by Maya Banks
He spun around and stalked toward the door but then he stopped and turned back to Devon, his lips curled into a snarl. “I don’t know what the hell kind of deal you struck with my father but he was wrong. Dead wrong. You weren’t the right man for my sister. The right man would know and appreciate what a gift he’d been given. I’m putting you on notice right now. I’m watching you. If Ashley isn’t more herself in very short order, I’m coming after you with everything I’ve got. I hadn’t planned to take over the business for my father, but if the choices are having you as a part of the family and making my sister miserable or me sucking it up and taking over myself, I’ll do it.”
Devon’s lips thinned but he acknowledged Eric’s ultimatum with a tight nod.
With another dark look, Eric stalked out of the door.
Devon stared out his window in brooding silence after Eric’s abrupt departure. Then he stared down at his phone, suddenly afraid to make the call he’d planned just minutes before.
It also occurred to him that she hadn’t called him at work in weeks. Not once. No more silly Tinker Bell chimes that amused his coworkers to no end. Not even a mushy text message like she’d done so often before.
He hadn’t given it much thought. Things had been so busy after the wedding, with William wanting to move into retirement and the new resort going up, as well as the endless planning sessions for the future.
He’d honestly just forged ahead, hoping that with time, Ashley would get over her initial upset and see that things really hadn’t changed that much between them. But a sick feeling settled into his stomach as he realized—truly realized—that everything had changed. And most notably, she had changed.
A ping sounded, signaling the intercom, and Devon raised his head irritably. Now his secretary wanted to talk to him? Giving him a heads-up on Eric’s arrival would have been nice. But he forgot all about his irritation when he heard what she had to say.
“Mr. Carter, your wife is here to see you.”
Adrenaline surged in his veins.
“Send her in,” Devon demanded, rising from his seat.
Ashley hadn’t ever set foot in his office. Not even when they were dating. She’d called him. Texted him. Sent him sweet emails. But she’d never actually come into his building.
He was striding across the room, fully intending to meet her, when the door opened and she hesitantly walked in. He stopped abruptly, taken aback by the starkness of her features. She was pale, her face was drawn and her eyes were heavy and dull.
An uneasy feeling crept up his spine as she stared back at him.
“Are you busy?” she asked in a soft voice. “Have I come at a bad time?”
“Of course not. Come, have a seat. Would you like something to drink?”
He was suddenly nervous and he hated that feeling. Somehow she’d managed to completely upend his confidence. Much like she’d upended his life.
She shook her head but took a seat on the small sofa in the small sitting area of his office. “I needed to talk to you, Devon.”
It was only natural that any man hearing those words from his wife would dread what followed. But coming from Ashley, they seemed so…final.
“All right,” he said quietly. He took a seat across from her and studied the tiredness in her eyes. Those rich, vibrant eyes looked…bleak. Without hope. That was what he’d been reaching for. What had eluded him about the way she looked. He caught his breath, suddenly filled with an impending sense of doom. She looked…hopeless, and Ashley was nothing if not eternally optimistic. Had he ever considered such a thing a flaw? He was ashamed to say he had. Now he just wanted it back.
“I’m pregnant,” she said baldly. There was no emotion. No accompanying excitement. No flash of joy. Frankly, he was bewildered by her reaction.
“That’s wonderful,” he said huskily.
But her expression said it was anything but wonderful. She looked as though she was battling tears.
“I can’t do this anymore,” she said in a choked voice.
Alarm blistered up his spine and rammed into the base of his skull. “What do you mean?”
She rose and it was all he could do not to tie her to the damn sofa because he had a sudden sense that she was slipping away from him in more ways than one.
Her hands shook but she exerted admirable control over her emotions as she courageously faced him down.
“This marriage. You asked how long it would take to determine whether it would work. The truth is, it was never going to work. It’s taken me this long to realize it, but I deserve more. We both do. You deserve to find a woman you can love and that you won’t be manipulated into marrying. I deserve a man who adores me and wants to be married to me. Someone who won’t try to change me. Someone who accepts me, faults and all. Someone who loves flighty, impulsive Ashley and isn’t embarrassed by her.”
Tears clouded her eyes and her voice grew thick with emotion. “I thought… I thought I could make you love me, Dev. It was a mistake from the beginning to even try. It was a hard lesson for me to learn but I can’t be someone I’m not even if it meant you’d eventually love the new me. Because it wouldn’t be Ashley you loved. It would be someone I made up and all the while the real Ashley would be standing there, unloved. I can’t do that to myself. And I can’t do it to my child. I want to be a woman and a mother I can be proud of first. Before anyone else. I have to love and be at peace with myself, and you know what? I am. I liked me just fine. Was I perfect? No, but I was happy in my own skin and my family and friends accept that person. Someday there’ll be a man who’ll accept me, too. Until then, I’d rather be alone and true to myself than with someone who places conditions on his ability to love and accept me.”
So stunned was he by her declaration that he stood while she walked quietly toward the door. When he realized she’d already slipped by him, he whirled around, calling her name, the lump in his throat so huge that it came out as a mere croak.
