by M. S. Parker
I stepped inside and felt him right behind me. I didn't look at him though. I was too busy staring at everything around me. The room itself wasn't red or black or any of those kinds of colors most people would associate with the room's contents. Instead, the walls were a light brown with a warm brown trim, the kind of color scheme that would've looked perfect in a living room or bedroom. In fact, it matched most of the other décor I'd seen in the house. This wasn't just a regular room though, even though there was a giant bed at the far wall.
That bed, however, had intricately crafted tall metal posts at each corner of the bed, the top two attached to the equally elaborate headboard. From where I was standing, I could see leather cuffs at the base of the bottom two posts and assumed there would be matching ones at the top. My blood ran cold. I knew what those were for.
Lining the walls on either side of the bed were chests of drawers. I didn't need someone to tell me that those drawers didn't hold clothes. At least not like the ones I was wearing. Hanging on the wall to my right were a row of floggers, crops and paddles. On my left was a wooden X with leather cuffs at the top and bottom. I looked up. The ceiling was a bit higher here than the other rooms and in the center of the room were a set of chains. I knew if I followed them back down, I'd see a winch or something similar that would control how they would be lowered and raised.
I focused on my breathing, willing myself to stay calm. These things weren't the enemy. They weren't bad, just like my little kinks weren't bad.
“Most people don't understand this.” Rylan stepped up beside me and I noticed he was being careful not to touch me. “They think of S&M as being something with leather and chains and whips.”
I glanced over at him and then gave a meaningful look to the chains overhead. Sarcasm and attitude were two of my most often used defense mechanisms.
“You know what I mean.” A smile played around his lips and I could see a bit of relief in his eyes that I hadn't run away screaming. “The average person believes that BDSM is about pain and humiliation, but it's not.” He turned toward me, an urgency on his face. Without him saying it, I knew he was asking me to understand. “It's about trust.”
I swallowed hard. It was easier to breathe when I looked at him, but there was still that fear creeping up my spine. In this room were all sorts of things that triggered the darkest of memories. I focused on him, on what he was saying.
“It's about trusting your partner to say when they've had enough or trusting them to stop when you say the word. It's about giving and taking control. Letting someone take care of you, to know you so well that they know what you need even more than you do.”
A shiver ran through me as his words caressed my skin. His voice was even more sensual than I remembered.
“The heightened pleasures of the senses brought about by selection and denial.” He took a step toward me, closing the distance without bringing us into contact. “The intensity of just the right amount of pain with your pleasure.”
That one, I understood, and I wondered how much better things would be with someone who knew what he was doing. I'd never considered the BDSM lifestyle, despite liking things a bit rough. The bondage part of it scared the shit out of me and I never wanted to tell anyone why. Rylan, however, already knew that there were issues in my past. He could understand.
“There are safe words, negotiations. Things that can or cannot be done. Rules and guidelines that are always respected.” His finger ghosted across my cheek and my skin hummed under the faintest of touches. “If you would let me I could teach you pleasures of this world that you never thought possible. Some would even say… forbidden pleasures.” He hesitated for a moment then he looked straight at me, our eyes locked together. “Let me prove to you that you can trust me.”
For a moment, all was silence. We stood there, our bodies a mere inch or two apart. I could see that he was telling the truth, that he wanted me to be a part of this, not to dominate me or hurt me, not because he wanted to control me or degrade me. He believed every word of what he'd said.
I just wasn't sure how I felt about it.
He gestured toward the door and we walked back into the hallway without saying a word. He closed the door behind us and we walked back down to the guest room where I'd stayed last night.
“Get your things together,” he said. “I'll have my driver take you home. Take the day. Rest. Think about what I said.” His expression was serious. “And if you decide this isn't what you want, it will be business as usual between us at work. No matter what, I don't want to lose you as my employee. You're far too valuable.”
“Ah,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “I'm a valuable employee. Good to know.” I started to smile.
“Jenna.”
