“Okay.” She grins. “I’ll call Jules, and she and I will just gang up on you.”
“I will tell the doctor to keep you here another day.”
“You’re mean!” she exclaims.
I laugh and lean in to kiss her cheek. “Don’t forget it.”
She cups my face in her hand and says quietly, “I love you, and I’m a good listener if you need one.”
I smile gently and kiss her cheek one more time before pulling away. “I love you, too. Thank you. You just work on feeling well and cooking that boy in there, and I’ll be happy.”
“He’s cooking,” she replies and rubs her hands over her belly.
“How are you, man?” I ask Luke. He looks tired, sitting with his laptop on his lap, keeping an eye on his wife.
“Better now that she’s on the mend and the baby is safe,” he replies. “I think we’re both looking forward to going home.”
“He’s going to make me rest.” Nat pouts. “And no more photography until after the baby’s born.”
“You Nazi,” I exclaim in outrage, making Natalie laugh. “How dare you take proper care of your wife?”
“I know, I’m evil.”
I laugh as I back toward the door. “I love you. Rest.” I give her the stink eye. “I’ll look in on you in a couple days.”
“Yes, detective.” She waves and giggles as I leave and almost bump right into my mother.
“Hi, Mom.” I give her a big hug.
“Hi, darling.” She pulls back and smiles up at me and then sobers. “Oh, we need to talk.” She turns and walks with me down the hallway to the waiting room.
“I thought you were here to see Nat.”
“I’ll see her after you and I talk.”
“What are we talking about?”
“Don’t be a shit,” she scolds me and sits in one of the plastic chairs, motioning for me to sit opposite her. “Now, tell me what happened.”
I frown at her and then laugh, looking up at the ceiling. “Am I seriously having this conversation with my mom?”
“You are,” she confirms. “Come on, I know something is up. Of all of my children, you’ve always been the hardest to read.” She rests her chin on her hand and watches me for a moment. “So sober. So serious. But it’s when your eyes look sad that give you away. You had that look when Asher’s wife died. When Brynna and the girls were hurt. Let me help.”
I clear my throat and am shocked when the whole story begins to flow, minus the Shibari, of course.
“So, she’s decided that because she can’t have kids, and she thinks that I deserve to have kids, that she’s not the right person for me.”
“Did you point out to her that there are several different ways to add children to your family?” Mom asks, tapping her chin with her finger, deep in thought.
“No, I was too surprised, and admittedly pissed, to bring that up.”
Mom nods and sits back in her seat with a sigh. “I’m sorry about her health concerns.”
“She manages them well.” I shrug. “She’s not on medication, and she takes good care of herself. She’s actually quite healthy.”
“Good.” Mom grins, her eyes shining. “And you love her.”
“Against my better judgment today, yes.” I laugh again and rub my hands together. “She challenges me. She’s funny and smart, and it’s easy to be with her. She knows things about me that no one else in the world knows and…”
“And she loves you anyway,” Mom finishes softly.
“Yeah.”
“It sounds to me like she’s a bit scared, son. It sounds like this relationship is still young, and happened quickly. Falling hard and fast is exhilarating and scary all at the same time.”
I nod again, and then she hits me with, “Do you think Nicole wants children?”
I think back to how great she was with Casey, with Maddie and Josie, and how naturally she snuggled Olivia in her arms and rocked her back and forth.
“She’d be an awesome mom,” I respond softly.
“You know, it can’t be easy for a woman who believes she’s infertile to spend a lot of time around pregnant women and couples with children. I’m not saying she doesn’t enjoy being around the whole gang, but it might have played with her emotions a bit, too. Each time she sees Nat, Jules and Brynna and their men hovering over them, it’s a reminder that she might never have that.” She leans in closer and takes my hand. “And it’s a reminder that she might not be able to give that to you.”
“Shit,” I whisper.
“Indeed.” Mom kisses my cheek and stands. “She’ll come around.”
“I hope you’re right, because the thought of being without her leaves me hollow.”
“Oh, darling, that’s wonderful.” She laughs when I frown at her in frustration. “It means it’s real.”
“Oh, it’s real all right.”
“Give her a little time to talk to her friends and miss you a bit.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“That’s what I’m here for, dear.” She winks and leaves me to go check in on Natalie, the daughter who didn’t come from her body but couldn’t be more hers if they shared the same bloodline.
Chapter Eighteen
Two weeks later
~Nic~
“Thanks for your help today, Tess.” I grin at the young woman as she gathers her purse to leave for the day.
“My pleasure, as always, boss,” she replies with a happy smile. “No wine with Bailey today?”
I shrug and shake my head as though it’s no big deal. I just can’t face her, or anyone really, right now.
“All you’ve done for the past two weeks is hole up in this shop and then sit at home,” Tess points out with a frown. “You’re starting to wig me out.”
“I’m fine,” I reply, irritated. “Have a good evening.”
“You, too.” She sighs dejectedly.
I follow her to the front door to lock it behind her, but just as Tess leaves, Gail Montgomery approaches, smiling warmly, dressed in casual denim capris and an orange T-shirt.
“Hi, Mrs. Montgomery.” Good God, what is she doing here?
“Hello, dear. I know you’re about to close. I was hoping for a moment of your time. Privately.”
“Of course.” I raise a brow and motion for her to come inside and lock the door behind her. “Have a seat.”
“Thank you.” She sits at one of my small round pub tables and smiles as I sit opposite her. “How are you, Nic?”
“I’m fine.”
Her eyes narrow as she watches me, an expression I’m all too familiar with on her son. “That’s good.”
“What can I do for you?” I ask. “Would you like a cupcake? Cup of coffee?”
“Oh, not right now, although I might take a few home to Steven.” She leans an elbow on the table and looks about my shop. “This is a beautiful bakery.”
“Thank you.”
“Have you spoken to my son?” she asks bluntly.
“Not in a few weeks,” I reply softly and feel the stab to my heart. God, I miss him so much it hurts.
“I see.” She frowns and links her hands, resting them in her lap. “May I ask why?”
I clear my throat and frown. Geez, how much do I tell his mom? “Honestly, it feels like a betrayal to him to talk about our relationship with you without him here.”
She smiles widely and reaches across the table to lay her hand on my arm. “I like you, Nic. It’s only because I like you that I’m here. I spoke with Matt the morning that you had your fight.”
My eyes widen in surprise.
“That startles you,” she guesses correctly.
“Matt’s not really the kind of person to seek someone out to talk to,” I reply honestly.
“He didn’t seek me out. He ran into me at the hospital.”
“Oh, how is Natalie?” I ask, genuinely concerned. Another difficult part of losing Matt was losing the fragile friendships that I’d just started to form with his family.
�
��She’s very well, thank you.” Gail shifts in her seat and considers her next words carefully. “Nic, Matt confided in me about your medical troubles.”
Well, she just keeps shocking the hell out of me.
“I’m actually quite healthy,” I reply.
“He said that, too, but he said that the main reason you believe you can’t pursue your relationship with him is because you may not be able to give him children.”
Tears prick my eyes as I stare down at the tabletop. I can only nod in response.
“And that you think that Matt should have a large family.”
“I’ve seen him with the kids, with his pregnant sisters, Mrs. Montgomery. He’d be an excellent father, and he should have that.”
“I agree, but Nic, why do you feel that you can’t eventually have that with him? Aside from the fact that your relationship is new, and marriage and children are still in the distant future, why do you not think that you could be the woman to eventually share those things with him? You’re obviously very much in love with each other.”
“Because I can’t have children, ma’am. Sure, I may be able to get pregnant through the miracles of modern medicine, but the PCOS is so bad that I’ve been advised that I shouldn’t have children.”
“And why is it necessary for the children you may have to be biologically yours?”
I sit in stunned silence and stare at the older woman, then crease my brow in confusion. “Isn’t that usually how it works? Matt should have his own biological children.”
Gail’s eyes flare in irritation, and she crosses her arms over her chest, and I have a bad feeling that I’ve just pissed off the mama bear.
Shit.
“Because you’re new to our fold, let me explain something to you about our family, Nic. The saying ‘blood is thicker than water’ is bullshit. My Natalie first came into our family when she was in college with Jules. They became fast best friends, and Nat came home with Jules during holidays and such. And when her parents died, leaving her orphaned, we are the ones who stood by her, helped her through that difficult time, and continue to love her. Natalie is as much my daughter as Jules is, but she isn’t my biological daughter.” Gail smiles softly.
“Caleb,” she continues, “just adopted Maddie and Josie and couldn’t love them more than the baby he’s conceived with Brynna. Those girls are his. In every way, Nic.”
I remember the girls with Caleb when I was invited to dinner and smile as I nod in agreement.
“Another example is Meg and Leo. They both came from some of the most difficult of circumstances, but found each other and have claimed each other as brother and sister since Meg was a preteen. But they don’t share parents, Nic. They just love each other so much that they made a family together.
“The Williams family, all of my sons and daughters-in-law, have become as much my family as those I gave birth to.”
God, I’m such a moron. All this time, I thought it would be important to Matt to have children of his own, but it never occurred to me that he would welcome children who might come to us through other means.
“And Dominic,” Gail continues, much to my surprise. “Did Matt tell you that story?”
“Just that Dominic is his half brother.”
“I’m surprised he worded it that way,” Gail murmurs. “My husband and I had a rough time of it right after Caleb was born. We split for a few months, and during that time, Steven slept with a woman while on a business trip, resulting in Dominic.”
My mouth drops as I stare at her, shocked.
“We didn’t know about the baby until early this year when Dominic hired a private investigator to find his biological father. It shocked Steven, but between you and me, it turned my world upside down. Nic”—she leans in and lays her hands on the table—“my husband had a child with another woman. I knew about the sex more than thirty years ago, right after it happened, but now there was a man in front of me, claiming to be my husband’s son. His mother died last year, and he was curious. What was I supposed to do? Throw him away and pretend he never existed?”
“What did you do?” I ask, enthralled.
