engine’s only course was derailment. And as much as Adam liked to think his life was proceeding smoothly now, Shade could see disaster coming from a mile away. He wasn’t going to be the one who tried to save Adam anymore. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. It didn’t fit anymore.
“Why is your dad in the hospital?” Shade really didn’t need to ask. He knew the answer.
Adam lowered his eyes, going from pissed to defeated in the span of one breath. “He got his hands on some bad drugs and had an adverse reaction. Blames me for not hooking him up with my dealer.”
“Wonderful.” Shade snorted. “Why hold out on him?”
Adam scowled. “I don’t have a fucking dealer, Shade. When did you turn into such an asshole?”
“When you took one too many things from me that I can never get back.” Shade squeezed the bridge of his nose. He was not going to punch Adam today, no matter how much he wanted to. “Have you said your piece?”
Adam nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry I died and made you miss Julie’s birth. I would have waited until the next day to end it all had I known Tina was going to pop out your baby three weeks early. At least I understand why you hate me now. I’d hate me too.”
That was the most mature observation Adam had made in years. And an actual apology instead of defensive avoidance? Maybe Adam was making progress. Maybe he was getting his life together. Maybe Shade could let himself care about the guy again. He had to be sure Adam was on the road to recovery before he trusted his progress, because Adam had had ripped out Shade’s heart a million fucking times in the past, and he couldn’t let him do it again.
“I don’t hate you,” Shade said. He never had.
Adam closed his eyes and drew a deep breath into his chest. “I don’t hate you either.”
Uncomfortable over exchanging feelings with a dude, Shade stared at the floor and stood in silence for several minutes.
“I’ll, um, see you on the bus,” Adam said. He also seemed to find the hardwood at their feet utterly fascinating.
“Yeah, good. Hope your dad gets better soon.”
“Thanks. I should dump him off somewhere and hope he doesn’t find his way back, but I just can’t do it. Not even after all the shit he’s put me through.”
Shade knew more about the shit Adam’s father had put him through than anyone. When they’d been back in high school, Shade had no idea how many times Adam had hid out at his house just to feel a bit of security. Shade’s family had welcomed Adam. Shade’s mother was some sort of stray magnet, be the strays broken people or lost animals. Shade had been disappointed and yeah, hurt, when Adam had chosen to follow in his father’s footsteps. Shade hadn’t wanted that for Adam and hadn’t known what to do. How to help. He’d tried to force Adam to see the light, but it hadn’t worked. Adam had always said he wanted to build a better life for himself, that he didn’t want to be anything like his father, and yet he’d followed the failed life of the man he resented almost to the letter. The only thing that had kept Adam from sending himself to an early grave was that his bandmates happened to give a shit about him, whether he saw it that way or not.
“You really should get the man out of your life,” Shade said. “He’s never going to change.”
“I don’t need him to be perfect,” Adam said quietly. “I just want him to be my dad. After all this time, I still want that.”
Shade leaned forward and squeezed Adam’s shoulder. He wished he could say he understood what Adam was going through, but he didn’t. He could support him though. Or try to. “If you need something, you can call me.”
Adam’s head lifted and he met Shade’s eyes. He chuckled half-heartedly. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I do. I know how hard it is to deal with an addict who doesn’t see he’s destroying himself.”
Adam grinned crookedly. “They’re a total pain in the ass.”
“But they can get better.” Shade hoped. Please, let him be better.
“Yeah.” Adam took a deep breath and glanced at the front door. “I’m going to go now. And it’s none of my business who you mess around with, but Amanda?” Adam shook his head. “Didn’t you learn your lesson with the younger Lange sister?”
“I think I chose the wrong one.” Shade sighed. He knew he couldn’t be with Amanda in any serious capacity, but the woman brought him joy, which was a good enough reason to keep his hands off her. He knew he’d fuck things up with her spectacularly, and she’d take that good feeling with her when she left.
“Just don’t do anything stupid.”
Too late. “I’ll see you later,” Shade said. He was ready to continue being stupid with the lovely woman in question. At least until he had to leave to meet the tour bus.
Shade and Adam exchanged an awkward bro-hug, slapping each other’s backs with enough force to knock the wind out of an elephant, and then Adam let himself out of the house.
Smiling, Shade went in search of trouble. He found her in his shower.
