwhelmed to say anything. What could she say to that? He was staring at her like she was the only person in the world—his world. His words, each and every one of them, she committed to memory, savoring and holding them close to her heart where they’d all remain safe and untainted, touched by no one. No one could ever take them away from her. They were hers, given to her, and they meant everything to her.
No one had ever looked at her with so much caring and fierceness, with so much possession and protectiveness there in their eyes for the world to see. No attempt to disguise it, pretend it didn’t mean anything or that he hadn’t meant any of the things he’d said.
“I can see that maybe I’m finally getting through,” Wade said gruffly. “Maybe now you’re getting it. You mean something to me. You. And that means all of you, not just the parts you want me to see while you hide the parts you’re so determined to be ashamed of and feel guilt over. You’re mine, Eliza. All of you. Every inch of you, body and soul. And it wasn’t just your body that I claimed when I made love to you and was inside you so deep that there will never be a time you don’t feel me. I also claimed your heart, your soul, your mind and everything that makes you the person you are and what you were meant to be. And what you were meant to be is mine.”
Tears made him go blurry in her vision as she stared at him in wonder, afraid to believe. Afraid not to believe. Wanting so much and yet so scared that she’d never have what she wanted most. That this was all just a dream. The most beautiful dream she’d ever had.
“Wade, I have to do this,” she choked out. “Please believe me. I’m not trying to be a vigilante or a lone wolf, determined to go it by myself so I don’t involve the people I love. You’re already involved. I’m not walking blind into a situation nor am I planning to do anything stupid. But I need to do this. For me, Wade. For me. Not for him or anyone else. Not even for the women who died because of his sick obsession with me. I have to get something back that he took from me because until I have it, I can never give all of me to anyone else. I need you to understand and more than anything I need your support and the knowledge that you’ll have my back so I can walk into that press conference with my head held high and then look him in the eye so he knows he no longer has me. I can accept not being the one to take him down. I can accept not dispensing justice that is rightfully mine to dispense. But I cannot accept not being able to at least face the monster who has controlled me for so fucking long because I let him. Even after he no longer had the ability to manipulate, I still let him affect my choices, my decisions and my happiness. I shut myself off and never allowed anyone in because of him. Because he taught me that I couldn’t trust anyone. He was fucking wrong and I will never be able to put him completely behind me and heal until I can look him in the eye and let him know he did not win.”
“I’m sorry,” Wade said, sorrow brimming in his eyes.
She stared at him, stunned. What on earth was he sorry for? It was the very last thing she’d expected him to say.
He caressed her face, holding it in his hands as he stared down at her, fierce pride replacing the sorrow.
“I was wrong,” he said simply. “And I was being no better than the bastard who took your choices from you all those years ago. I was doing the same goddamn thing and I’m sorry, Eliza. I didn’t realize how important this is to you. I couldn’t see past my blinding need to keep you safe. My fear of something happening to you. I didn’t recognize that he did so much damage to you. Damage that you’re still healing from. And you need closure. You need to know you beat him. I get that. I do. I don’t want you there. I’d much rather you be where I know you’re safe, where I can keep you from ever being hurt again. But I understand why you need to do this and I support you, baby. And for the record, I will always have your back.”
She threw her arms around him again and hugged him, trembling and shaking from head to toe with emotion. He rubbed his hands up and down her back and simply let her hold on, let her take what she needed while he held her just as tightly as she held him.
After a while, Wade bent and brushed his lips across hers in a tender kiss. “Plans have to change. I need to call Dane and apprise him of the newest developments. I want them on you tomorrow watching you every fucking second. And then you get your ass back here to me where you belong.”
Belong. Such a simple word and yet it hit her like a ton of bricks. She’d never belonged to anyone. She’d never belonged anywhere. Wade said she belonged to and with him, and she’d never felt anything sweeter than knowing that, finally, she actually felt a sense of true belonging.
TWENTY
ELIZA purposely arrived at the site of the press conference early so she could select a place directly in front of the podium so there was no chance of Thomas not seeing her. She hadn’t shared this with Wade, but she’d only given him one of her reasons for insisting on being here when Thomas had his day in the spotlight. She hadn’t lied. Every single thing she’d told him about needing to face Thomas was absolutely true. But there was another reason, one she hadn’t dared impart to Wade or he would have shut her down so fast her head would have spun.
