by Maya Banks
CHAPTER 20
THEY weren’t so lucky.
Garrett sighed when he pulled into his mom and dad’s driveway to see that the yard resembled a used truck lot. Not only were Nathan and Joe back, but it appeared they’d brought Sam and Donovan with them.
He glanced over at Rachel, who sat quiet and pale in the passenger seat. Her fingers were balled tight in her lap, and she stared at the front door as if she expected it to explode. And hell, maybe it would.
After pulling to a stop behind Ethan’s truck, Garrett cut the engine then reached over to take Rachel’s fist. Carefully he pried her fingers open until he stroked the length of her hand reassuringly. He wasn’t even sure she noticed.
“I can turn around and take you back home,” he offered.
Finally she turned to look at him, her eyes deep and haunted. “No. I can do this. Maybe I’ll remember something.”
He had to admire her courage. His family was enough to make him run screaming like a girl on a good day. Facing them when they were complete strangers? Brave.
Theatrically he sucked in a breath and made a show of squaring his shoulders. “Ready?”
A smile wavered on her lips. “Ready.”
He opened his door and walked around as she was getting out of the truck. He reached for her hand and she tucked it trustingly into his.
As they neared the door, he paused and squeezed her fingers. “Just remember they love you.”
She smiled bravely and he opened the door.
Cool air washed over him as he stepped into the foyer. In the distance he could hear the TV and the murmur of voices. Everyone was in the living room.
As much as he savored the idea of reintroducing Rachel to her family, he knew it should be Ethan’s decision. His brother was going to be pissed. But then Ethan hadn’t been the one faced with Rachel’s pleading expression. Garrett had never been able to tell her no, an affliction he was sure Ethan shared.
He stopped in the dining room, just a short distance away from the steps leading down into the living room. Rachel bumped against him and he felt her tremble. He squeezed her hand one more time but kept her solidly behind him as he started forward again.
At the top of the steps, he stopped again and softly cleared his throat.
All eyes turned in his direction. Ethan was first to react. He stood straight up, his face a thundercloud. His mom cocked an eyebrow and then frowned. He recognized that look. A reprimand was about to fly. He almost grinned. The woman could make him feel five years old again with one stare.
Nathan and Joe looked up with only mild interest. Sam frowned and Donovan just looked. But then that was Van. Calm and nonjudgmental.
“You’re supposed to be with Rachel,” Ethan exploded. “Goddamn it.”
“Ethan,” his mom scolded. “Watch your mouth.”
In response, and because at the moment he wanted to survive with his hide intact, he pulled Rachel out from behind him. She was stiff as a board, and her eyes looked wild.
The room erupted in chaos. He held up a hand to shut it down before Rachel bolted.
“Quiet!” he shouted above the din.
Ethan stalked over, his eyes never leaving Rachel. His worry was evident because he didn’t even threaten to kick Garrett’s ass. He didn’t even look at Garrett.
“Rachel, baby,” Ethan said softly. “Are you all right? I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up. I shouldn’t have left.”
Behind Ethan, Nathan and Joe stood, their gazes locked on Rachel, utter disbelief etched in their expressions. Garrett couldn’t blame them. Until he’d actually seen Rachel, he’d doubted her existence. Stuff like this only happened in the movies. She’d died—or so they all thought—and now she was back.
His mom held both hands to her mouth, tears flowing unchecked down her cheeks. Even his big ole burly chested dad looked pale and shaken.
As was her habit when the family was together, Rusty sat away, her gaze flickering dispassionately over the hubbub. Once it rested on Rachel, and her eyes narrowed before she quickly looked away. Garrett frowned. The last thing Rachel needed was a lone dissenter. Especially someone who didn’t belong. When Rusty glanced up at Garrett, he scowled at her, letting the full force of his disapproval bleed into his expression. Rusty blanched and looked down at her hands, refusing to pick her head back up.
