by t. h. snyder
The entire ride over to Pier Park my heart is beating so hard I fear that Chloe can hear it. She has been so quiet since we left the graduation. I hope she is feeling alright and nothing happened to upset her. It would kill me if she was in a bad mood for tonight. I want everything to be perfect. This is a night she will remember for the rest of our lives.
I look over at her and she has her hands twisted up into her lap and she seems like she’s off in deep thought. I need to break the silence before I pull into the parking lot.
“We’re almost there angel, just a few more minutes. You okay? You seem to be pretty quiet since we left the school.”
Instead of responding she smiles and nods her head. Damn it to hell! I’ll do just about anything to ensure this night makes her happy. And it all starts right now.
I plaster a huge grin on my face and tell her to wait while I come around to open her door.
I open the door for her and take her hand. I’m so fucking nervous I can’t even remember if I have the damn ring. I put my hand in my pocket and fish around till I feel the little bag mom gave me to put it in. Phew, that’s the last thing I need to stress about tonight.
We walk toward the center of the park where a small white tent has been set up for a romantic dinner. It took just about all my connections in Boston to pull this shit together and from the looks of it they all did a great job.
Chloe tugs on my arm and says we shouldn’t go through the ropes. I laugh to myself, oh dear Chloe just wait. I’m about to knock your socks off.
I tell her it’s okay and pull her to follow me.
When we reach the outside of the white tent I pull her in close to me. She really is one of the most important people in my life and this night is going to be one to tell our grandkids about.
As we enter the tent I hear her gasp. I turn to face her and I see her hand is pressed over her mouth and tears are streaming down her cheeks. I pull her into me and kiss her forehead. She begins to tremble in my arms and I run my hand up and down her back to soothe her.
“Oh my god Derrick, this is beautiful. You did this for us? How did you do this? I mean wow!” She says wiping the tears from her face and looking around the inside of the tent.
I must say the guys did a fucking fantastic job. The walls of the tent are trimmed in white lights. There are red roses scattered all along the wooden floor and a table is set for two in the middle. Soft music is playing in the back corner and there are candles surrounding a small dance floor.
“I wanted tonight to be special for us. We have a lot to celebrate Chloe.” I tell her putting a fallen piece of hair behind her ear.
“It’s beautiful, its amazing Derrick. Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me Angel. Come let’s sit down and eat. Then we can do some dancing before we leave.”
Chloe follows me over to the table and I pull out her seat. She sits and I help get her comfortable. I take my own seat and look across the table. She’s taking it all in looking around the small room set up here in the middle of Pier Park. It’s the most romantic moment and I’m so glad it’s us in here together.
She looks up at me with her big brown eyes and gives me that killer smile. I return the smile and grab her hand giving it a kiss.
“Today has been absolutely one of the best days of my life Chloe. You and I really have been through just about everything and I’m so glad that we have made it to this point.”
“Me too Derrick. I really am so proud of you for doing all this. You have accomplished every goal you’ve ever set for yourself. You inspire me to do the same.”
“I did it all because I want us to have a great life together. With you by my side I know that will happen.”
“I know.” She replies
“Well come on let’s eat before our dinner gets cold.”
“It smells amazing.”
I lift the silver domes off of the plates and we begin to dig in to our food. It tastes so good and I’m starving. As much as I want to move onto the next destination of our evening I can’t help but enjoy this moment watching Chloe. She’s the most beautiful woman in the world. Her long dark hair is falling in waves to her mid back. The crimson red dress she’s wearing shows her amazing curves and when she looks at me with those eyes… she just takes my breath away.
“Dinner was wonderful Derrick.” She says tossing her linen napkin onto her plate.
“Oh do you hear that?” I ask.
“Hear what.” She says looking around the tent.
“I think they are playing our song.”
She looks over to where the music is set up and she stares, like that will help her hear better.
I stand alongside the table next to her and extend my hand.
“May I have this dance?” I ask.
“I can’t believe this night Derrick, it’s our song.”
“It sure is Angel. Come on let’s dance to it.”
I walk her over to the small dance floor area and swing her around in my arms. As we dance to our song, Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat, I envision what it will be like to dance with her to this song on our wedding day. I pull her in closer to me so that I can feel her heart beating against mine. This day has been absolutely perfect and there’s just one more thing I need to do. I pull away from her just enough so that I can look into her eyes again.
“You’re so beautiful to me Chloe.” I tell her and kiss her lips ever so softly.
“I love you so much Derrick. No matter what we’ve been through we always make it work. You make us work. I love you.”
She kisses me back but instead of a soft kiss she kisses me fiercely. I feel tears coming down our cheeks and I pull away.
“Don’t cry Angel. This is all for you. Everything I do is for you so that our future is perfect. Come on we have one last surprise for the night.”
Chloe holds onto my arm and follows me through the tent and out into the park toward my car.
We’re about fifteen minutes away from our next destination and I’m about as antsy as a four-year-old at an ice cream shop waiting for his treat. My left leg is twitching and I’m beginning to get a headache from clenching my teeth.
