Anna texted me back while I was getting dressed. Yes, it was! I saw your audition on TV last night. What you said, it was very touching.
It made me smile that she’d seen my message to her. Of course, I’d been too emotional to finish it on air, but I had a feeling that just made it even more powerful. I’m glad you saw it. It was hard to say.
I know, she texted back. Good luck today. I love you.
A weird feeling went through me, but I immediately shoved it back and texted, I love you too. It was still odd for me to say, but I knew Anna needed to hear it, and really, however I could make her happy right now was worth it.
Putting my phone in my pocket, I left my room and made my way downstairs to where the rest of the remaining contestants were gathering.
Everywhere I turned, I was given high fives, brief hugs, and well wishes. Even though we were all in a competition, we supported each other. We’d become a strange sort of family, bound together by one common goal—survive to the next round. Today was going to be brutal though, and as I hugged people back and offered my own words of encouragement, I knew almost everyone around me would be going home today. Hopefully, I wasn’t one of them.
There was one final round of cuts this afternoon as the crowd was culled to less than half of what it was now, then the final twenty would be chosen tonight. To say I was nervous would be an understatement.
When Liam came down to join the group, he looked as anxious as I felt. After giving him a hug, I looked him in the eye. “You all right?”
Looking green, he said, “I just threw up on a plant in the hallway. And I don’t think I’m done…” He put a hand on his stomach.
Laughing, I told him, “It’s okay to be nervous, just don’t let it lock you up. Be loose and easy up there, and you’ll do fine.”
A group nearby had heard me, and they came closer. “You know what they’re looking for, since you were one of them for a long time…You got any tips for us?” Their spokesperson was a man named Cruz. He was doing really well from all I’d seen, shredding whatever piece of music they gave him.
“Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. You’re killing it.” I smacked his shoulder in encouragement, a little surprised at myself that I was honestly hoping for him. And Liam. If only we could all be D-Bags.
Thinking of something else, I added, “Maybe try engaging the crowd more? Yeah, it’s important to get the music right, but being onstage is a performance, you have to invite the audience in, or they’ll feel left out.”
That was something I’d actually picked up from Kellan. I’d never seen anyone play with the crowd quite like him, and man, it worked. The energy of a D-Bags crowd was about five times as high as other bands I’d seen, and that wasn’t just because of Kellan’s face. It was because we all interacted with the fans. Well, except for Matt. Even now, he kept his head down and kept playing, but his talent made up for it. Yes, I could admit that now, my cousin was a genius on the guitar. He’d earned his spot, and now it was time to earn mine.
I let that thought repeat throughout my head the entire day, and by the end of it, I was shocked that I was still alive. I’d made it through the last round of cuts. Now I just needed to be included on the show.
As the last hundred contestants gathered in a room to be talked to one on one, Cruz and a couple of his buddies came up to me. Extending his hand, he said, “Thanks, man. I think your tip helped save me.”
I shook my head. “Your talent saved you.”
He beamed under my praise, then wiped his hands on his pants; they had been a little clammy, but I hadn’t said anything. Mine were too. “I suppose you’re not nervous at all, huh? Since your spot is all but guaranteed.”
Falling into a chair beside Liam, who looked a little better than this morning, I let out a long sigh. “Honestly, I don’t think they’ll invite me on the show. The guys and I…we have baggage. All of you have a much better chance than I do.” It hurt to admit that, but it was the truth. And from some of the harsh critiques the guys had given me the last couple of weeks, it was clear they weren’t holding any punches.
Liam patted my knee. “Nah, I’ve been watching them with you. Sure, you’re not getting any special treatment, but you’re not being singled out either. You’re just another contestant to them, no better, no worse…so you have as much chance as any of us.”
That thought actually perked me up some, and I wrapped my arm around Liam and rubbed my knuckles into his skull. If my odds were as good as everyone else’s, I’d take it. “Thanks, little bro.”
He shoved me back to get away. “I’m older than you, asswipe.”