The way he said my name was so full of emotion that it stopped my smile immediately. I'd never heard anyone say it like that.
“I want you to be so much more than that.”
He took my face between his hands and lowered his head. He kissed me fiercely, possessively. His tongue pushed between my lips, exploring my mouth as if he was trying to memorize it. His teeth scraped across my bottom lip before he sucked it into his mouth. I made a sound in the back of my throat. Fuck, I liked that. Then he released my lip and devoured my mouth again. There was an intensity radiating off of him, desire so strong that it almost hurt. He pulled away first, his eyes blazing.
“Get your things together. I'll meet you downstairs.”
My head was still spinning as I went into the room and gathered my clothes and my purse. It wasn't until I was heading for the stairs that I realized I didn't know where my shoes were, but then I came downstairs and saw Rylan holding them. He handed them over and I put them on, neither of us saying anything. I knew I didn't have a clue of what I should say, and I had a feeling he didn't know either.
The car that pulled up was a nice town car, nothing so flashy that people would stare, but definitely nicer than a cab. Rylan opened the back door for me, then put his hand over mine when I went to climb in. We looked at each other for a moment and then I looked away. I slid into the back seat, sighing as Rylan shut the door. I still felt physically rested, but my emotions were a mess.
The car was quiet as it headed back into the city and we were almost to my apartment building when it hit me, what I'd been feeling from Rylan when he'd kissed me. I hadn't been able to place it then because I'd been too busy trying to process my own feelings about what had happened. Now, even though I still had no clue how I felt about the events of the past twenty-four hours, I was able to recognize the look in his eyes, the desperation in his touch.
It had been a good-bye kiss. The kind of kiss someone gave before going off to war or some equally dangerous venture. One that carried with it all of the pent-up desires and the anguish over the possibility of never seeing each other again. He'd kissed me because he didn't know what my choice would be and if he'd ever have the chance to kiss me again.
I touched my fingers to my lips. I could still feel his mouth lingering there, taste the cinnamon he'd had in his coffee. If that had been our last kiss, he'd made it a good one.
Now it was up to me to decide if I wanted more.
Chapter 6
I couldn't take being here anymore. I'd spent the good part of the afternoon pacing around my apartment, unable to concentrate. My head kept telling me that it wasn't worth the risk to see if there was anything to Rylan's offer. That the reactions my heart and body were having were only because we'd had great sex together and I hadn't gotten laid since. I liked that explanation since it meant that everything about me and my world would stay the same. I wasn't changing.
Finally, I decided there was one way to take care of this once and for all. I'd go out and hook up with some random guy. I'd get off and that would be the end of it. No sexual tension mucking things up. I’d be able to think clearly and offer Rylan several honest and logical reasons as to why we shouldn't try to have a relationship, not the least of which would be that s
ex wasn't emotional for me. It was physical. Only physical.
I needed a reminder of that.
I didn't bother showering again, but I did change my clothes. The ones from Rylan were comfortable, but not exactly conducive to hooking up. Sure, I could probably find someone who wouldn't care about what I was wearing, but I didn't want to work for it right now. I wasn't in the mood for a hunt. I wanted to fuck and get my head cleared.
It was November, so even though the weather had been mild, I still had to dress warmly if I wanted to walk. I went with an ankle-length black skirt made of a flowing material I liked and a long-sleeved, off shoulder matching shirt. It was clingy, so it showed off my curves, and the low cut neckline revealed a good deal of cleavage. I finished things off with knee-high leather boots, did my make-up and headed out.
I felt better now that I was back in my own attire, but I had to admit that I did miss the comfortable clothes I'd been wearing. Mostly the smell. They'd carried with them the scent of Rylan's house and his detergent. It hadn't been quite the same as him, but it had been close. Not exactly what I wanted when I was trying to hook up with someone else.
As I stepped into the restaurant of the Marriott Hotel, I pushed thoughts of Rylan aside. The whole point of this excursion was to forget about him. I didn't usually come here, but I wanted to make sure I'd never see this guy again. A man on a business trip would be perfect. And I wanted someone older than my usual college fare.
