“No,” he whispered, stricken.
She nodded jerkily. “It’s not fair. You don’t know him. He’s such a gentle man, such a good man—” Her voice broke.
Patrick was suddenly across the room, gathering her in his arms. “It’s all right.” His hand cupped her head, smoothing her hair. “Don’t cry, Jane.”
It wasn’t all right. She wasn’t sure anything would be all right again, but Patrick’s arms were strong, loving. How many times had she yearned for Patrick to hold her in affection like this?
“That’s my girl,” he said soothingly. “That’s my Jane.”
She gave a tremulous sigh and pushed him away. “I’m sorry. I know this kind of thing makes you feel awkward.”
“No, I’m the one who is sorry. I’ve been a terrible fool.” Patrick smiled with an effort. “But you’ve forgiven me, haven’t you?”
“It’s not my place to forgive—” She broke off and said wearily, “I don’t know if I can forgive you or not.”
“We’ve been together too long to harbor bad feelings.” He paused and then said in a rush, “I don’t like to bring you more bad news, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave the bungalow by the end of the month. The maharajah has rescinded the lease.”
She shook her head. “We can’t leave here until Ian is well enough to be moved.”
“The maharajah wants us out of Kasanpore, Jane.”
“I don’t care what he wants,” she said fiercely. “I’ll not leave while Ruel and Ian need me. If you want to help, find a way to persuade the maharajah to let us stay.”
“I’ll do my best.” Patrick’s smile was strained. “Maybe if I go through Colonel Pickering and ask him to intercede … he seems to have a liking for Ian MacClaren.”
“Do whatever you have to do.”
He nodded, still hesitating. “I’ve been thinking about what we’re going to do after we leave here, Jane. Perhaps we should go back to America and start again. It’s a long way and maybe no one will hear about—”
“Not now. I don’t want to think of anything but Ian right now.”
He nodded. “I understand. But you’ll see, it may take a while, but everything will be the same as before.”
She looked at him in disbelief. “You’re wrong.”
“Why do you say that?” Anxiety flickered over his face. “You won’t leave me? I need you, Jane. We need each other. We’re family.”
It was the closest he had ever come to saying the words she so desperately wanted to hear. Why did it have to come now? She didn’t answer him directly. “You’d better go back to the club and talk to Colonel Pickering.”
He opened his mouth to speak and then turned away. “If there’s anything else I can do, let me know, darlin’.” He hesitated and then reluctantly turned back again to face her. “There’s something else you should know. The maharajah asked Colonel Pickering to have one of his engineers conduct an investigation of the train wreck.”
Her gaze flew to his face. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why should you have to worry about such matters? I don’t think Pickering will bother you with questions. I’ve taken care of everything.”
“What did you tell him, Patrick?”
His gaze slid away from her. “It was better that he thought, that they all thought that—”
“Answer me!”
“I told him you ordered the rails.” He rushed on quickly, “I had to do it. The maharajah was holding me to blame. Don’t you see? They might accuse me of being a fool for trusting a decision like that to a woman but not for negligence or fraud. You can’t be hurt by this. I might even be able to save something from this mess for us to—”
“You lied about me?”
“Stop looking at me like that. I told you, Pickering’s engineer looked at those rails and knew that—”
She couldn’t believe it. He had not only done the unthinkable, he was making her shoulder the sole responsibility for that hideous night. “It’s not fair.” Her voice shook with anger. “You had no right to make me take the entire blame.”
“Look, darlin’, in a few weeks we’ll be away from this place and be able to forget all about it.”
“Tell them the truth!”
“It’s not the thing to do. Just don’t—”
“If you don’t tell Colonel Pickering, I will.”
“No!” He tried to temper the sharpness of his tone. “Where’s your loyalty, girl?”
“Where’s your honor, Patrick?”
His tone turned soft, wheedling. “You made me a promise a long time ago. Are you breaking it now?”
She stared at him in disbelief. “What are you saying?”
