“Yeah. Let’s sit.”
I nodded, my heart pounding no less hard as Finn’s hand moved from the curve of my waist to my lower back. He kept it there as he guided me toward the booth.
I was in my seat two seconds when a girl with dark blond hair dressed in the diner uniform appeared at the booth. “What can I get you?”
“I’ll just have a Diet Coke and some fries,” I said, not really caring what I ordered since it was doubtful I’d be able to eat anything.
“Same, but make mine a regular,” Finn said.
Once she was gone I looked at Finn, our eyes connecting. Just that made my skin hot. Our silence began to stretch, however, and I knew one of us was going to have to speak before the tension proved too much.
“I hung out with Eloise this morning,” I said.
His dark eyes lit up. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Got her to trust me a little. Talk to me about it.”
“She told me she needed space, so I’ve been worrying about her all day.” He closed his eyes briefly. “It makes me selfish but I’m relieved—relieved that someone else knows. That you know. But I also feel like crap. Eloise has never been this mad at me before. Do you think she’ll forgive me?”
“Yes,” I said with certainty. “And forgive yourself, okay. It must have been hard for you both that you were the only person who knew.”
“Now you know, too,” he said. “I’m sorry for making you a part of the secret.”
“Don’t be. It means she’s got someone else looking out for her. She seems so scared.”
“Wouldn’t you be?”
“I don’t know.”
“This is Theodore Fairweather’s daughter we’re talking about, India. He’s not exactly about acceptance when it comes to the gay community.”
“That’s what Elle said.”
“Well, she’s right. Which makes me blurting it out...”
“Hey.” I touched his arm without even thinking about it. “Please stop beating yourself up about it. It’s done. And, Finn, I know you blurted it out but do you really think that would have happened with just anyone? You trust me. Right?”
“I do.” He stared at my hand on his arm before lifting his eyes to mine. Trust mixed with longing and affection and admiration and all these wonderful things were open in his expression for me to see.
I withdrew my hand, knowing I still wasn’t sure what we were to each other.
He sighed at my withdrawal.
“You’re worried about what Eloise will think, right? Once she, hopefully, stops being mad at me I’m going to talk to her.”
“Actually, she talked to me about us. She said as angry as she is at you, she would be okay with us as long as you kept pretending to date her and we saw each other in secret.”
Finn’s whole face lit up in relief and then he immediately frowned at what he saw in my eyes.
“Two sodas and two fries.” The waitress suddenly appeared and dropped our food on the table.
I waited until she’d left before answering Finn’s silent question. “I don’t know if I’m up for sneaking around behind everyone’s back.”
“Don’t think about it like that. I owe Elle more than ever now. We’d just be protecting her secret.”
“By making whatever is between us a secret.”
“I made a promise.” His tone was unapologetic, but his expression wasn’t. His soulful dark eyes seemed to plead with me. “I can’t back out of that promise.”
“I understand.” I stared at my fries, finding it difficult being around him without wanting to just throw up my hands and give in to the idea of us.
“What exactly about hiding us bothers you?”
“I don’t know,” I answered instantly. At his scowling silence, I insisted. “I don’t. I’m trying to work that out myself. I just know it makes me uneasy. It doesn’t feel right.”
“It’s not like I’d be cheating on Eloise.” He reached for my hand and goose bumps rose up on my arms at the slide of his callused skin against my soft palm. Because of rowing, he was a rich boy with working man’s hands.
I liked the contradiction of his hands. I liked the feel of them holding mine. I more than liked it.
“I know,” I said. “I know that. I just...” Reluctantly I began to pull my hand away but Finn, even more reluctant to let go, held fast. I stopped moving and looked him straight in the eye. “I can’t—”
“I can’t stop thinking about our kiss,” he cut me off.
My eyes grew round at the heat in his as he began to rub his thumb over the top of my hand. The heat he was feeling began to build in me.
“Finn,” I whispered, pleading now.
“I’ll tell you everything you want to know. About me and Elle. About other girls. Whatever you need. But you should know that our kiss blew my mind.”
“Other girls?” I frowned and then bit my lip, annoyed that that was the thing that had caught my attention in all he’d said.
His smirk was a little smug and arrogant. I pulled at my hand but he held on even tighter. “Jealous?”
“Don’t be a dipshit.”
He laughed. Hard. And my God, it was such a good look on him. He needed to laugh and smile more. Definitely.
You could be the one to help him do that.
Ahh! I shoved that thought quickly out of my head.
“Okay.” His chuckle trailed off. “I’ll try not to be a dipshit. As for other girls—Florida. Every summer I stay at my mother’s parents’ house. They’re not wealthy like my father but they retired there and have a good life. They’re not close to my father. They had fights with him about getting to see more of me. He finally gave in and allowed me to have a month every summer with them. It’s the best month of the year.”
“I’ll bet,” I muttered. “Do they know the truth?”
