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Guy’s heart clenched. “You mean—?”
“He attempted to take her life, two mornings ago.” Guy took an involuntary step forward. “Unsanctioned of course. I would never have approved such a course of action.”
Guy struggled a moment with his reaction of alarm and panic. His gaze shot over Vawdrey’s shoulder, seeking out her figure through the opening in the tent. “She’s not hurt? She—?”
“Defended herself very ably,” Oswald continued smoothly. “With your dagger, or so she tells me. He did not emerge from the encounter with his life.”
Guy paused, turning cold all over. “You mean…” He focused on that small figure again. It was the only way he could keep his calm. Tristan Kerslake had waited until he had left home and had then attacked his wife? “Nay.”
Oswald smiled thinly. “I think I probably spared you a good deal, being the one to come across her running down from that mountain, her skirts covered in blood.”
Guy thought of the baby Helga had spoken of and swayed. Vawdrey stepped forward sharply to grab his arm. “It was not her blood,” he assured him. “But still, it was not the sort of sight a husband would relish overmuch.”
“I need to see her, Vawdrey,” Guy muttered hoarsely, his fists clenched. “Tell me now what I can say or do to make that happen.”
Oswald looked thoughtful. “Believe it or not, I am fully alive to your plight,” he said sympathetically and let Guy absorb these strange words before continuing. “If I were to arrange a meeting between you now..?” He let his words trail off.
“I can give the assurances she needs,” Guy practically begged. And he wasn’t ashamed to do it. “Then after to the queen, her mother, whoever.”
“Very well then,” said Lord Vawdrey. “Allow me to retreat and confer with Queen Armenal. I shall return forthwith.”
XXXXI
Mathilde hurried in Lord Vawdrey’s wake, it was so cold it was almost painful to breathe, and she was suddenly filled with horrible misgivings. Did Guy even know that his best friend’s brother had died by her hand? As she approached the green striped tent, she saw the northerners there all give her their bows and call her name in greeting, although she did not recognize them all. Then she realized they were all calling her Lady Martindale. She threw them her most dazzling smile.
“Good morn,” she called warmly. “Good day to you all!” At the opening, Lord Vawdrey threw back the curtain and bowed, allowing her to enter ahead of him. She barely noticed when instead of following her inside, he simply fastened it shut behind him.
As soon as the tent flap closed Guy was upon her, a desperate look of entreaty on his face.
“How dare you leave me?“ His harsh words were counter-balanced by the fact he sank onto his knees before her, wrapping his arms around her pressing his face against her skirts. “Mathilde.” She barely heard him speak her name, but his voice sounded anguished.
Mathilde felt her frozen heart stutter and then start to pound again. “I did not expect you to discover I was gone so soon,” she lied. What was she saying? It seemed pride was dictating her speech. “You must not have stayed at Allworthy for very long.”
“I did not even stay one night,” he responded grimly. “And my homecoming was to discover you gone and the house in chaos.”
Mathilde placed her hand on his thick black hair. “I did not leave you, Guy,” she said softly, but he wasn’t listening.
“I did nothing with Julia Allworthy, save listen to her histrionics until I was sick to my stomach. I swear it. You have to believe me, Mathilde.”
He looked up at her and his expression was so earnest, that it took her breath away. Swiftly he came to his feet, gazing down at her, and Mathilde was so caught up in savoring his nearness that his words took a moment to register with her. He took her hands in his.
“Even when I did imagine I cared for her,” he continued doggedly. “It was all very shallow. It was never real. Not like you and I. I could never touch her now. I don’t even like her hand on my arm.”
“Oh, I know that,” Mathilde assured him. “I knew you would not look twice at Julia. Not after my send off.”
He blinked. “Your send-off?” he repeated uncomprehendingly. Then, apparently he recalled their frenzied coupling the night he left, and reddened. “Then… Why? Why did you leave me?” he demanded in bewilderment.
“I didn’t,” Mathilde sighed. “Please Guy, let us take a seat.”
