by Jilly Cooper
About the Book
Two schools: Bagley Hall, wild, ultra-smart independent, crammed with the children of the famous, and Larkminster Comprehensive, demoralised, cash-strapped and sinking fast.
Janna Curtis, the young, feisty and highly attractive new head, drafted in to save the failing Larkminster comp, faces a daunting task. Her pupils are out of control, her teachers bolshy, and Larks’s prime site has made it the target for greedy developers. She detests private education, but to rescue Larks she will go to any lengths – even forming a partnership with Bagley Hall and its arrogant but utterly gorgeous headmaster, Hengist Brett-Taylor.
Hengist, in turn, knows that sharing his school’s magnificent facilities with Larkminster Comp will not only bring him vast tax concessions, it will also ensure frequent meetings with the tempestuous but captivating Janna. Teachers and parents are horrified by such a bonding, but for the pupils, the scheme provides joyous opportunity for scandalous behaviour.
Will our heroine emerge with her heart and her school intact?
Jilly Cooper
WICKED!
This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Epub ISBN 9781409032434
Version 1.0
www.randomhouse.co.uk
TRANSWORLD PUBLISHERS
61–63 Uxbridge Road, London W5 5SA,
a division of The Random House Group Ltd
www.booksattransworld.co.uk
WICKED!
A CORGI BOOK: 9780552151566
PRINTING HISTORY
Bantam edition published 2006
Corgi edition published 2007
Copyright © Jilly Cooper 2006
Jilly Cooper has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and
Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
This book is a work of fiction and, except in the case of historical fact, any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
The author and publishers are grateful for permission to quote from ‘Three Little Birds’, Words and Music by Bob Marley. © Copyright 1977 Blue Mountain Music Limited. Used by permission of Music Sales Limited. All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.
A CIP catalogue record for this book
is available from the British Library
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
Addresses for Random House Group Ltd companies outside
the UK can be found at: www.randomhouse.co.uk
The Random House Group Ltd Reg. No. 954009
6 8 10 9 7
Every effort has been made to obtain the necessary permissions with reference to copyright material, both illustrative and quoted. We apologize for any omissions in this respect and will be pleased to make the appropriate acknowledgements in any future edition.
Table of Contents
Cover
About the Book
Title
Copyright
About the Author
Also by Jilly Cooper
Dedication
Cast of Characters
The Animals
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Chapter 86
Chapter 87
Chapter 88
Chapter 89
Chapter 90
Chapter 91
Chapter 92
Chapter 93
Chapter 94
Chapter 95
Chapter 96
Chapter 97
Chapter 98
Chapter 99
Chapter 100
Chapter 101
Chapter 102
Chapter 103
Chapter 104
Chapter 105
Chapter 106
Chapter 107
Chapter 108
Chapter 109
Chapter 110
Chapter 111
Chapter 112
Chapter 113
Chapter 114
Chapter 115
Chapter 116
Chapter 117
Chapter 118
Chapter 119
Chapter 120
Chapter 121
Chapter 122
Chapter 123
Chapter 124
Chapter 125
Chapter 126
Chapter 127
Chapter 128
Chapter 129
Chapter 130
Chapter 131
Chapter 132
Chapter 133
Chapter 134
Chapter 135
Chapter 136
Chapter 137
Chapter 138
Chapter 139
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Jilly Cooper is a journalist, writer and media superstar. The author of many number one bestselling novels, she lives in Gloucestershire with her husband Leo, her rescue greyhound Feather a
nd her black cat Feral.
She was appointed OBE in 2004 for services to literature, and in 2009 was awarded an honorary Doctorate of Letters by the University of Gloucestershire for her contribution to literature and services to the County.
Find out more about Jilly Cooper at her website www.jillycooper.co.uk
By Jilly Cooper
FICTION
RIDERS
RIVALS
POLO
THE MAN WHO MADE HUSBANDS JEALOUS
APPASSIONATA
SCORE!
PANDORA
WICKED!
JUMP!
NON-FICTION
ANIMALS IN WAR
CLASS
HOW TO SURVIVE CHRISTMAS
HOTFOOT TO ZABRISKIE POINT (with Patrick Lichfield)
INTELLIGENT AND LOYAL
JOLLY MARSUPIAL
JOLLY SUPER
JOLLY SUPERLATIVE
JOLLY SUPER TOO
SUPER COOPER
SUPER JILLY
SUPER MEN AND SUPER WOMEN
THE COMMON YEARS
TURN RIGHT AT THE SPOTTED DOG
WORK AND WEDLOCK
ANGELS RUSH IN
ARAMINTA’S WEDDING
CHILDREN’S BOOKS
LITTLE MABEL
LITTLE MABEL’S GREAT ESCAPE
LITTLE MABEL SAVES THE DAY
LITTLE MABEL WINS
ROMANCE
BELLA
EMILY
HARRIET
IMOGEN
LISA & CO
OCTAVIA
PRUDENCE
ANTHOLOGIES
THE BRITISH IN LOVE
VIOLETS AND VINEGAR
This book is dedicated with love and admiration to two great headmistresses, Virginia Frayer and Katherine Eckersley, and also in loving memory of the Angel School, Islington, and Village High School, Derby
CAST OF CHARACTERS
ADELE Single mother who teaches geography at Larkminster Comprehensive (otherwise known as Larks).