“No. There would be no point. It would only upset them and there’s nothing that people like them can do to win against a man like my father. According to him he has powerful men in his pocket. I’m not sure if it’s friendship or blackmail, I just know my father is connected, ruthless, powerful and he never loses. So I’m stuck.”
His dismal assessment of the situation only highlighted to me not only why Finn was so desperate to find small pieces of happiness, but also why he and I could never work in the long term. His father didn’t like me, and when it came time for Finn and me to go public, his father wouldn’t be happy. I didn’t like to think what he might do in an attempt to put a stop to me and Finn as a couple.
Finn seemed to sense that was where my mind was going because he decided to change the subject. “There were girls in Florida,” he admitted. “Nothing serious. Just girls to hang out with.”
I read between the lines. “Have sex with, you mean?”
Finn wrapped his hand around my wrist and leaned across the table. Not for the first time I saw and felt the passion inside of him. “It was just sex. An escape. You’re not that, India. You have to believe me. I would never have betrayed Elle for just some girl I wanted to sleep with.”
His fervor was exciting, a little intoxicating. I was all logic and plans and keeping myself safe, whereas Finn was emotion and risk and right now all about diving off a very big waterfall with me.
“Does Eloise know about the other girls?”
“What would be the point? They were temporary in a temporary situation. And Elle and I are pretending, remember. All we’ve ever done is a quick kiss on the lips in public.”
“Why are you telling me about the other girls?”
“I don’t know.” He sighed and glanced away for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts. “I guess I want to tell you everything. I’ve spent the last few years of my life not telling people about my father or about Eloise. Over time I guess I just sto
pped telling them anything. It was hard, but it never bothered me until I met you. I want to tell you everything. I want you to tell me everything.”
Oh my God, why did he have to be such a romantic pain in my ass?
“I’m getting to you, aren’t I?” There was that smug smile again.
I rolled my eyes and managed to extricate my hand from his. I settled back in the booth, taking a little bit of distance from him. “You are so confusing.”
He frowned. “How?”
“You can be so...”
“So what?”
“Arrogant. And then so...”
“So what?”
“Not arrogant.”
His mouth twitched with laughter. “O-kay.”
“Do you think I’m a foregone conclusion?”
All amusement fled his features. “No, India. I don’t. I think you have more defenses than a citadel.”
Now I struggled to contain my smile. “Yeah?”
“Yes. And it’s annoying when I’m trying to get you to see how much I really want to try this with you. I want you any way I can get you.”
“Oh, really?” I teased.
He laughed, rethinking his word choice. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“So you don’t want me?”
At the sudden burning in his eyes I wished I had stopped while I was ahead. “Oh, I want you.”
I felt this strange but wonderful flutter low, low in my belly.
Oh boy.
“Say yes,” he pressed. “I really do want to know everything about you. I can only do that if you say yes.”
“Everything?” Fear mingled with excitement at the thought.
For so long it had just been me. That way I wasn’t vulnerable to anyone hurting me. I’d wanted friendship with Finn knowing I’d be giving some of myself over to him.
But Finn was asking me for more than friendship. He was asking for secrets. Longings. Dreams. Fears. Kisses. Touch. Maybe even sex.
Everything.
Was I ready for that?
When I took too long to give him the answer he wanted, Finn pulled out his wallet and threw some money on the table. I watched apprehensively, wondering if I’d blown it and so goddamn confused at myself, as he stood up.
He held out his hand for me but I didn’t know what that meant. It could have just been part of his breeding to not leave a girl sitting at a table alone even if she was driving him crazy.
I tentatively took his hand and he gently pulled me up.
He led me with long strides out of the diner and into the parking lot.
The blood was whooshing in my ears, my heart was pounding so hard.
As soon as we reached our cars Finn suddenly turned around and yanked me toward him. I slammed with a gasp up against his hard chest only to then find myself pressed up against my car.
His dark eyes were so hot they were almost black and his chest heaved hard against mine.
When I didn’t say anything or protest at being sandwiched between him and the car, he slowly lowered his head.
My breath stuttered and my eyes fluttered closed in anticipation.
At the soft, feathery brush of his lips against mine I curled my fingers into his shirt and clung tight. It wasn’t like the hard, desperate kiss of the night before but it was no less passionate. It was slow, tender and definitely meant to seduce me into Finn’s way of thinking.
And it was more than working.
Finn broke the kiss, his hot breath tickling my mouth as he whispered, “Say yes.”
I thought of Eloise today and how brave she had been to sit with me and let me in.
Be brave, India.
“Yes,” I whispered.
The beautiful and entirely far too sexy grin he gave me was worth the courage. “I almost don’t know what to do with you now.”
I chuckled and bowed my head, resting my forehead on his strong chest. “I guess we’ll just have to take it a day at a time.”
“Yeah.” His arms wrapped tighter around me and his chin came to a rest on my head.
We stood there just holding one another for a while and it was perfect.
