Page 4

by Avril Ashton

“I don’t want to leave.” Damn it. Is pulled Reggie into a hug. “I don’t want to leave,” he repeated as Reggie wrapped his arms around him. It was…not enough. “Reg, we’re okay,” he whispered at Reggie’s ear. “Always.”

Reggie slid a hand down Is’ back and heat flared in his groin. He’d known all along that this would happen. He pulled away slowly and his lips brushed Reggie’s neck. His friend gasped, low, and shivered.

“Hey.” Is separated their bodies and cupped Reggie’s nape, staring into his eyes. Fuck. The look in Reggie’s eyes. That shit kicked Is in the groin, hardening him even as everything else in him rebelled. “We’re good, mi bredda.” Just like that he shut it down.

Reggie searched Is’ face with pursed lips. Is didn’t know what he saw, but Reggie nodded to himself as the glow in his eyes dimmed then faded completely. “Right.”

What they were. Best friends. Brothers. Nothing would change that. Nothing could be allowed to change that.

Is swallowed and turned away to take a seat on the couch. “We’ve got a situation in Atlanta.” He watched as Reggie got himself together.

“Tell me.”

Reggie’s voice was a rasp, but Is pretended he didn’t notice as he told Reggie about Mackie’s death and the robbery. When he finished, Reggie was perched on the edge of the armchair facing Is, his hands flat on his thighs.

“You think it’s them,” Reggie said in a much clearer voice. “Vega’s crew.”

“I know it’s them.”

“Okay. What’s our plan?”

He didn’t expect Reggie to leave him hanging in this, but he still felt a jolt of something that Reggie didn’t hesitate to place himself right in the thick of things with Is.

“What do you—” He cleared his throat. “What do you think I should do?”

“Well, you can’t go at them head on. They out-man you ten to one.” Reggie tapped his fingers on his thighs, something he did when he was thinking hard. “Let’s see what Tek finds out from his source inside the PD. If he gets a specific name then we go after that person. Which, that could still lead to a full-scale battle since they’ll know who did it.”

“We wait for specifics and handle it then, but on the DL. No waves.”

Reggie nodded. “I think you should seriously rethink using the businesses down in Atlanta. It’s looking like that’s run its course, especially with Vega in play out there. What about Miami?”

The thought had crossed Is’ mind as well. “I do have several connects in Miami, but that’s going to require time to set things up right.”

Reggie lifted an eyebrow. “No time to start like the present.”

Chapter Four

The only time they didn’t argue was during business. It was a clumsy transition at first, putting what he felt inside on the back burner to strategize with Is, but Reggie managed somehow. He couldn’t pinpoint when they’d gone from friends to Is sharing his business with him picking Reggie’s brain for ideas. Reggie had no problems telling Is the truth about when he needed to pull back or move forward, when he needed to sit shit out and when he needed to step into the thick of it.

With his old gang now defunct, Reggie was stepping more and more into the legitimate side of things. He’d invested in a charter plane company along with some other ventures that made it possible for him to never have to worry about money. Nowadays he was a man of leisure, helping out his friends like Is and Teo if they ever called on him for something.

He held nothing back, always telling it the way he saw it, and he figured Is liked that because he always asked Reggie’s opinion and input.

They brainstormed well into the afternoon, sitting outside on the porch facing the small sandy beach on the property. And if sometimes Is’ gaze stayed too long on Reggie’s mouth, Reggie didn’t call him on it. It didn’t help anything, definitely didn’t help Reggie’s resolve to forget about it, but the warmth that sank low in his belly and spread over his groin? That felt nice. Good. So he just sat there and let Is ogle his mouth.

Did Is know what he was doing? It seemed to Reggie that his friend wasn’t even aware of his lingering gaze and the touches over the past months that stayed on Reggie’s skin for longer than was necessary between boys. Between brothers.

“Hey.”

Reggie jerked his head up. Is was looking at him, his head cocked to the side. “What?”

“You hungry?” Is gazed out over the water, tongue sliding over his bottom lip before he turned back to Reggie. “You didn’t eat anything earlier. I can make us something.”

