I pulled the elastic up again, let it fall, and that was all it took. The pain lanced through me, but it was the touch of the wrapped band that shot me over the precipice. My clenching pussy made obscene sounds, my hips lifting, seeking his body even though he wasn’t there. Mingled chills of pain and pleasure warred on my skin, and I curled up from the bed, moaning. I knew he could see my cunt pulsing, my pelvis rocking against the mattress, my clit ruby red from arousal and shock. I fell back on the pillows, too exhausted to wipe away the tears of grateful relief that rolled from the corners of my eyes. I watched my computer screen, mesmerized, as Neil came with a groan, cum arcing onto his stomach, rolling down the backs of his fingers.
I could barely move. My clit and labia throbbed, and when I felt myself there I was hot and swollen, sharp welts raised in thin lines over my most delicate parts. And if he had asked me to, I would have done five more. Ten. Maybe it was better that he knew my limits and wouldn't push them too far.
Clearly, I couldn't be trusted.
* * * *
The next morning, at the office, I was idly testing out beeswax lipsticks on the back of my hand when India stuck her head in.
"You guys, get out here." Something about her tone set me on immediate alert.
I looked to Jessica. "What's going on?"
"No idea." But she was already sliding off her stool and heading for the door.
Everyone was gathered on the main office floor. Jessica and I slunk to an unoccupied section of wall. Rudy stood in the center of the room, casting his unreadable gaze on everyone in the vicinity. "I hope we're all here," he called out, over the hushed whispers. "Because this is a very big announcement."
Neil stood in the main aisle that ran down the middle of the room. He wore a sleek black jacket over a gray shirt, the collar unbuttoned, and he watched as the last stragglers came in from the stairwell and side offices. He waited for the room to quiet further before he addressed us.
"I want to thank you all for a fantastic issue. I am truly impressed at the way you all adapted to the changes we’ve made so far. In light of what you’ve accomplished so far, I have the utmost confidence that you’ll handle future changes just as well.
“Unfortunately, in one very important aspect, fashion doesn't seem willing to change. Many of you have been working closely with Rudy. You know his pedigree, from costuming to runway to journalism. He knows, probably better than most in this office, how difficult it can be to break new ground. So I trust his opinion in this matter, and I hope you do, as well.”
It was brief, but I noticed a hint of annoyance flicker across Rudy’s face. Something was happening there.
Neil continued, “As a fashion institution, Porteras has the opportunity to force some change in an area where it is definitely needed. That's why, for our February issue, and every issue thereafter, Porteras will not feature any fur, any leather, any product that cannot be described as 'cruelty-free.' And we will not feature the work of any designer who includes these elements in his or her collections.”
Murmurs of shock and surprise rippled through the room, and Rudy cleared his throat loudly, waiting for them to die down enough to say, "Mr. Elwood wasn't finished speaking."
The silence that fell was like the blade of a guillotine.
"As I was saying." Neil swept the room with his authoritative gaze. "Porteras is going cruelty-free. Individual departments will be receiving memos detailing specific alterations to policy, but for the most part, these will all be common sense. A word of caution, this is considered privileged information. We will see no blog posts, no tweets, no anonymous tips from industry insiders coming from this office, or you will answer to me personally. If this news breaks before it is officially announced, I will be forced to review each department individually.”
There was a grumble of agreement, as Rudy conferred with Neil quietly. When whatever they were speaking about had been handled, Rudy called out, “I need to see Jake Kirchner and Rosie Bell, the rest of you can get back to work. We’ll be in touch.”
Neil scanned the room, seeking me out, and when our eyes met I had to carefully school my expression. I was sure he’d caught me with my mouth hanging open in shock. He gave me a brief, reassuring smile, then turned to speak with a woman from the copy editing desk who’d approached him.
I walked back to the beauty department on numb legs.
"This can't be happening," Jessica said as she followed me through the door.
India was already there, slumped over her desk, her head in her hands.