But the door had already closed quietly behind her, leaving him standing there so numb…and broken.
Dread consumed him. The realization, the true realization of just what he’d done threatened to completely unravel him. Oh, God. What had he done?
His legs buckled and would no longer sustain his weight. He staggered back onto the couch and slumped forward, burying his face in his hands.
She was right and so very wrong all at the same time. The realization was as clear to him as if someone had hit him over the head with it.
He’d destroyed something infinitely precious and he’d never forgive himself for it. He didn’t deserve forgiveness.
Dear God, was this what he’d done to her? She’d come into his office and delivered the news of her pregnancy in a dispassionate fashion, as if she were telling him that she had a dentist appointment or that she was buying new shoes.
Where she’d once jumped up and down and squealed her joy over her cousin’s pregnancy and vowed she’d do the same over her own pregnancy, she’d related the news with dead eyes and a broken spirit.
He’d done that to her. No one else. Him and his high-handed, arrogant opinions of how she should act or not act. He’d taken something beautiful and precious and had spit on it.
He’d suffocated a ray of sunshine and sucked every bit of joy and life from her.
Cam was right. Eric was right. Ashley was right. He didn’t deserve her. They’d seen clearly what he’d blithely ignored. In his arrogance, he’d assumed he was right and that he knew what was best for Ashley.
He had tried to change her. And she was bloody perfect just as she was. He hadn’t even realized how much he’d missed all the things he professed to be annoyed over. The random calls at work just to say she loved him. The sudden attacks of affection when she’d throw her arms around him. Her exuberance around others.
She hadn’t cleaned and organized their apartment because she felt like it. She’d eradicated every hint of her presence there because she’d thought that’s what he wanted. She�
��d tried to become this image of the perfect wife to please him. He himself had thought he wanted her to.
The cooking. The endless trying to kill herself to please him. She’d gone from a vibrant breath of fresh air to a subdued, beaten-down shadow of her former self.
She no longer sparkled. All because he was the biggest ass on the face of the planet.
His pulse ratcheted up and the sick feeling inside him grew as he realized just how long it had been since she’d said she loved him. Since she’d demonstrated any outward affection for him. Since she’d simply smiled and seemed happy.
Tears burned his eyelids. He’d taken something so very beautiful and he’d crushed it. He’d rejected her love. The very gift of herself. He’d arrogantly told her in essence that she wasn’t good enough for him. That he knew better. That she wasn’t worthy of him.
A low moan escaped him. Not good enough for him? He wasn’t good enough to lick her boots.
In clear and startling detail, he realized what perhaps he’d fought from the very first moment he laid eyes on Ashley. He loved her. Not the new, subdued Ashley. He loved the impulsive, passionate, sparkly Ashley. And the very thing he loved the most was what he’d tried to kill.
Rafe and Ryan had nothing on him when it came to being complete and utter bastards to the women who loved them. Devon had surpassed any amount of sin a man committed against someone they claimed to care for.
How could he possibly expect Ashley to forgive him when he’d never be able to forgive himself?
She was pregnant with his child and she was leaving him.
He didn’t deserve her. He should let her walk away and find someone who adored her beyond reason and would never ever treat her as he had.
But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t be that selfless. He adored her beyond reason and if it took the rest of his damn life, he would make it up to her for every wrong he’d done to her.
But first he had to make damn sure she didn’t walk out of his life forever.
Nineteen
Ashley tugged the coat tighter around her as she stepped from the cab in front of her parents’ apartment building. She had no desire to face them today but she needed to get it over with and she wanted the comfort only her mother could provide.
Devon had already called her cell a dozen times until finally she’d shut it off so it would stop ringing. She’d expected resistance. She was fortunate that she’d caught him off guard enough that she’d been able to get out of his office without much fuss.
But now he would want to talk to her. No doubt he’d give her another lecture about being impulsive and reckless and whatever other adjectives he’d want to assign to her. Then he’d inform her that there was no reason they couldn’t have an enjoyable marriage, blah blah blah.
She wanted more than some damn enjoyable marriage. She wanted…awesome. She wanted a man who loved her and celebrated her for who she was. Maybe she’d never have it. But she damn sure wasn’t going to settle for someone her father had bribed to marry her.
Which was another reason she’d come to her parents’ apartment. Because first she was going to tell her father to stop interfering in her life. Then she wanted a hug from her mother.
She walked into the apartment and took off her coat. “Mom?” she called. “Daddy?”
Gloria Copeland hurried out of the kitchen and smiled her welcome. “Hi, darling. What brings you over today? I wish you’d called. I would have made sure I had tea ready.”
“Where’s Daddy?” Ashley asked quietly. “I need to talk to him. To you both, actually.”
Gloria frowned. “I’ll go get him. Is something wrong?”
“You could say that.”
Alarm flashed across her mother’s face. “Go sit down in the living room. We’ll be right there.”
Her mom hurried away and Ashley made her way into the spacious living room. Instead of sitting, she went to the fireplace, grateful for the warmth. She was cold on the inside and it felt as though she’d never be warm again.