“I wanted to come,” Rachel said in a quiet, shaky voice. “I asked Garrett to bring me. Don’t be angry with him.”
Ethan touched her cheek. “I’m not angry. Just worried about you.”
She offered a tremulous smile. Garrett moved slowly away, leaving her standing there with Ethan. He shot his mom and dad warning looks, and his mom scowled as if to say she wasn’t an idiot.
Rachel peeked around Ethan and nervously scanned the occupants of the room. She recognized Donovan and Sam, of course. The older couple had to be Ethan’s mom and dad, which left the other two men to be Nathan and Joe. There was a young girl sitting away from the rest, and Rachel searched her memory for any mention of a female member of the Kelly family. But it was all a blank.
Disappointment surged over her. She didn’t recognize them. Tears brimmed at her eyelids, but she bit her lip to keep them at bay. She was damn tired of being so weepy.
“Rachel?”
Ethan’s mom crossed the room to stand beside Ethan. Rachel swallowed the ache in her throat. She could see the hope in this woman’s eyes. The love. And Rachel could remember nothing. Couldn’t conjure the same memory of love and affection.
“My baby,” his mom crooned, and she gently enfolded Rachel in her embrace.
Rachel gulped in steadying breaths, but God she wanted to break down and sob like a baby. Was there anything better than the love of a mother? This wasn’t her mother. She didn’t have one, but if Ethan and Garrett were to be believed, Marlene Kelly was as much a mother to her as she was to her own children.
“Thank God you’re home with us,” Marlene murmured against her hair.
She drew away and then kissed Rachel’s cheek. Her hand stroked down her hair, and she gave Rachel a watery smile.
“You’ve monopolized her enough, Marlene. Let her breathe a minute so I can hug my daughter.”
The gruff voice made her jump, but she immediately relaxed when she saw Frank Kelly step to Marlene’s side. She smiled tentatively up at the big man, and to her surprise his face crumbled and big tears rolled down his wrinkled cheeks.
She stared in shock as he put his arms out to her. He didn’t move to her as Marlene had done, and maybe he was worried she’d reject him or was afraid.
As anxious as she was, she wanted to comfort him.
After only a brief hesitation she walked into his hug and wrapped her arms around his waist. His admonishment to Marlene to let her breathe made her smile. He was squeezing her so tight she could barely pull air into her lungs.
She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. Old Spice after-shave. Made her think of grandpas. Leather and the overwhelming smell of comfort. Home.
“Hey, no hogging.”
Rachel opened her eyes to see a grinning face close to Frank’s shoulder.
“Which one are you?” she asked.
His teeth flashed in a wider smile. “I’m Joe. The good-looking one.”
Unable to resist, she smiled back just as Frank released her. Joe tugged her into his arms and lifted her up.
“Hey, knock it off, dumbass,” Ethan growled.
Joe ignored him and twirled her around. As she stared into his eyes, a memory as dizzy as he was currently making her skittered through her mind. Just a brief glance. But it was Joe, standing nervously in front of her. He was younger. Same short haircut, but he was in uniform. Army fatigues. Boots.
Her brow furrowed as she sought to hang on. Joe carefully eased her down, and she blinked as he stared at her in concern.
“Hey, you okay? Sorry, didn’t mean to get carried away.”
“You asked me out,” she blurted.
Sam stepped forward, and she willed herself not to flinch.
“You remember him, Rachel?” Sam asked.
She raised a hand to her brow and pressed over her right eye, suddenly aware of the slight throb. Ethan’s hand slid over her shoulders and he massaged, a silent message of support. Reminding her of his presence. She sank back against him, tired but unafraid. She may not remember these people, but she couldn’t refute the love in their eyes.
She stared up at Joe again, searching the vague images for something that made sense.
“You were standing in front of me. You had your uniform on. And you were nervous.”
Joe smiled. “Hell yeah. I was asking a gorgeous woman out.”
She tilted her head. “Did I accept?”