“I took you out of that place and gave you a respectable life. I gave you a chance to be more than a tent-city whore like your ma. You said you’d always do what I wanted.”
“I thought I’d paid that debt.”
He flushed but repeated, “You made me a promise.”
She felt her eyes sting as she gazed at him. Lost hope, lost faith. If she asked him now, he might even admit he was her father, he might say anything she wanted him to say to save himself.
She would not ask him. “I’ll keep my promise, Patrick.”
He looked relieved. “You promise you won’t tell anyone? No one at all?”
Each word he spoke was like a spike driven into her. “No one. I’ll take the sole blame. If anyone asks me, I’ll say I ordered the rails.”
“It’s for the best, darlin’.”
“But we’re paid in full, Patrick. I owe you no more debts.”
“Of course you don’t. We can start again, clear and fresh.”
“We’re not going to start again.” Somehow she managed to keep her tone even. “I don’t want to see you again, Patrick.”
He appeared stricken. “You don’t mean that.”
“I mean it. I’ve never meant anything more since that day I made you take me away from Frenchie’s.” She turned her back on him and walked away.
She kept the tears from flowing until she closed the door of her room. The dream was over. It had been a foolish dream anyway. She had no need of a father. She had always had Li Sung to help her through the hard times.
But, dear God in heaven, it hurt.
“Come in.” Abdar smiled as he beckoned Zabrie to enter. “You must not be frightened.”
Zabrie hesitated, glancing warily from Abdar to Pachtal before slowly coming forward into the reception chamber. “You are not angry with me?” She rushed on, the words tumbling out. “It was no fault of mine. Li Sung lied to me. That foul dog deserved his death in that gorge. I had no idea the information I gave you was false.”
“I know this. You would not dare to try to fool me.” Abdar glanced at Pachtal. “Though my friend Pachtal tried to convince me otherwise. He has a very suspicious nature.”
She shot Pachtal a poisonous glance. Ungrateful bastard. She fell to her knees before Abdar. “I did not know. I would never have sent you to Narinth if I had suspected Li Sung had lied to me.”
“You were too confident,” Pachtal said coldly. “You thought your meager bed skills would overcome his loyalty. I could have told you otherwise.”
She flared with anger. “You seemed to find me pleasing enough.” Wrong move, she realized instantly, she must be more clever if she was to win through this situation. She forced a smile. “As Your Highness will in the future. I have planned a night to remember to show you how much I regret inconveniencing you.”
“Have you indeed?” Abdar’s smile widened. “I recall the pleasure you gave me and Pachtal before. I cannot think how you can best that unique episode.”
He was intrigued. She lowered her lashes to hide both her contempt and triumph. Maharajahs or beggars, men were all the same. They would forgive you anything if you could find a way to satisfy their lust. “That was only the beginning. I can make you—”
“Promises.” Abdar interrupted. “Words do not interest me.�
�� He took a step forward and cupped her cheeks in his hands. “But you do,” he said softly. “I find you exceptional. So much life … From the first moment I saw you I knew I had to have you.”
Satisfaction surged through her. It had been even easier than she thought. “I seek only to give you pleasure,” she whispered. “You will permit me?”
“How can I resist you?” His dark eyes were glowing as his fingers trailed down her cheek in a gentle caress. “I believe you’re right. This will be a night to remember.”
ou must eat, Ian.” Jane looked down with an anxious frown at the untouched tray on the bed beside Ian. “How can you expect to get well if you don’t eat?”
“I’m sorry. I’m a great bother, aren’t I?” Ian picked up his fork and took a few bites. “There, now I’ve eaten.”
“Not enough.”
“That’s more than enough for a man flat on his back. It isn’t as if I expend a great deal of energy anymore.” He shifted from his side to his back and added, “But you mustn’t tell Ruel. He worries too much as it is.”
“He wants to get you well enough to go back to Glenclaren.”
