Gazing at her as I held my daughters close, I said, “I love these girls with all my heart, but you’re the best thing in my life. I’d be lost without you.” Thinking of the weeks we were apart, I frowned. “I was lost without you. Let’s never do that again, okay? Sink or swim, we make our fate together.”
The smile Anna gave me was so warm, I felt the heat from it all the way in my toes. “I like that plan. Us being together, being a team, it’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Walking over to us, she sat down on the bed and put a hand on my chest. “You’re my best friend.”
Loving those words almost as much as the filthy phrases she’d groaned in my ear last night, I grinned. “You’re my best friend too.” My smile slipped as I remembered something important that I needed to talk to her about. I sat up on the bed and leaned my back against the wall. Gibson mimicked me while Onnika crawled into my lap. “There’s something we should probably talk about…”
Hearing the seriousness in my tone made Anna frown. “What?”
With a sigh, I let it all out. “I’m overdrawn, up to my eyeballs in debt, and now, I’m unemployed. Financially, I’m pretty much fuc…” Glancing at Gibson and Onnika, I changed what I was about to say. “I’m in a corner.”
My attempt to consciously not swear around my children made Anna smile. “You mean we’re in corner. Teammates, remember?” With a smile, I nodded, but Anna frowned. “What are we going to do?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m so far behind on payments…I don’t know how to catch up, even if I did get another good-paying job, but that seems unlikely, since Dad hooked me up with that last one. I’ll have to start at the bottom…”
Anna nodded; her face was a mixture of annoyance and resignation. There were long-term consequences to my actions that we were all going to have to deal with. When the moment of silence stretched long enough, Gibson filled up the quiet with tales about her dolls’ lives. After listening to her daughter for a while, Anna sighed. “Well, Griff, I only see one solution. You’re not going to like it, but I don’t see another way.”
Having a tiny idea what she was going to say made me cringe. I wanted to argue before she even said it, but instead I made myself ask, “What’s your idea?”
“We go to the guys and beg for a loan.” An inadvertent groan escaped me. Yep. There wasn’t one word in that sentence I liked, and there were several I hated—like “beg.” Maybe expecting an argument from me, Anna raised a finger in the air. When I didn’t say anything, she added, “And I think it’s only right if we pay them back double what we borrow.”
I knew she in part wanted to repay them that much to teach me a lesson, so I shut my mouth and nodded. She was right anyway. I’d feel a lot better borrowing from the band if they made a profit from it. Of course, it was going to take me six hundred years to pay them back. “Okay. I’ll ask them today. Liam asked me to come listen to their first real rehearsal. Moral support.” I shrugged and acted like it didn’t bother me, but it did. Watching Liam take over my spot was going to suck on so many levels, but he was my brother, and he’d asked me to be there, and I couldn’t say no to him.
Nodding, Anna cupped my face in sympathy. She knew I was hurting, but she also knew I’d get through this. Not being in a band anymore wasn’t going to kill me. Los Angeles had taught me that. I was tougher than I thought, and with Anna by my side, there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do.
The guys were meeting in the late afternoon. Anna had the day off, so she and the girls went with me. We drove Anna’s car, a clunky ancient Ford Escort hatchback that a coworker had sold to her for nine hundred dollars. We used to spend that much on coffee in a month, but now Anna had to make payments to her friend to swing it. I wasn’t sure which reality felt more surreal to me, the one I used to have or the one I had now.
Being back in Washington was so refreshing that I actually enjoyed the drive to Kellan’s place. The seasons were changing, and it was cold, wet, windy, and gloomy, but I loved it. Even though I’d spent most of my life in California, Washington felt like home. I supposed that was because of the people though. Anna and the guys…they made the place feel complete.
When we arrived at Kellan’s gate, I lowered the window and pressed the call button. Kellan had a camera on the gate, so he knew it was me when he answered. “Hey, Griff. How’s it going it, man? What brings you to my neck of the woods?”
It was only then that I realized I probably should have cleared my arrival with the rest of the guys before just showing up. “Oh, uh, Liam asked me to be here today. That okay?”
Kellan’s tinny voice laughed. Me asking permission for anything was not something he was used to. “Of course. You’re always welcome here, Griffin.”