Chapter 11Amanda didn’t know why she’d felt so uncomfortable when Adam had recognized her. Sure, he’d undoubtedly figured out why she was at Jacob’s house borrowing his shirt, but they were both single, consenting adults. It wasn’t any of Adam’s business what they did in the semi-privacy of Jacob’s breakfast nook. It hadn’t bothered her nearly as much when Gabe had shown up the night before. Why not? She froze, her hands tangled up in hair and shampoo. Probably because she’d been so lost in a haze of lust that she hadn’t been thinking clearly.
She scrubbed at her scalp. Eyes closed, she rinsed her hair beneath the steamy water.
She needed to go home and collect her scattered thoughts. Something about Jacob sent her logic on a short flight to nowhere-land.
When he stepped into the shower behind her, her senses boarded the plane. She turned so that the spray hit her shoulders and she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on tiptoes to press her breasts against his chest.
“Everything okay with Adam?” she asked.
“One conversation can’t solve years of conflict,” he said. His hands slid over her back, and he drew her closer. “But it’s a start.”
“He wouldn’t tell Tina that I was here, would he?”
“Nah. He can’t stand her. That’s why he refused to be the best man at our wedding. Said I was making the biggest mistake of my life.”
“In hindsight, do you agree?”
“Nope. I have no regrets there. If I hadn’t married Tina, I wouldn’t have Julie. And she’s my heart.”
Amanda kissed the center of his chest, right on the proud nose of his lion tattoo. “Way to dissolve me into a puddle of mush, Silverton,” she said.
“I also might have never met you.”
She grinned at him. “Are you trying to earn extra credit with words instead of actions?”
“Actually, I was hoping to finish what we started in the kitchen.” His hands slid down over her butt, and he tugged her closer.
“I have one issue with that.”
“What’s that?” He lowered his head to nibble on her ear, and she almost forgot her teasing remark.
“There’s no table in here,” she said breathlessly.
“No, but there’s a perfectly good wall.”
It turned out walls weren’t quite as much fun as swings, but detachable shower heads made for an enjoyable experience. Sex was fun with Jacob, and she didn’t need more than a good time at the moment.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Amanda, and maybe you’ll start believing it.
While he was in her arms, she was going to let herself enjoy being with him. She’d sort out any developing feelings later—he didn’t need to hear about them. The man felt guilty enough for having sex with her in the first place.
Plus she wanted him to remember their time together as a blessing, not a burden. She could hide how she felt, keep him believing that she only wanted sex. There was no reason to complicate things with talk of relationships and the future. Neither of
them wanted that—too many people would get hurt if they ever tried to be together in a serious capacity.
Amanda kept talking to herself, convincing herself that she was right, because her thoughts were the only obstacle keeping her from revealing her heart.
By the time she was sexually satiated and dressed in the clothes she found in the dryer—she’d nixed pulling on her dirty panties, so she was a bit light on the bottom end—it was time for him to meet the bus and go back on tour.
She wasn’t sure what to say. Should she say anything? Not goodbye. That was too final. She sat alone in the living room while he packed his overnight bag in the bedroom. Dare she ask him out the following weekend? She knew he’d be in town. She also clearly remembered his reaction to Gabe when he’d spilled those particular beans.
He won’t want to see you again, fool. Don’t set yourself up for that kind of heartache.
So, no, she wouldn’t ask to see him again. She wouldn’t put him on the spot. She would keep her word and not try to make something out of their one night together. It had just been an amazing night—and morning—of casual sex, and this would be the end of it.
When Jacob entered the living room, he dropped his bag on the floor and stood in the doorway. He was wearing his sunglasses again, so she couldn’t be sure, but he seemed uncomfortable that she was there.
“I guess I’ll be going,” she said, rising to her feet. “I won’t have to go to the gym for a month after that workout.”
He smiled tersely.
She should have gone while he was packing. She collected her purse from the end table where she’d placed it the night before and walked past him with a stiff spine and an aching heart.
“Amanda?” he said.
Her heart lurched, and she stopped in the middle of the foyer. Please ask to see me again. Please.
“Good to see you.”
Her hopes plummeted. “Yeah.”
She opened the door just as a Jeep sped by the end of the front walk, hopped the curb with two wheels and stopped just in front of Amanda’s car. The driver, Owen, blared on the horn.
Amanda hurried to her car. She could feel Owen’s eyes on her as she prayed for invisibility and climbed behind the wheel. He’d blocked her in with his haphazard parking job, so she sat staring at the dashboard, trying not to watch Jacob stride confidently down the walk to Owen’s Jeep. She could barely hear his words through the closed windows.
“I should have called and let you know I found my car,” