by Namita Singh
“You know, like, the waves in your aura give a pleasant sensation on absorption. Like, it makes me feel peaceful…a goodness in the general sense….it just feels good.” I end up awkwardly.
“That enough sounds gay already.” He mutters.
I huff, “Tell me about it.”
Neal smirks, “So, where does it manage to make you feel jealous of my friends?”
I bristle, “I am not jealous of your friends.”
“Yeah, right.” He says sarcastically, “Is it the aura or the general insinuation that I am your ‘get along’ buddy that’s upsetting you?”
“I am not upset.” I snap, “Seriously, would you cut it out already?”
“I am not a slow poke, unlike you, Lichinsky, to not figure out your change in demeanor.” I scoff at his words; he continues irrespective, “In fact, now that I think of it, my aura giving you a simple sense of goodness sounds extremely vague. Vague enough to supposedly not make you upset if I don’t give you the light of the day.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake! I am not upset.”
“Yeah, okay. As per your theory, it shouldn’t be a deal if I am not around, either. I mean, what’s a little lack of general goodness? I am feeling deprived of anything good and I am still surviving.” He says, questioningly looking at me.
Looking thoroughly amused at my expense.
At testing my patience and my honestly.
Neal can be such a bastard.
A slight knock on the door breaks our glaring match. Suspiring, I look at Aakir who is standing at the half opened door with an abashed stance. Even through his hesitative stance, brief glimpses of worry on his face manage to come to my notice.
“What happened?” I ask, immediately assuming the worst.
“Uncle Nikcalled.” Aakir says, “He is saying for us to return home soon.” He looks at Neal, “With all of the important stuff that you think you would need.”
“…That’s it?” I ask Aakir, dubious of his normal words and anxious stance.
Aakir sighs, “Yes.” He says miserably, looking angry and sad all at once, “If you don’t want to count the fact that they are planning to fly us out of the country, then that’s it.”
14.Heart-to-Heart
“What is the name of the city, again?” Neal asks, his eyes glued to his laptop. He is sitting cross legged on my bed, in my room, while I am pacing the length of my room.
“Krasnoyarsk.” I mutter. I have never heard of the place before or rather my parents have made sure that I do not hear of it. And now, my father tells me that we all will be traversing to the same place. This place, which has been the home of my elders in the past years. Our realm, the Ninth Realm.
From what father has been able to divulge, the Ninth Realm spreads across Krasnoyarsk Krai and Sakha republic of Russia, both the federations being the largest in Russia, making the Ninth Realm third largest out of all the other realms, following the one in South America and of course, the largest, in United States of America. The First Realm in the USA is the largest for being the first region of generation of our species. South America and Russia have gathered the most therians after that because of the wide amounts of diversity available in those continents. The head council of the Ninth Realm resides at Krasnoyarsk Krai federation. I remember how inquisitive and downright demanding I used to be in my childhood. To know about our realm, the Ninth Realm. How big is it, how people live there and most importantly, where is it located? I used to be hell bent at grasping whatever I could about our realm. My parents, Aunt Rufina and Uncle Terry have always been shady about it. They never revealed anything significant about our realm, not even the reason behind their departure from the same.
And now I am going to visit that same realm.
“Dude,” Neal’s voice cuts through my thoughts, “Krasnoyarsk is like huge, a whole freaking federation. Where the hell are we going?”
I sigh, “There’s a city by the same name within it.” I tell him.
Neal nods in realization, his eyes still glued to his laptop, searching whatever he can about the place we are about to go to.
Upon returning from Neal’s place, father had immediately updated us upon this new development. Upon inquiry, he revealed in his best stoic voice that we are going to ask for ‘help’ from our realm, whatever the hell that is supposed to mean.The hit has been the most hard at Aakir.
Even now, I can hear very light voices of my brother and the elders discussing Aakir’s plight. It had taken me a little while to understand the reason behind Aakir’s anxiousness. But slip of the name ‘Silvia’ and I know why he is suddenly so distressed. He is not happy about leaving his partner behind, without knowing if he would even return or not. Because father has been exceptionally clear in stating that the whole issue may take an undetermined amount of time, which is surely not going to be short.
