Epilogue

one year later

“What I’m saying is,you can’t blame the psychiatrist in the study for incorrectly diagnosing. The pseudo-patients made up a schizophrenic episode in order to get admitted to the hospital. Just because they didn’t exhibit symptoms when—”
“Psychiatrists, plural. Are you really going to tell me there’s not one competent person in that hospital who would have noticed, hey, wait, this person seems totally healthy and not schizophrenic at all?”
Gaping, Max rears back dramatically in his chair. “Except for the schizophrenic episode that got them admitted, you mean? So, what, we’re supposed to completely throw out the behavior if they act normal tomorrow? Should we just go on a day-by-day basis? Hey, I know you committed a mass murder yesterday, but today you dropped a dollar in the Salvation Army bell ringer’s shiny red pail, so now you’re a-okay.”
I grin as Cadence grabs her head like it might explode from the mounting frustration of conversing with him. The study sessions for my psychology class are always intense, and Max and Cadence are always at each other’s throats. They’ve never met an issue they could agree on, and it’s so entertaining to watch them fight to the death, we’ve literally started bringing popcorn.
While they continue to go at it, Lucis moves the bowl toward me invitingly. Flashing him a conspiratorial smile, I grab a handful of popcorn and reach for my phone to check the time. My smile drops along with my heart when it lights up and I see the time.
I was supposed to leave 16 minutes ago.
“Shit.” Shoving the popcorn in my mouth and slamming my notebook shut, I start to gather my things.
Noticing movement, Max tears his attention away from Cadence and glances my way. “What do you think, Zoey?”
“I can see both sides of the issue, honestly, but I don’t have time to debate. I did not realize what time it was. I have to go.”
“What?” Cadence demands, wide-eyed. “But we’re right in the middle of this, and we haven’t even finished reviewing the material. We’ve got finals this week, you can’t leave.”
“I have to,” I tell them, shoving the last of my things into my messenger bag and dragging it over my head. “It’s date night.”
“Date night? Isn’t that something middle-aged, married women have once they’ve stopped having regular sex?” Lucis demands, cocking a dark eyebrow at me as I pull on my coat.
I slant him a look as I button up my coat. “Trust me, I have not stopped having regular sex.”
Cadence snickers while Lucis rolls his eyes. “Come on, stay,” he implores. “Carter won’t actually die if he has to entertain himself for one evening. I promise.”
“Seriously, you can’t ditch us for date night,” Max mocks. “Just text him and tell him you’ll be another hour.”
Candace grabs a fistful of popcorn and comments to Max, “I love that movie, though. Have you ever seen it? With Tina Fey. So funny.”
I don’t bother telling them if I text Carter and try to put him off, he’ll show up at our study group and haul me out of here over his shoulder like an uncivilized caveman. Instead, I flash them a smile, let them think date nights are a lame establishment for stale relationships, and leave them with a wave, knowing otherwise.
To make matters even worse, my walk home takes a few minutes longer than usual. It has been snowing all day, light fluffy flakes, but all those flakes add up. A few inches cover the slick sidewalk with more coming down, catching in my hair and all over my coat.
It may take a little longer, but I love when it snows in the city. Big snow, little snow, I’m still so enchanted by the chill in the air and the sight of the white flakes against the backdrop of skyscrapers and the dark night sky… there’s nothing better. I can’t decide if I like fall or winter up here better, but I was definitely right when I thought how nice it would be to have both.
The door is unlocked when I make it back to the apartment. We usually keep it locked even if we are at home. Our building is safe, but just as an added precaution. Carter must have unlocked it to save me an extra minute fiddling with the key. That means he has definitely noticed I am running late.
I kick off my boots and pluck off my hat as soon as I get in the door. Lisa, our nanny, stands at the sink, cleaning up from dinner and post-dinner snacks.
“Hey, Lisa,” I greet, warmly.
It was quite a feat convincing Carter to hire a nanny, but I told him we would take every precaution to make sure we didn’t hire anyone unsafe. I put this poor woman through extensive interviews myself, contacted every single reference she could scrounge up, and even interviewed the now-grown children she nannied for early in her career. Lisa is a grandmother, a retired teacher, and a lovely addition to our family. Chloe just loves her, and I know the feeling is mutual.
