by t. h. snyder
“You’re going to tell her about you and Trisha, right?”
“Hell man, like I don’t know I have to do that bad enough. If I’d have known Chloe and I had any chance at getting back together. I never would have went over to her house. I’ll tell Chloe when we talk, but I hope to fuck it doesn’t’ change things between us. It would fucking break me if it ruined our chances to be together again, it would destroy me Riley.”
“Yeah, I get than man, but you have to come clean…both of you. I’m sure she’s got some secrets to share too. Regardless of what you two did you have to know before going into things again. It’ll only get worse if she finds out later.”
“Alright, I hear you. She’s going to come back to my place tonight and we’ll talk, but believe me talking with her is the last thing I want to do. I’ve missed her for months Riley. This is going to fucking suck.”
“No more than my life sucks right now.” He says sitting back down next to me.
Riley’s words hit home hard and I hate that I’m complaining about my issues when Charlie is knocked out.
“I’m sorry man that was wrong of me.”
“Nah, no worries Derrick. I know it sucks for both of us.”
Chloe comes walking out of the double doors and into the visitor’s room. I watch as she walks over to us with tear stained cheeks and a wad of tissues in her hand. Pulling her into my lap she lets out a sob and I do my best to comfort her.
Riley pats me on the back and gets up from his seat.
“I’m going back in to sit with her. Bring me back some clean clothes when you guys come back tomorrow.”
“You got it. Let me know if you need anything else.”
He nods his head and walks out of the room and back to his girl.
I rub my hand up Chloe’s back and grab her chin in my fingers.“Hey angel. She’s going to be okay. Let’s get home and rest. We’ll come back tomorrow.”
I help Chloe get to her feet and hold her by my side the entire way to the car. The entire ride to our house is silent and I’m growing nervous the closer we get. I know that we both agreed on our breakup and in reality I didn’t do anything wrong, but the guilt I feel is really starting to eat at me.
“Do you want me to get you something to eat before we get home?” I ask to break the silence.
“No thanks. I really just want to get into bed and sleep.” She says laying her head against my shoulder.
“Okay angel, then we’ll get you home showered and in bed.”
She nods her head and I continue on our way home.
No matter how much it’s going to suck to have this conversation, we need to do it. And I’m willing to do just about anything to keep Chloe as my girl.
The silence between us is driving me nuts and the closer we get to his house, I mean our house the sooner I’ll have to tell him everything. My stomach is tied up in knots. Derrick asks me if I want anything to eat and I start to feel the bile creep up my throat. I’ve never felt like this before. The guilt of what happened between Andrew and I is eating me alive and the fear of not knowing how Derrick will react is even worse.
I know that Derrick and I were broken up, but it doesn’t stop the feeling that I did something wrong. What I did was wrong…right?
God this is going to kill me. The sooner I come clean and tell him the faster I’ll know his reaction. If this destroys my chances to be with him again, I’ll never forgive myself. The anxiety of not knowing how he’ll react is killing me. I just want to spit it out and get it over with.
We pull into the driveway and a million memories come flooding back into my mind. Derrick takes my hand and pulls it to his lips, he places a gentle kiss to each of my knuckles and stares into my eyes.
“Come on angel, we’re home. I can’t wait for you to see some of the things I did inside. Everything we wanted to do has been a work in progress, but I know you’ll like the changes.”
I smile at his excitement and tell him I know I’ll love it.
He gets out of the car and tells me to wait. Being the gentleman he is he comes around to my side and opens the door.
“Oh shit!” I shout.
“What? What’s wrong?” Derrick asks with a confused look on his face.
“My bags. I left them in Pete’s truck.”
A smirk crosses Derrick’s face as he walks to the back of his car and pops the trunk.
“Nope, I have them right here.” He says pulling them out and dragging them up the driveway.
I just shake my head and follow him up to our front porch. He pulls out his keys and unlocks the door walking into our home.
“Emma is going to stay over at Riley and Char’s tonight to keep an eye on Manny.”
“Okay.”
“So….are you sure you don’t want to eat anything?’ He asks putting my bags by the stairs.
I walk around and take in everything Derrick has done to upgrade our home. In just a few short months he’s done so much and I love it all. I walk back out to where he’s standing with his hands on his hips looking damn proud of himself...for good reason.
From head to toe Derrick is an incredibly good looking man. I’ve really taken him for granted throughout the past few years and I know now more than ever how important he is to me. I walk over to him and he stretches his arms out to me. I walk into his embrace and lean my body tightly up against his.
“Chloe, please tell me I’m not dreaming all of this.”
I let out a giggle.
“No Derrick you’re not dreaming. I’m here, in our home and in your arms. It’s exactly where I want to be.”
“Exactly where you should be angel.”
We stay linked together for a few minutes and then begin to part. I look up into his baby blues and want so badly to kiss him, to touch him and to make love to him. But first we need to talk and I’m so afraid it will change everything. I don’t want it to ruin this moment, yet I can’t wait another second.