Joe adopted an exaggerated crestfallen expression. “No. You let me down easy, though.” He clutched his heart and staggered back a step. “I recovered. Eventually.”
She chuckled at his antics. Then her gaze flittered to the man she now assumed had to be Nathan. He stood back, a slight smile curving his lips.
“You don’t look alike,” she said.
“Thank God,” Nathan muttered.
“Yeah, I got all the looks. He got . . . Well he didn’t get much,” Joe said.
Nathan rolled his eyes then shoved by Joe. “Got a hug for me?”
She went willingly, her unease gone. His body shook with emotion, and she realized that despite his and Joe’s back-and-forth, they were as affected as the rest of the family.
When he let her go, she stepped back, putting enough distance between her and the rest so that she could study their faces.
“I really do have a family,” she said in wonder.
Pain flashed in Ethan’s eyes. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. Why had her words hurt him?
“Yes, sweet pea,” Garrett said. “You have a family. You have all of us. Warts and all.”
Ethan moved to her again. His hand slid over the side of her neck and then up to cup her jaw. His thumb grazed restlessly over her cheek, and she tilted her chin so she could look into his eyes.
“Are you okay, baby?”
Everyone else seemed to disappear. His face lowered precariously close to hers. He hadn’t kissed her yet. Not as a husband. He’d been so careful with her. Understanding.
She licked her lips at the same time she realized she wanted him to kiss her. Here. And then her gaze skated sideways to his family all standing there. Watching.
She ducked her head and took a step back, Ethan’s hand falling away. But she reached out to catch it, wanting to maintain some semblance of contact with him.
He smiled and laced his fingers with hers then pulled her against his side.
“Are you hungry?” Marlene asked.
Ethan chuckled. “Ma’s answer to everything. Food.”
Marlene harrumphed, but her eyes twinkled. “You didn’t turn down a hot meal.”
“I’m no idiot.”
Donovan spoke up. “Hey, if she’s not hungry, I am.”
Rachel turned in the direction of his voice. He smiled and nodded, but he kept his distance almost as if he knew how overwhelmed she was.
“You’re the quiet one, aren’t you?”
Donovan’s eyes widened a little, but his cheeks colored slightly.
“If you’re asking if I’m an obnoxious loudmouth like all my other siblings, the answer is no.”
“I danced with you at my wedding,” she said, as the music danced in her head just as they had done. “I teased you and said you were the only one of your brothers who hadn’t bruised my toes.”
His smile lit up his face. “Yeah. I always said they were uncouth mammoths.”
Laughter rang out over the room, and she realized that it was a sound she’d heard often in her past. She stared from face to face, her heart swelling and aching with the irrefutable truth. She was home. She had family. She was loved.
CHAPTER 21
IT had taken a while for Rachel to become accustomed not only to sleeping in the wondrous luxury of a bed, but also to sleeping with Ethan. Not that she’d had any difficulty making the transition. In fact, she was usually so glued to him by the middle of the night that she was surprised he didn’t shove her away. But he seemed as content as she was to sleep so melded together.
The part she’d had to grow accustomed to was not living with the fear of him being gone when she woke up. He never left the bed before she did and always made sure he was there, holding her, when she woke up.
Some mornings they’d lie there lazily, limbs entwined, and he’d rub a hand up and down her arm as the sun rose higher, filling their bedroom with light.
This morning was no exception. She’d actually woken before Ethan, and she lay there watching him sleep. He looked almost vulnerable in this unguarded state, and she found the contrast fascinating. He was so hard and tough, so very protective of her, and yet right now she wanted to touch him, ease the worry she often saw in his eyes.
She wondered what he’d do if she kissed him. Though he was affectionate with her, and touched her frequently, he hadn’t made any effort to kiss her—really kiss her. There were light kisses to her forehead. A peck on the lips. Sometimes a brush across her cheek. But he hadn’t kissed her like a lover.