PARIS ALVASTON Larks pupil and icon. Founder member of the notorious Wolf Pack.
ANATOLE Bagley Hall pupil and beguiling son of the Russian Minister of Affaires.
RUFUS ANDERSON Brilliant and eccentric head of geography at Bagley Hall. Henpecked father of two, liable to leave coursework on trains.
SHEENA ANDERSON Rufus’s concupiscent careerist wife – the main reason Rufus hasn’t been given a house at Bagley Hall.
MRS AXFORD Chief caterer at Bagley Hall.
MISS BASKET A menopausal misfit who teaches geography at Larks.
BEA FROM THE BEEB A researcher at the Teaching Awards.
DORA BELVEDON Bagley Hall new girl. Determined to support her pony and her chocolate Labrador by flogging school scandal to the tabloids.
DICKY BELVEDON Dora’s equally resourceful twin brother who runs his own school shop at Bagley Hall selling booze and fags.
LADY BELVEDON (ANTHEA) Dicky and Dora’s young, very pretty, very spoilt mother. A Violet Elizabeth Bottox, drastically impoverished by widowhood, and determined to hunt for a rich new husband, unobserved by her beady son and daughter.
JUPITER BELVEDON Dora and Dicky’s machiavellian eldest brother, chairman of the governors at Bagley Hall, Tory MP for Larkminster, and tipped to take over the party leadership.
HANNA BELVEDON Jupiter’s lovely and loving wife, a painter.
SOPHY BELVEDON An English teacher of splendid proportions and great charm. Ian and Patience Cartwright’s daughter, and wife of Jupiter Belvedon’s younger brother, Alizarin.
DULCIE BELVEDON Adorable and self-willed daughter of Sophy and Alizarin.
SIR HUGO BETTS Governor of Larks who sleeps through most meetings.
JAMES BENSON An extremely smooth private doctor.
THE BISHOP OF LARKMINSTER A governor of Bagley Hall.
GORDON BLENCHLEY The unsavoury care manager of Oaktree Court, Paris Alvaston’s children’s home.
HENGIST BRETT-TAYLOR Hugely charismatic headmaster of Bagley Hall.
SALLY BRETT-TAYLOR Hengist’s wife, classic beauty and jolly good sort, hugely contributory towards Hengist’s success.
ORIANA BRETT-TAYLOR Hengist and Sally’s daughter, a much admired BBC foreign correspondent.
WALLY BRISTOW Stalwart site manager at Larks.
GENERAL BROADSTAIRS Lord Lieutenant of Larkshire and governor of Bagley Hall.
‘BOFFIN’ BROOKS The cleverest boy at Bagley Hall, a humourless prig.
SIR GORDON BROOKS Boffin’s father, a thrusting captain of industry.
ALEX BRUCE Deputy head of Bagley Hall, nicknamed Mr Fussy.
POPPET BRUCE His dreadful wife, who teaches RE. An acronymphomaniac, determined to impose total political correctness on Bagley Hall.
CHARISMA BRUCE Alex and Poppet’s severely gifted daughter.
MARIA CAMBOLA Larks’s splendidly flamboyant head of music.
RUPERT CAMPBELL-BLACK Former showjumping champion and Tory Minister for Sport. Now leading owner/trainer, and director of Venturer, the local ITV station. Despite being as bloody-minded as he is beautiful, Rupert is still Nirvana for most women.
TAGGIE CAMPBELL-BLACK His adored wife – an angel.
XAVIER CAMPBELL-BLACK Bagley Hall pupil and Rupert and Taggie’s adopted Colombian son, who has hit moody adolescence head-on.
BIANCA CAMPBELL-BLACK Xavier’s ravishingly pretty, sunny-natured younger sister, also adopted and Colombian.
IAN CARTWRIGHT Former commanding officer of a tank regiment, now bursar at Bagley Hall.
PATIENCE CARTWRIGHT Ian’s loyal wife – a trooper who teaches riding and runs the stables at Bagley.
MRS CHALFORD Head of history at Larks. A self-important bossy boots who likes to be referred to as ‘Chally’.
TARQUIN COURTNEY Charismatic captain of rugger at Bagley Hall.
ALISON COX Sally Brett-Taylor’s housekeeper, known as ‘Coxie’.
JANNA CURTIS Larks’s very young, Yorkshire-born headmistress.
P.C. CUTHBERT A zero-tolerant police constable, determined to impose order on Larks.
DANIJELA Larks pupil from Bosnia.
DANNY Larks pupil from Ireland.
EMLYN DAVIES A former Welsh rugby international, known as Attila the Hunk, who teaches history at Bagley Hall and coaches the rugger fifteens to serial victory.
DEBBIE Ace cook at Larks.
ARTIE DEVERELL Head of modern languages at Bagley Hall.
ASHTON DOUGLAS The sinister, lisping Chief Executive Officer of S and C Services, the private company brought in by the Government to supervise education in Larkshire.
ENID Lachrymose librarian at Larks.
PRIMROSE DUDDON Earnest, noble-browed, ample-breasted form prefect at Bagley Hall.
VICKY FAIRCHILD Two-faced but both of them extremely pretty. Cures truancy at Larks overnight when Janna Curtis appoints her as head of drama.
JASON FENTON Larks’s deputy head of drama, known as Goldilocks.
PIERS FLEMING Wayward head of English at Bagley Hall.
JOHNNIE FOWLER Good-looking Larks hellraiser; BNP supporter; persistent truant.
LANDO FRANCE-LYNCH Master of the Bagley Beagles, whose sparse intellect is compensated for by dazzling all-round athletic and equestrian ability.
DAISY FRANCE-LYNCH His sweet mother, a painter, wife of Ricky France-Lynch, former England polo captain.
FREDDIE A waiter at La Perdrix d’Or restaurant.
CHIEF INSPECTOR TIMOTHY GABLECROSS A wise, kind and extremely clever policeman.
MAGS GABLECROSS The wise, kind wife of the Chief Inspector, part-time modern languages teacher at Larks.
GLORIA PE teacher at Larks not given to hiding her physical lights under bushels.
THEO GRAHAM Head of classics at Bagley Hall, an outwardly crusty old bachelor with a heart of gold. Takes out his hearing aid on Speech Day.
GILLIAN GRIMSTON Head of Searston Abbey, an extremely successful Larkminster grant-maintained school for girls.
LILY HAMILTON Aunt of Jupiter, Dicky and Dora Belvedon. A merry, very youthful octogenarian and Janna Curtis’s next-door neighbour in the village of Wilmington.
DAME HERMIONE HAREFIELD World famous diva, seriously tiresome, brings out the Crippen in all.
WADE HARGREAVES An unexpectedly humane Ofsted Inspector.
DENZIL HARPER Head of PE at Bagley Hall.
UNCLE HARLEY Jamaican drugs dealer, lives on and off with Feral Jackson’s mother.
SIR DAVID ‘HATCHET’ HAWKLEY Headmaster of Fleetley, illustrious classical scholar. Later Lord Hawkley.
LADY HAWKLEY (HELEN) A nervy beauty. Having numbered Rupert Campbell-Black and Roberto Rannaldini among her former husbands, Helen hopes marriage to David Hawkley means calmer waters.
ROD HYDE An awful autocrat, headmaster of St James’s, a highly successful Larkminster grant-maintained school, known as St Jimmy’s.
‘SKUNK’ ILLINGWORTH Deputy head of science at Larks.
‘FERAL’ JACKSON Larks’s leading truant, Paris Alvaston’s best friend and founder member of the Wolf Pack. Afro-Caribbean, beautiful beyond belief, seriously dyslexic, and a natural athlete.
NANCY JACKSON Feral’s mother, a heroin addict.
JESSAMY A teaching assistant at Larks.
JESSICA Hengist Brett-Taylor’s stunning second secretary, a typomaniac.
JOAN JOHNSON Head of science at Bagley Hall, also in charge of Boudicca, the only girls’ house. Nicknamed ‘No-Joke Joan’ because of a total lack of humour.
MRS KAMANI Long-suffering owner of Larks’s nearest newsagent’s.
KATA Larks pupil and wistful asylum-seeker from Kosovo.
AYSHA KHAN One of Larks’s few achievers. Destined for an arranged marriage in Pakistan.
RASCHID KHAN Aysha’s bullying father.
MRS KHAN Aysha’s bullied but surprisingly brave mother.
RUSSELL LAMBERT Ponderous chairman both of Larks’s governors and Larkminster planning committee.
LANCE An understandably terrified newly qualified Larks history teacher.
AMBER LLOYD-FOXE Minxy founder member of the ‘Bagley Babes’, otherwise known as the ‘Three Disgraces’.
BILLY LLOYD-FOXE Amber’s father, an ex-Olympic showjumper, now a presenter for the BBC.
JANEY LLOYD-FOXE His unprincipled journalist wife.
JUNIOR LLOYD-FOXE Amber’s merry, racing-mad twin brother.
LYDIA Another understandably terrified newly qualified Larks English teacher.