“Oooh, you’re late,” Lisa jokes, flashing me a smile over her shoulder as I peel off my coat.
“I know,” I say on a sigh. “I got caught up and lost track of time. Thank you for doin’ the dishes,” I add, before hustling toward the bedroom.
As I approach the bedrooms, I hear Chloe’s voice, haltingly sounding out words as she helps Carter read her bedtime story. She’s in kindergarten now and she’s got all the words on her kindergarten word sheet memorized, but her level readers like to throw her a curve ball every now and then, depending on the story.
“What?” Carter demands, playfully, when she gets it completely wrong. “That word doesn’t start with a B.”
I peek my head in just in time to see Chloe throw her hands down on the book and sigh. “I get confused sometimes!”
Carter leans in and rubs her back, then leans over the book. “It’s all right, just slow down.” Pointing at a spot on the page, he asks, “What letter is that?”
“That one’s a D. Sometimes I get the B and D mixed up when they’re lower case.”
“No big deal, I did too, when I was your age. So, what’s the D sound?”
I sigh quietly to myself, then leave them to finish their story so I can go get ready for our date. I wanted to take a shower before we left since the snow did a number on my hair, but I don’t have time now. We can always take a nice, hot shower together when we get back home.
By the time Carter makes it in, I’m standing at my sink in the master bath, putting my earrings in. I catch his gaze in the mirror and smile at him.
“How did the bedtime story go?”
“She’s just about got all these level readers memorized, we’re gonna have to get her some new ones.”
“Pretty sure Santa has that taken care of,” I tell him.
“Mm,” he murmurs, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “You’re the sexiest Santa I’ve ever seen.”
Winking at him in the mirror, I tell him, “Wait until you see my Christmas lingerie.”
“I thought it might be Christmas before you got here,” he informs me. “Study session run long again tonight?”
“Yeah. It’s still going,” I tell him, bumping my butt against him to move him back so I can open my drawer and grab some Chapstick to run over my lips. “I told them I had to bail early for date night and they made fun of me.”
Cocking an eyebrow, he points out, “It wasn’t early. You said it would be over an hour ago.”
“I know,” I say on a sigh, capping my Chapstick and putting it back. “Max and Candace started fighting about the case study and… it just became a whole thing. You should just let me study with Lucis and leave the other two out of it, then there’d be less distractions and I’d get home a lot sooner.”
“Yeah, right. Lucis would keep you out just as late flirting with you,” he states.
“He doesn’t flirt with me,” I murmur.
“He wants to fuck you.”
“You always think someone wants to fuck me. You’re biased by your own personal interest in fucking me.”
His arms tighten and he smiles, kissing my neck and sending a thrill down my spine. “Damn right, I want to fuck you. I would right now if we weren’t already running late.” Releasing me and disappearing into the other room, Carter lets me finish getting ready.
Or, I think he’s leaving to let me finish getting ready, but then he comes back holding a small black case. He cracks it open, draws out a little black and silver bullet vibrator, and hands it to me.
“What is this?” I ask, inspecting the toy since I’ve never seen it before.
“Early Christmas present. Put it in.”
“Right now? We’re already late.”
In response, he grabs the soft fabric of my little black dress and draws it up over my ass and around my waist. My body throbs with interest as he bunches the fabric in one hand and runs his palm over my ass. “Right now.”
Well, all right, then. I push down my panties and push the little bullet vibrator inside me. Once I’ve finished, I hit the light and join Carter in the bedroom, but frown when I see him slipping on his coat.
“What are you doing?”
He glances back at me and cocks an eyebrow. “Putting my coat on. If you want to see the Rockettes, we need to get the hell out of here.”
“But… I have the…” I glance toward the hall, even though I know Chloe can’t hear us. “I have the thing in.”
Carter smirks at me. “I know.”
I widen my eyes pointedly, but before I have to ask, he reaches into his pocket and draws out a matching black and silver circular object.
“Wireless remote,” he explains. “We’re going to have a little fun tonight.”
My heart skips a beat as I follow him out of the bedroom. “In public?”
“Wherever, whenever I want,” he says.