She gestured to where two cushioned seats were set out. Guy hesitated for only a split second before walking toward them, still holding her hand. With some reluctance, he released her and sat down. Instead of taking the seat next to his, Mathilde settled herself on his lap. Automatically his arms closed around her, though his gaze was wary. She looped her arms loosely around his shoulders and gazed at him a moment, biting her lip.
“There is something I must tell you. It is very terrible, and I want you to—”
“I already know about that bastard Kerslake,” he interrupted her.
Mathilde’s eyes widened. “Y-you do?” she stammered. He nodded tersely, and she felt the tension running through his whole body. “I’m so sorry Guy,” she began. “If I could only—”
“Sorry?” he burst out incredulously. “If he was still alive, I’d kill him with my own hands!”
Mathilde’s jaw dropped. “But… what of Julia?” she forced herself to say. “Now, she’s lost not only her husband, but her brother too. You know I don’t like her, but—”
“I don’t want to talk about Julia or Tristan Kerslake,” Guy interrupted her in a growl. “Miles was the only decent one of the whole bunch and he’s dead. I don’t care if I never set eyes on a Kerslake again. In fact, I’d prefer it.”
Mathilde tried to push down the ignoble elation that rose up in her at his words. “I shouldn’t be glad about that,” she admitted. “But I am, because I don’t like her!” His lips crooked a little at that, but he turned serious again almost at once. “I’m also wildly jealous of her,” she admitted in a small voice, and felt him relax the tiniest bit.
“You’ve got no cause to be, Mathilde” he told her shakily. “She can’t hold a candle to you. Since I’ve known you, I’ve barely spared her a glance. Every word she speaks grates on me. I had no time for her as soon as she showed up at Acton March. I never should have let her stay, but gods forgive me, I’ve been punished for that stupidity, ten-fold. I’ll never do anything to upset you ever again.”
A dimple appeared in Mathilde’s cheek. “I expect you will,” she said frankly, and when he went to argue, she leaned forward and lightly kissed his lips.
“What if I make you a vow?” he asked her with steady determination. “A blood vow. To swear I was never untrue to you and never will be.”
Mathilde shuddered. “No, thank you. I’ve gone off blood and knives recently.” At the haunted look in Guy’s eye, she decided to try and lighten the mood. “Willard told me you can swear an oath with spit and it’s almost as good.”
“Spit?”
She nodded. “We did a disgusting spit handshake.” Again, the faintest glimmer of a smile and then it was gone. “But perhaps we could kiss? In any case, I don’t need you to swear a vow, for I believe you.”
Again, his hold on her tightened before loosening off again. “I want to kiss you very badly, right now,” he said uneasily. “But I know I won’t be able to think straight once I do, and I have so many things I need to say to you.” He took a deep breath. “Will you introduce me to these friends of yours? Willard, Gordon. What was the name of the other one?” he asked gruffly.
“Piers. And yes, of course I will.”
He gazed at her intently. “I know they’re important to you, which means they’re also now important to me.”
“They’re the ones who are here dressed in the same colors as me. It was Queen Armenal’s idea. I think she reads too many romances.”
“Mathilde…” he said gruffly interrupting her.
“Yes?”
“I need to know you can forgive me. In time.”
She frowned. “For what?”
At her words he shook his head. “Being the worst husband in the kingdom,” he forced out.
“You weren’t! Guy, those things I said… I never meant them. I was just striking out because I was so terribly hurt.”
He closed his eyes. “I hate that I did that,” he muttered. ”And ruined everything between us.”
“You didn’t!”
“Things were so perfect between us at the lodge, I didn’t want to put an end to it. But I should have set you in your rightful place weeks ago,” he said ruefully. “I was just so happy. I’d never been so happy in my life. I selfishly wanted to cherish what we’d built together, and instead I … I tore it apart.”