I look over to Chloe and she’s resting her head back against the seat with her eyes shut. This is perfect; she won’t notice where we are until we’re parked right out and in front of it.
After exactly fifteen minutes I pull into our final stop for tonight.
“Chloe love, we’re here.” I say rubbing her thigh.
“Oh no, sorry Derrick I must have dozed off.”
“No worries Angel let me come around and get the door for you.”
When I open the door for her she stands up and looks around.
“Why are we…?”
I quickly put my finger to her lips and guide her to the side of the house. We walk hand in hand until I feel her stop.
“Oh. My. God. Derrick!” She shouts.
She kind of throws me off guard and for a moment I’m looking at her and back to our spot. I quickly gather my bearings and continue to walk toward our tree. Teresa, mom and Charlie did a fucking amazing job. The tree has tiki torches lit around the outside and they’ve sectioned off branches so that there’s a wide opening for us to walk into. Inside of the weeping willow tree is our bench with a table filled with candles and roses.
I walk us inside of the tree and wait for the music to start. Moments later the melody starts and I pull her into an embrace. I hold her tightly as her body shakes against mine. In a few seconds I realize it’s not her body trembling but my own. I need to do this now before I blow it with an anxiety attack.
Pulling slightly away from her I rub my thumb along her lower lip and sweep away the tears that are now falling from her eyes.
“Derrick this entire day has been one surprise after another. This is your day and you’re doing so much for me.”
I step back from her and take her hands in mine. Looking into her eyes I know it’s time.
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�Chloe I can’t tell you enough how special you are to me, or how much I love you. For the past eight years you have been my soul mate, the one I find peace with. You’re my forever Chloe and today is just the beginning of great things to come for us. Without you in my life things would be empty. You honestly make me who I am. I’m a better man because of you.”
My fucking hands are shaking so bad. I remove my hand from hers and reach into my pocket. I remove the ring from the bag and have it in my hand. I look at her and start to get down on one knee.
“Chloe……”
“No wait Derrick stop. You can’t…I’m sorry, but I have to tell you something before you say anything else.”
My heart stops. I am blind by fear. What the hell would she have to tell me that would make her stop me from proposing?
Oh no….no…this can’t be happening. Everything he has done today was all for this. Oh my God he’s going to propose and I haven’t told him I’m leaving for LA in a few weeks. My body is numb, my heart has stopped beating and my hands are getting sweaty. I can barely breathe as I see him reaching in his pocket. This has been the perfect day leading up to this moment. He has planned this amazingly romantic day for me and he’s going to propose under our tree.
God Chloe, you’re such a bitch for doing this to him. I have to stop him before he goes any further.
I watch as he begins to get down on one knee and he says my name. I quickly put my finger to his lips to stop him before he says anything more. I’m about to break his heart and all for my own selfish needs.
“No wait. Derrick stop. You can’t…I’m sorry, but I have to tell you something before you say anything else.”
His body slouches to the ground and from his knees he’s now sitting on his ass. The pain of what I’ve just done courses through my body and I’m so scared to speak. Once I tell him the path I have chosen our lives will be changed forever. There is no going back on this now.
“I’m sorry Derrick. Today has been absolutely wonderful and you have no idea how special you have made me feel. I just…I need to tell you something and it may change the way you feel and wanting to ask me those words.”
Sitting down in the grass next to him I take his hands in mine. He turns his face to look at me and confusion is spread across his eyes.
“I’ve wanted to tell you this for the past few weeks, well actually the past month or so. The timing just never felt right and now it’s almost as if it’s too late.”
He pulls his hands from mine and moves to stand. Grabbing for my hands he pulls me up and leads me to our bench. We sit in silence for what feels like forever and then he lifts me into his lap. He rubs up and down my back to comfort me. I’m about to rip apart his night and he’s soothing me. Derrick is the most remarkable man I’ve ever known.
“Chloe, I have no clue what is happening right now. I feel numb. It’s like someone ripped out my heart and I don’t even know what you have to tell me yet. I planned this perfect day, this romantic night. I was going to propose to you Chloe. We were going to start our new lives together…tonight. And you stopped me, why did you stop me?”
I pull his face toward mine and kiss him. I want so badly to make him feel loved and like this will be okay. He pulls away from the kiss and stares at me with his baby blue eyes.
“Please tell me Chloe, I have to know what is going on. Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh no Derrick. You’ve done nothing wrong. This is harder now than I ever thought it would be.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” He asks in a whisper.
“No…please no, don’t think that. I love you so much Derrick. It’s just…ugh!” I shout and stand to walk pacing the inner circle of the tree branches.
A few moments pass and Derrick comes over to me pulling me into his embrace. Tears prick at the back of my eyelids and as soon as I open them to look at him the dam bursts and tears are flooding my vision.
“Whatever it is tell me. We will get through it together. As long as you love me and I love you we can make it work.”
“You’re too good to me Derrick, I love you so much.”
“I know, now let’s go sit so you can tell me why you stopped me from asking you to marry me.”