I scanned the nearly-empty room. It was about four o'clock, which meant most people weren't coming in for dinner or drinks just yet. There were a couple of people at the bar though, including one that looked promising. He looked like he was in his late twenties or early thirties, probably a year or two older than Rylan. Sandy-colored hair and a ruggedly handsome face. I couldn't tell how tall he was, but he had broad shoulders and looked fit enough.
I smiled and walked toward him. He turned when I was just a few steps away and gave me a once over. When his eyes lit up, I knew this wasn't going to be hard at all. Less than ten minutes later, we'd exchanged first names – his was Daniel – and we were going into his hotel room. Daniel didn't offer much by the way of personal information, but I was fine with that. In fact, I preferred it. I wasn't looking to get to know him.
He tasted like scotch when he kissed me and I pulled away as soon as I could without insulting him. I pulled my shirt off and tossed my bra onto the floor next to it. The boots went next and I felt Daniel's eyes on me when I bent to pull them off. When I straightened, he was already stripped down to nothing. He was about average build and his cock looked like it'd be the same once he was fully erect.
“Condom?” I asked as he began to stroke his cock.
“On the dresser.” He gestured but didn't take his eyes off of me. “Will you leave the skirt on?”
“Sure.” As long as he was fine with me being on top, I'd keep on whatever clothes he wanted me to keep on. I picked up the package and tossed it to him. “Get on the bed.”
He climbed onto the bed and I followed. Neither one of us said a word as I moved up toward his head, settling my knees on either side. I pulled up my skirt and lowered myself down until his questing tongue found my pussy. I made a pleased sound and dropped my head, taking his half-hard cock between my lips.
His mouth was busy, lips and tongue working around my clit and pussy while I sucked on his hardening flesh. He tasted salty and musky. Not bad, but not exactly appealing either. I shifted my weight onto one arm, balancing me so I could use the other hand to play with his balls. I wanted him hard because I wasn't getting anything from what he was doing. He was trying, but couldn't quite get me there. I wasn't a quick trigger, but after a couple minutes, I could usually tell if I was going to get off from oral. It didn't look like it would happen for me tonight.
Finally, he was hard enough and I climbed off of him. I picked up the condom, tore the wrapper open and rolled it on. I grinned down at him as I straddled his waist, pulling my skirt over to cover us both. I slid down, grimacing a bit as he entered me. He'd gotten me wet, but I wasn't nearly wet enough for it to be easy going. Fortunately, he was on the thinner side so there wasn't any pain.
His hands went to my breasts as I began to move, riding him with a slow, steady rhythm. My body reacted to the friction and to his fingers playing with my nipples, making him slide more easily in and out of me. I leaned forward slightly, hoping that some friction on my clit would get me out of my head and into the sex.
The problem was, all I could keep thinking was all the ways Daniel wasn't like Rylan. His body. The way he touched me. There was none of the intensity or confidence I'd felt with Rylan. Daniel wasn't exactly bad, but he didn't seem to know my body the way Rylan had. The instincts that Rylan had displayed when we'd been together, knowing what I wanted without me having to ask. Daniel didn't have any of those, despite how hard he was trying.
“I'm close,” Daniel grunted. “Are you?”
I appreciated that he asked, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. It wasn't his fault that I wasn't feeling anything beyond a bit of pleasant friction. Honestly, I'd gotten more out of masturbating before. It looked like I would have to fake it if I didn't want to hurt his pride.
I nodded and began to ride him faster, contracting my muscles the way I'd been taught. I started to moan, making sounds of pleasure I wasn't truly feeling. I was convincing. Considering all of the practice I'd had, it wasn't surprising.
After just a minute or so, Daniel groaned and his hips jerked up against me. As he came, I cried out, my body tensing as I pretended to join him. I stayed where I was for a moment, giving myself a few seconds to maintain the lie. Then I climbed off of him and started to get dressed. I waited for Daniel to say something, but he didn't. When I glanced back, I saw he'd fallen asleep.