Beautiful in a way I hadn’t experienced.
“We should probably learn some ninja spy skills,” he murmured.
Amusement made me shake against him. “Ninja spy skills?” I lifted my head to look up at him.
He was grinning at me like a little boy and it occurred to me that already I was getting to see a side of him I’d never seen before. “For all the sneaking around we’ll be doing.”
I cocked my head to the side. “And where would one learn said ninja spy skills?”
“From a ninja spy master, of course.”
I giggled. “Of course. And where will we find him?”
“Or her.”
“Or her.” I liked that he’d thought of that.
“Car wash?”
“A car wash?”
“An antiques store? Library? Security room in a supermarket?”
Leaning into him I felt this giddiness burst through me, making me light and carefree in a way I couldn’t remember feeling before. Finn Rochester had surprised me again.
And I loved it.
“He could be somewhere more obvious like a dojo.”
“Do you really think a ninja spy master would be lurking somewhere so obvious?”
“Sometimes obvious is the least obvious.”
He thought about that a second and then shook his head. “No. I’m definitely thinking antiques store.”
“Okay, fine.” I slid my hands down his chest to grip his waist and I noted how my touch made his eyelids lower in this really cute, sexy way. I decided touching him a lot would be on the agenda since I doubted physical affection was something he’d received a lot of in the last few years. “What kind of stuff will our ninja spy master teach us?”
He stepped closer, pressing deeper into my body in a way that made me lose my breath and the ability to tease. “All the ways in which I can get you alone without anyone knowing where to find us.”
“Oh.” I smiled slowly at the thought. “I think I’m going to enjoy the fruits of those lessons.”
Finn grinned and held me tighter.
CHAPTER 15
“SO YOU AND Finn finally did it?”
Bryce skipped to a stop in front of Eloise. We were standing at Elle’s locker Monday morning and Bryce had one perfectly waxed eyebrow raised in question.
Charlotte was behind her giving Elle an embarrassed, almost apologetic smile.
Eloise seemed to take a minute to register the question and then she looked back at me as if asking for guidance.
The truth was if she and Finn were to keep up their lie, then people had to think they did the things that high school couples in love did.
I gave her an imperceptible nod.
Still confused, she turned back to Bryce. “How did...?”
“India told us she accidentally walked in on you guys in the pool house Saturday night and then Finn returned alone with this lame excuse that you were so drunk he’d put you to bed. More like exhausted.” Bryce nudged her and gave her a devious smirk. “Needed a little Dutch courage, did you? Well, who cares! The deed is finally done. Joshua and Gabe will finally get off Finn’s back about it. I have to admit I was starting to feel sorry for the guy.”
Elle glowered at her. “When have I ever discussed my love life with you?”
“Never. That’s why I was so excited to hear you’re actually human.”
Ignoring that comment, Elle took a step toward Bryce and lowered her voice. “I am not a piece of juicy information on one of those low-grade gossip vlogs you watch. I keep my love life with Finn private because that�
��s what it is. Private.”
“Well, excuse me for showing interest in my best friend’s life.”
Not wanting Eloise’s defensiveness to cause a fight that would only make her anxious, I hurried to intervene, verbal diarrhea launching out of me. “Well, I’m still a virgin.”
Bryce’s and Charlotte’s mouths dropped open and they were successfully diverted. “You?” Bryce said in disbelief.
I decided to ignore the insult, already freaking out about the consequences of my confession.
“Really?” Charlotte pushed forward. “Because so am I. I have to admit, I was a little upset about being the last in the group but now I know you’re one, too, I feel better.”
“You’re a virgin because you’re a prude.” Bryce waved her off and turned to me. “But why are you a virgin? I thought you had lots of boyfriends back in, ugh, California.”
Charlotte flinched. I scowled at Bryce. “I never said I had lots. I said I’d dated quite a bit. Dated. Not hooked up.”
“You don’t present yourself as the shy, retiring wallflower type, so why haven’t you done the deed? Is there something wrong with you?”
I shrugged. “I’ll have sex when I want to have sex.”
“I am not a prude,” Charlotte muttered, her cheeks bright red with anger.
Bryce nudged her with her shoulder. “Oh, come on. You need to lighten up a little.”
Eloise looked mad but she kept quiet, possibly afraid entering the conversation would lead Bryce back to questioning her about her and Finn’s sex life.
I opened my mouth to suggest we walk to class but just then Finn appeared in the hall. He stopped between Bryce and Elle. “Hey. Why are you guys all huddled up? Something going on?”
“We’re having an interesting conversation here, Rochester. Before I could get the juicy details on your deflowering of our queen, India announced that she’s a virgin.” Bryce grinned up at him.
My blood turned hot with mortification as Finn turned to me in surprise.
I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
“What is wrong with you?” Eloise stared at her friend in disbelief. “You know you’ve always been a bit of a bitch but lately you’re taking it to new levels of mean.”