She wanted to be as close to Thomas as possible because she knew once he spotted her, once he knew she was there, almost in touching distance, he would attempt to begin his manipulation. And now that she understood the difference between thoughts and feelings psychically implanted and those that were solely her own, she knew she was no longer that starry-eyed teenager living without hope with only her daydreams and fantasies to make life bearable.
She would know immediately if Thomas was able to break through the mental barriers she’d spent years strengthening. And she needed to know, because if he could still manipulate her, then she was a danger to every single person important to her. Thomas could use her to turn against people absolutely loyal to her, betray them, destroy them and herself in the process.
It was a test. The most important test of her life with everything riding on the outcome. Whatever the result, she would still walk away once Thomas registered her presence. It was only a matter of whether she would return to Wade, confident in her ability to withstand a mental assault, or . . . if her barriers were breached then she’d run and she’d keep running. Forever. Whatever it took to ensure she would never be under Thomas’s control again and used to destroy the lives of the people who meant the most to her.
She checked her watch, casually turning ever so slightly so she could view the growing crowd. Though she had yet to speak to Dane since the last time she’d seen him when she’d requested vacation time, it heartened her to know he was out there. Watching over her, taking her back like always, and with him the other DSS operatives. Zack. Newly married or not, she knew he would have insisted on being here. Next to Dane, Zack was closest to her of everyone she worked with.
She had the utmost confidence in her team. Knew they were watching, taking in every detail, any sign of danger, protecting her and then, when she left, they would shadow Thomas’s every move and even Thomas with his psychic abilities would never know he was being watched. Her pride in the people she worked with was well deserved, absolute and unwavering. They’d proven themselves time and time again. Even when she’d been abducted and subjected to grueling torture, she’d never once lost faith that they would find her and get her out alive.
More and more people gathered until the entire street between the grassy circle and the businesses behind them was clogged with bystanders making it impassable to vehicles. The businesses had all closed for the press conference. No one would be anywhere but here. Afterward, they’d reopen and likely do a booming business as the locals gathered to gossip and offer their opinions on Thomas’s statement. And Eliza’s presence of course.
As safe as she knew she was in the hands of her teammates watching over her, she wished Wade was here
, even just doing what her team was doing. Watching, invisible, ghosts. But Wade had good reason not to leave the safe house. With so many people, media, cameras and filming, he couldn’t risk being seen by anyone.
If he was the one taking Thomas down—and he was adamant that it was his mission and his alone—then he couldn’t be linked in any way to the town or the media, and he could not be seen by anyone who could place him in the vicinity of Thomas.
It still made her sick to her soul to have Wade take someone’s life for her. It was her risk to take, her fall to take, her right to finally bring him to final justice. She shook off the unwanted thoughts and images of Wade risking all for her and did another quick scan of the now massive crowd. The many media crews were already set up, some giving a preliminary live report with cameras panning the huge gathering while the reporter chirped her spiel as if this was something good and exciting.
Her lips curled in disgust and then she froze, all her breath leaving her lungs in one forceful exhale. She stared, nearly paralyzed with panic and anxiety as she watched a procession of police cars flanking a four-door sedan pull up to the cordoned-off and guarded section of street directly in front of the courthouse on the opposite side of the grassy area from where the press conference was set up.
She stared in horror as the driver stepped out, doing a quick scan of his immediate surroundings before opening the door to the backseat. A half dozen police officers converged as Thomas stepped from the vehicle, surrounding him as they began walking slowly across the grass to where the platform and podium had been set up.
Even spending years in prison, Thomas looked as though time and age had been good to him. Even in his twenties, he’d possessed a timeless look, making it hard to accurately judge his age. And now, he looked only slightly older than he had at twenty-eight. Even more unbelievable, he had grown more handsome over the years.