“Oh yeah,” I said, laughing. “I keep forgetting.”
As time ticked down, I got more and more anxious. If Liam was right about my chances, then maybe I could actually get on the show. But even still, only twenty of the one hundred people in here were moving on. That meant eighty of us were going home. I wasn’t sure what percentage that was, but I knew it wasn’t good. My only hope was that the guys thought I was worthy of a second chance.
I called my wife as the chopping block loomed larger and larger in front of me. I felt like I was going to one-up Liam and toss my cookies right there in my seat. My fingers were shaking as I brought the phone to my ear. I needed this so much.
“Hey, you. I was wondering if I was going to get a phone call today. How did you do?” Anna’s voice was light and carefree, everything I wasn’t feeling.
“I made it through the last cuts, but I’m sitting here in a room with a hundred people, and only twenty of us are moving on. I think I’m gonna be sick.”
“Just breathe…you’ll be fine.”
I inhaled a deep breath, and it did calm me some, but not nearly enough. “I’m gonna need a little extra support today. Can you put Gibby on the line?” Hearing my little girl laugh lightened even my worst moods.
Anna paused. “I can’t right now…but I can do something better.”
Wondering if we were ready for phone sex, I crooked a smile. “Oh yeah…what?”
“Come to the door at the back of the room.”
I looked back, puzzled. The room I was waiting in had two sets of doors. One led to another room, where the judges were waiting to give us our final evaluations, and the other set of doors led out, to the main area of the hotel. I stood and headed back to the doors that led out. Maybe Anna had delivered something to the hotel for me. Hopefully it was a sedative. Or alcohol. Maybe both.
There were camera crews recording our every movement inside the room. The host was also in there, interviewing contestants, getting their hopes and dreams on film, in case they were the lucky ones about to be chosen. A camera had been on me when I’d called my wife, and the guy running it was filming my every step. I was so used to having them around me now that it barely registered as he followed me to the door.
“You send me something?” I asked Anna.
“Kind of,” she said with a giggle.
A couple of the staff looked at me as I opened the door, but nobody said anything. Until the final round actually started, we were free to leave. If we didn’t make it back here in time though, we were automatically disqualified, which is why no one but me was leaving.
Opening the door, I looked out. I’d been expecting to see a delivery person with balloons or flowers or maybe even pizza, but what I found waiting out there was so much better.
Anna was standing in the hallway, holding our children and smiling at me like she’d been looking forward to this moment all her life.
My breath caught, my heart stopped, and my cell phone slipped out of my hand and crashed to the ground. I must be dreaming, there’s no way this vision before me is real. But as Anna disconnected her phone and slipped it back into her purse, I knew I was awake, and she really was here with me. It took every ounce of willpower I had to not pull her into my arms, but I didn’t know if I could, and not knowing if I could touch Anna was a foreign, unsettling feeling. I just wanted my wife back.
Anna was holding Onnika on her hip, while Gibson stood at her side. Gibson picked up my phone, then tackle-hugged my legs. “Daddy!”
My eyes were stinging as I dropped down to my knees to give my daughter a proper hug. Her familiar smell filled me, an oddly appealing mix of watermelon shampoo and cinnamon graham crackers, and I suddenly felt completely at peace. God, I have missed this. As I rubbed her back, I looked up at Anna. A fat tear was dripping down her cheek as she watched us. “What are you doing here?” I finally asked her. “I thought we were going to reconnect from a distance?”
Wiping her tear away, she gave me a breathtaking smile. “We are…but they’re not. Your children need you, and you need them.”
She bounced Onnika on her hip, making her grin. She was gnawing on a rubber ring, and drool was all down her chin and her shirt, and it was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. As I stood to take Onnika from her, Anna told me, “We’ll stay at a different hotel, but the kids want to cheer for you in the audience. I want to cheer for you in the audience,” she added in a whisper.
Standing close to Anna as I wrapped my arms around Onnika, I shook my head. “I might not make it that far.”
