by Kitty Thomas
“It's nothing,” she said, again.
“She won't say who,” Julie said.
“Bet I can guess,” Mina said with a sly smile and a knowing look in her eyes. She couldn't possibly be as confident in her sexual fortune-telling capabilities as she pretended.
“Bet you can't,” Shannon said. Nobody would ever guess.
The next word out of Mina's mouth less than half a second later was, “Lindsay.”
Shannon stared down at her plate, concentrating very intensely on chewing the imaginary food she'd forgotten to put in her mouth.
“Why Lindsay?” Julie asked. “I'm sure it's Jake.”
Shannon chanced a glance up and wished she hadn't. Mina was staring right at her, as though staring through her, or into her. Like she could see shit nobody else in the world could possibly see or know. She was as eerie as Brian these days—except that she would never hurt one of the girls like he did, and definitely none of the permanent residents of the house. If she threw her weight around with the girls, it was to protect them from Brian.
“Nah,” Mina said. Then she smiled again and winked at Shannon. “It's Lindsay.”
Julie looked to Shannon expectantly. “Well? Is it the doctor?” This new possibility intrigued Julie a bit too much for Shannon's taste.
“Of course not,” Shannon said.
“It's Lindsay,” Mina said through a mouthful of waffle.
“Stop saying that!” Shannon said.
“Then stop denying it.”
“Why do you think it's Lindsay?” Shannon asked.
Mina finished the bite of waffle, then dramatically laid her fork down. There was a lengthy pause while she seemed to be putting her words together.
“There is an electricity between the two of you. Sometimes, when he doesn't think anybody notices, I catch him looking at you a little longer than he should with this sort of wistful longing I've never seen on him with anyone else. For a long time I thought the look was regret. Then I knew it was. But it wasn't the regret of something done. It was the regret of something left undone. Also, I saw him earlier this morning and he was whistling. Lindsay never whistles. All that combined with your little temporary rope tattoos didn't leave very much to my imagination.”
“Oh. My. God. This is so romantic,” Julie said. “I think you two are just perfect!”
“I hate him.” The words were out of Shannon's mouth before she could stop them. Then the tears quickly followed. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and tried to pretend she hadn't.
“You love him,” Mina said.
“That's bullshit. It's his fault I'm here. These scars on my back are his fault. My life being completely destroyed and halted is all his fault!”
Several other girls had come down for breakfast. Conversation in the cafeteria stopped as they looked over to Shannon's table. She'd gotten louder and more animated than she'd intended.
Mina noticed this break in the din of noise as well and turned in her chair. “This doesn't concern any of you,” she said to the room at large. Ever since coming back from Japan, Mina had developed this cold regal vibe that she could turn on and off as easily as a faucet. The girls quickly turned back to their food then Mina turned back to their conversation.
“Careful, Shannon. There is a very thin line between love and hate. If some part of you didn't love him, you wouldn't hate him so much. I think you're hurt more than anything.”
“Why would I be hurt?”
Mina rolled her eyes and sighed. “I told you I've seen how he reacts to you. Make no mistake, he brought you to the house for himself. Who knows why he didn't act on that impulse, but it cost you both dearly.”
“Well, now I hate him even more.” The idea that his inability to act on what they both may have wanted had created eight years of pain and angst was enough to cause her to draw the wall back up around herself.
Lindsay had almost gotten through her defenses the night before, almost had her believing him and fantasizing about what could have been and what maybe could still be. But Mina's comment was like a bucket of cold water. So maybe Lindsay really did want her. So what? That didn't mean he should have her. Definitely not after everything that had happened. Why should he be rewarded for bad behavior?
62
Lindsay arrived back at the house later than he'd intended. Still, he'd expected Shannon to be waiting in his room when he arrived. Maybe she'd forgotten? No. And if she had forgotten, if she'd determined somehow that his orders were of so little consequence she need not remember them, then a lesson needed to be taught so this wouldn't become a poor behavioral pattern.
He'd had a late dinner at the office, so he felt sharp and more ready to deal with her than she could possible anticipate. He put his things down in his office and began a systematic search of the house. He was too angry to be fearful she might have done something. And anyway, he'd spoken to Gabe before leaving that morning. He would have called if she'd tried to hurt herself again.
Speak of the devil. Gabe appeared at the end of the hallway carrying a legal pad. He handed it to Lindsay.
“A full report of everything you need to know. I had a few of the trainers keep an eye on her and report back. I made notes for you.”
Lindsay hadn't asked for that much surveillance but couldn't say he was disappointed to have the information.
“Thank you.”
“No problem. I'm headed to bed.”
“Gabe? Do you happen to know where she is now?”
“She was in the pool with Julie and Annette last I checked.”
It took some of the edge off his anger. Maybe she'd just lost track of the time. Was that entirely unforgivable? Lindsay scanned through the notes as Gabe disappeared down the hallway. It looked like a normal day. Nothing jumped out as being off. He locked the legal pad in a drawer in his office and went out to the pool.
