I almost smiled at his last message. After all the years of being ignored and called crazy, Hudson embraced my whacked out tendencies.
But one sweet little text wasn’t enough to erase the hollow ache in my chest. I started to type out another message.
Then I stopped myself.
What the hell was I doing? Never mind old habits and what was healthy and what wasn’t—why was I chasing after this man so desperately when he’d already clearly indicated it would have no effect on him? Besides, he’d said over and over that he liked my obsessing over him. It made him feel loved.
Well, fuck that.
If Hudson wanted to feel loved, he could come home and work things out. Yes, we had troubled pasts and were inexperienced with relationships. Still, sooner or later we had to grow up and take responsibility for our actions. More than anything in the world, I wanted to do that with Hudson. But if he wasn’t ready, it didn’t matter how much I loved him. I couldn’t be the only one fighting. He had to fight too.
In one of the strongest moments of my adult life, I set down my phone and walked away.
Since I wasn’t insane enough to believe my strength would last, I decided to get out of the house. And I needed a run.
I called Jordan. “Hey, you’re a runner right?”
“Ms. Withers?”
“You were Special Ops. You had to stay in shape for that, right?” The idea had crossed my mind before, but since Hudson had been so opposed, I’d never pursued it. But now Hudson wasn’t around. “And I imagine that makes you a fairly good runner.”
“Yes, I suppose so.”
“Good. I want to go for a run and Hudson won’t let me go without a bodyguard. I’ll be ready in fifteen.”
He hesitated for only half a beat. “Be there in ten, Ms. Withers.”
“Thank you.” It had been surprisingly easier than I’d expected. Might as well see what else I could get. “And, oh my god, Jordan, please call me Laynie. Please, please, please. I know you’re not supposed to, but I don’t care about Hudson’s stupid rules. I’m having a bad day and I could use a friend. Even if you aren’t really my friend, pretend. Please.”
“You should know me well enough to know that I’m not much good at pretending.” The phone jostled as if he were getting ready while he talked to me. “But I am an excellent runner. Be ready to have your ass handed to you. Laynie.”
I was almost grinning when I met him in the lobby. This was new for me—life actually going on in the midst of heartache. Who knew it was possible?
***
True to his word, Jordan handed me my ass on our run. The six miles we did around Central Park barely seemed to faze him, while I nearly had to be carried back to the penthouse. The physical discomfort was welcomed—it matched my sullen mood. The adrenaline and endorphin rush did little to improve my spirits, but it did make the act of living seem just a bit more bearable.
Back at the penthouse, I showered and got dressed. Then I did go to my phone. I scrolled through my texts looking for another from Hudson. The disappointment at finding none was hard to swallow. Even though he’d said he wouldn’t respond, I had hoped. Wasn’t it just the morning before that he’d said I was the center of his world? Was there any way he could still mean it?
I couldn’t think about the answer. The evidence wasn’t in my favor and it hurt too much to face.
Needing another distraction from reaching out to Hudson, I called Brian. We chatted for over an hour—a record for us. After that, I called Liesl. We were both working that night, which provided a perfect excuse for shopping and dinner beforehand. My heart wasn’t in it, but I could fake it with the best of them. And being with Liesl helped keep the tears at bay.
It had already been a full day by the time Jordan dropped us off at The Sky Launch. “My shift’s over, Laynie,” Jordan said as he shut the car door behind me. “Reynold’s waiting for you up there.”
Sure enough, I spotted Reynold by the club’s employee entrance.
Though I’d never done it before, I felt the urge to hug Jordan. So I did. “Thank you,” I said, my throat tightening. “I needed you and you were there.”
Jordan looked at me compassionately. “It’s not my place, but you should know—Mr. Pierce is a complicated man.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I wasn’t interested in anyone defending Hudson at the moment.
Jordan continued anyway. “But no matter how complex the situation may be, it’s easy to see how he feels about you.”
I stuck my chin out, defiantly. “Is it?” I’d thought it was, but now all bets were off.