“Derrick, we need to talk.”
I turn my body from his and walk toward our living room. Sitting down on the soft couch, I pat the cushion next to me indicating that I want him to sit down.
“Chloe, I know we need to talk. I have some things I need to tell you too, it’s just….”
I stop him. He can’t be the first to tell me what he has to say. I have to do this, no matter what happens…he has to know.
“No Derrick please let me go first.”
He nods his head and sits down next to me.
“I want you to know that I’m so happy to be here with you right now. There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than in your arms. I just need to let you know about something that happened while we were apart.”
Derrick is staring intently into my eyes and a huge lump begins to form in my throat. My hands are sweating and my knees are shaking. I feel like I’m about to have an out of body experience in my own god damn living room.
“Relax, okay Chloe. We were apart and neither one of us knew we’d be back here together. If you don’t think you can talk about it yet we can wait.”
I shake my head. “No, I want you to know everything. It’s the only way I’ll feel right moving on with us. I don’t want to feel guilt like this again. It’s tearing me up inside.”
“I know, I feel the same way. So let’s just get everything out and see how we feel about it…okay.”
He runs his hand down along the side of my face and I lean into him. How did I ever get lucky enough to have this man in my life?
“I stayed to myself for the most part, but then I just couldn’t sulk anymore. A good friend and my co-analyst Trent urged me to go out with the crew a few times.”
I look up at him and he nods his head encouraging me to continue.
“Well then I started working closely with a certain sport’s figure and after tapings he’d come out to the club with us. I pushed him off for quite awhile and then I let all my walls crumble.”
I put my head in my hands and begin to cry. �
��I’m so sorry Derrick. I’m so sorry.”
I hate to see her cry, but I know that she needs to release the guilt she feels. Shit the guilt we both feel.
This is fucking crazy, neither one of use should feel guilty. We both walked away from each other that day at the airport. Who knew we’d be together like this again?
In my heart I knew she’d always be the one, but to be together like this…I didn’t think it would ever happen again.
I have a good idea I know exactly who the certain sport’s guy she’s referring to and it pisses me off to know he had his hands on my girl. I want to comfort her, but at the same time it kills me that she let those walls down to another man. I really don’t even know that I care to know how far she let him go, but I have a feeling she needs to tell me.
We sit here in silence on the couch we bought together, in the living room that holds so many memories of us in, and in the house that we bought to be our home. There are no words to really describe the pain we’ve gone through and the hurt we may have to bare while we continue our talk.
Right now, I know I’m the emotionally stronger person out of the two of us, so I just come out and ask.
“Did you sleep with him?”
She pulls her head from hands and looks me in the eye. I don’t know if I’ll like the response I’m about to hear, but I have to be prepared for just about anything.
“No, I didn’t sleep with him. I didn’t let it get that far…I couldn’t. But I’m still a bad person Derrick. I let him see a side of me that I only ever showed you. We may not have been intimate, but we did things that I regret.”
My blood is beginning to boil and I really don’t give a fuck about the details. As much as I love this woman I need to move past what she’s done...what I’ve done. I can live with the fact that she didn’t sleep with him. Because if she did it would be so much worse, it would break my heart.
“Look, I’m not happy you let another man touch what’s mine. I hate the fact that he saw you in a way that only my eyes were ever meant to see. But I love you more than life itself Chloe and we’ll work through this. I wasn’t a saint while we were apart either. In fact I sat around and drove Emma, Charlie and Derrick nuts when I wasn’t out with Pete, but I too let my guard down and found myself in a situation I now regret.”
“Did you sleep with her?” Chloe asks in a whisper.
“Hell no!” I shout making her jump.
I grab her up in my arms and look her in those amazing dark eyes.
“Sorry. No I didn’t. I left before we could get any further than a kiss.” I tell her trying to maintain eye contact so she knows how awful this makes me feel.
She turns her head away and leaves out a heavy sigh. She slowly turns back in my direction. She looks at me, tears streaming down her beautiful face.
“We have a history Chloe. We have something that not many people can say that they’ve ever experienced. I know that what I did with the other woman was nothing, I mean it meant nothing. I don’t want to dwell on the past. Instead I want to work on our future. You’re my future Chloe. No one can ever take your place in my heart…ever.”
“Are you sure you can get past the time we were apart? I know you say it now that we can just move past it, but I want to make sure. I don’t want us moving forward again to only have to step back.”
“Chloe I can tell you that I fucking hated every second we were apart. I tried for a long time to figure out how we could get back together and make the distance work. No matter how much I wanted to call you, I just couldn’t. I wanted you to come to me.”
“Derrick I’ll never make the same mistake twice. There’s no turning back now. You’re it for me and no matter what happens you are my home.”
She slides onto my lap and kisses me hard. I’m instantly consumed with her and want nothing more than to take her up to our bed and make love to her all night long.
“I’ve missed you so much angel, let me take you to bed and show you.” I tell her kissing her again on the lips.