“I’ve been thinking about that.” Ian looked down at his plate. “Perhaps it would be better if I didn’t go back.”
She looked at him, stunned. “Not go home?” “Servants are cheap here and I’ll need care … for a while.”
Because he prayed he would soon die and be freed from his bondage. Aching pity flooded through her as she looked at him. His dark hair had grown shaggy and lackluster in the past weeks, his big body distressingly thin, but it was that wistful yearning for release from life that worried her most. “But you love Glenclaren.”
His lips thinned with pain. “That’s why I’m not going home. I’m no good for Glenclaren anymore.”
“Don’t be foolish. You’ll be a great help to—”
“Margaret?” For the first time she saw bitterness in his expression. “Yes, I’d be a big help to Margaret … another invalid for her to nurse. A cripple to lean on her.”
“If she’s the woman you say she is, she would want you to come home to her.”
“There shouldn’t have had to be a choice,” Ian whispered. “I should have died in that train wreck. God meant me to die that night. Ruel shouldn’t have pulled me back.”
“You think I have the power to overrule God?” Ruel stood in the doorway, a smile pasted on his pale face. “I’m surprised at you, Ian. That’s blasphemy, and besides, you give me too much credit.” He strode forward. “I see you haven’t eaten your lunch. Why don’t you try a little more?”
“Ruel, I can’t …” He met Ruel’s gaze and then sighed, picked up the fork again, and began to eat.
Jane turned and left the room, unable to stand any more. She went to the veranda, her arms crossed over her chest to stop their trembling. Dear God, seeing Ruel’s hurt at that moment was almost as bad as watching Ian’s unhappiness and agony.
She heard Ruel come from Ian’s room ten minutes later and then the clatter of china as he carried the tray to Sula in the kitchen. Afterward he joined her on the veranda.
“Did you get him to eat?” she asked.
“Oh yes, I always get him to do what I want him to do. Didn’t you hear him say how omnipotent I am?”
She didn’t look at him. “He didn’t really mean to blame you. He doesn’t want to die.”
“Of course he does,” Ruel said harshly. “If I were facing what he is, I’d be cursing him too.”
“He isn’t cursing you.”
“Only because he believes God might really wreak vengeance on my head since I’ve never been in his good graces.”
“You saved Ian’s life. There’s no greater gift you could give anyone.” “Ian thinks there is.”
Death. She shivered and quickly changed the subject. “He wants to stay here in Kasanpore.”
“He told me that too.” He shook his head. “If I let him stay here, he’ll wither away and die. At Glenclaren at least he has a chance of living.”
“He seems to be worrying about not being capable of properly running Glenclaren.”
“He’s right, it’s not a job for a cripple. My father was out and about every day overseeing the management of the blasted place.”
“Couldn’t Ian hire someone?”
“An agent? Yes, but it would be another drain and he’d manage only to keep his head above water. In five years I could have bought him anything he needed. I could have built him a bloody palace in place of that drafty barn. Why the hell wasn’t I given those years? You’d think God would take care of his own, wouldn’t you?”
“What are you going to do?”
He shook his head wearily. “I’ve written to Maggie and taken passage for Ian out of Narinth on the Bonnie Lady in three weeks’ time.” “Are you going with him?”
He shook his head. “I’m going to Cinnidar after I put him on the ship.” He whirled to face her. “Stop looking at me like that. I can do nothing for him at Glen-claren right now. If I go to Cinnidar, at least I’ll have a chance of giving him what he needs for that damn piece of earth he worships. Money can buy a comfortable life, if not a happy one.”
“How could I blame you? You’ve done more for Ian than anyone could expect you to do.”
A bitter smile touched his lips. “More than he wanted me to do anyway.” He straightened. “I’m going to the Officers’ Club to see Colonel Pickering about arranging transport on one of the troop ships going upriver to Narinth. It will be easier on Ian than traveling overland. Will you watch over him for me until I get back?”