Part of her was curious to see if she’d remember the passion that once existed between them, but the other part of her was scared to death. What if she didn’t react appropriately? What if she couldn’t remember her feelings for him. Worse, what if she felt nothing if they tried to make love?
She frowned. No, that couldn’t be possible. She was too physically aware of him.
She snuggled a little closer to him, until her mouth was hovering just an inch from his. Her pulse pounded, and she chided herself for being so ridiculously nervous. It was just a kiss. They’d kissed any number of times before.
She licked her lips and then carefully pressed her mouth to his. The kiss was so light and yet it gave her a giddy thrill. She pulled quickly away, worried she’d woke him. But he hadn’t moved.
Encouraged by the warm sensation all the way down to her toes, she moved forward again. This time she kissed just the corner of his mouth and enjoyed the scratchy sensation of his morning shadow against her cheek.
Gaining courage and confidence, she slid her mouth fully over his and kissed him again. His lips parted, and she gasped in surprise. She pulled away to see him watching her through half-lidded eyes.
“Good morning,” he murmured.
Fire lit her cheeks. She felt like an errant teenager stealing her first kiss.
“G-good morning.”
He smiled and ran his finger down her nose. “I like your way of saying good morning.”
Her cheeks tightened and she ducked her head.
“Hey,” he said softly. “I liked it. Do you know how many nights I’ve dreamed of waking this way? You in my arms, your lips on mine.”
She smiled shyly. “I feel so silly. We’ve kissed so many times, but to me this feels like the first.”
He slid his hand behind her neck and cradled her head in his palm. “Then let’s make it perfect.” He lowered his mouth to hers and pressed warm and sweet against hers.
Her heart fluttered and turned over like someone had set a jar full of butterflies free in her chest.
He was exquisitely tender. So reverent that it brought tears to her eyes. He kissed her lips and then started at one corner of her mouth and kissed his way to the other side.
His tongue slid sensuously over her top and then bottom lip and then gently slipped between to open her to his advances. With a sigh, she acquiesced, and their tongues met, tasting each other, exploring. Advancing and then retreating.
They performed a delicate dance, their tongues dueling, slowly at first and then faster. Their breath came faster and was swallowed up, given and then taken back. They shared each puff of air, sav
Had she really thought she wouldn’t respond to him? She ached for him. All she wanted was to lose herself in him. Curl so tightly into him that she’d never be without his strength—his love.
The thought shook her to the bone. How could he love her when she’d forgotten their past? How could he love her when he’d thought her dead for the last year? And how could she hope to love him when all she had were bits and pieces of their life together?
Why couldn’t she remember?
Ethan drew away and moved his hand from her nape down her back to cradle her behind.
“What are you thinking?”
She smiled tremulously, her lips swollen from his kisses. “I wish I could remember. I want to remember how it was. Was it always like this? Was it as sweet? Was it better?”
“I think it gets better each day we spend together,” he said. “I think twenty years from now, we’ll look back and laugh at the idea that it couldn’t get better or that somehow we’d reached a standstill. Isn’t that the way it should be?”
She nestled back into his arms and laid her cheek against his broad chest. “I hope you’re right.”
“I am this time,” he murmured.
She leaned back, puzzled by his response, but he kissed her again, and she forgot about everything but the heat of his lips on hers.
“I had an idea for something to do today,” he said when he drew away again.
She raised an inquiring eyebrow.
“I thought we could go to Sam’s to swim off the dock. You’ve remembered several instances of being there, and I thought it might help to be in a place you remember being happy.”
Excitement bubbled up. Random snippets peppered her mind, crowding in until they overwhelmed her.
“I’d love that. When can we go?”
He smiled at her enthusiasm. “As soon as we get our lazy butts up and get out there.”
“Sam won’t mind?” she asked anxiously.
Ethan laughed. “You, my darling wife, have all my brothers wrapped around your little finger. You may not remember it, but that doesn’t change the fact. They won’t mind a bit if we come over.”