Mm, that sounds intriguing. “You’re tryin’ to get me put on the naughty list, aren’t you?” I ask, following after him. “Santa isn’t gonna bring me anything but a lump of coal this year.”
“That’s okay, I give better presents than he does, anyway.” Glancing back over his shoulder, he says, “You’re lucky it has limited range, I’d make you wear it to study sessions. Every time I have a hunch Lucis is doing something that would irritate me…” He reaches into his pocket, and a moment later I jump, startled by the jolt of vibration inside me. Damn, for a little bullet massager, this thing has oomph.
“Scandalous,” I tell him, breathing a sigh of relief when he turns it off just before we approach Lisa. “Hey, I could always invite Lucis to study here sometime,” I tease. “He and I could study in the privacy of the bedroom, while you—”
“Keep it up,” Carter says.
I grin, speeding up so I can hug him from behind. “You know I’m just teasin’ you.”
“It’s all fun and games until I fuck up someone’s life,” he half-jokes.
“Don’t you dare. He’s my TA, he might revenge-grade my papers.”
He turns, catching me around the waist and drawing me against him. “Plus, you only want me.”
“Naturally,” I say, winding my arms around his neck and gazing up at him. “How could I ever want anyone else?”
He smiles faintly and pecks me on the lips, then with much more force, he smacks me on the ass. “Get your coat so we can leave.”

I thinkNew York is wonderful all year, but it’s especially lovely during the Christmas season. Since we have tickets for an eight o’clock show and we’re clear across town, Carter gets us a cab when we leave the apartment. When we leave Radio City after the show, though, we’re close enough to walk to our dinner reservations.
Tucking my arm through Carter’s as we stroll down the street, I lean my head on his shoulder and muse, “We should go ice skating in front of the tree like we did last year.”
“We will,” he assures me. “I have a whole anniversary date planned, I’m just waiting for finals to be over so you won’t be as stressed.”
“I’m not stressed,” I deny. “There’s just so much information to remember. I want to finish my first semester strong so they don’t regret lettin’ me in.”
Wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side, he says, “No one’s going to regret letting you in. You’re smart enough to be here even without the nudging we did on your behalf; you don’t have to kill yourself studying now that you’re here. The world won’t end if you don’t have a perfect GPA. Once you graduate and you’re in the field, it won’t even matter what your GPA was.”
“It’s not all about my GPA. It’s important information I’ll need to know later, in med school and when I’m practicing.”
“Some of it is. Other stuff is filler. How often do you think you’ll need to be able to quote Socrates? Yet, you spent all last night jamming ancient Greek philosophy into your head. It’s crowded up there, save space for what matters and give yourself a break.”
“Maybe I’ll have a patient who is obsessed with the Socratic method, and my in-depth knowledge will be the key to figuring out his problems,” I suggest, primly.
Carter smiles and tugs me closer so he can kiss the crown of my head. “If that ever happens, I’ll eat my words. But assuming it won’t, at least take it easy in the fluff classes.”
Largely inspired by my experiences with Carter and then reaffirmed by conversations I had with university faculty, I decided to pursue a career in behavioral sciences. It’s going to mean a lot of school, but eventually I want to be trained to help those at-risk for problematic behaviors, and counsel people whose general mentalities err more toward the abnormal. Carter lucked out by finding me, but if some other girl had crossed his path, I don’t know where either of them might have ended up.
Years down the road I’ll be Dr. Ellis, and I’ll be able to help people with their problems while doing something that interests me, too. It’s the perfect career for me, and with Carter’s dad paying for my undergrad study, I won’t be afraid of any potential debt I might incur pursuing my PH.D. either. Plus, Lucis is on the same path, and he has already told me I could work as a TA while I’m doing my grad work.
I can’t hold back a little sigh. There’s plenty of day-to-day stuff I could stress over, but ultimately, so much is going right in my life, and I would rather focus on that.
Giving me a light squeeze, Carter asks, “What’s that sigh for?”
“I’m just happy. Everything is so perfect right now. Even this snow,” I add, holding my hand out to catch a few crystal flakes on my cashmere glove. Peering up at him with a smile, I tell him, “I love our life.”
“So do I.”