She stiffened, panic surging through her. Ruel had not left Ian’s side since the night of the train wreck, and he did not know about the colonel’s investigation. What would happen when he—
“What’s wrong? Is there a problem?”
Three weeks had gone by since Patrick had told her of the engineers’ findings. Perhaps the colonel would assume Ruel knew about it. Perhaps he wouldn’t mention it and, if he did, she would have to face it. She smiled with an effort. “No, nothing’s wrong. Of course I’ll watch over him.”
“Of course,” he repeated, and for once his smile held no mockery or bitterness, only a rare sweetness. “There’s no ‘of course’ about it. You’ve put up with Ian’s screams and my rantings and worked yourself into a shadow these last weeks without a word of thanks from me.”
“I didn’t want your thanks. I couldn’t have done anything else.”
He gazed at her for a long moment. “No, I guess you couldn’t. But I want you to know I’ll remember this and find a way to repay you.”
For the first time since the train wreck he was really looking at her, and she felt a tiny shock of awareness. She laughed tremulously. “Are you going to build me a palace too?”
“Maybe.” He reached out and gently stroked her cheek with his index finger. “I’ll have to think about it. You once said you wouldn’t be comfortable in a palace.”
The gentleness of his touch was poignantly sweet. “I’m surprised you remembered that.”
“I have a long memory.” His hand dropped away. “For the important things.”
She wanted to reach out and touch him, draw close to that flame that always burned within him. Give and accept in spirit as well as flesh. She had thought she had loved him before, but her feelings had increased tenfold in these past days together.
“I’ll see you in a few hours.” He turned and left the bungalow.
She shivered as fear rippled through her. Perhaps she did not need to worry. Fate could be kind and let her keep this gift. Pickering might not tell him.
“The next troop carrier goes upriver on the twenty-seventh,” John Pickering said. “I could ask the officer in charge to give up his quarters for the trip. Will Ian be ready to travel by then?”
“As ready as he’ll ever be.” Ruel rose to his feet. “You’re very kind. Thank you.”
“No thanks are necessary. We’re all fond of Ian. He’
s a fine man.” The colonel added briskly, “Now, sit back down and I’ll order you a drink. You look like you could use one.”
Ruel shook his head. “I have to get back to—” “Sit down,” Pickering repeated firmly, “Or I might rethink my kindness.”
Ruel dropped back down in his chair. “One drink.”
The colonel motioned to a white-clad boy behind the bar across the room. “If you don’t get more rest, you may be the one we have to ship upriver on a stretcher.” He waited until the boy had set two whiskeys in front of them before continuing. “I’ve seen men who look as haggard as you do before, but it’s usually after they’ve been through a battle.”
He had been through a battle, Ruel thought. He sipped his whiskey. “I’m fine. Ian’s the one who is sick.”
“Then why is your hand shaking?”
Pickering was right, Ruel noticed in surprise. His hand holding the glass was trembling. He exerted his will and steadied it before he said, “I’ve not been getting a great deal of rest. That doesn’t mean I’m ill.”
“I’m sure Abdar will be sorry to hear that.”
He glanced up. “Abdar?”
“Pachtal’s been displaying a good deal of curiosity on his behalf. He came to see me last week, asking questions about your purchase of Cinnidar.”
“What kind of questions?”
“The most pertinent was why you saw fit to buy it at all. Naturally, since you hadn’t seen fit to confide in me, I couldn’t oblige him.” He shrugged. “But I received the impression his interest was going to continue in the matter. It’s for the best you’ll be leaving Kasanpore.”
“You filed the bill of sale with the magistrates in Calcutta?”
Pickering nodded. “All duly registered. Cinnidar is definitely yours. Abdar can’t touch it.”
“Legally.”
“As long as his father’s alive, you won’t have to worry about Abdar interfering in the maharajah’s affairs.”
“We shall see.”
“I just thought you should know.” He paused. “Pachtal’s also been seen wandering around Lanpur Gorge. Can you think of any reason why he should be interested in the investigation?”