“Yes please Derrick, I want to be with you so badly. You have no idea how much I’ve missed your touch.”
I lift her up off my lap and we make our way up the stairs and into our bedroom.
Today has been one hell of a day, but I promise to make it one memorable night.
As we walk into the room, she immediately takes in the changes I’ve made. I watch as she walks toward the bathroom and I know exactly what she’s looking for. She enters the bathroom, flips the light and turns and smiles as I follow close behind.
“It’s beautiful Derrick. This is exactly the tub I wanted. It’s perfect.”
“Well I never thought of a bathroom as beautiful, but now that you’re standing in it I can agree.”
We bring our bodies together and as we begin to kiss we slowly start to undress one another. I want to take my time touching every inch of her tonight. I move toward the shower and turn on the water.
“Thank you for loving me Derrick. I promise to love you every day for the rest of my life and never take you for granted again.”
“You never have to thank me Chloe. I was made to love you.”
While we shower under the warm water we kiss and touch every part of one another. As much as I’ve missed her the past few months, I didn’t realize how starved for her I really was until tonight.
Once we’re both clean from head to toe we exit the shower and move out into the bedroom.
I watch as she lets the towel drop to the floor and move slowly into our bed. Her body is fucking amazing. I can’t wait to get inside of her and feel her warmth.
Climbing up the bed, I kiss her legs, her stomach, her tits and finally land on her lips. Our tongues immediately find one another and the taste of her is intoxicating. I can’t get enough.
“Derrick, please…don’t make me wait any longer. I need you inside me. Now.”
I don’t speak. I don’t ask any questions. I do exactly as she says.
Leaning over her body I push myself into her wet pussy and immediately we find our rhythm. I pump my cock in and out while I kiss her mouth, her neck and lick trails of my tongue along her collar bone.
The sweet sounds of her moans tell me I’m giving her exactly what she wants. But I know at this pace there’s no way I’ll last long.
“Derrick, I’m close. Come with me.”
“I’m already there angel.”
I can feel her tight pussy cling onto me as I continue to ride into her until I find my release.
This has been an incredible night being with her and I’m so thankful she’s here with me right now. Being with her like this is exactly where we I’m supposed to be. Chloe is mine and I’ll make her happy for the rest of her life. .
I don’t care if she gets the fucking job with the Red Sox or not. She’s coming home to me and we will never be a part again. Chloe has been my girl for years. She’s the reason I’ve wanted to be a better man. And she is the one that will make my life complete.
I wake feeling warm because I’m wrapped in his arms. I’ve missed this feeling and I’m not too sure if this is a dream. When I open my eyes it will take me back to reality, to the day to day life I have back in Los Angeles that Derrick is no longer a part of. Suddenly my eyes go wide open. I look around the room, our room. I’m in our home in Boston and my heart begins to flutter. I’m exactly where I want to be and I couldn’t be happier.
After the long day of flying into Boston and sitting at the hospital we came home and had the talk I’ve been dreading since we reconnected. I’m not proud of the things I’ve done in my life. I seem to never look out for others. I make life all about me…just Chloe. I really am not a good person to the people that care about me the most, but not anymore.
Coming back here yesterday made me realize that this really is my home. This is where I’m supposed to build my life. As much as I hate the time I’ve spent away from my family, I can’t say I regret the opportunity to live on my own. I believe that because of my
choice to move away, I gained a better appreciation for what I really have here.
I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have a man like Derrick to care for me and want to start a future. I cannot and will not take him for granted ever again.
Today is a new start for me.
I want to make sure that everyone that loves me knows that I would do anything for them.
I can guarantee some people, including myself, will be taken back by my sudden change in my ways. It’s important to be there for the people you care about and not just a shallow person that only looks out for her.
There’s a lot of stuff to take care of starting with reaching out to Trent and Andrew.
Trent was my best friend while living in LA. He did his best to make sure I was taking care of myself and I want him to know how much I really appreciate all that he’s done for me. I want him to know that he’s always welcome to come and visit us in Boston and that I’ll still be there for him even if we’re miles away from each other.
As for Andrew I owe him an apology for leading him on that night, if that is what really happened. Even if I was drinking a bit more than usual he deserves to know that my heart is with another man. What we did was a huge mistake and it’s only fair if he knows the truth.
I want to turn over a new way of life and by starting with these two men I can begin to work toward the closure I need to move past my life in LA.
Tomorrow is my chance to start my new career here. Getting the field analyst position with the Red Sox would be a dream come true. Not only will I be able to work side by side with my favorite team, but I’ll also be able to stay close to my family and Derrick.
I feel like things are starting to work out just the way I need them to. For once I’m going to put my loved ones first. It’s time to take care of them instead of them always watching out for me.
Pulling myself from Derrick’s arms I make my way to the bathroom to freshen up. I brush my teeth, pull my hair back in a pony tail and wash my face. I feel much more awake now and want to make Derrick breakfast before we go back to the hospital to see Char.