We sit back down on the bench and Derrick pulls my face into his hands. He lightly kisses my lips and tells me everything will be okay. I feel better knowing he’s willing to support me even though I’m about to crush him.
“Derrick…there’s no easy way to put this. I’m leaving for Los Angeles.”
I look up into his eyes and his face is flushed with fear. I grip onto his hands. I can feel him start to shake.
“What do you mean you’re leaving for Los Angeles? Like for a trip, a vacation, for what Chloe?” He asks staring into my eyes.
I can barely speak as the tears fall from my eyes.
“I’m sorry Derrick, I couldn’t say no. This is my dream.”
“Chloe, I’m so fucking confused right now and to tell you the truth I’m getting pissed off. What the hell do you mean you’re leaving for LA? What fucking dream are you talking about?”
Obviously Derrick is beyond pissed at me and I can’t really blame him. I move back from him so that I’m not touching him. It’s hard enough to explain this without the warmth of his touch consuming my body.
“A few months ago Sean came into my office with a member of ESPN Live’s crew. It was Traci Roche. She came all the way to Boston to let me know that they’ve been watching my career and felt it was time to offer me a position as an analyst on ESPN. Derrick, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t know what to do. They called me Monday and told me they needed me to be out there the beginning of June. I had to give them an answer.”
“And let me guess you told them yes. That is what this is all about. You’re telling your boyfriend that you made a decision to pick up and move across country without even talking to me? How could you Chloe? Fuck your damn dreams for a fucking minute. Did you even consider what would happen to us with the choices you were making? No, because you never think of anyone but yourself. God damn it Chloe, I was going to fucking propose to you. I wanted to ask you to marry me and be with me forever. And because you didn’t have the decency to talk to me about this months ago…we…its…FUCK Chloe!”
Derrick gets up from the bench and begins to pace the same path through the inner branches as I was a few minutes ago.
“I’m sorry Derrick.” I say with tears still pouring from my eyes.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it this time Chloe. I can’t do this right now. I’m going home to think. I suggest you stay here for the night.”
He begins to walk out of the branches when he turns and looks at me. His eyes are red and swollen from crying. His hair is a styled mess from running his hands through it in fury.
“Don’t think about calling me tonight either Chloe. I can’t deal with you tonight. I want to be alone. Got it?”
I can’t speak. He hates me. I just nod my head and turn my back. I can’t watch him walk away like this.
I can’t believe this is happening. What the fuck Chloe? I slam my hand down on the steering wheel. I’m so angry right now I don’t know what I want to do with this information. How could she make a decision like this without even talking to me? Yeah, okay, I get that this is her dream. But what the fuck, aren’t I a part of her life? I thought we were more of a pair than this.
God damn! Motherfucking! Piss ant! Fucktard! Stupid shit! Just fucking fucktasitic! Ugh! I scream in my car.
I reach into my pocket and pull out her ring. Glancing down at it I begin to cry. Thankfully I’m pulling into our driveway and I throw the car into park and turn off the ignition. I settle my head against the steering wheel and bang on it a few times, hoping this is just a really bad nightmare.
But then I realize it isn’t a nightmare at all, its reality and I just lost the love of my life.
I pull myself out of my car and close the garage door. Making my way into the
house I head down to the basement into my man cave. I need to find something to numb this pain so I look through the liquor cabinet. I spot a bottle of whiskey and grab a glass. I set her ring on the bar. I reach in the freezer and toss in two ice cubes while filing the glass to the top. This should do the trick. I climb onto the couch, kick off my shoes and gulp down my poison. Before I know it the glass is empty and I pass out.
Voices? Do I hear voices? I sit up and grab my head. What the fuck? I look around the room and see the bottle of whiskey and a glass sitting on the table. I hear voices and footsteps coming down into the basement. Maybe if I hide they’ll go away. Ugh, my head is killing me. I need aspirin like yesterday.
“Derrick? You down here?”
What the hell is Charlie doing here?
“Derrick Mason Peters! We know you’re here your car is in the garage.”
Oh damn it to hell she’s here with my mom. I need to get my ass up before they come in here and pull me out of the man cave. Walking over to the door three women storm in after me and I fall back into the couch.
“Thank god we found him!” My mom shrieks.
“Mom, come on, not so loud. Where the hell else would I be? This is my house.”
“Yes I know this is your house dear, but we’ve all been calling you since you walked out on Chloe last night. We were worried sick about you.”
“Well I’m here and as you can see I’m perfectly fine.”
“You don’t look fine to me. You want to talk about it?” Charlie asks.
“Come on ladies we can see he is okay, why don’t we go upstairs and make him something to eat.” Teresa says pulling the others by their arms.
“You guys go ahead. I’m going to stay down here and talk with him.” Charlie says pulling her arm from her mom’s grasp.
“Okay honey. You two meet us in the kitchen in fifteen minutes.”
I watch as their conversation takes place right in front of me like I’m not even here. Mom and Teresa walk out of the room closing the door and Charlie hops on the couch next to me.
“So you freaked, huh?”
“Do you know what really happened Charlie or are you just taking Chloe’s word for it?”