He’d always possessed a quiet, distinguished air that drew people to him like a magnet and that look had only intensified. Anger and bitter hatred boiled in her veins. It wasn’t fair! He’d viciously murdered women with no remorse or regret. He felt nothing at all. They were dead, their lives cut short and he was now a free man whose looks and appeal had only heightened during the time he served, and he still had a long life to look forward to. The women he killed had nothing, their young lives ending in terror and unspeakable agony. Her only consolation was that if all went according to plan, his life would end just when he thought it would begin again.
Her hands shook when she saw Thomas smile at the cop nearest him and the two shared a laugh. Thomas looked happy. Satisfied. Like he didn’t have a care in the world. How could he be smiling or laughing when he was about to appear on live television to presumably proclaim his innocence and express his gratitude for the cop who’d supposedly tampered with evidence coming forward and admitting his part in sending an innocent man to prison?
Innocent my ass.
She was seething with fury and she quickly got a handle on her rage and forced herself to calm her rioting emotions before Thomas stepped up to the podium. She couldn’t blow it now. She only had one shot at this and she had to pull it off before Thomas selected his first victim. She would not let that happen to another woman. Never again.
She sucked in several steadying breaths, purposely focusing on more pleasant, bland and nondescript thoughts. She immediately shut down the most pleasant thought that crept into her mind. Thomas dead, no longer wearing that smug smile, no longer laughing, never being able to hurt another person again and boarding a one-way trip straight to hell for his appointment with the devil.
He didn’t immediately see her when he stepped to the microphone, his police entourage strategically placing themselves to ensure his protection. She quickly swallowed back the bile rising in her throat at the knowledge that the soulless bastard was being protected by men sworn to bring men like Thomas to justice.
He smiled broadly at the crowd, as though greeting long-lost friends and as if he were expecting a hero’s welcome home. Strangely, the crowd was completely silent. Eerily so. It was as if time stopped as everyone anticipated the purpose of Thomas calling the press conference.
“It is with great joy and relief that I stand before you here today. A travesty of justice has been corrected and I am grateful to the officer who came forward to right the wrong committed against me.”
She was going to be sick. He dared to speak of travesties of justice when he stood there, a free man, exonerated of crimes he was guilty of? It was hard but she forced blankness to her face, an expression of disinterest as if it didn’t matter to her whether or not he was guilty and was here for one reason and one reason only.
She knew the instant he saw her. Felt the sudden intensity of his gaze. He paused in his speech, his chin lifted as if looking beyond her so his gaze encompassed the majority of the crowd. But his eyes were fixed solidly on her. She felt a peculiar sensation, a flutter of awareness in her mind as if he were probing to find his way in.
And as suddenly as it happened, it was gone, and a slight frown marred Thomas’s face before he quickly recovered and once again resumed his speech.
Relief and a keen sense of victory fizzed through her body like a bottle of champagne having the cork popped and the contents bubbling out and over. He hadn’t been able to push past her barriers! She’d felt his attempt, something she’d never even been aware of before. She’d never felt or sensed anything at all when he’d accessed her mind all those years ago.
She was careful not to let her jubilation show and to temper her thoughts of victory and immense satisfaction. He would try again. Of that she had no doubt. And she’d give him that attempt. One more and then she was done here. She’d accomplished what she’d set out to do and she’d baited the trap. All she had to do now was hope he fell neatly into it.
She went rigid when she tuned back into his polished, very practiced recitation of expressing his thanks to everyone who supported him and who fought for him and believed in him blah blah. She’d zoned out until she heard her name. Or rather what used to be her name.
Her gaze caught his and for the first time she looked directly into his eyes, boldly, refusing to look away. And as he spoke, once again she felt that odd fluttering sensation in her head, sharper, more forceful than before. Pain sizzled through her head and she clenched her jaw against the nearly unbearable strain, but her thought patterns never changed, didn’t deviate from what she was focusing on and none of her hatred for the man now saying her name had diminished in the least.
“It was with a heavy heart that I learned that Melissa Caldwell has been the recipient of so much ill will and has been treated poorly by the citizens of this town. I harbor no animosity for Miss Caldwell. I pity her, as you all should too, and she should be granted more understanding. You see, she was but a child then. A mixed-up, confused child who had no family, no home of her own and had been on her own with only herself to rely on since she was fifteen.”
