“Mother of God!” His hands hovered over her shoulders as if he’d like to shake her.
“You appear to have an uncommon understanding of me.” She blinked rapidly to rid her eyes of tears. “This will be a most difficult undertaking, and it would comfort me to have you with me in this.”
His hands clenched and then dropped to his sides. “Go away, madam.”
“We haven’t finished our discussion. I can’t leave until we come to an agreement.”
“We are not going to come to an agreement.”
“It is necessary we do so. I realize what I propose is neither virtuous nor Christian, but somehow I believe it’s right. If there is a child, Ian will live. Can it be so wicked to save a life?”
“Leave me.”
“I have no fondness for the act, but Ian seems to think I perform it well. I’ll do everything you’ve instructed me to do and it should not be too unpleasant for you.”
He jerked her to her feet and propelled her toward the door.
“I know I’m not bonnie like Ellen MacTavish, but I will endeavor to—”
“My dear madam.” He opened the door and pushed her out into the hall. “You’re not at all bonnie and as far from the likes of Ellen MacTavish as Cinnidar is from Scotland.”
She felt a queer pang even as she drew herself up and stared determinedly at him. “Bonnie or not, it won’t hurt you to accommodate me until I’m with child. I shall not insist on any immediate consummation. I, too, must become accustomed to the idea of—” She hesitated.
“Fornicating.”
“Conceiving. I’m sure we will both be more comfortable if we make an effort to more fully understand each other. You might make a start by calling me Margaret.” She turned and walked down the hall. “I’ll pay you another visit tomorrow. Good day, Kartauk.”
“Good-bye, madam. Don’t return.” The door slammed behind her.
Kartauk stared at her coldly. “I told you not to come back. I have no time for your nonsense.”
“I will be no bother.” Margaret closed the door and moved toward him. “I understand that you have no interest in anything but your work and I’ve thought of a way to accomplish both our aims.”
“I can hardly wait to hear what it is.”
“I shall help you.” She rolled up the sleeves of her gown. “This is the time of morning Jock gives Ian his bath and after that he takes a nap, so I have three hours free. I will come here every day and aid you in fashioning your dabbles.”
He gazed blankly at her. “You’re offering yourself as my apprentice?”
“If that is what it’s called. We will also talk and become better accustomed to each other’s ways. Now, what do I do first?”
“Leave.”
“Why do you wear that leather apron? Should I have one on also?”
“I require no apprentice.”
“Of course you do. I’m sure every craftsman has an acolyte to do menial tasks. I will sweep and—” She paused, uncertain, before adding vaguely, “Hold things.”
“I could have one of Ruel’s servants do that.”
“But you wouldn’t trust them in the same room with one of your precious models,” she said triumphantly. “You know I’m not clumsy and would take care not to damage any of your dabbles.”
“Madam, I do not …” He tried a new direction. “Your plan is without purpose. You have visited me many times during the past three years. I’m sure we have no more to learn about each other.”
“You believe you know me, but I have a great deal to learn about you. I was the one who always talked. You asked questions and I answered.”
“Sometimes with much reluctance.”
“It is not my nature to confide in all and sundry. It was difficult for me to—but you know that.” She added wistfully, “You have been very kind to me in the past. Why can’t you be kind to me now?”
“I am being kind to you. More than you know.” He gazed at her a long moment. “You’re a very obstinate woman. You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”
“Certainly not.”
He threw up his hands. “Oh, very well.”
Her eyes widened. “You mean you’ll—”
“Not that, dammit,” he said quickly. “I mean I’ll take you to apprentice. If I do not keep you busy, you’ll only sit and stare and plague me with chatter.”
“I do not chatter.” She had not realized he had regarded her confidences as chatter and the knowledge gave her a hurtful pang. She said stiltedly, “Though I can see how you would think me verbose. I should not have afflicted my ramblings on you. Please forgive me.”
“You did not force them on me, I took them,” he said curtly. “And, by God, you needed me to take them. I was your priest in the confessional. I gave you haven and absolution. Have you considered if I did what you asked of me that I would no longer fulfill that need? Your haven would be gone.”
She felt a surge of loneliness at the thought. “Ian’s need is greater than mine.”
“You’re a foolish woman. You gave years of service to a selfish father only because he seeded the woman who bore you and now you wish to sacrifice yourself for Ian.” He paused and then added deliberately, “And all because you feel guilt that you do not love them enough.”
She gazed at him, shocked. “I did love them.”
He shook his head. “Love must be nurtured and your father gave you nothing in return.”
She could not deny that truth. “But Ian is—”
“You loved Ian as a playmate and a friend. In time it might have changed, but because of the accident he also became your child. That’s what he is now, a beloved child who must be protected.”
“You lie,” she said fiercely. “He is my husband and I love him with my whole heart.”
“Not with your whole heart, that’s why guilt is making you willing to destroy yourself to make amends to him.”
“It’s not true,” she whispered. “You should not say such things.”
“Why not?” He smiled recklessly. “I’ve always known however honest you are with others you’ve never been honest with yourself.”
“Then why did you not state your views before?”