“I welcomed that man into our family. I’d forgiven Steven a lifetime ago, and Dom is his child. He’s come to fit in very well with our family, and my other children love him, too.”
“You are an extraordinary family, ma’am. Families like yours don’t happen every day.”
“Oh, darling, we are not perfect, that’s for sure. But my point is, whether it’s through blood or pure love, family is family. I dare you to tell me that the twins, Olivia and the new baby about to come aren’t my grandchildren.”
“Of course they are,” I reply immediately.
“And any children that you and Matt are blessed with, whether they come from your womb or through adoption, or even surrogacy, would be loved just the same, Nic. That’s what a family is.”
The tears are flowing freely now.
Gail scoots her chair around to mine and rubs my back soothingly.
“I’m so ridiculous,” I choke out.
“You love him, sweet girl. You thought you were doing what was right for him.”
“I love him so much it hurts to breathe.”
Tears fill Gail’s own eyes as she nods. “Only a woman in love would be so stupid. I’m sure it didn’t help being around the pregnant girls and the kids.”
I shrug and then nod, chuckling through my tears. “I feel so silly because I really like Nat, Jules and Brynna, and I’m happy for them all. I would never begrudge them the children they’re having.”
“Well, you’re not a monster, Nic. But it’s a hard thing to see their men hold their bellies.”
“I…” I begin and then just sigh, hanging my head in my hands. “Yes. It’s hard.”
“It’s easier when you have people around you who love you and understand.”
“I don’t want anyone’s pity. I have so much to be thankful for, and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.”
“There’s a big difference between support and pity, Nicole, and you know it.”
I bite my lip and nod reluctantly. “I made a mess.”
“You can clean it up.”
“You think?” I ask hopefully. “Matt and I haven’t been seeing each other long, so to bring up kids now was relationship suicide.”
Gail laughs and pats my shoulder. “It might have been early, yes, but I don’t think Matt’s thoughts were far from yours. One thing you have to understand about my Matthew: Honesty is paramount to him. Maybe it’s the cop in him, but he will respect you going to him and being honest. Then you two can take it from there.”
“Why did you choose today to come see me?” I ask, curious.
“Because Matt is a grouchy ass, and after two weeks, I figured you needed a nudge.”
I giggle and nod. “I have some thinking to do, but I’ll go talk to him soon.”
“Good. Now, about those cupcakes.”
“Here, let me box some up for you.”
***
“Thank you, dear. Good luck.”
Gail nods and walks down the block, carrying her box of cupcakes.
I take a deep breath and lock the door, then set about cleaning up for the day, letting my mind wander.
She’s right. I don’t have to give birth to children for them to be mine. Why hadn’t I ever thought of it before?
And then I remember.
Because my whole life, it was drilled into me by my parents and doctors: You’ll never have children.
But maybe, just maybe, someday, I might.
I grin and jump when my phone vibrates in my pocket.
“Hello?”
“Hey, gorgeous.”
“Ben!” I grin and climb the stairs to my apartment, happy to hear from my old friend. “How are you?”
“I’m great. I’m in Seattle for the week. Have dinner with me tonight.” His voice is warm and familiar, and I realize I’ve missed him like crazy.
“I would love that. What time?”
“I can head your way now.”
“I’ll be ready.”
Ben was my boyfriend in my early twenties when I still lived back home. I was overweight and not taking care of myself, and the handsome personal trainer had loved me anyway, and helped me get healthy.
Not because he didn’t like me the way I was, but because he wanted me to be healthy and whole, and I’d loved him for that.
Ben was my first love.
And now he’s one of my best friends.
I fix my hair and makeup and change into a lacy pink tank top with a flowy white skirt and sandals, and when I pull the door open for him, he scoops me into his arms and turns a circle in my living room.
“You look wonderful!” I exclaim and kiss his cheek as he sets me back on my feet.
“You look…hungry.” He laughs. “And beautiful, as always.”
“I am hungry. Feed me, please.”
“My pleasure. Mexican?”
“Mmm…yes.” We jog down my steps and walk up the block to one of our favorite Mexican places in Seattle. “What are you in town for?”
“A job interview.”
“You’re moving here?” I ask excitedly.
“Hoping to, yes. I’m never going to do more with my career back home. We both know that.”
“You should have warned me that you were coming.” I smack his arm playfully as the hostess seats us in a booth against the wall. Someone else drops off chips, salsa and water, and I greedily dig in.
“You haven’t lost your appetite,” he observes drily.
“Never,” I agree and grin. “Seriously, why didn’t you give me a heads-up?”
“I thought I’d surprise you.” His hazel eyes are happy as he smiles at me. “How have you been?”
“Meh,” I reply and shrug, feeling much better now that I’ve had the encouraging talk with Gail and am now having dinner with my dear friend.
“Explain the meh.”
“Oh, it’s a long, drama-filled story.”
“The best kind.” Ben winks and pops a chip in his mouth.
I tilt my head and watch him. He’s not just handsome, although with his muscles for days, light hazel eyes and square jaw, he’s certainly one hot number. Ben is a beautiful man, inside and out.