Even as he said it, the gate started swinging open. I only told him, “Thank you,” but in my head I doubted his words. I was positive that there had been quite a bit of time right after I’d abandoned the guys where they wouldn’t have let me anywhere near them, let alone inside their houses.
When I got to the parking lot at the base of the hill Kellan’s house sat on, I started laughing. Kellan had done something about my many complaints about the number of steps that led up to his front door. There was a ski lift gondola resting on a track next to the countless steps. Eager to try it out, I grabbed Onnika while Anna let Gibson out of the car. The four of us easily fit inside the gondola. Gibson spotted the up button and pressed it before I could get to it. Something clicked on the machine, and it slowly started rising. “Now this is more like it,” I said to Anna, as I relaxed back on the railing and let the car do all the heavy lifting.
The car stopped in a space cut out of the front porch, so we didn’t even have to walk up the porch steps. Kellan was waiting near the front door with an amused expression on his face. I gave him my seal of approval. “That’s freaking awesome, man. Good job.”
He laughed as he clapped my back. “I thought you’d appreciate that.”
I laughed, then told him, “I want to take the buggy back down though.”
Gibson heard me and her hand shot into the air. “Me too, me too!”
Kellan grinned at her, then tilted his head inside the house. “Come on, the guys are waiting.”
My heart started hammering as we walked through Kellan’s place. I needed to ask the guys a huge favor, but I didn’t feel like I deserved for them to say yes. I mean, I’d bailed on them, why should they do anything for me? But I’d tried to make amends by helping make their show to replace me a national sensation, although I’d done that more for me than for them, so again, I didn’t really deserve their help.
When we walked into the living room, Anna asked Kellan where Kiera and Ryder were. “The girls and I will hang out with them so you boys have time to do your thing.”
Kellan gave her a smooth grin. “It’s okay. They’re actually in the rehearsal room.”
That surprised me some, but then I figured they were just having a welcome-to-the-family party for Liam. I bit back the sudden pain of loss and focused on the task at hand. Be there for Liam, ask the guys for help, then go about getting a job. That was my to-do list today.
Walking out of the living room, we headed out back to where the rehearsal room was on the other side of the pool. When we got there, I saw about three dozen balloons in bright colors on either sides of the doors. Gibson made a beeline for them, and Onnika struggled to get down. I kept a firm hold on her though. Over the door was a banner proclaiming Congratulations!, and the door itself was covered in multicolored streamers.
Glancing over at Kellan, I nonchalantly said, “Abby is here, isn’t she?” Denny’s wife had a thing for celebrations, no matter if they were big or small.
With a laugh, Kellan nodded. “Yeah, Denny too.”
Great. So getting on my knees and begging for some financial scraps was going to be even more humiliating. I supposed that was appropriate though.
It took some effort, but we finally got Gibson and Onnika into the rehearsal room.
Gibson was mad about leaving the balloons outside, until she noticed that there were dozens more inside. I set Onnika down, then watched in awe as Gibson handed her a squishy balloon from the floor. It had taken a while, but Gibson was finally letting her sister in.
Looking around, I saw more streamers, more balloons, confetti over everything, including the instruments, and a gigantic cake in the shape of a guitar resting on a table placed where Kellan usually stood for practice. Damn. Guess rehearsal was going to have to wait until later.
Denny and Abby were talking with Kiera, Rachel, and Jenny. Kiera was in the last stage of her pregnancy, and she was huge. Not that I would tell her that. She was sitting in a folding chair, but she waved when she saw us. Ryder was running a toy truck through the confetti next to Kiera, and Gibson immediately joined him. She stole his truck, but then she gave it to Onnika, so I didn’t scold her for it. It was sort of Robin Hoodish of her—stealing from the rich to give to the poor.
Liam was talking to Matt and Evan, so I headed their way. Liam was staying here at Chateau Kyle for the time being, since Kellan had a much bigger place than me, and it made meeting for rehearsals more convenient for Liam, who didn’t have a car yet. Spotting me as I approached, Liam stopped his conversation. He pulled me into a hug when I got close enough. “Isn’t this amazing?” he asked when we broke apart. “Abby did it as a surprise. I totally thought we were starting today.” He frowned. “Maybe I should have called you and had you come in tomorrow…” He looked really guilty, like he’d suddenly just realized this might be awkward for me.
I clapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, bro. I’m glad to be here, you deserve this.” Liam wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I couldn’t help but smile at the joy on his face. He’d finally gotten the dream job he’d always wanted, and even though it was my dream job, I was happy for him.
“You’re just in time for the toast,” Kellan told me, indicating a tray of glasses and a bottle of champagne. Oddly enough, there was a glass for me and Anna. Even though he’d acted surprised, Liam must have told Kellan we were coming.
Evan popped the cork, luckily without hitting anyone, and then began pouring the champagne into glasses. Matt started handing them out, and I thanked him when he gave me mine. With a warm smile, he nodded. While everyone crowded around Liam, I raised my glass to toast my brother. “To the newest D-Bag. May the music be mighty, may the women be plenty.”
Liam’s cheeks flushed with color, which made me laugh. Liam and I were a lot alike in some ways, but in others, we were completely different. “Cheers,” the guys said clinking glasses with me, and then with Liam.
Anna clinked glasses with everyone, but like Kiera, she set the glass down without drinking from it. That seemed to clue Kiera in that something was up with her sister. “Oh my gosh, are you pregnant, Anna?”
Anna laughed, then shrugged. “Guess the guys didn’t tell you, huh? Yeah, I’m knocked up again.”
Kiera glanced at Kellan, then smacked him in the thigh. Kellan laughed. “I didn’t want to spoil the surprise. We thought Anna should tell you. Besides, the way Griffin announced it…we weren’t really sure what she was.” He laughed again and I laughed with him.
Over her annoyance, Kiera squealed, along with Jenny and Rachel, and then all three wrapped Anna in a massive hug. When they were done, Denny and Abby took turns squeezing my wife. When Abby hugged her, she exclaimed, “I wish they’d told me, I would have added some rattles and pastel balloons to the mix.”
While Anna was attacked by even more people, and my back was pounded in congratulations, I figured it was as good a time as any to make my request. Turning to Matt, Evan, and Kellan, I cleared my throat. “Hey, I know it’s not really appropriate of me, and I’m probably going to open up a wound by doing this, but…I have a favor to ask.” I sighed, then polished off the champagne in my glass.
Matt and Evan exchanged a glance with Kellan, then Matt asked, “What favor?” he peered over my shoulder at Liam, like he was positive I was going to ask for them to kick him out and let me in. I wasn’t though. Liam had won. He’d earned the right to play with them, and I respected that.
Tuning out the silence that suddenly blanketed the room as everyone stopped to listen, I focused all of my energy on my former bandmates. “Well, Anna and I are expecting, as you know…and I’m going to start looking for work, but in the meantime…I’ve got a really big monkey on my back. I sort of overextended our credit, and I’m so far in the hole, I can’t see the sky anymore.” I put my hands up to the stop the objections I felt coming. “I’m not asking for a handout, but I’d appreciate a loan. I’ll make payments, I’ll pay you double what I need to borrow. Triple, if necessary. I just…I want to start over.”
From the heat on my face, I could tell my cheeks were redder than Liam’s. Asking for help like this, in front of everyone I’d wronged, was really hard. I wanted to crawl inside a deep, dark hole, or hang my head in shame, or chop off my nuts and hand them to the band. But I didn’t. I stood there and took the embarrassment with as much grace as I could muster. I’d done this. I’d fucked up everything. So I was the only one who could repair the damage.
The three guys looked at each other but didn’t speak. Liam put a hand on my back and his eyes drifted to the floor. I was sure he wanted to help, but he hadn’t made any money yet. That wouldn’t come until after the album was finished.
It was so silent, all I could hear was Onnika making truck noises and Ryder asking her for a turn while Gibson told him, “Not yet.” Matt was the first adult to break the stillness. “How much do you need?” he asked.
Crossing my fingers, I told him, “Sixty grand…to start.” Thanks to interest and penalties, my debt was increasing daily.