“You’re a rare and splendid woman, and I had no desire to hurt you.” He met her gaze directly. “But, if you continue on this course you’ve set, I will never let you hide again. Build a wall and I’ll tear it down. Tell me a half-truth and I’ll probe and rip until the entire truth is laid bare. No more comfort. No more haven.”
She had never felt more vulnerable or frightened. She smiled with great effort. “Life should be faced head-on. I’m a woman grown and need no havens. You’re wrong about me, Kartauk.”
“And you’re willing to risk learning I’m right?”
“Since it’s not true, there is no risk.” She took a step closer to the table and looked down at the frieze. “Now tell me what the markings on this dabble are supposed to represent.”
He did not immediately answer, and she looked up to see him watching her, smiling faintly. “You will no longer refer to my work as ‘dabbles,’ madam.”
“Margaret,” she corrected him. “And I will speak my mind as I see fit.”
“No, from this day forward you will speak only the truth. You have a great appreciation for my work, for all beauty. Perhaps a greater appreciation than anyone I have ever known.”
“Why do you say that?” she asked warily.
“I have seen you look at a sunset.” He added softly, “And I have seen you look at my ‘dabbles.’”
She felt a tiny flicker of alarm. She had realized how insightful he could be, but he had never indicated he had seen this deeply. “Why should I pretend not to admire something when I do?”
“Perhaps because beauty can hurt as well as please. Perhaps because you consider such a love of beauty a softness that would get in the way of your revered duty.”
“That is not—” She stopped, feeling more helpless and unsure than she had s
ince she was a small child.
“No haven, madam.” He added softly, “And no mercy.”
“I have asked for neither.” She glanced away from him. “You did not answer me. Will I need one of those leather aprons you wear?”
“By all means.” His smile contained an element of sadness as he reached in the cabinet beneath his table, drew out an apron, and handed it to her. “We must not have you soiling yourself. You clearly have an impulsive nature that leads to such disasters.”
Screams … thunder …
Jarred from sleep, Jane jerked upright on her cot.
The scream came again and was followed immediately by the thunder.
“Come!” Li Sung burst into her tent. “Hurry. The tracks.”
Li Sung, who was never armed, was carrying a rifle. She threw the covers aside and quickly thrust her feet into her boots. “What’s happening? What is it?”
“Elephant.”
The scream came again, wild, angry, demonic. “That couldn’t be an elephant. It doesn’t sound like anything we’ve heard before.” She jumped to her feet and ran toward the tent opening.
“Dilam says it’s a rogue.”
She caught sight of Dilam running down the rows of sleeping workers, torch in hand, rousing them. “Forget that,” she called. “Come with us. We may need you.”
Dilam nodded, and the next moment she was beside her. They ran down the tracks in the direction from which the screaming was coming with Li Sung limping as quickly as he could behind. “What the devil is a rogue?” she asked tersely.
“An elephant that has been cast out from the herd,” Dilam said. “Sometimes he goes mad with loneliness. Very dangerous.”
The scream came again. Closer.
Then a grinding metallic noise frightened her more than the enraged trumpeting. “Dammit, he’s tearing up my tracks!”
They rounded a corner and Jane caught her first sight of the elephant.
He was a huge gray-brown monster with one tattered ear. He stood with a section of a rail in his trunk, and as she watched he hurled it away from him as if it were a toothpick and reached for another. “Stop him!”
The elephant’s head lifted and he glared at them with small bloodshot eyes. He trumpeted with rage and whirled to face them.
Jane could feel the blood stop in her veins. He was like a demonic creature from the nightmare depths of hell.
Li Sung muttered a curse as he moved to the side of the track and lifted the rifle.
“No!” Dilam shouted. She reached out and knocked down the barrel of the rifle. “It’s Danor.”
Li Sung said, “I don’t care what—”
The elephant charged toward Li Sung, deadly tusks lowered.
Dilam dove out of the way. Jane pushed Li Sung to the side with such force, they both fell to the ground and rolled out of the way just as the rogue reached them.
The elephant thundered past them.
Dilam grabbed the rifle from the ground where Li Sung had dropped it. “Stay down.”
“And let him step on me with those monstrous feet?” Li Sung asked. “I think not. Give me the rifle.”
Dilam ignored him, lifted the rifle, and fired over the elephant’s head.
The elephant stopped, his trunk weaving back and forth.
Dilam fired two more shots.
“What are you doing?” Jane asked impatiently. “Warning shots won’t help. An elephant can’t know a bullet will hurt him. You’ll have to shoot him.”
“No!” Dilam fired three more shots over the elephant’s head.
The elephant shifted from foot to foot and lifted his trunk again. Then, abruptly, he turned and lumbered off into the jungle.
Jane let her breath out in a little rush, trying to steady her heartbeat. “Will he come back?”
“Not tonight,” Dilam said. She handed the rifle back to Li Sung and bowed politely. “I regret being so rude as to take your weapon, but it was Danor. I could not let you hurt him. He is a very special elephant.”
“You said he was a rogue.”