My driver patted my upper arm. “Perhaps not to you. But to me, it’s obvious. I pray that he’ll figure out how to show you before you’re gone for good.”
I watched Jordan as he got in the car and drove away.
Me, gone for good? It had been Hudson who’d left. Hudson who’d broken the promise he’d made to stand by my side through everything. Hudson who’d dropped not so subtle hints at a long-lasting future and yet he was now nowhere by my side.
With a sinking horror, I feared that Jordan was right—Hudson’s feelings for me were obvious. Obviously gone.
I bit my lip to curtail any crying that latest thought might bring on.
Liesl wrapped her arm around mine and directed me toward the door. “Do you get sick of the bodyguard stuff?” She was excellent at deflecting. “I mean, I wouldn’t get sick of that Jordan dude—he’s hot.”
“And gay.”
“Figures. But maybe he’s also experimental.”
I laughed. “Not likely.” My laughter quickly faded into a frown—it felt too strange to be amused when my heart was so heavy. “I don’t usually mind having bodyguards around, though I do like my independence. And I don’t really get why I need to have someone here while I’m at the club.” An idea surfaced. “In fact—”
We’d reached Reynold by then. “Hey, stranger,” I said in greeting. “Guess what. I’m giving you the night off.”
He chuckled.
“I’m serious. Hudson is probably the only one who has the power to give you the night off, but here’s the thing—Hudson’s not around. And I’ll be here at the club all night. We have security guards on staff and bouncers. I’m going to be fine.”
I couldn’t say why it was so important for me to send Reynold away, but it suddenly was. Perhaps it was an act of defiance. If Hudson wasn’t willing to give in our relationship, then I wasn’t willing either. Or not as willing as I had been, anyway. I was too pissed. Wasn’t that a phase of grief?
Besides, I felt strong. I didn’t need someone following me around. And Celia hadn’t been around in several days—maybe she was bored with the game.
“So I’ll see you when I’m off later. Okay?”
Reynold seemed dumbfounded. “Uh, sure. At three. I’ll, uh, be here at three.”
“Awesome.”
The victory with Reynold bolstered me. I hadn’t known how I’d be able to get through the night at work. Now I thought I might actually be able to do it. I hadn’t forgotten my pain—more thoughts than not had been filled with Hudson—but the misery was almost tolerable.
The time with Liesl had been the most helpful. We hadn’t seen much of each other recently, and there was a lot to catch up on. I told her everything that had been going on, including Celia’s stalking and Hudson’s secretive behavior. It was depressing but also therapeutic.
“Maybe Hudson is really, like, a CIA guy,” Liesl said as I handed her a cash drawer for the bar. “And Celia’s his partner. And he’s abandoned his mission—defected, or whatever they call that, and she’s trying to reel him back in.”
Her crazy ideas were almost entertaining. “That one’s definitely it.”
She nudged me aside with her hip to take her place in front of the register. “I wish you’d be serious about this. I know I’m right.”
I forced a smile. “Excuse me for being—what do they call it? Oh, yeah—based in reality.”
Liesl ra
n a hand through her purple tresses and laughed. “Reality is so overrated.”
“Isn’t it?”
We got lost in the hustle and bustle of the night after that. David had trained with Gwen the night before, but it was the first shift that I really got to see her in action. She’d worked enough now that she knew what she was doing. I watched her as she managed the upper floor, keeping on top of change orders and unruly customers, not once missing a beat. She was good, and I’d never felt better about my decision to hire her. Especially now that my whole future at The Sky Launch felt in limbo.
With a shudder, I swallowed the sob forming in my throat. I couldn’t think about that. Not here. Not now. In perhaps the same delusional manner I’d used in my days of Paul Kresh or David Lindt, I focused on convincing myself that Hudson and I were fine. This was just a blip. We’d recover and life would go on together.
Somehow it had been easier in the past. I hoped that said more about the current state of my mental health and less about my future with Hudson.
It was still early in the night, only a little past eleven, when I saw Celia.