Mathilde sat up straighter on his lap. “You’d never been so happy?” she echoed. “But it was the same for me. Oh Guy!” Her eyes filled with tears.” She dashed them away. “Oh, why did you not say that to me after the banquet, you great oaf!” She swatted him on the shoulder.
He pulled her in closer, hugging her tight. “Would you have forgiven me quicker if I had, sweeting? Nay, I don’t believe you.” He cradled her face gently. “You were so determined to make me suffer like the damned. Like I deserved.”
“Guy…”
“I should have sent for you,” he said fiercely. “Come to court and demanded you, years ago.”
Mathilde caught her breath, feeling a rush of emotion at his words. How could he possibly know the exact right thing to say? It was like he was drawing out a splinter from a wound that had festered for years.
“Guy,” she said again weakly. If only he knew what a terrified little mouse he would have found, if he had!
“I was not ready for you then,” she said truthfully. “It took degrees for me to come into my own. First my friendship with Robin and the boys, and then Fenella.” She paused. “That was when I dared to hope for more from life. When I began to long for you.”
At the catch in her voice, he drew her closer. “You longed for me?”
She nodded. “So badly. And then when I met you… It became even worse. Ten times worse. I never knew I could want something so much.”
He drew a shaky breath. “If I’d had any damn sense, I’d have come for you,” he insisted. “Gods, when I think about those wasted years…” His words trailed off as he gazed down at her. “If I’d only known what was waiting for me there, I would have battered down the doors to get to you.”
Mathilde gurgled with laughter. “Likely the king would have thought the north was rising up against him if you had.”
“I’d wage a war for you,” he said seriously. “I still might have to, if your Queen doesn’t turn you over to me.”
“It’s not the queen you need to worry about,” she said seriously. “It’s my mother.”
He blinked at that. “Which one was she?”
“The grim looking one in purple. Stood next to the queen.”
He shrugged. “She can’t be any fiercer than you.” She gave a startled laugh at that. “I still can’t believe, you’re being so forgiving,” he admitted. “You refused to give me any quarter last time. I alternated between anger and black despair. And still you held firm.” The look in his eye was so admiring that it took Mathilde’s breath away. “My magnificent wife,” he said with feeling.
“Well, but it wasn’t your fault Tristan tried to kill me,” Mathilde pointed out.
“I should have been there to protect you,” he insisted. “Instead of on that fool’s errand.”
“That’s true enough,” said Mathilde, and looked at him sideways to see how he took that!
He gazed back at her, a little wary. “If I ever do anything so stupid again…”
“You could swear your oath on it now, with a kiss,” she suggested hopefully.
He drew a sharp breath. “But first,” he said huskily. “I need to apologize for those words I spoke to you that night we parted. Gods, Mathilde, if you only knew how much they’ve haunted me.” He swallowed. “As soon as I left you that night, they started eating into me, and causing me pain. They were the first thing I thought of when I woke, and the last thing I thought of before sleep. They were with me every second of the day and they weighed down so heavy on my soul that I felt like I could barely—”
“Guy,” she broke in frowningly. “Do you mean when you called me a pitiless, merciless bitch?”
He flinched at her words. “Aye,” he said hoarsely.
“Then I can honestly say they hurt you, far more than they hurt me,” she said firmly. “In truth, I’ve not dwelt on them at all.”
“You swear it?” He looked so pained, that she tightened her arms around him.
“I do.”
“I struck out at you because I was feeling guilty and miserable and I suspected that I was acting like a damn fool. I also didn’t want to go, which made me angry with myself. I thought about you constantly while I was away. I was terrified I’d get back and find you’d left me. Then, when I did return home and found you gone…” His voice thickened with emotion.
“Oh Guy…” She leaned forward, pressing her forehead to his. “I didn’t leave you,” she said, stroking his cheek. “After Tristan…” she swallowed. “After what happened in the caves, I was so disoriented and … distraught. Lord Vawdrey found me and bore me away. It didn’t dawn on me until it was too late, what conclusion you would draw.”