“I grabbed a sandwich from a deli in town,” Reggie said, “But I could eat.”

Is smiled. “What all do you have in those cupboards in there?”

“Lots of canned shit.” Reggie grimaced. “Tuna mostly.”

Is got to his feet and stretched. Reggie caught a glimpse of the exposed skin of his tight abdomen before Is dropped his hands and his t-shirt covered him back up.

“I can make tuna melts.”

“Uh—”

“You’ll like it.” Is’ phone rang as he took a step toward the door. He stared down at the phone in his hand for so long Reggie didn’t think he would answer it. Then he did. “Tawnya, what’s up, baby?” He changed instantly, his voice dropping to soft and intimate.

Reggie surged to his feet and walked away, down the steps. He kicked off his sneakers, rolled his jeans up to his calves, and waded into the cool water. He just stood there, letting the non-existent waves swirl around his ankles, and stared out. If he was ever going to develop feelings for another man, why did it have to be this one? Why did it have to be Is?

He’d set himself up to be hurt in the worst possible way. He’d lose everything he’d come to like between them, he’d lose Is, but try as Reggie might, the feelings weren’t going away. He’d done his fair share of freaking out. He’d questioned why him so many times. No answers were forthcoming and in the meantime he had to watch Is with other women. Wasn’t as if Is was into men. There was no competition, not with what Is desired.

Who he desired wasn’t Reggie, even though sometimes Reggie thought differently. He had to get over this, for his sake, for Is. He had to get over it. Maybe when he got back home he’d find one of the girls he kept for when the nights got too lonely, run up in the pussy quick fast, lose himself. He had to try harder. This shit wasn’t working.

“That was Tawnya.”

Reggie glanced to his left. Is stood next to him in the water, jeans getting soaked.

“I heard.”

“She misses me, she says.” There was something, a strange undertone to Is’ words that Reggie couldn’t decipher.

“I don’t need to know what you talk about with your women, Is.” He definitely didn’t need to know.

“She’s cool. Nice girl,” Is continued. “I know you don’t like her.”

“Is.” Goddamn it. Reggie turned to him. “It doesn’t matter how I feel about her. It’s all you. It’s all about what you feel for her. My opinions don’t matter.” He started to walk back to the cabin, but Is grabbed his arm.

“It matters. I care about your opinions, you know that.” Is’ fingers tightened around Reggie’s forearm. It stung. Reggie didn’t want him to let go.

He looked first at Is’ hand on his arm then to Is’ face. His friend stared intently at him, dark gaze slightly narrowed, eyes keeping secrets.

“Not about this.” Reggie shook his head. “You don’t want to hear my opinion on this. Trust me.”

Is didn’t look away, he didn’t break contact. “Maybe. Tell me anyway.”

Fine. Reggie lifted his chin. “You’re you. You have power, you have money, you have influence. Any woman who gets with you gets an instant upgrade.” He braced himself for Is to lash out in anger, but he didn’t

“You don’t think I can get a woman who wants me for me?” His gaze roamed Reggie’s face.

“I think—” Reggie took a deep breath. His insides were all quivery and he
didn’t know why. Or maybe he did. “You can get a million women who’ll want you for you, but Tawnya isn’t one of them,” he rasped. “Neither was Ilana.”

Is’ fingers on Reggie flexed, but remained there. “I like Tawnya,” Is said slowly. “She’s fun.”

Reggie bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “I get that.” And he did. With a life like his, filled with violence and all the trappings of being in the game, Is deserved fun wherever he could get it. Didn’t mean Reggie wanted to know about it. Didn’t mean he wanted to hear about it.

“I can’t give anything more.” Is’ expression changed, became more intent. More intense. “I have nothing else except fun with those women, Reg.”

Reggie didn’t say anything, he just waited. There was something deeper happening here and he had to wait it out in order to understand what Is was telling him.

“I am who I am,” Is said. “Nothing’s going to change it.”

Reggie’s chest squeezed. Why did it feel as if Is was talking directly to him there? Why did it feel so fucking wrong? He blinked rapidly. “I know,” he said in a hoarse whisper. “I know that.”