When Shannon looked up at him, he found himself moving quickly back to anger. She hadn't just lost track of the time. She wasn't scared or sorry or regretful. And she didn't bother to apologize. The look in her eyes seethed with resentment and distaste.
So. They were back to that, were they? She'd probably spent the entire day convincing herself he was as terrible as the look on her face announced.
When he spoke, his voice was measured and even, but it fooled no one. “I thought I told you to wait for me in my room. You knew what time I'd be back.” Lindsay noted the alarm on Julie and Annette's faces. Pity that Shannon wasn't wise enough to be alarmed herself.
“I've decided I don't want to play with you,” Shannon said, nonchalantly as she did another lap down the length of the pool.
“I don't believe I ever said anything about playing,” Lindsay said. “Julie, Annette, would you leave us, please?”
Both of them wisely got out of the pool and scurried back into the house. Lindsay picked up a large white spa towel from one of the tables and held it open beside the pool stairs.
“Out. Now.” he said.
Shannon waded to the center of the pool. With each passing second, she looked more and more like a frightened doe in the woods.
That was when it hit him. She'd been in the pool that day smarting off to Brian when her life had come undone. And now here Lindsay was, making threats. It was the same set-up—or close enough to trigger her.
“Lindsay, I don't want to play with you. I didn't agree to any of this. You don't have to do this to keep me from killing myself. I... I won't. Just stop this. Let's just go back to how it was before where we just ignored each other.”
“Sir,” he said. “And we are well past the ability to ignore each other.”
Shannon's mouth remained in a firm, resolute line.
“I will be merciful and forgiving if you correct your behavior now. But if you make me come into that pool after you, you will regret it.” He refused to allow Brian's misbehavior to change his own. He was determined not to show weakness with her again.
“S-sir.”
Lin
dsay nodded. “Good girl. Now come out of the pool.”
Shannon hesitated another moment.
“I'm not Brian. I'm offering mercy and a single get out of the dungeon free card. But if you abuse this kindness, know that the next punishment will be twice as bad.”
“Y-you're not going to hurt me?” she asked, edging her way to the pool stairs.
“Not if you get out of the pool and come with me now.”
“W-what are you going to do?”
“Shannon.”
“Okay, okay. I'm coming.”
As soon as she was out, Lindsay wrapped the super-sized towel around her and carried her back into the house and up to his suite.
He carefully dried her off and then tossed the towel on the floor. Without a word, he removed her bikini. The little blue scraps of fabric joined the towel.
“Lie down on the bed.”
“Lindsay...”
“What did we say about that?”
“Sir... I can't do this with you.”
“Why?”
Shannon bit her bottom lip and looked away.
Lindsay stood behind her and bent so that his lips brushed her ear. His voice was low when he spoke again. “I should have taken you as soon as you'd healed from Brian, but I thought you would hate me.”
“I do hate you.”
Lindsay placed a hand between her legs, unsurprised at the warmth and wetness he found there.
“Your body doesn't.”
“What's your end game?” she asked, as she squirmed away.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we aren't going to live happily ever after, here,” Shannon said.
“We aren't? Why not?”
“You know why not.”
“No,” Lindsay said, “I don't. You wanted me once. You still want me. I want you. This is not complicated. Lie down.”
He took a step back to give her some space. Finally, after a few moments, she laid back, her pale skin seeming to glow against the dark green duvet.
“Good girl. Now stay.” Lindsay loosened his tie and carefully removed it. He folded and formed it into a neat little roll and crossed the room to put it back in the drawer. Then he took off the coat, shirt, shoes, socks, belt, pants. Each item, he folded and laid down carefully in two stacks on the dresser. One stack was for the dry cleaner, one for regular laundry.
He watched her as he undressed. The look of raw hunger on her face was unmistakeable. So whatever little protest this was had absolutely nothing to do with what she truly wanted and everything to do with what she felt she should want. Or shouldn't want.
“If you don't want me, explain the starving woman in the desert look you're aiming at my abs.”
Her gaze flew up to his face—guilty—as a scarlet red flush crept over her skin.
“I-I'm not doing that.”
“Okay. What should the punishment for lying to me be, I wonder?”
He left his boxer briefs on and stretched out on the bed beside her. She tensed.
He sighed. “After all you've suffered, you're really choosing to deny yourself pleasure because of some weird need you have to not allow it to come from me?”
“You're why I've suffered.”
“I didn't leave those marks.”
“But you brought me to the monster who did.” Shannon rolled away from him.
Lindsay allowed his fingers to trail absently through her hair. She pretended not to notice but she didn't pull away, so he kept doing it. He pressed a kiss against her exposed shoulder.
She flinched, and he wasn't sure if it was because he'd kissed her or because of the scar his mouth had briefly touched.
“Let me be clear with you. I'm training you. For myself. I'm keeping you. For myself. And I don't give one flying fuck what you believe you think about that because you want me as much as I want you. I can't apologize for what happened to you because it won't fix it. I can't time travel. We have nothing but now and the future. Do you want to hear that I should have trained you for myself from day one? What difference does that make now? I didn't, and here we are. The way I see it, we can move forward, or we can keep punishing ourselves forever.”