“Vawdrey said he found you covered in blood,” he said starkly, his gaze bleak.
Mathilde winced. “Yes,” she admitted. “It’s strange, but after I…” she swallowed. “Once Tristan knew he was done for, he was so kind to me, Guy. Even though he was going to kill me, he bore no actual malice toward me. “He — he said he had a part of him that was missing. And that I shouldn’t feel bad about what had happened.” A tear rolled down her cheek and Guy rubbed it away with a swipe of his thumb. “I know it doesn’t make much sense, but I vastly preferred Tristan to Julia,” she confessed in a rush. “I still do.” Guy made a choking sound. “But then, he never tried to take you away from me like she did.”
“Maybe not, but he tried to take you away from me, permanently!” Guy growled.
“I know,” she whispered. “It was when I thought of what you’d do, if I was discovered dead, that I knew I had to fight. I drew my dagger,” she sobbed. “The one you gave me, but I never deliberately struck at him with it, Guy, I swear. He came at me so fast, and he did not see that I had the knife—” she broke off, wiping her eyes.
“Mathilde,” he said shakily, drawing her against him. “My brave girl.” He kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her chin. “My brave Mathilde. I’d have died if anything had befallen you. I just couldn’t have gone on. Knowing how badly I’d treated you, how I’d left you unprotected and alone.”
She raised her head. “But you didn’t,” she pointed out. “That dagger was the first thing you ever gave me. You gave it me the very night we met. And I used it to protect myself.”
“Thank the gods you asked me for a knife,” he said. “And I was unable to deny you anything you asked for, from the very first.”
“And looking back now,” she said drawing a steadying breath, “I can see how my sudden appearance must have seemed very suspicious to you, so it’s little wonder really that you acted the way you did…”
His grip on her grew tighter. “Don’t make excuses for me, my love. My actions were disreputable and deplorable. I knew I wanted you from the first. And I didn’t give a damn about wrong or right, or my honor, or any consideration save getting you for myself. Old Helga warned me not to squander my Yuletide gift, and I so very nearly did. I can’t bear to think of how close you came to death.
“I don’t deserve this blessing,” he said seriously. “But I’ll give thanks every day from this day forward, that you’re mine. I’ll never forget how close I came to losing you, Mathilde. Never,” he swore.
“It’s not just y
ou who behaved badly,” Mathilde said in a pained voice. “I did not respond as I should have, when you told me you loved me. And when I said it to you, I phrased it in such a way that you could take no pleasure from it.”
“I did not deserve any pleasure at that point. You have nothing to reproach yourself with,” he said vehemently. “The fault was mine.”
“Can I tell you now?” she asked in a hushed voice. He swallowed and gave a quick nod. “I love you, Guy.” She said in a low tremulous voice. “I love you so very, very much.”
He uttered a brief exclamation, and then as if unable to help himself, leaned down to tenderly claim her lips.
Moments later, when he raised his head again, Mathilde wondered at how much happier he looked. As though some great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
“I told you that I loved you from the first,” she murmured, a little shyly. “But when did you fall for me?”
“From the moment I saw your bruised little feet,” he rasped. “My heart flew right out of my chest.”
“That was early,” Mathilde marveled. “So then—”
“I lied,” he cut her short. “It was before that. Long before that.”
“Really?” she caught her breath. “When?”
He gave a mirthless laugh. “I don’t know. When you told me you wanted your knife.”
“Oh, then—”
“No!” he burst out frustratedly. “It was before that too.”
“Guy?” She gave a gurgle of laughter.
“When you stepped forward and whispered you were my wife. I felt it right here.” He pressed a fist to his chest.
“Instantly?”
“Aye. I knew, that you belonged here. With me.”
She continued to stroke the back of his neck in a calming fashion. “I understand why Temur and Waldon came with you, for I have a personal bond with them. But how did you persuade the Earl of Strethneal, Lord Wallace and the others to accompany you today?” she puzzled. “They are staunch northerners, are they not?”