“I trust your opinion,” Is said. He stepped closer and touched Reggie’s nape, cupping him, hauling him closer.

Fuck. Reggie was hard in an instant, swallowing the groan threatening to fall from his throat. It wasn’t fair to want this, to have it, but to not quite have it. It wasn’t fair, but was he moving away from Is’ grasp? Was he shaking off his hold? He couldn’t. He needed it and he’d take this, if this was all he’d ever get.

“Is.” He managed to choke out the name. Dying. He was fucking dying and Is would see it.

“It’s good.” Is pressed their foreheads together, thumb absently stroking Reggie’s jaw just below his ear. “We’re good.”

But they weren’t because Reggie was about to jump out of his skin. Is’ breath touched his nose, warmed his lips and Reggie just stood there, unable to do much except soak it all up. He let Is touch him as they stood in the soft sand, water lapping at their ankles. Did Is know he was giving Reggie everything he wanted right then? He couldn’t possibly know how hard Reggie’s heart beat in his chest right then. He couldn’t possibly know Reggie was rock hard, his erection painful against the tenuous press of his zipper.

Maybe he knew. Maybe Is knew. Reggie couldn’t take the chance so he took what he was given like a good little soldier would, he took the scraps of emotion he caught every once in a while in Is’ eyes, he took the fleeting touches that weren’t quite fleeting and the promise of maybe, possibly, that came with each puff of breath Is expelled. He took it all and tried to tell himself it would be enough. It would be alright.

So what if it was a lie? Wouldn’t be the first one he told himself since he woke up to find himself fascinated with Is’ mouth.

Is lifted his head and stared directly into Reggie’s eye as if he knew what Reggie was thinking. As if he could see everything despite the mask Reggie tried like hell to hide behind. Is’ eyes darkened even more. Reggie didn’t that was possible, but they did, and Is’ gaze dropped. One full drop, from Reggie’s eyes to his mouth. Reggie had to part his lips to breathe then. And Is was watching him fight for air.

He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. One, he didn’t think he could find enough breath in his lungs to accomplish that difficult task right then. And two, he didn’t want to shatter this. This moment.

In this moment he saw clearly enough to identify what truly swirled in the depths of Is’ sinfully dark eyes. And it made his heart leap, made his pulse race. Made him reach out and grasp the front of Is’ t-shirt.

“Is.”

Like Reggie feared, Is retreated. His hands dropped away from Reggie, the shutters slammed down over his eyes and he stepped back.

Way back.

“I’m gonna—” Is motioned toward the cabin. “Make the lunch. I—” Then he was gone, running away.

Reggie sank to his knees in the water and held his hands out in front of him. They shook.

* * * *

Hiding was for cowards. Is didn’t give two fucks about that right then. He’d been hiding from Reggie ever since that…moment down at the beach.

What was that, though? What the fuck was that?

He’d almost done something stupid. Something suicidal. Keeping his distance from Reggie was the best course of action. He’d made their tuna melts and left Reggie’s on the countertop in the kitchen while Is retreated to the bedroom to eat his. By the time he came back out, Reggie had eaten and was out on the broken-down jetty. Looked as if he was fishing, or at least trying to, so Is went around to the back porch and sat there staring out into the dense woods behind the property.

Trying to find a solution for the unsettled sensation in his gut.

Tawnya’s call had been an intrusion. A nuisance, but he’d answered anyway. And afterward he’d felt the need to explain to Reggie. He still couldn’t pinpoint why. The ensuing situation just…what was Is supposed to do with the knowledge of what he’d seen on Reggie’s face?

How was he supposed to ignore the answering pull low in his gut?

He hunched low in the chair and cupped himself. He was hard. Fucking painfully so from the second he’d touched Reggie out there. What was he supposed to do with that? He squeezed himself, once.

“Fuck.” A shiver ran up the length of his spine. He bit his bottom lip and dropped his hand. It was one thing to get aroused by his best friend, by another man. He wouldn’t touch himself. He wouldn’t go there while thinking about Reggie. He needed to nut, but that would have to wait for later on. He’d call up Tawnya, have her help him relieve the stress.