Carter opens the heavy black door for me when we get to the upscale steakhouse where we’re having dinner. One of his friends owns the place so we have a standing reservation. There are black, leather-upholstered seats lining each wall of the entrance cove, both of them completely full of people. Carter puts a hand at the small of my back and walks straight to the hostess stand.
“Reservation for two. Carter Mahoney.”
The hostess looks up, her gaze nearly as sharp as her jawline until she sees Carter, then her face softens into a little smile. Disinterestedly, she flicks a glance at me. I flash her a smile that she doesn’t bother returning, then she consults her list, doesn’t find what she’s looking for, and looks back at him. “What time were you supposed to be here?”
“Whenever I show up,” he states, a touch arrogantly, given her dismissal of me. “Other list, sweetheart.”
Her posture is already astounding, but she stiffens at his tone. Flipping that list, she consults a much shorter list behind it. “Ah, there it is.” Covering the exclusive list back up, she grabs two menus and leaves her hostess stand. “If you’ll just follow me, Mr. Mahoney.”
The hostess walks us through the crowded restaurant, past the bar dotted with well-dressed women and men in suits, or at least dress shirts and ties if they’ve taken their jackets off. I’m not sure if there’s an actual dress code here, or just an unspoken understanding that it’s not civilized to show up in jeans if you’re going to spend this much on a steak.
The reserved seats are the ones you never have to wait for, and also the best seats in the place. We’re escorted up a floor and led back to a private corner, removed from the noise and chatter that filled the dining room downstairs. The hostess waits for us to take our seats, then she hands us our menus and removes the additional place settings. She comes back to light the candle on the table between us and fill our water goblets, then she tells us our server will be over in just a few moments.
We look over the menu for a few minutes, but I usually get the same thing. There are no prices on the menu, thank goodness, because I know from accidentally seeing the bill last time we stopped in for drinks and dessert, they would make me lose my appetite. This place has my favorite dessert in the city, though. An incredible slice of chocolate cake. That’s it, just chocolate cake, but I don’t know what is done to the cake. Obviously it is dipped in sin and sprinkled with ecstasy, because it is the loveliest thing my taste buds have ever come into contact with.
My mouth waters just thinking about it. Our waitress finally comes our way, but she’s carrying a tray and we haven’t ordered yet. I glance around, but there are no other diners in our little nook, so she must be bringing it to us.
Smiling, she puts the tray down in front of us. It’s a tray of caviar with two glasses of champagne.
“Oh, we didn’t order…”
The waitress is already nodding. “On the house.”
Carter smirks, unrolling his napkin full of utensils. “He saw us.”
I sigh, much less amused. “He’s here.”
The waitress stifles a knowing smile, then asks, “Did you two need a minute to look over the menu, or…?”
“Nope, we’re all set,” Carter tells her, then proceeds to order our food.
Once the waitress is gone, I eye the caviar, but only reach for the champagne. “If he’s gonna send over free food, he should skip the foreplay and send me cake.”
Amused, Carter assures me, “You’ll get your cake after we eat.”
“I’ll take pre-dinner cake and cake for dessert. There’s never enough cake. I would like cake in a house, I would like cake with a mouse. I would like cake here or there. I would like cake anywhere.”
“No more Dr. Seuss bedtime stories for you,” Carter tells me.
I shake my head. “I have to train my brain to stop memorizing everything my eyeballs skate across more than once.”
I’m not a big fan of caviar at all, but I’m so hungry, I eat a little of it while we’re waiting for our food. Other than popcorn at study group, I haven’t eaten anything all day, so the single glass of champagne makes me a little loopy.
I process everything more slowly when I’m tipsy, so it takes until a moment after the scent of expensive cologne and bad decisions wafts my way, then I sense trouble standing behind me.
I tip my head back gracelessly and tip backward in my chair, my back pressing into the knuckles of the man standing there with a firm grip on my chair.
His blue eyes gleam with amusement as he looks down at me. “Hello, Zoey.”
“You sent over strong champagne,” I say accusingly.
“I sent over Cristal. You’re a lightweight.”
“I think it’s extra strength champagne,” I tell him argumentatively.
“With your discerning palate, I’m shocked Zagat hasn’t recruited you yet,” he deadpans. Dismissing me, he looks across the table at Carter. “You sure you want to bother with food? I think you have her in an ideal state already. Just clear out of here and head home, your job is done.”