I’d just come down from the upstairs to check in with the bartenders on the main floor. They were busy but not slammed. I slid behind the bar where Liesl was working and scanned the club, not looking for anything in particular—just getting a general sense of the scene.
The center of the club was surrounded by bunches of seating areas. They usually filled early in the evening. They were the best tables to get since they were right off the dance floor. She was the only one at her table, which was odd for a Saturday night, and that drew my attention. No one sat alone at The Sky Launch.
But there Celia was—alone, wearing tight jeans and a tight tank, her hair down around her shoulders. It was so uncharacteristic of her usual prim and proper look that I wasn’t sure it was her. Then she caught my stare, and the wicked grin she gave me confirmed it.
I grabbed Liesl’s forearm. “Oh my god.”
“What? What is it? Did I fuck up the last order?” Her eyes were wide and alarmed.
“No. She’s here. Celia!” I nodded toward the woman who still had her eyes locked on mine.
Liesl followed my gaze. “The stalker chick? Should I kick her ass?”
“No.” Though the thought of the tall Amazon at my side kicking the ass of my now arch-nemesis was pretty entertaining.
Liesl squinted as she continued to study Celia. “No offense, but she’s a knockout. Not like you’re not a knockout, but I’d do her.” She bumped me affectionately with her shoulder. “I’d do you harder, though. Of course.”
“Wow. I can’t believe she actually came here.” Maybe I should call Reynold to come back. I instantly dismissed the idea. With everyone around, what could she do to me? Even her constant watch was nothing more than annoying.
Rows of goose bumps lined my arms despite my attempts to remain nonplussed. Well, I’d made it over three hours at work before having an emotional breakdown. That was something, right?
“What’s going on?” David asked.
I turned to find Gwen and David had joined us. Which meant it was time to get back to the job. “Nothing.” I certainly wasn’t sharing my Celia story with my ex-boyfriend and an employee I barely knew.
Apparently, Liesl felt differently. “That girl over there is Laynie’s crazy stalker.”
“Liesl!” I smacked her shoulder with the back of my hand.
“I’m not going to stand by as the only one who knows about this. You need some backup. What if she does something to you? You know, roofies your drink or something.”
“Right. ‘Cause I’m drinking openly tonight.” She was my closest friend, but sometimes she lacked in the intelligence department.
Gwen raised an eyebrow. “You have a stalker? You’re cooler than I thought.”
I rolled my eyes. “She’s not…it’s not…I don’t even know why she’s…” I let out an exasperated breath. “It’s complicated. I’m going in the back room if you all need me.”
Without looking back, I headed to the employee lounge behind the bar. Seeing Celia had thrown me, and in the shape I was in, that was enough to send me over the edge. I paced the room, trying to get a hold of the composure I’d had earlier in the evening.
Gwen and David followed.
I considered telling them I wanted to be alone. But I wasn’t sure I did.
“Are you okay, Laynie?” David’s voice was tentative and tender.
“No. Yes. I’m fine. I’m just…”I shook my head, unable to finish the thought. My chest was tight and my head felt like it was going to explode.
“Well, tell us something about her. Your stalker.” Gwen genuinely seemed like she wanted to be helpful. “A name. How you know her. Anything.”
“Her name’s Celia Werner.” I was surprised at my willingness to share, yet even more, I needed to talk.
“As in Werner Media?” David kept abreast of the who’s who in the business world. Of course he’d recognize her name.
“That’s the one,” I confirmed.
David stepped closer to me, concern on his face.
“It’s nothing to worry about, David. She’s just not happy about me being with Hudson.”
“Is she the ex?” Gwen asked.
“Yeah.” When I’d said that in therapy, it was because it was easier. Now after the video, it was what I truly believed. “She is.” For the millionth time, my mind went to thoughts of her kissing Hudson. What else had they done? How close had they been? Had he slept with her?
I swallowed the bile that threatened to come up. “So now she’s trying to scare me by showing up where I am. Sending me messages. Stuff like that.”