I couldn't believe it. I mean, I had sort of seen it coming, but nothing this extreme. "I didn't think he would actually - "
"Sink the magazine?" India gave a rueful laugh. "It doesn't matter to him what happens with Porteras. It's pocket change to him."
"But all the potential money..." I couldn't imagine that Neil didn't see what a huge investment he was throwing away.
Was this all to please Emma?
I thought back to what Jake had said, about Porteras burning up like a dying star. I saw that same desperation in India's expression now.
"I'll write you ladies good references," she promised Jessica and I. Then she reached below her desk and pulled up a bottle. Gran Patron Platinum. She dumped her coffee cup into the potted palm behind her desk, poured a shot, and said, "How about a toast?"
That was when it really began to sink in. Porteras had hit the iceberg, and she was going down. Whether her captain would acknowledge it was another problem altogether.
Chapter Seventeen
The new Elwood & Stern helmed Porteras hit stands on the first Monday of December. The snarky Tumblr posts starting hit the internet that night.
Neil wanted to take me out on Friday to celebrate the new issue. By the time I left work that evening, I’d spent five long days listening to whispered retellings of unhappy emails and terse meetings behind closed doors.
I didn't know if I should bring up my concerns with Neil. We had only been seeing each other a couple months. While we spent more time together than I think either of us had planned initially, things were still quite casual. I wasn't sure how much I could really talk to him about the magazine.
Of course, work came up often, but usually in the context of Neil asking me how I was getting on in the department. Once, he'd asked me what I thought of a feature he was considering cutting, but I'd quickly shut him down.
"I don't want to have that kind of access to Neil, my boss, just because I'm spending time with Neil, the guy I'm having sex with," I'd explained, and he'd agreed that was probably a good idea.
The thing was, as much as I loved Neil - and I did love him, there was no chance of denying that now - I was supposed to love myself more. I owed it to myself to protect my interests, didn't I? So, did I bring up the changes at Porteras, and how badly I expected them to go? Despite what I'd told him about boundaries?
We never left work in the same car, because we weren't dumb. That would have been the easiest way to get found out. Instead, I waited for him to text me that he'd left, and followed in a cab. We would take his car back to his place at the end of the night. Since our first sleepover, I'd spent every weekend with him, but we rarely went out, opting instead to stay in and eat whatever Neil cooked. He was a great cook, but I was looking forward to a real date, even if it was a dinner with Rudy.
Neil had proposed the idea over the phone earlier in the week. He'd explained that he'd been spending so much time with me, he hadn't had a chance to see Rudy outside of work. Then I felt kind of bad, because I hadn't been spending much time with Holli, either.
Then again, she'd been spending a lot of time with Deja these days.
My cab pulled up outside the restaurant, and I got out, suddenly apprehensive about the way I was dressed. The place Neil had suggested was a tapas restaurant, hip casual, and I was definitely dressed for work. I smoothed down my gray peplum skirt and adjusted the shoulders of my capped-sleeve black lace blouse. I hoped I wouldn't stick
out like a sore thumb in a sea of miniskirts and sleeveless tops out to party.
Neil was waiting for me at the bar. He was still wearing the navy blue suit he'd worn to work, but he'd taken off his tie and unbuttoned the collar of his white shirt. I envied the way he always looked totally at ease no matter where he was. He stood up and came to my side, looping an arm around my waist and giving me a quick peck on the cheek.
He led me through the dining room, with a hand at the small of my back. "I've been dying to see you darling. I am so glad you're here."
Darling? We were doing endearments now? And he'd said it so easily, without a hint of sarcasm, or discomfort after the fact.
I wondered if he realized he'd said it.
Rudy stood up when we approached, and smiled politely. "Hello, Sophie."
I noticed there were two waters already on the table, and Neil perked up at the sight of the pint glass of dark beer beside one. "Ah, they brought our drinks."
"I told him to order for you, but he wouldn't." Rudy lifted an eyebrow. "I feel like you might be dragging our Mr. Elwood into the twenty-first century."