Shannon remained absolutely silent during his monologue. She may as well be asleep, but he knew from the stiff way she held herself that she clung to every word.
“Keep punishing ourselves forever,” the African Grey said, adding his vote to the mix.
The tension broke for a moment with the bird's antics. Shannon laughed as the parrot landed on the bed and stared at her with one beady eye. He edged closer to her and leaned down as if to really get a good look and assess the situation. She reached out and stroked his beak, and then the little shit pushed his fluffy ruffled head into her hand for more attention.
When she stopped petting him, Ralph looked at her again and said grimly, “Forever.” Then he flew off into the tropical foliage calling out “Forever, forever, fuck me harder. Forever.”
This time Lindsay laughed. “That goddamned stupid bird. Every day he reminds me why I should have kept him at the office.”
“I like him. He's funny.”
“He thinks he is.” The bird might not have a human understanding of the meanings of words, but he somehow knew which words and phrases would get the biggest reactions, and he always went for the big payoff.
Lindsay got up and went over to the largest of the bird cages and called Ralph. When the bird was settled inside, he closed the door and covered the cage with a blanket. The smaller parakeets were already settled in their cages, so he draped those as well.
When he returned to Shannon, she was back to the closed-off expression again.
“You can't fuck me back to life. Your dick doesn't have magic powers.”
Lindsay felt the smirk inch up his cheek. “You don't know that. You've never had my dick.” It wasn't as though he wasn't aware of how arrogant this all seemed. How presumptuous. But he hadn't imagined the way she looked at him. On a purely rational level he understood why she was punishing herself this way. But practically speaking... the behavior was... what was the clinical word? Batshit?
He knew what was at stake for her if she let herself want him. But the fact of the matter was she did want him, and he wanted her. And he wasn't going to spend the rest of their lives wheedling and whining and arguing with her about it.
She didn't think he was serious. That's what it all came down to. She didn't believe he truly wanted her or that he was committed. And until this exact moment, maybe he hadn't been fully invested, but he knew after all these years and what he almost lost that the way he felt about her was never going away. And if she still obviously wanted him after everything, well, they just had to move past it.
He had a sudden inspiration. “Do not move from this spot or there will be consequences.”
Lindsay left her in his suite and went down to the main floor. He popped his head inside the game room where Brian and one of the trainers had an intense game of poker going. He didn't even want to think about what the stakes were with Brian in the game.
“Where's Anton?”
“Went to bed,” Brian said, not looking up from his cards.
Lindsay let the door slam shut behind him and went to Anton's room and banged on the door.
“Go away!” Anton shouted in his thick Russian accent.
No one could say he hadn't tried the polite way. Lindsay shrugged, opened the door, and walked inside. Annette was in a rather compromising position, bent over and bound to the bed posts, leaving very little to anyone's imagination. Another woman watched from a plush chair in the corner, transfixed. A new girl.
“I thought I said go away,” Anton growled.
“You should have locked the door if you didn't want to be disturbed. I have important business with you.”
“It can wait.”
“It involves money.”
Anton untied Annette. “Kiska, I will only be a moment.” He glanced over at the other girl. “You can play to
gether while I'm gone. But no orgasms.” He turned back to Annette. “I mean it, Kiska.”
“Of course, Master, no orgasms.” But it wasn't at all convincing.
Anton followed Lindsay out into the hallway, shutting the door behind them. “This better be good.”
“How would you like to make a sale?” Lindsay asked. They were in a lean period since almost every girl currently in residence was new and untrained. No money was flowing in. And though they were perfectly safe financially, Anton always got antsy when the money stopped flowing in the right direction. This was doubled by the fact that they'd just brought in several new trainers.
“You have a buyer for one of the girls? You know no one is for sale right now. They're not finished with training.”
“I want to buy Shannon.”
Anton looked at him as if he were speaking another language. “Buy her? You don't have to buy her. She's not for sale. I know Brian bought Mina but that was to stop a real sale from going through. The house would have lost money otherwise. Just take her if you want her. No one will question it.” He turned to return to the girls.
Lindsay put his hand on the door preventing Anton from opening it. “No, I'm paying you, and you're writing me a bill of sale. Right now. Let's go to the conference room and make the transfer.”
Anton seemed deeply annoyed by this interruption when he had two naked women waiting just a few yards away. Let him be annoyed. Lindsay wasn't about to spend weeks or months convincing Shannon he wasn't playing a game.
Shannon had been waiting on Lindsay's bed for the past thirty minutes. She couldn't begin to imagine why he'd left so suddenly, but the longer he was gone the more worried she became about what it might mean. What sort of punishment was he devising? Hadn't he said no punishment if she got out of the pool? Was he going back on that now?
She still didn't believe he was training her. This was some stupid lark. Boredom. Or some strange act of goodwill where he thought he was saving her or doing this for her own good. She couldn't afford to trust him or fall for it. What if she gave in to him and he lost interest? Maybe he had some odd passing attraction. But it was just that. He would never give her what she really needed. Couldn't he see how this would hurt her more than if he just ignored her?