Neal and I are more worried over leaving our last year of school behind, much to Aakir’s displeasure.
Realizing Aakir’s situation, my own heart has dropped to the pit of my stomach. Partly because I know how enamored Aakir has become with the idea of his partner alone. And partly because I can never imagine myself at his position. With the cruelty unfathomed to me, I feel almost glad that it’s Aakir and not me at his position. And that makes me wonder exactly how strong a bond with your partner is supposed to be. Yes, I know, a partner can provide you the kind of goodwill that you may never receive from anyone else. The kind of pleasantness which if you’ve experienced once, you cannot fathom to live without the sensation. The respite at knowing that there is one person who will be a perfect counterbalance by your side is incomparable to any other tranquility achieved. Not to mention the heightened attraction the aura of your partner holds for you. Those positive affirmations make a person stay by his partner by his own volition. Considering it’s by your own will, upon assessing the positivity, you decide to stay with your partner, I do not expect this situation to be irrevocable. But even the thought of unconsciously not remaining beside my partner sure as hell manages to create an endless pit in my stomach, managing to make me feel pathetically deplorable. I should have really paid to attention to the lessons by my elders regarding ‘partners’ because I definitely am flummoxed at the sudden intensity of emotions regarding the subject. Also confounded at how gay this all is; no pun intended.
“Hey.” Neal says, making me snap out of my reverie. I raise my eyebrows at him in question. “May I use your phone?” He asks.
I sigh, “Neal, Dad said that it’s wise you don’t talk to your friends.”
Neal rolls his eyes, “You guys are just being hard headed simply because I got my phone crushed in the mishap your uncle pulled, leaving me helpless.”
“For the last time, Ethan isn’t my uncle.” I snap. “And what do you mean that we are being hard headed?” I glare at him, “We are just being cautious.”
“Yeah, then maybe we should be more cautious and let me inform my friends to not divulge anything unwanted about me in case they are interrogated in the near future.” Neal says, sarcastically smiling at me.
I suspire, “Neal, you shouldn’t inform where-”
“I am not a kid, Lichinsky. I know what to tell and what not to tell.”
I roll my eyes and hold out my phone to him. “Don’t tell dad I let you use it.” I mutter, moving towards my bedroom door. Rome is restlessly pounding just above our heads but thankfully he is not screaming or growling. He is another person for which the whole house is worried. If we are to leave, we sure as hell do not know the time of our return. And we can’t exactly take a savage Rome with us in an airplane, like he is our pet dog or something.
I stand motionlessly, my attention switching between my partner’s conversation on the phone and my brother’s discussion going on downstairs. When Neal is conversing with Ananya on the phone, my attention is helplessly drawn solely towards it. I am surprised to notice that by the way Neal is talking to Ananya, she seems to know a lot more about him than I would have guessed. Yeah, I
know they are best friends but I don’t expect Neal to disclose about his abilities even to her. But by the talks of it, Ananya seems aware of Neal’s ‘future making’ ability. And that makes me wonder exactly how close the two are. I hear as Neal continues to warn Ananya against telling anyone about his ‘skills’. He takes even longer time in assuring her that he is fine and that he is not going to be around, but she should remain oblivious. Another longer time with him telling her that he is going to miss her and he’ll, optimistically, be back soon. And yap, yap, yap…I am starting to get annoyed by their clichéd conversation. Yeah, you’re closest of close friends, I get it. Doesn’t mean you have to talk like it’s your last conversation. Alright, I know I am being bitter but hey, I am not into all lovey dovey affection, even with friends, so it’s certainly hard for me to grasp. But then I shouldn’t be surprised. Neal has hinted before that he has interests in Ananya, in more than ‘we’re friends’ sort of way. Falling for your best friend. Talk about obvious, I roll my eyes.
“You keep scowling and your face is going to get stuck like that.”
I give a pointed look at my partner’s remark.
“What has you whining, now?” Neal asks, almost drawling. His polite way of asking what’s wrong with me.
I give him a dry look, “Is there anything going on for which I shouldn’t be, as you say, ‘whining’?”