“I’m not leaving until I’ve eaten my weight in chocolate cake,” I state, holding onto the edge of the table so I can sit back up.
“How about one piece?” he suggests, openly looking down at my breasts, then letting his gaze drift over the rest of my body. “Hate to see you lose that lovely shape.”
“Ugh. I hate you.”
He grins, utterly pleased with himself, then turns his attention to Carter. They bullshit for a few minutes and I zone out, thinking about all the presents I still have to wrap. Now that Chloe lives with us, we essentially have a child, so Christmas is a pretty big deal. This being her first Christmas with us on top of it, I went way overboard on presents in a bid to make the change easier. The presents are mostly stashed in the unused cabinets under the marble counter in my walk-in closet. Chloe never goes in there, so it was the only feasible hiding spot.
I need to get bows. I have lots of wrapping paper and glittery nametags, but no bows. I pull out my phone to order some bows, but before I can shop, I see a message from Lucis.
“Study group is tedious without you.”
I’m not sober enough to guard my phone from potential misinterpretations, and my awkwardly slower reflexes do not help me tilt it away quickly enough when Carter’s stupid asshole friend leans down and asks, “Who is Lucis, and why does he miss you so much?”
“Have you ever heard of privacy?” I ask him.
“Have you ever considered not being a cocktease?” he shoots back.
My eyes widen in disbelief. “I am not a cocktease.”
“He sends you unmitigated longing completely unprovoked, then?” he questions, arching a golden eyebrow.
“That is not what that message was. You’re twisting it up to cause trouble.”
“I’m not trying to cause any trouble. Just pointing out that this guy wants to fuck you, on the off chance Carter didn’t already know.”
“See,” Carter says, nodding smugly and leaning across the table. “Give me that fucking thing. I have some words for Lucis.”
I cradle the phone protectively, then sneak it back into my purse before anyone can humiliate me. “Absolutely not. He’s the TA in my psych class and he doesn’t wanna fuck me.” Before either of them can disagree, I add, “And even if he does, it doesn’t matter. I am happily on the inside of a committed relationship. You can’t honestly think I’m goin’ anywhere.”
“I don’t, but I don’t like him sending you texts like that. It’s disrespectful.” Carter’s hand is still out, waiting for the phone. “Hand it over.”
I shake my head. “No. All he said was that study group was boring without me, it’s nothing scandalous.”
“Oh, yeah? That’s funny; according to you, Max and Cadence are the main sources of study group entertainment. But it’s boring without you there?”
Asshole Face doesn’t help, offering, “Must not be able to stroke his cock to thoughts of either of them.”
Glaring up at him, I ask, “Don’t you have actual work to do?”
“Nah,” he says, grabbing a chair from a nearby table and pulling it up to ours. “I can join you, if you’d like?”
“I wouldn’t like,” I inform him. “I wouldn’t like at all.”
Shaking his head, Carter grabs his champagne glass and takes a drink. “I don’t like Lucis,” he informs me.
“He doesn’t like you either.”
“Well, of course not, I get to fuck you and he only gets to dream about it,” Carter replies. “I wouldn’t expect him to like me.”
Smiling faintly, I shake my head. I know he’s not really as worked up about Lucis as he pretends to be, he just likes the drama. He likes the surge of jealousy, the friction and the play fighting. Then when he gets me home, he’ll throw me down on the bed, devour me, and fuck me with the kind of sensual violence Lucis never would.
One of the many reasons he knows he doesn’t have to worry about Lucis or anybody else.
Still, Carter likes his games, and I don’t mind playing them. I especially won’t mind later, when he’s punishing me with his body and I feel freer and sexier for it.
My blood warms with the mental images of what he’ll do to me in bed later, and suddenly I am ready to forego the cake—and the food—to go home now. Can’t do that, so instead, I reach back into my purse and draw out my phone. Lacking any attempt at stealth, I start typing out a text.
I feel Carter’s eyes on me, then my body responds like it’s been hit by a jolt of electricity when his voice drops low and he asks, “Who are you texting?”
I look up at him innocently. “Who do you think?”
A hint of pleasure glistens in his eyes right before he narrows them at me. “Delete the message and put the phone away.”