“Typical,” I muttered. I wasn't annoyed though. Not at him. I was angry at myself.
And, honestly, at Rylan. Why had he needed to tell me all of that emotional shit? I was grateful that he hadn't taken me to the hospital, but if it had meant avoiding everything else, maybe it would've been better if I'd gone. I hadn't asked him to care about me, and I certainly hadn't asked to know about it. He should've just let it go, moved on, found someone better.
Emmaline's face popped into my head, those glittering turquoise eyes, lips twisted into a sneer. I shook my head. Not Emmaline. I didn't know her well, but I didn't like her, especially not with Rylan.
I glanced down to make sure my clothes were all adjusted and then smoothed my hand over my hair. I headed for the door, my thoughts returning to Rylan.
If he'd only kept his mouth shut, everything would've been fine. I'd be going about my business today, taking advantage of the day off and thinking about going to a club over the weekend. Why had he ruined it? I'd been happy. I scowled at the voice in my head that questioned that particular statement. It was the truth, wasn't it? I'd been happy not knowing, going about my business the way I always had, the way I couldn't seem to do it now.
I went home, my entire body throbbing with unfulfilled need. It hadn't been much, but it had been enough to get me wound up, to want to finish things off. I wasn't going to though. I didn't masturbate often and when I did, it was always some nameless, unknown fantasy man. Tonight, however, I had a feeling if I tried to get off, Rylan's would be the only face I'd see. I didn't want that. I didn't want him in my head any more than he already was.
I showered and climbed into bed although it was still early. It had been a long day and I had work tomorrow. Which meant I was probably going to see Rylan, whether I wanted to or not. I needed to clear my head and prepare myself for the questions that would inevitably come my way. Of course, all that busyness in my head meant it took me hours to get to sleep, but when it came, it came fast and hit me hard. I didn't even remember when I started dreaming.
“It's okay, Jenna.” His voice was gentle. “Trust me.”
“I trust you.” I looked into the blue-violet depths of his e
yes. “I trust you.”
The restraints around my wrists and ankles were secure, but not overly tight. They held me, spread eagle on the bed, every inch of me exposed. My nipples were hard pink points, the flesh around them marked from Rylan's mouth. He'd made me come so many times already that I was dripping, and we weren't done yet.
He knelt between my legs, his cock sticking straight out, hard and swollen. I licked my lips and smiled as it twitched. He'd already gone in my mouth once and the taste of his cum was still on my tongue. It was mixed with my own flavor, thanks to the deep kisses that he'd shared after going down on me.
“Roll over.”
I did as he said, the leather tying me up disappearing before I could pull too hard on it. I laid on my stomach, feeling no fear as I lost sight of him. I meant what I'd said. I trusted him, completely.
I felt his hands on my ass, palming the firm muscles. Then his tongue was there and I began to writhe and moan. Every inch of me felt like it was on fire, all of my nerve endings singing with pleasure. I'd enjoyed sex before, but never like this. I'd never known that giving myself over to someone so completely would make it so much better. It was everything I'd always heard it was supposed to be, but had never truly believed it could be. Two people connecting in ways that defied physics, becoming one and all that.
Then he was pulling up my hips and pushing inside me. The feel of skin against skin should've freaked me out, but it didn't. I wanted nothing between us. Wanted to feel every delicious inch of him as he filled me. He pounded into me, each thrust making my nipples rub against the sheets in a way that chafed in the most enjoyable way.
When his finger teased my asshole, I moaned, pushing back against him. He chuckled, a low sound that made things low inside me twist and turn.
“That's my greedy girl.”
He never missed a beat as he put his other hand on my back, holding me down against the mattress even as he worked his finger into my ass. My eyes rolled back in my head and then I squeezed them shut. It was so intense, the pressure in my ass, then the burn as he alternated strokes with his cock, keeping one part full while the other emptied. My hands opened and closed convulsively, needing something to hold on to.