Anna’s eyes were a deep, calm green as she stared at me. Her lips were so full and luscious, it was physically difficult to not lean down and suck on one. “You will, Griffin. I know you will.”
Onnika grabbed my shirt and I kissed her head as I squeezed her tight. She smelled so good, like her mom, but even sweeter. Gibson was still clinging to my leg, refusing to let go, while Anna stared up at me with unabashed longing in her eyes. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I needed my family, I needed my wife.
Releasing one hand from Onnika, I wrapped it around Anna. “Come here,” I murmured, pulling her into me. Our lips instinctively found each other’s, and she breathed a sigh of relief as we connected. I knew this wouldn’t fix everything, but I felt like it was a start, and as our mouths softly moved together, I felt the massive hole in my body, a hole that had been growing larger every day she’d been gone, slowly begin to fill.
When we broke apart, I cupped her cheek. “I love you, so much,” I told her, surprised at how much easier it was to admit that. Anna’s smile was glorious. It made me wish I’d been telling her how much I loved her from the beginning. “You’re everything to me,” I added, meaning every word. I felt like I’d learned that the hard way, and I also felt like that experience had made the words so much more powerful to me. I’d earned them.
“I love you too,” she murmured, her eyes filling again. “Good luck in there. We’ll be here when you get out.” By the way she said it, I got the feeling she meant, Regardless of the outcome, we’ll be waiting for you. I still wanted to win, to prove myself to the guys and the world, but if I lost…I’d be okay with it, because I’d still won her. And that was worth more than all the rock bands in the world.
When I walked back into the waiting room, I felt invincible. The best people in the world loved me for me, and were supporting me, no matter what. There was power in that knowledge, and I held my head high as I took my seat.
Liam wasn’t feeling nearly as confident. Shaking in his chair, he looked over at me with wide eyes. “Dude, I thought you left. I totally thought you gave up and left.”
For a second, I wondered if he’d been hoping I had. I pushed the feeling aside immediately after I had it though. Liam wouldn’t think that. We were family, we had each other’s backs. Feeling completely at ease, I clapped him on the shoulder. “Liam, do you know what you’re missing? That final ingredient to being one of the world’s biggest rock stars?”
Liam tilted his head as he considered. “A tattoo,” he murmured, glancing at some of mine that were visible.
I shook my head. “No. Well…actually, yes, I can’t believe you’re still a virgin at your age…it’s embarrassing, really.” He frowned, and I quickly got my motivational speech back on track. “The only thing you’re lacking is confidence. You need to realize that you’ve got talent, and that the world is your playground. You need to own this shit. You’re about to be a fucking rock star, after all.”
Liam gave me a slow smile, and I felt my own confidence bolstering. How had I forgotten how awesome I was? I was so worried about impressing the guys and getting my job back, but really it was always mine. I just needed to reach out and take it…which was exactly what I was going to do.
Liam nodded, like he was having the same thoughts. Then he frowned. “But what if I don’t make the cut.”
I smacked him across the back of the head. “Rock stars don’t fucking worry about making the cut. Rock stars don’t worry about anything. When you’re onstage, you’re a god and nothing can touch you. Understand me?”
I held his gaze until he nodded and gave me a smile worthy of the name Hancock. Oh yeah, we had this in the bag.
The killer smile on Liam’s face faltered some when his name was called. Mine didn’t though, I knew he would make it. I gave him a thumbs-up, then helped shove him out of his seat before his nerves made him permanently a part of the chair. He looked like he was about to throw up as he stepped through the doors. I wouldn’t know his fate until after my turn. The group waiting wasn’t allowed to know who had made the cut and who hadn’t. The winners went somewhere else, the losers too. So, when I was the last man standing in the room, I was completely clueless as to whether or not the twenty yeses had already happened, and my confident smile faltered some.