“Or what?”
Carter cocks an eyebrow at me, then he reaches into his pocket. The vibrator comes to life inside me and I jump, startled. Taking a shallow breath, I shift, trying to get my bearings, but it’s difficult not to squirm noticeably as the little bullet stimulates the most sensitive part of my body.
I don’t know if there’s no low setting on this thing or he just ramped it up to punish me, but I’m having the hardest time sitting still. Even my breathing is hard to control already, my body wanting to respond naturally to the pleasure triggered by the vibration.
I clench and unclench my hands, struggling to hold in helpless noises that are just begging to escape my throat. His friend is watching me, his blue eyes narrowed with suspicion. I’ll die if he figures out what Carter just did, but I’m not being as subtle as I’d like to be, either.
Casting my boyfriend a pleading gaze across the table, I silently beg him to turn it off.
Carter cocks a dark eyebrow, silently challenging me to obey him or endure the consequences.
I close my eyes, attempting to summon every unsexy thought I can muster, but pleasure moves through me in waves and it’s a physical challenge to hold it in.
This is torture.
Jittery and barely able to keep my shit together, I tap my screen, erase the message I was going to send, and flash Carter the screen as proof.
“There, it’s gone,” I snap, a little breathless.
“Good girl,” he says, more than mildly amused.
Every muscle in my body taut with the effort of holding back an orgasm, I wait for him to reach into his pocket and turn it off, but damn him, he reaches for his champagne and takes a slow sip instead.
My eyes widen in betrayed disbelief, then narrow as I glare at him. “Carter…”
“Yes, princess?” he asks, as if innocent.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Pretending to consider, he rubs his chin. “Hm, I don’t think so.”
If we were at home, the bullet vibrator probably wouldn’t be so potent, but the knowledge that we’re in public and his friend is standing right here, watching Carter toy with me…
Fuck, I’m going to come. I don’t want anyone to notice, but I squeeze the edge of the table and close my eyes as the pressure builds and builds, as I approach—
Just before I get there, he turns it off.
I groan and let out a breath of frustration, sinking back in my chair and glaring at Carter.
His hand comes out of his pocket and he smirks at me across the table. “Something wrong, baby?”
I could growl, I’m so irritated. Uncaring of how it looks, I push back my chair, storm over to Carter’s side of the table, and grab him by the arm. He doesn’t stop me as I literally drag him out of his chair, in front of his friend, and toward the bathroom.
“Don’t you want to grab your purse?” he asks, letting me drag him.
“Fuck my purse,” I snap, picking up the pace as my insides clench around nothing, desperate to be filled.
We barely make it inside the bathroom. It doesn’t even offer the privacy of a single stall restroom, it’s a whole row of stalls that anyone could be inside or come in to use, but I don’t care. I close my eyes as he takes control, roughly grabbing my arms and backing me up against the wall. Fire ignites low in my belly at the familiar signal that it’s go-time.
“Kiss me,” I say breathlessly, half demand, half plea.
He leans in close, pressing his body against mine, making me feel the enticing heat rolling off his well-sculpted body. “Now, princess, is that how you ask?”
I’m too turned on to play resistance games, so I don’t. “Please.”
Just like that, his mouth is covering mine, my body weakening as my mind is assaulted by an explosion of pleasure. Our tongues tangle for a few seconds, then he wrestles mine into submission, bringing a hand up to palm my breast through the fabric. I gasp into his mouth, my body so sensitive already from the pleasure he ignited inside me back at the table.
“Please, Carter, I need you,” I tell him, digging my fingers into his back, trying to pull him closer.
Carter bends his head to kiss my neck, sending yet another frenzy of pleasure coursing through me. As he works magic on my neck, he reaches between my legs, slides a finger inside me, and removes the bullet, catching my moans against his mouth.
He slips the small toy into the pocket of his slacks, then goes to drag my panties down. I free up a hand and reach down to help, to try to push the damn things off faster, causing Carter to chuckle.
“Someone’s eager.”
“You’re so mean,” I tell him. “Do you know how close I was?”
Grinning evilly as he gets my panties off, he says, “Yes.”