Evan sighed while Kellan frowned. Matt shook his head, then looked over at the guys. He sighed when he returned his eyes to me. “Look, Griff, we’d love to give you the money, but…this is really a bill you should pay on your own.”
I swallowed, then studied my shoes. Disappointment flooded over me so fast, it made my eyes sting. I really thought they’d help me. Kellan’s hand touched my shoulder and I looked up at him. “You should be able to do that easily enough once the album releases though. Can you stick it out for a couple more months?”
I furrowed my eyebrows, not understanding. “Why would you give me a cut of the new album?”
Evan glanced at Matt and Kellan, then smiled. “Because you deserve compensation for the work you put into it.”
“But…I’m not putting any work into it, so why…?” I still had no idea what they were talking about. Matt laughed at my confused expression.
“Griff, this party is for you. You worked so hard to win that contest. But you were humble, and you helped everyone else along the way. We’ve seen all the behind-the-scenes footage, and…you shocked us, cuz. Shocked us and impressed us, and we want you to come back.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “We want you to come home.”
I heard Anna gasp, then sniffle. They want me back? My confusion shifted to surprise, then excitement, then concern…then anger. “No, you can’t do that.” Everyone seemed shocked by my statement. I looked over to my brother as I clarified. “Liam won fair and square. You can’t kick him out like that.”
Liam’s face was ghostly white as he looked around the room in horror. I felt so bad for him, and as much as I wanted what they were offering, I couldn’t steal Liam’s dream from him. No, I wouldn’t steal his dream. I’d rather walk away. Again.
Matt shook his head. “That’s not what we’re saying.” Shifting his gaze to Liam, he clapped his arm. “You won because you’re crazy talented and the fans love you. You’re in.” His gaze shifted back to me. “But you proved you’ve always belonged with the D-Bags and you always will belong with us, so you’re in too. The D-Bags are expanding to five members.” His eyes shifted between Liam and me as a slow smile spread across his mouth.
It took me damn near thirty seconds to understand wh
at he was saying. Needless to say, Liam figured it out first. “We’re both in? We both get to stay?” When Matt nodded, Liam snapped his gaze to me. “We’re both D-Bags, bro!”
I was so stunned, all I could think to say was, “Well, yeah, I could have told you that.”
Anna ran up to me from behind and wrapped her arms around my stomach. She was laughing, crying, and screeching, all at the same time. I was still in shock, but once it finally sunk in, I twisted to hold her. “Anna, I did it! I’m in!” Laughing, Anna nodded. A thought occurred to me and I twisted back to Matt. “Am I bass? Or is Liam?”
Liam stopped jumping up and down once he heard my question. Eyes curious, he twisted to hear Matt’s answer. Matt pointed at him. “Liam’s on bass.” A corner of Matt’s lip curled up. “We were thinking about adding a second lead guitar.”
Smiling wide, Evan nodded. “And extra vocals.”
Already stunned with today’s turn of events, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Second lead? Holy shit! But…vocals? I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. “Extra vocals? What’s that mean?”
Kellan finished his champagne and set his glass on the tray. “That thing you did with our songs…adding the rap segments…that was seriously amazing. We’re thinking about incorporating it into our sound.”
Was I dreaming? I had to be…real life didn’t map out this perfectly. Just in case I wasn’t, I asked for clarification. “You want me to rap? On stage? To D-Bags songs? And play second lead?”
All the three guys nodded after every question I asked. I was speechless. I was choked up with emotion. I was humbled and gracious. I was ecstatic. I was…relieved. Finally, when I could manage a few words, I spat out, “Thank you.” Even though it was nowhere near enough, it was the only thing I could think to say.
Kellan clasped me in a hug, and then Evan and Matt. Then Liam, Jenny, and even Rachel. I felt numb as I patted each of them on the back. I’d gone so high then I’d sunk so low…I’d never expected to wind up with everything I’d always wanted. But the way I’d gotten it felt cleaner than how I’d attempted to go about getting it before. Back then, I’d been a selfish, spoiled brat who’d basically demanded a bunch of crap I hadn’t earned, then I’d thrown a tantrum when I hadn’t gotten it. But now, well, I wasn’t sure I deserved it, but it was being offered to me, and I was graciously going to accept it.