As I bounced my knees and picked at a callus on my hand, I ignored my own advice and began to worry. What if the guys were still mad about how I’d left and they held me back out of spite? No, Matt had said they’d give me a fair shake. That meant no advantage over anyone else, but no disadvantage too. And I was good at my job. That much, I’d never doubted.
I shifted my thoughts to Anna and the girls—my rocks. I still couldn’t believe they were here. It felt like a dream, knowing they were right in the next room. A part of me wanted to open the door and kiss Anna again, maybe sneak her inside so she could wait with me, but I didn’t want to do anything that might disqualify me. I settled on texting her instead. I tried to think of something sweet and flowery, something Kellan would send Kiera. That shit didn’t come easy to me though. Mainly, I thought that crap was ridiculous. But I knew Anna would like it, and I wanted to please her, so I did my best.
Hey, babe. Thank you for being here. Seeing you and the girls made my night. I feel like I can lose now, and I’ll still win. I was proud of myself when I hit send. See, I can do sappy, I thought.
Apparently, Anna could too. Her response was, You’re a star. Always have been, always will be.
Not able to help myself, I typed back, Your tits look amazing in that top.
Proving that she was the exact right woman for me, she texted back, You should see what they look like without it.
Jesus. I started getting hard just thinking about it. I hadn’t had an orgasm in so long, I almost forgot what they felt like. Hopefully that was something I was could rectify soon. But first…
“Griffin Hancock?” I looked over to see a PA standing in the doorway that led to the judges’ room. “They’re ready for you.”
My palms instantly got so clammy, it was like I’d stepped into a sauna. The rest of my body was sticky and sweaty too, and I had an almost uncontrollable urge to hop in a shower before I walked through those doors. There was no time though. This was my now-or-never moment.
My heart was pounding in my ears as I stood up, and all of my words of wisdom to Liam failed me. What if they say no? was vibrating through my brain. What if I don’t even make the show? A voice buried deep inside was screaming at me to listen to it, but my doubts were roaring so loud, the shrill words were hard to hear. It took a lot of self-control, but I silenced the fear so I could listen to the spark of hope trying to break out. And when the rumble of discontent was quieted to a gurgle, I finally heard it.
You are a fucking rock star. Own this shit.
F
ollowing the PA, I burst through the double doors like I was greeting the adoring fans back at Pete’s. I am the walrus.
The hallway to the judges’ room was dramatically lit up with giant spotlights shining down on the floor, and a camera guy on the far end was filming every step of my walk toward victory. Keeping my chin up, I ignored the man who was hoping to see me crack. I wasn’t going to crack.
The door to the judges’ room was opened for me, and I strolled right to the table. When I got in front of Matt, Evan, and Kellan, I stood with my feet slightly apart and my hands clasped behind my back—a position of confidence, but also a position of respect. I wanted them to see I’d changed.
Kellan was smiling at me. Evan too. Matt’s face was blank, and for some reason, it really bothered me to see him that way. I was tired of this ongoing feud between us. We’d always managed to patch things up before, but lately…
Kellan leaned over the table, examining me. “So…Griffin Hancock. You think you have what it takes to be a D-Bag? Think you can handle the workload? It’s not all fun and games, you know?”
I smirked at him. I knew better than anyone what the job entailed. I also knew how much of a slacker I’d been before. Like a lazy asshole, I had ridden their fame to the top. Well, not this time. Returning to a neutral expression, I told him, “I will work my ass off for this show, and for this band. I know this is a group effort, and…I want to be on the team. I want to do my part. I will do my part…I promise.”
I lifted an eyebrow, so they would truly understand me. I didn’t make promises, and they knew that. But I was making one now. I would do this, and I would do it to the best of my ability. I couldn’t afford to be a slacker anymore.
The three guys shared a long look with each other, and I nervously swallowed as doubt threatened to resurface. Please say yes, please give me a chance. Matt was the one who finally turned from the others to look at me. “Griffin…I don’t know how to say this…” My heart filled with dread, the sound was a booming gong in my ear. Matt crooked a smile. “You’re in. Congratulations.”