Dilam’s jaw set stubbornly. “I did not know it was Danor. It is possible he has not gone rogue and, even if he has, he is still very special. I cannot let you kill him,”
“He almost killed us,” Jane said.
“Me,” Li Sung corrected her grimly as he rose to his feet. “He charged me. He evidently thought this lowly cripple was the weakest link. I have a desire to show him his error. I’m going after him.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Li Sung. The elephant is just plain crazy. How could he know you were crippled? We don’t have time right now to go after him,” Jane said curtly as she turned to examine the tracks. “And Lord knows what he did to the—my God!”
She gazed with horror at the devastation before her. Rails were uprooted, ties broken as far as she could see. She grabbed the torch from Dilam and began to walk down the track. She was scarcely aware of Dilam and Li Sung following her as she encountered disaster after disaster.
Chaos everywhere.
“Very bad,” Dilam murmured after they had traveled for some distance along the track.
It was worse than bad, Jane thought grimly. Over two miles of damage to be repaired and that meant losing a full day.
“It can’t happen again,” she said. “I don’t care how special your elephant is. I won’t lose any more time cleaning up after him.”
Dilam offered tentatively, “Perhaps he’ll decide not to do it again.”
“Decide? How does a rogue elephant decide anything? You said yourself he was insane.”
“That was before I knew it was Danor. Danor has superior understanding.”
“He damn well understands how to destroy my railroad.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “How did one elephant manage to do this much damage so quickly? We didn’t even hear him until fifteen minutes ago.”
“Because he didn’t want us to hear him.” “What do you mean?”
“He started trumpeting only the last quarter-mile or we would not have heard him. He must have had some reason for wishing to attract our attention.”
Jane gazed at her in astonishment. “You’re saying he planned this?”
“I do not know, but he is not as other elephants.”
“I don’t care if he’s not like other elephants. I want to know if this will happen again.”
She hesitated, troubled. “It is possible. He obviously did not like being interrupted.”
Jane had a fleeting memory of deadly tusks lowered to charge. “I noticed that.”
“But I will put guards on the track tomorrow night,” Dilam assured her.
“You can’t put guards along the entire line,” Li Sung said. “It is best we hunt him down and shoot him.”
Dilam’s expression became shuttered. “I will not help you do this.”
“Did you see what he did? Those tracks are—” Jane stopped, trying to control her temper. “I wouldn’t kill any animal needlessly, but this elephant is vicious. Why won’t you help us?”
“He saved the life of my child. It would be dishonor if I destroyed his savior.”
“Then find someone else to lead us to him.”
“I cannot do that,” Dilam said stubbornly. “It would be the same thing. I will place guards on the track.”
“I could try to find him by myself,” Li Sung offered.
“You’d get lost,” Jane said curtly. “You don’t know anything about jungles.”
“And less about elephants,” Li Sung conceded. “But I know I don’t like this one, and even I could hit a target that size.”
“If you shoot him in the right spot. I’m not even sure a bullet would pierce that skin. It’s too dangerous. He almost killed you tonight.”
“I told you he did not like me.” His lips tightened. “I assure you the aversion is mutual. I will go after him.”
She shook her head.
Li Sung gave her a cold glance. “You think the task too much for a cripple?”
> “I didn’t say … Li Sung, don’t do this to me right now.” She turned to Dilam. “This must not happen again. I want those guards armed. Do you understand?”
“I understand.”
But she hadn’t promised she would tell the guards to shoot the elephant, Jane thought in frustration. She turned on her heel and headed back toward the camp.
Li Sung walked beside her. “You are worried about the deadline?”
“Of course I’m worried.”
“We still have one day’s grace.”
“If that blasted elephant doesn’t do any more damage.”
“If he does, I will go after him.”
He meant it. For some idiotic reason Li Sung was taking this elephant attack on an intensely personal level. Now she would not only have to worry about meeting the deadline but about Li Sung storming around in the jungle, trying to find that rogue. She suppressed a sudden surge of panic and desperation. She still had two days. She would just have to work harder to make sure two days was enough to repair the damage and clear the crossing.
And pray that demented elephant didn’t take it into his head to wreck any more of her track.
i Sung knelt beside Dilam’s blanket and shook her shoulder. “Wake up.”
Dilam drowsily opened her eyes. “You wish to nesling?”
“No, I certainly do not.”
Dilam yawned, rolled over, and closed her eyes. “Then I need to sleep. I just got back into my blankets and must be up again in three hours. We will talk tomorrow.”
“Why should you sleep when I cannot? You’re the only one who can give me the answers.”
“What answers?”
“Tell me about elephants.”
Dilam opened her eyes and raised herself on one elbow. “What do you wish to know?”
“Everything.”
“Because you wish to go after Danor?”
“Perhaps.”
“What other reason could there be?”
“Very well, I want to go after him.”
“Why are you so angry with him?” Dilam asked curiously.
Why was he angry, Li Sung wondered in frustration. He was aware his emotion was entirely out of proportion. All he knew was that when he had looked at that tattered-eared monster he had felt something explode inside him. “He tried to kill me. Isn’t that reason enough?”