“Do you want us to kick her out? I can call Sorenson up from the door.” Unlike Hudson, David’s protective mode was subtle, but I recognized it in his face all the same.
“She’s not going to hurt me.”
“Are you sure?” David put a hand on my shoulder.
“No.” I stepped casually out of his grasp. Despite its innocence, his touch felt like a betrayal to Hudson. “But I don’t want her to win.”
“Fair enough.” His body language told me that my brush-off had stung. Another reason it was good he was leaving.
Gwen turned a plastic chair around and straddled it. “It’s creepy how she just stares at you like she does.”
“Isn’t it?” I was still trying to decide how I felt about Gwen knowing about my private life.
“We could spike her drink.”
Now this sounded interesting. “With what?”
“I don’t know. Spit.”
I didn’t laugh, but I managed a genuine smile. Okay, Gwen was officially cool. And maybe I needed more people involved in my life—more than just Hudson and his family. The phone call with Brian, the run with Jordan, the day with Liesl—all of it reminded me that there was a whole world outside the one I’d been living in. A world with friends and interests that I’d forgotten about recently.
Whether or not Hudson and I had a future together, I had a future of my own. I couldn’t ignore the people that belonged in that future anymore and just hope that they’d still be there when I needed them. And Gwen was now a part of The Sky Launch. That made her family. It was time to embrace her as such.
But just because they were family didn’t mean I had to talk about everything with them. And talking wasn’t calming me down anyway.
“You know what? I’m fine,” I lied. “Don’t worry about me. Let’s get back out there where we can at least keep an eye on her.”
With Gwen in the lead, we stepped back into the club, the flashing lights and thumping beat washing over me with a familiar comfort.
I ran into Gwen’s back when she stopped short. “Ah,” she said. “She knows we were talking about her. She’s calling in reinforcements.” She lifted her chin toward Celia. “See?”
I looked toward my stalker and saw she had her cell to her ear.
Just then Liesl walked
over to me with the bar phone in her hand, the cord stretched almost to its max distance. “There you are, Laynie, phone call.”
“Oh, shit.” Gwen’s eyes were wide, and I imagined they mirrored my own.
Was Celia calling me?
“Let me take it,” David offered.
“And say what?” I shook my head decisively. “I’ve got it.” What was she going to say to me, anyway?
I took the receiver from Liesl’s hand, my own hand surprisingly steady. “Hello?”
“Alayna, where is your bodyguard?”
The voice on the line shocked me more than if it had been Celia. “Hudson.” I said his name out loud, looking around at my coworkers so they’d know who it was. “Hello to you, too.”
A mixture of disappointment and elation swept over me. I’d almost wanted the call to be from Celia—more and more, I was eager to confront her.
But on the other hand, it was Hudson on the phone. Hudson! I’d longed for his voice all day. I didn’t even care about the circumstances for his call—he’d called, that was the point.
“Ah, it’s not even her,” Gwen said. “That was some mind fuck.”
David agreed. “I think she must have been checking messages. I never saw her mouth move.”
I looked back at Celia, who was, sure enough, pocketing her phone.
“Could you answer the question, please?” Hudson’s voice in my ear drew my attention back to him.
It took me a second to remember what he’d asked—oh, about my bodyguard. As glad as I was to hear from him, I wasn’t about to make things easy. “Why do you care?”
“Goddammit, Alayna!”
His voice was so loud that I had to lean my ear away from the receiver. Well, what had I expected? That Reynold wouldn’t tell him? “I sent him home. I figured I didn’t really need him at the club.”
“How’s that working out for you?” His sarcasm was lined with frustration.
“I’m fine! With the security guards and cameras and the bouncers…” It took a second for me to realize what his statement meant. “How do you know she’s here?”
“Because I’m outside.”
“You’re outside? Why are you outside?” My heart sped up. He hadn’t just called, he was here. I covered the mouthpiece with my hand. “Liesl, hurry, grab the cordless.”