"She's civilizing me," Neil said, chuckling.
"Better than the last one," Rudy said offhand, then, with a glance to Neil, he said, "Sorry."
Awkward.
"How was work?" Neil asked, motioning to a passing server.
"Oh... we don't want to talk about work, do we?" I asked. Because I wanted to dodge the subject as much as possible. I didn't want to have to pretend that I wasn't silently criticizing every one of Neil's business choices.
"No, we do not," Rudy stated emphatically. "I want to hear more about you.”
"More about me?" I looked to Neil with a smirk.
"Yes," Rudy answered for him. "He talks about you nonstop, but I'd liked to hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Not that I find you horsey."
"I don't talk about her nonstop." Neil looked at me, humorously defensive. "I don't."
"Well, what do you want to know?" I asked Rudy, then, to the server who stopped beside the table, "Water and whichever sweet red your sommelier recommends."
That was my trick to sounding sophisticated in front of people when really, I just couldn't remember the names of most wines.
"I think it's wonderful that you two found each other again," Rudy said once the waitress had left the table. "What have you been doing with yourself this entire time?"
I filled Rudy in on my background; NYU, getting the job at Porteras, what it had been like to be Gabriella's assistant. It turned out that Rudy knew Gabriella a little, because they moved in the same social circles. While I talked, Rudy displayed all the characteristics of acute and intense attention. I felt like I was on a job interview.
"Let's not overwhelm her," Neil said with an uncomfortable laugh at one point.
Rudy brushed him off as though he had a lot of practice ignoring what Neil said. I have to admit, that was a quality I found quite endearing; Neil could be pretty overwhelming himself, and it was nice to see how other people coped with it.
Luckily, the waitress returned and we had to pause in my interrogation to order a few assorted plates to share.
"I'm not trying to overwhelm her, I'm just trying to get a feel for what she's like." Rudy took a swallow from his own pint glass. "Since she's such a big part of your life lately."
Neil cleared his throat uncomfortably, and I jumped in to save him. "Okay, so I'm dying to know how a costume and fashion designer ends up being best friends with a billionaire who flies commercial to pick up chicks."
Neil laughed, his relief at the subject switch palpable. Apparently, he was okay with talking his friend's ears off about me, but not with me knowing about it. "That's quite a funny story, actually."
"We met through Valerie. Emma's mother?" Rudy's eyes narrowed just slightly. He was trying to gauge my reaction to the name.
I hated to disappoint him, but I didn't know Valerie. I figured I should at least know someone before I was intimidated by the mention of her. "Oh?"
"Rudy met Valerie when he was doing a semester abroad," Neil explained. "She offered to set him up with her brother, Stephen."
Rudy nodded and laughed. "And having never met Stephen, when I arrived at Valerie's apartment and found Neil there, I just assumed he was my date."
"I was flattered, of course." Neil smiled fondly at the memory. "I thought he was a bit out of my league."
"He was a good sport about it," Rudy said with a laugh.
"And... Stephen?" I asked, looking between the two of them.
"Stephen is a tragedy best saved for another time," Rudy said, and Neil raised his glass.
"I'll drink to that." Then he did, setting his beer down and pushing back from the table. "Excuse me for a moment. Rudy, be on your best behavior while I'm gone."
I sipped my wine until Neil was out of earshot then fixed Rudy with wry gaze. "Okay. Did I pass?"
"Pass what?" he asked innocently.
"The test."
He considered a moment. "Undecided. But I'm leaning toward yes. I'm sorry to be so cold about it, but Neil is my best friend, and he's made some foolish choices in his dating past."
"Ah, then you'll be relieved to know that we're not dating." I smiled cheerfully.
"No, I know. I've heard all about your arrangement. No-strings-attached sex, right?" He smiled right back. "But I should warn you, Neil is incapable of keeping things casual with anyone. And he has a forceful personality."
I pointed to myself. "Choir. As in, 'you are preaching to.'"