He shoves my panties into the same pocket. I get the feeling he’s not going to give them back, but I don’t care. I have no need for panties, only for him. I look down, as eager as he accused me of being, as he unbuttons his pants and frees his cock from the dastardly constraints of his clothing.
Yes, yes, yes, that’s what I want.
Carter’s hand slides down my side, then he braces both hands under my butt and lifts me. I wrap my legs around him and don’t even attempt to hold back a moan, throwing my head back as he swiftly pushes himself inside me. Knowing I’m already warmed up, he only gives me a few seconds to adjust to the invasion, then he picks up a steady pace, withdrawing and thrusting mercilessly, just the way we both like.
“Look at me,” he demands, since my head is still tipped back, my eyes closed.
I hold onto his broad shoulders for strength and coax my eyes open, bringing my gaze back to his. His brown eyes are so beautiful, so intense as he pulls back then thrusts forward, angling his hips and forcing his cock even deeper inside me. I moan again, my head falling back. It’s too hard to keep it upright, but I try. I bring my gaze back to him and hold it there, hissing through my teeth as he pounds me again and again and again.
“Tell me you love me,” he demands.
That’s a no-brainer. I can barely open my mouth fast enough for the words to tumble out. “I love you. I love you so much.”
Even though he knows that already, I can see that my vehemence satisfies him. To reward me, he crushes his lips against mine, tangling one hand in my hair and cradling my head in his large hand. His kiss is as unrelenting as his thrusts and every bit as mind-melting. My brain ceases to function as he fucks me against this wall, my senses of right and wrong, of modesty, of basic human decency falling away like unnecessary baggage. The door could fly open right now and I would still beg him to keep going.
For this, I don’t have to beg. Not tonight. He slams into me until I can’t take it anymore, until I’m crying out his name in pleasure and finally flying over the edge into ecstasy.
My body is boneless as I come back down. My head is even harder to hold up now, so I let it fall forward against his shoulder. Carter’s eyes are closed too, one hand braced on the bathroom wall like he needs it to help him remain on his feet, but he’s still supporting all of my weight, too, so he must not.
“Fuck,” he mutters, then presses a kiss to the side of my face.
Sighing blissfully, I offer him a loopy smile. “I don’t know about you, but I feel much better.”
Carter chuckles, pulling me in for a hug. Once we’ve both come back down, he eases me down, but doesn’t let go until I’m steady with both feet on the floor.
I tug my dress down, then cast a glance toward the thankfully empty bathroom stalls. “I should probably clean up.”
“Nope. You keep my cum inside you and get your disobedient little ass back to the table.”
I slide him a stern look, but he ruins it completely by smacking me hard on the ass and making me jump. “Can I at least have my panties back?” I request.
“No.”
“I figured as much,” I mutter.
When we return to the table, his friend has left and the waitress hasn’t yet returned. Thankfully we are alone in this corner, so my purse remains on the floor where I left it and my phone is still on the table. Not that anyone who can afford to eat here is likely to steal purses, I guess, but it was still irresponsible to leave my belongings and run to the bathroom for a quickie.
Worth it, though. Even if someone had run off with my purse, it would have been worth it.
Pleasantly satisfied, I take my seat and sip my expensive champagne. I’m certain I finished my glass already, but someone must have refilled it because now it’s a little over half full.
Now that our sexual needs have been met, Carter doesn’t pick pretend fights with me over texts from a man incapable of making him feel threatened. Lucis does text me again, but I can’t even bring myself to care enough to read it. I’ll get to it later… or tomorrow. At some point.
The waitress brings out our steaks and reminds me why I come to this place, even though Carter’s friend is such a nuisance and the prices are so high. The steak is so perfectly cooked, so amazingly tender, it practically melts in my mouth as I’m chewing. The whole time I’m eating it, I feel like I’m cloaked in a blissful blanket of all around satisfaction.
By the time my cake comes out, I might as well be walking on sunshine. Usually Carter and I share a dessert, but he knows when it comes to this cake, I want my own. He orders a slice for both of us, but only takes a few bites of his and then has it boxed up so I can have it tomorrow. He’s the best.
I’m still a little buzzed from the champagne and sex when we leave the restaurant. I’m leaning on Carter a little more heavily than I mean to, but I’m getting tired. It’s been a long day, and all I want to do is go home and curl up in bed with him.