Nausea welled in Eliza’s stomach and it took every ounce of willpower she possessed not to vomit right there on the ground. She was shaking and this time, no attempt at controlling it was successful. She had to keep it together. She should leave now. Her objective had been achieved. But she was frozen to the spot where she stood, unable to turn away without hearing the rest.
Thomas sighed dramatically and affected a pained, sympathetic look of regret.
“She convinced herself she was in love with me,” he said, as if admitting to some heinous crime. “I fear I carry partial blame for that, though that was never my intention or desire. She was attacked on her way home from work very late at night and I happened on the scene and managed to fend off her attackers. I felt responsible for her in a way that an older brother would feel responsibility for his younger sister. I would walk her home because I couldn’t in good conscience allow her to come to harm when she had no one else to look out for her.”
He ran his hand through his hair in faked regret.
<
br /> “She mistook my kindness for something more and as a result she became obsessed with me. I tried very hard to let her down gently. I didn’t want to hurt her or embarrass her in any way. I explained that even if I felt for her the way she thought she felt for me, it wouldn’t be appropriate. She was far too young and I was much too old for her. I told her that she was too young to be thinking about the kind of relationship she wanted. With me,” he added with a grimace. “That she had all the time in the world and that one day she would meet the man meant for her but that I wasn’t—could never be—him.”
He paused for dramatic affect and once more flickered his eyes in her direction, a thoughtful, puzzled look on his face. She had to act fast. No, she didn’t want him fucking around in her head and yes, she wanted him to know he could no longer control her, but she didn’t want to come across as hating him. She was here to convince him that she came for him. That she still loved him and wanted to be with him. The thought nearly made her gag, but she quickly swallowed and sent a slow smile aimed directly at Thomas, one she put everything she had into making sincere, welcoming, loving and hopeful.
Then, as had been his custom in the past, she made a fist and slowly raised it to her chest and then pressed it against her heart, knowing he would recognize the gesture immediately. And its meaning.
He blinked in surprise and then his eyes brightened and what looked like delight flashed momentarily. He didn’t smile back. He couldn’t be that obvious. But he sent her a smoldering look, one that was filled with hunger, want and need. Oh God. She couldn’t take this a minute longer.
Thomas broke off in midsentence, and she got the distinct impression that what he said next was not what he’d originally planned or rehearsed. Originally he’d thought to crucify and vilify her despite his claim to wanting just the opposite. But whether it was the silent invitation in her eyes and the intimate gesture known only to the two of them or he in some way saw a glimpse of the girl he’d known as Melissa Caldwell, he changed his direction completely and did a complete one-eighty in his portrayal of her.
“I don’t blame or fault Miss Caldwell for what she did. She did what was right, and she should be commended for having such courage when she was only a child. She saw a crime and she reported it and then she testified in court in her attempt to see justice served. Without a doubt, she had the best of intentions, and she should be admired for that. Unfortunately, she misidentified me as the man who committed those horrific and barbaric atrocities against those poor women. It is my belief that in her shock at witnessing the gruesome scene she inadvertently came upon that she identified someone who likely resembled me, honestly thinking and believing that it was me she saw that day. It was an unfortunate mistake, but an honest one. I do not believe for one minute that she maliciously launched her accusation at me out of spite or to seek revenge for my rejection of her romantically. I have forgiven her just as I have forgiven the police officer who tampered with evidence in order to make it impossible for me to receive a fair trial and so was subsequently convicted. It is my desire to put this entire ordeal behind me and move on with my life. Quietly and peacefully. I would respectfully request my privacy not to be disturbed. I think I am owed that much and it is all I ask. I have turned down the state’s offer of restitution for wrongful imprisonment. I am not a vengeful man. My only desire is to start my new life as a free man and not have my privacy or life intruded upon.”
Eliza could stomach no more, and she needed to leave, now, before he concluded his nauseating play for sympathy and his brazen effort at manipulating the entire assembled crowd into changing their minds about him. He’d solidly put the blame on her shoulders and had blatantly insinuated that she was an obsessed, psycho, scorned woman out for revenge and because of her, an innocent man had been jailed while the real killer was still out there, free.