"He can't help it. He's an Aries." He laughed, the first time all night he'd responded without suspicion to something I'd said. I would crack him yet. He sighed and took a sip from his beer, then said, "Don't disappoint him, Sophie. He doesn’t let people in often. I know he projects an air of unflappable confidence, but he’s vulnerable. With you, he’s more vulnerable than I suspect you know.”
I shifted in my seat and cleared my throat, finally withering under Rudy’s intense stare. Damnit.
I wanted to say so much; that I was in love with Neil, that I would never knowingly hurt him. But I was already knowingly hurting him, by keeping my mouth shut about Jake’s cryptic statements.
Actions speak louder than words, Scaife, I reminded myself with a mental sigh. “You were right. About Jake Kirchner? I think he’s still working with Gabriella.”
One perfectly groomed eyebrow rose as Rudy regarded me. “What do you know?”
“Just that he thinks there’s going to be some big takeover.” I looked over my shoulder. No sign of Neil. “I feel like I can’t talk about this stuff with Neil. We’re trying to keep our work life and our personal life as separate as possible.”
“Good luck.” Rudy took a sip of water. “I’ll look into the situation with Kirchner. Then I’ll bring it to Neil, when I know more.”
The waitress arrived with the plates of food we would all share, and moments later, Neil returned, as well.
"Has he threatened you yet?" he asked with a wink as he sat down beside me.
"No. We're just talking." I beamed at him. I was relieved at having circumvented the “don’t talk about business” problem, but I still wasn’t sure where Rudy stood on the animal cruelty fiasco. Whether we’d agreed to talk about work or not, I felt like I was going to have to bring that up to Neil.
As we ate from the truly delicious sampling of dishes in front of us, I listened to Neil and Rudy talk about mutual acquaintances, stopping for the occasional aside so that I wouldn't be left behind in the conversation. It was a bit surreal, seeing this part of Neil that I'd never seen before. We spent most of our time together alone. Viewing the way he interacted with another person in his life, someone who shared a history with him... it reminded me of how Holli and I were together, able to share whole memories with just a few words. We stayed surprisingly late, drinking and talking. After a brief argument over the bill that I did not step into - the after dinner cocktails and the after after dinner
cocktails had punched up a pretty substantial tab - we made our way to the sidewalk.
"Sophie," Rudy said, leaning in to kiss the air beside my cheek. "It was a pleasure."
"Ditto." I was surprised at how much I'd begun to like him. "Um, did you want to come back to Neil's place for drinks?" The words were out of my mouth before I realized it wasn't really my call to invite him. I looked uncertainly to Neil.
"No, um, another time I think, Rudy?" There wasn't any awkwardness in his retraction of my invitation.
Nor was there in Rudy's easy acceptance of the conversation. "It's very sweet of you, Sophie, but I wouldn't want to intrude further on your evening. You two have a good weekend."
He and Neil shared an clumsy, drunken man hug, and then we went to the Maybach while Rudy took keys from the valet for a Maserati Granturismo.
As soon as we were inside the car, I apologized. "I'm sorry, that was really not cool of me to ask someone back to your place."
"I'm just pleased that you got along so well." Neil said, leaning against the corner of the seat and door. Rubbing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger he added, "And I'm glad you feel so comfortable in my home, and with me."
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked, concern cutting through my inebriation. "You look super tired."
"I have a bit of a headache. I think I might need to see the optician.” He blinked and forced a smile. "Let me stress, this is only a small headache, and not the proverbial 'not tonight' headache."
"Poor baby." The red wine with dinner had definitely gone to my head, as had round after round of after dinner drinks. I slid to my knees on the flat floor of the roomy backseat and climbed over to his side of the car. I leaned against his slightly spread knees and lay my head in his lap.
"Oh, this evening has taken a promising turn." He laughed and stroked my hair away from my forehead.
"I never get to do this," I moaned, sitting up to reach for his fly. I estimated we'd have about twenty minutes between the restaurant and his apartment in the current traffic, so I didn't waste any time unzipping him and reaching inside.