A moment later, she heard the footsteps of her parents and she turned slowly to face them.
“Ashley, baby, what’s wrong?” her father asked sharply.
Both her mother and her father stood a short distance away, impatient and worried. She drew a deep breath and took the plunge. “I’ve left Devon and I’m pregnant.”
Gloria gasped and put her hand to her mouth. William’s eyes narrowed and he frowned. “What the hell happened?”
“You happened,” she said bitterly. “How could you, Daddy? How could you manipulate us both that way?”
Her father threw up his arm in anger and swore. “Damn it, I told him not to tell you.”
“He didn’t. I found out on my wedding night. Can you possibly imagine how awful it was to find out on my wedding night that my father had all but bought and paid for my husband?”
“William, what on earth is she talking about?” Gloria asked in bewilderment.
It relieved Ashley that at least her mother hadn’t known. She wouldn’t have been able to handle the double deception.
“He made me part of the Tricorp deal,” Ashley said with more calm than she felt. “He forced Devon to marry me or the deal was off the table.”
“Damn it, it wasn’t like that,” her father bit out. “You make it sound like…” He dragged a hand through his hair and closed his eyes wearily. “I just wanted what was best for you. I thought Devon would take care of you. He seemed perfect for you.”
“I can take care of myself. I don’t need a man to do that. I want a man who wants me for who I am, not because my father waves a lucrative deal in front of him. I want someone who loves me.”
“Oh darling,” Gloria said, finally finding her voice. She rushed forward and enfolded Ashley in her arms. “I’m so very sorry. How awful for you. I had no idea.”
Ashley closed her eyes, absorbing the love and acceptance she’d been denied with Devon.
Her mom pulled away and gently stroked a hand through Ashley’s hair. “What about you being pregnant? When did you find out?”
“I went to the doctor this morning. Then I went to see Devon.”
“Ashley, are you sure about this?” William asked. “I don’t believe for a moment that Devon doesn’t care about you. Think about what you’re doing here, honey. Do you really want to throw everything away because of the way you met? I understand your anger and I take full responsibility. Devon never wanted to deceive you. It was me from the start.”
She had to take a moment as she battled tears. “He doesn’t like the real me. He thinks I’m flighty, irresponsible, impulsive, too trusting. He wants to change everything about me. How can you possibly think this is a man I’d want to be with? Is that really who you’d want your daughter married to? What would that teach my daughter if I stay with a man who doesn’t value me? How can I expect her to have any self-respect if her mother doesn’t?”
Her mother wrapped an arm around her shoulders and glared her husband down with furious eyes. “I can’t believe you did this, William. What in the hell were you thinking? You may as well have told your daughter that she doesn’t matter. You’ve pulled some stupid stunts in your time, but this takes the cake.”
William sighed. “Ashley, please don’t be angry with me. I only wanted the best for you. You’re my only daughter and I just wanted to see your future secured. I thought that you and Devon would make a sound match. I was wrong and I’m sorrier than you can possibly imagine.”
“You aren’t pulling the plug on this deal,” Ashley said in a low voice. “You won’t punish Devon because he can’t love me. If you think he’s the best choice for the business then leave me out of it. I’d appreciate being able to make my own choices in the future, free of manipulation.”
“I do love you, baby. Please believe that. I never meant to hurt you. Devon tried to tell me but I wouldn’t listen. I thought I knew better. He wanted me to tell you everything. He didn’t want to deceive you but I tied his hands an
d for that I’m sorry.”
Tears welled in her eyes. Who knew what may have happened if they’d just been left alone?
William hesitantly pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. “You know you can count on me and your mother to help you with whatever you need, and we’ll be here for the baby when it comes.”
“I know,” she whispered. “And I love you too, Daddy. Just let me make my own mistakes from now on. Your heart was in the right place but now I’ve fallen in love with a man who can never love the real me.”
He slowly released her and her mom pulled her into another hug. “Do you want me to send someone over for your things? You know you can stay here as long as you like.”
Ashley shook her head. “I’m going to stay with Pippa for a bit until I figure out what my next step is. I need to find a better job. I have a child to consider now. Devon is right about one thing. It’s time to pull my head out of the clouds and grow up.”
How long could she possibly avoid him? Devon paced his office, though he hadn’t gotten any work done in the three days since Ashley had walked out on him. He hadn’t slept. He’d worn out his phone trying to call her. He’d called her friends, her parents, every family member he had a number for.
The reception had been understandably chilly.
He didn’t care. He had no pride where Ashley was concerned. He didn’t care if he came across as the most pathetic, lovesick guy who’d ever lived. He just wanted her back. He wanted her stuff strewn all over his apartment. He wanted to be able to smell her as soon as he walked into a room. He wanted her to be happy again. He wanted her to smile.
When he wasn’t at the office, he was at the apartment, waiting. She hadn’t returned. Not even to get her things. All her clothes were still neatly hung in the closet. Her shoes—and there were a ton of shoes—were stacked in boxes on the shelves in his closet. Ashley never went anywhere without her shoes and the fact that she still hadn’t returned to the apartment worried him.