He wasn’t gay. He didn’t do men. It didn’t matter what his body said. He knew better, he was in control, and no way in hell was he going to let this inconvenient attraction mess up his friendship. It would go away, all he had to do was ignore it. Wasn’t like he was about to admit to it or do anything about it.

What he and Reggie had… They were brothers and Is needed to protect that. He never wanted to lose that. Reggie was one in a very small group of people Is trusted implicitly. He’d go to hell and back for them. Shit, he’d survived that fucked-up Russian for Xavier. Something told Is he’d go through far worse for Reggie. Because they were brothers.

Nothing else.

He looked up at the sky, surprised to see it was getting dark. The temperature had dropped too, and he rubbed his forearms as he got to his feet. He walked back through the cabin and found it empty. Reggie wasn’t inside. Is grabbed a hoodie and pulled it on before he went outside. Reggie sat at the very end of the dock slash jetty slash whatever the broken down thing was called.

Barefoot, Is walked over to him. The sunset out in the distance cast a lavender-fuchsia glow over the water, strikingly beautifully. Is smiled as he stepped gingerly on the bridge.

“My bwoy, wha y’ado? Fish?” He frowned when he saw the fishing rod in Reggie’s hand. “I didn’t know you fished.”

Reggie shrugged. “Been a whole lot of years since I did, but hey, it’s not that hard.”

“Yeah? Caught anything?”

“Nope.” Reggie chuckled. “Don’t think I’m doing it right.” He lifted the pole out of the water and placed it next to him, near Is’ feet. “I was thirteen the last time I did it. Had my dad with me then.”

The heavy, wistful quality in Reggie’s voice didn’t go unnoticed by Is. He crouched behind Reggie. “I can help if you want me to.” He knew nothing about fishing, but if Reggie needed him Is would try.

“Nah.” Reggie shook his head. “I’m over it.” But he wasn’t, Is could see that.

“Move over.” He squeezed in between Reggie and edge of the dock, and they sat, their toes in the water. “Have you told your pops how much him leaving messed you up?”

Reggie snorted. “I don’t think he needed the words, Is. I joined a gang. Definitely wasn’t for the health benefits. Besides, we don’t talk about stuff like that. We’re me
n, don’t you know?” The sarcasm in his voice was thick enough to slice through.

“I’m sorry.” The apology just felt right on his tongue, so Is went with it.

Reggie didn’t look at him, he kept staring out as the sun sank deeper over the horizon. “It is what it is.”

Is cast about for some way to disperse the melancholy air his friend was suddenly shrouded in. “Your folks are better now, right? They’re back together and you have them again.” Unlike Is, who had to go to the cemetery if he wanted to visit his father, or the psychiatric hospital to see the woman who’d raised him.

“They’re together, yeah.” Reggie inhaled deeply. “You know, I only learned the real reason he left in the first place a few years ago. He was having an affair with some woman from his job.”

“But he came back to your mother,” Is said. “He must really love her. And you, to come back and remarry her.”

“I guess.” Reggie leaned down and trailed his hand in the water. “She forgave him so easily, you know? I couldn’t. I still can’t. I think that’s why our relationship is the way it is. Stilted. Cold.”

Is nodded. “But he’s your pops. And he came back.” Is swallowed. “Some don’t ever come back, Reg. And some, they just can’t.” His own memories twisted his face into a tight grimace.

“I know.” Reggie brushed his shoulder against Is’. “I’m sorry for…this.” He waved a hand. “I’m lucky and I know it. But sometimes—” He sighed. “Sometimes I wish things were different.”

“Okay. Let me ask you this, if things had been different who would you be?” Is asked. “Where would you be?”

Reggie granted him a small laugh. “I probably would have gone to college.” He turned to face Is, features shadowed in the waning daylight. “You know West Indian parents expect great things. Lawyer. Doctor.” His lips twisted. “I’m a disappointment to my moms. She loves me, she shows it, I have never doubted that, but she also shows her disappointment. I have so much potential, that’s what she always says.”