He’d reversed his position and changed his story after the odd exchange between them, but the damage had already been done, the seeds already planted. She needed to get out ahead of the crowd while they were still absorbed in his humble victim speech and he had them eating out of his hand. Otherwise, it could get ugly very quickly for her. It only took one person bold enough to decide she needed to be taught a lesson and the rest would follow like sheep. And if that happened, her team would be forced out of surveillance to save her ass, thus sending a huge, blazing neon sign to Thomas that she wasn’t alone and she had badass backup.
She moved slowly to the side, edging cautiously, careful not to draw undue attention, halting her progress when there was a momentary lapse in Thomas’s speech and then moving again when all attention was riveted on Thomas once more, his every word being hung on to by men and women, old and young alike.
She wasn’t the only one who’d spent years honing her skills. While she’d been working diligently to strengthen her mental barriers so they were impenetrable and not vulnerable to a psychic attack, Thomas had evidently been honing his powers, making him more powerful than before and an even bigger threat. He held the entire crowd in his thrall, had them all eating out of his hand. They looked at him like he was a God. They gasped in horror when he brought up any injustice to him and frowned, glared and even booed when he mentioned anyone responsible for his being sent to prison.
When she was finally clear of the crowd lining the very front of the gathering, she expelled a sigh of relief but didn’t make the mistake of letting her guard down or thinking she was out of the woods yet. She still had to make it to where she’d parked her car and that was a quarter mile away.
Head down, the hood of her jacket pulled over her hair, she strode in a straight line toward her vehicle. She should have felt jubilant and wildly victorious but her victory was hollow. She’d held her own against a master at bending people to his will and compelling them to do his bidding. He’d tried twice to slide into her mind and he’d failed both times. The second time, he’d used a hell of a lot more power and had doubled the intensity of his attempted assault. Her head ached vilely from the strain of fending him off and from the sheer force of his second attack.
But she’d won. She’d defeated him. She was no longer a weak, powerless pawn he used with little effort. Never again would she be anyone’s puppet. She’d die before ever allowing anyone so much control over her every dream, thought or action.
TWENTY-ONE
THE door opened before Eliza was close enough to put her hand on the handle to let herself in. Wade was there, his gaze fixed intently on her, worry reflected openly in his eyes. Without a word, he pulled her into his arms, wrapping them firmly around her, fully encompassing her in his warmth and strength. Before she even registered them moving, he had maneuvered them through the doorway, shutting the door behind them and then lifted her so her feet dangled inches from the floor so he could carry her farther into the house.
When they were in the middle of the living room, he eased her down until her feet were planted on the floor and he palmed her chin, tilting it upward so their gazes met.
“You okay?” he asked quietly.
She closed her eyes, holding them closed for a long moment as she fought the multitude of conflicting emotions and tried to process and prioritize the information to give to Wade.
“Baby?” he prompted, stroking his thumb down her lips.
She forced her eyelids open and stared up at him, drawing strength from the silent support so visible in his eyes. Then she took a deep breath.
“There’s so much,” she said wearily. “I’m not even sure where to begin.”
“Wherever you want,” he said softly. “However you want. I’m here. I’m listening. Whatever you need, I’ll give.”
She leaned her forehead into his chest, resting it there as she simply absorbed everything about him. The way he felt. His scent. The thud of his heartbeat. How safe she felt in his arms. How she wished she’d never gotten that damn phone call weeks ago.
“I told you that I needed to be there today. And why I needed to be there. I told yo
u the truth. I just didn’t tell you the other reason it was so important for me to be there,” she admitted in a whisper.
She held her breath, waiting for his reaction, wondering if he’d be angry because he’d been nothing but honest and blunt with her. Brutally so at times.
To her surprise, he swept her up into his arms in an effortless motion and carried her to the couch. He turned his back and then simply sat down, her cradled on his lap as he leaned back, pulling her with him.
“If we’re going to talk, you’re going to be comfortable and you’re going to be in my arms when you’re talking,” Wade said.
Then he simply arranged her to his liking, tucking her shoulder underneath his so that the top of her head was nestled under the line of his jaw, pressed to the side of his neck.
The fact that his body language, the tone of his voice, hadn’t registered the slightest change after her confession that she’d kept something from him gave her