“Thank you for a lovely date night,” I tell him, as we walk back toward Rockefeller Center.
“You’re welcome,” he says, subtly checking his watch. “We need to pick up the pace a little bit.”
“Why?” I murmur sleepily. “I’m tired. We should get a cab.”
“Because if we don’t hurry up, we’re going to miss the last light show.”
“Light show?” I gasp, suddenly realizing why we are heading back toward Rockefeller Center. “Will we make it?”
“Starts in three minutes,” he tells me.
I love the Christmas light show at Sak’s Fifth Avenue, and Carter knows it. It reminds me of the light show and fireworks at Disney World this past summer when we took Chloe. She was almost too tired to hold her little head up by that point, falling asleep in Carter’s lap while we sat on the ground to give our feet a rest. Then the show started and she rallied the last bit of energy her tiny body could muster. She gazed in awe at the projections on the castle, eagerly watching with magic reflected in her eyes as fireworks lit up the sky above.
At Christmas, we get just a little bit of that here. Chloe loves the light show, too. We’ve brought her a few times since the season started, but tonight, it’s nice that it’s just me and Carter.
We make it just in time for the last show to start. There’s a smaller crowd of people than there has been when we’ve come earlier. Carter stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back against him as we watch the light show. He’s still feeling affectionate, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles, then twining our fingers together while he holds me.
I lean my head back against his shoulder, sighing contentedly. “I love you, Carter.”
I feel his warm breath on the side of my face as he murmurs, “I love you, too. I have one more early Christmas present for you.”
I grin up at the building as I tell him, “If you keep this up, there won’t be anything left to put under the tree.”
“Then I’ll just buy more,” he says, simply.
“You’re spoilin’ me, Carter Mahoney.”
“I’m always going to spoil you,” he promises. “You deserve to be spoiled.”
I reach my hand back to caress his face, but when I do, I freeze, seeing something on my finger catch the light. I didn’t put my gloves on when I left the restaurant so my hands are so cold, I can barely feel them. When I turn my wrist, my wide eyes land on a gorgeous diamond and aquamarine ring that has appeared on my left hand.
“Carter…” I trail off uncertainly, then look back at him.
He turns me around, capturing the hand he sneakily slid the ring on. Holding my gaze, he brings the hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. Then, still holding onto my hand, he drops to one knee.
I gasp, and so do a few people in the crowd around us. A helpless grin splits my face, happiness welling up inside me like a volcano that’s about to explode.
“I’m sure you already know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t imagine what my life would have been like without you, and even if I could, I wouldn’t want to. You’re my partner, my best friend, and the only thing in this world I can’t afford to lose.” He offers me a little smile, knowing the answer even before the words leave his perfect lips. “Zoey Ellis, will you spend the rest of your life with me?”
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,” I say rapidly, nodding and grinning. Then, saying to hell with it, I throw my arms around his neck and tackle him.
He manages to stay upright even with me coming down on top of him. He catches my weight in his arms, holding me against his chest and smirking down at me. “You sure?”
I squeeze him harder, then pull back, allowing myself a moment to actually look at and admire this beautiful ring. It’s not an ordinary engagement ring; the main stone is pale blue in color—aquamarine, not a diamond. The diamonds are set around the band and in a halo around the main stone. It’s the perfect ring for a winter proposal. The perfect ring, period. I’ve never seen a prettier ring, and I’m not just saying that because this one is for me, from Carter.
Well, maybe I am, but it doesn’t matter. I maintain that it’s the most beautiful ring in the world, and he’s the most wonderful man in the world, and if I get any happier tonight, I will literally explode.
Sighing and winding my arms around his neck again, I lean in and give him a big kiss. There are some responses from the people still gathered around, some chuckles and awws, one person inexplicably recording this on their phone, like the moment belongs to them.
It doesn’t matter. They could project this proposal on the building like they did the light show and I wouldn’t mind. All that matters is that we found each other, that we make each other happy, that he loves me so much he wants to marry me.
And I love him, too. I love everything about him, the good, the bad, and the in between. And now I know with an unshakable certainty, we get to spend the rest of our lives together.
That’s pretty damn lucky, if you ask me.