“Don’t give me the long face.” Neal retorts, “I am the star of the story out here,” he smirks, “The one who is in demand, the one after whom a freaking ‘realm’ is coming. Someone with a tormenting past, and an equally shady future.Someone who is leaving behind his only friends and, not exactly a girlfriend, but something close to it. So, considering the situation, I should be the one who is tensed and sad and whatnot.”
“Man,” I say, “You seriously watch a lot of movies.”
Neal chuckles, shrugging, “I don’t exactly have a family to spend time with in my spare time. So, yes, I do watch a lot of movies.” He says.
Now that makes me stupidly squirm a little on my spot. It’s bizarre how casual he is while saying stuff like that. But then, he really has never had a family. How can he even know what he is missing?
“But, seriously, what’s wrong?” Neal asks in such a serious tone that it has me raising my eyebrows warily. I may not know Neal well but I do know that sarcasm and Neal are sort of conjoined twins. Having him talk seriously is definitely making my eyebrows twitch.
“Our sudden emigration?” he asks further, when I do not respond.
I sigh, “Yeah.” I mutter. And it’s not a lie. The idea of suddenly dropping out of final year and moving to not only a new countrybut to a freaking new continent hasn’t exactly settled well with me, irrespective of us going to the realm I have been dying to know about. But obviously, that’s half of the reason. I can’t exactly say to Neal that I despise the way he talks to his best friend, now can I?
“I thought you’d be excited to see your…realm. I mean, you haven’t ever visited it, right?”
“Yeah,” I drawl, “It’s not like I am not looking forward to it but,” I drop my voice, “all of this seems to be happening at the expense of other important things. Not to forget, it seems to be happening for all the unwanted reasons too.”
Neal nods. “Say….can I ask you something?”
“You already did.” is my dry reply.
Neal rolls his eyes, almost tiredly, “Well, I’ll ask only if you promise to be honest.”
“What are we, five? That you need a pinky promise?”
“You haven’t exactly been all openly honest with me, Lichinsky. Don’t blame me.”
I sigh. “Go on.”
“Okay…so, Aakir? What’s happening?”
I should have known he’ll ask about Aakir and the discussion going downstairs. Now what do I tell him? That they are discussing about his partner? That his partner is an enough big deal to be discussed? Yeah, right. Neal and I had left our banter in his room incomplete once Aakir had turned up. But I am sure Neal hasn’t forgotten about the challenges he put up to my face. And I am not exactly sure how to build more lies.
“It’s about his partner, Silvia, right?” he asks when I don’t reply. “And, please, be freaking honest.”
I sigh. Well, here goes nothing.
“Yeah.” I tell him, “Father is not being certain about our return, so, Aakir is worried….that he may not see Silvia again.”
Neal clears his throat, “Silvia doesn’t know…?”
“No. Aakir accidently bumped into her in our shop.”
“Shop?”
“Yeah. We have a decorative stuff shop in the peter’s market.”
“I see.”
“Yeah and Aakir has met Silvia quite recently, so no, he hasn’t told her about us…”
“So…okay, don’t lie, but this ‘partner’ thing is serious, right?”
I suspire, rolling my eyes in frustration, “Neal-”
“Dude,” he interrupts, “Seriously, I won’t freak out. Just don’t lie, okay? I think I have had enough lies for my whole life. And you can’t earnestly say that Aakir’s worrying needlessly. I don’t know Aakir well but he doesn’t seem the ‘worry’ type. And if something’s got his boxer in a bunch then I am quite certain it’s not something of nonchalance value.”
I take a moment. “Aakir takes this whole partner thing quite seriously-”
“Lichinsky, seriously, man?” Neal interrupts me yet again, his voice hard and his eyes staring at me impassively.
I purse my lips. He is certainly not up for any excuses, is he?
“This is going to be awkward.” I mutter, looking at the walls of my bedroom.
“Just tell me, okay?” Neal says, his voice not as hard as before. I watch as he hesitatively speaks next, “Are we supposed to be gay?”
“For God’s sake! No.” I snap, “I wasn’t lying when I said that the partner thing is not supposed to be romantic.”
“Well, it certainly doesn’t seem as vague as you fully describe it.” Neal snaps back.
“Okay,” I run a hand down my face, “Alright…so, yeah, it’s not vague…”
“And?”
“Okay….” I breathe out heavily.
“How weird is it?” Neal asks.
I roll my eyes, “It’s not weird….alright, amongst us therians,” I start, “having a partner is considered as a blessing of sorts, okay?”
“…Why?”
“Because…as I had explained earlier, having a partner means you will never be alone, plus your partner is one person you’ll get along with at all times. It’s considered an honor if you have someone like that around because nobody else can manage to provide you with the amount of pleasantness that your partner can.”
“…Yeah, this is awkward.” Neal says.
I grunt, “You wanted to hear it.”
A lengthy silence commences, for which ‘awkward’ might just be the exact word. I am staring at a nearby wall and my peripheral view assures me that Neal’s looking somewhere else too.
Neal clears his throat, making me look at him. He is looking at my bed and then lifts his head to look at me, “That’s it?” he asks for confirmation.
That’s it? That’s certainly not it.
To lie or not to lie?
Aw, hell. This heart-to-heart is getting awkward as it is. Maybe I should be done with it at once. Like ripping off a bandage in one go.
“It’s the aura.” I say, giving in, “On sensing the aura of your partner, you feel good. Not ‘it’s a nice day’ good but like ‘I have won a lottery today’ good. It offers a very quaint tranquility, something that I, at least, haven’t sensed anywhere else. It manages to keep you in good spirits from within. Plus for me, your aura usually exudes an excited kind of exhilaration. Now, every other therian can sense that but it’s the most potent for me because you’re my partner. So, apart from it making me feel aesthetically calm, your aura also manages to make me feel exalted at sensing that excitemen
t. Also, your partner’s aura holds a weird quality of making you feel content. To feel satisfied by the mere presence of it. Anybody who may have felt these sensations will not settle for anything less. And that’s the case here. Aakir will not be happy with the idea of not having his partner around.”
“And so wouldn’t you.” He states, his face devoid of expressions. I don’t comment on his remark, choosing to nonchalantly look around. Neal sighs, rubbing the back of his neck and raising his eyebrows, “So…” he clears his throat, “What exactly happens if the partner is not around?”
I sigh, “Your partner not around you permanently? I have no idea what that does to you. There are no records of anyoneleaving his or her partner or living without his or her partner. The compatibility between partners is too good to not even make the thought of living without your partner come by. But, there are therians who do not have a partner, like Aunt Rufina. And she is perfectly normal with the lack of a partner but she is never satisfied by any other person either, so…”
“So, she is a single parent.” Neal mumbles.
“She doesn’t know what kind of sensations you feel from your partner, so she probably doesn’t know what she is missing. But at the same time she knows what she is lacking as she can’t find it in anybody else. This whole thing is quite complex.”
“No shit.” Neal says, “And that’s it? That’s all my aura feels to you? Like you’re at top of the world?” he says, sarcastically. Probably for the first time I am thankful for his sarcasm. The air was getting too awkward, too fast.
I scoff, “More like at the bottom of a pit. This was sure to be less awkward with a girl.” I blurt.
Neal raises his eyebrows, “Why is that so?”
I falter, not expecting that question. “What do you mean?”
“What do you mean?” he fires back, “You’re a therian, so you should have surely anticipated having a partner and since you, yourself, said that it implies no romance then you shouldn’t feel awkward with the gender of your partner. I mean, you must have known it can be anyone, a guy or a girl. So, why the hell would it be less awkward with a girl? For all I know, you should have been prepared for this.”
Now that leaves me speechless. He thinks I knew from before that your partner can be of any gender, huh? Firstly, I did not expect myself to find a partner at all and second and most important of all, I certainly expected a beautiful broad with whom I’ll have a mature romance. The least I expected a nerdy guy to whom I’ll be awkwardly explaining the ups and downs of therian lifestyle.
“Oh, don’t tell me.” Neal says, observing my stance, “You were not prepared.” He states, more than questioning it.
“I didn’t know same gender partners existed.” I blurted on instinct.
“Excuse me?” Neal says, his left eyebrow twitching.
“I didn’t know that.” I say again, not sure what exactly my face is displaying.
Neal takes several moments to respond, “Are there even any more partners like us? Like two guys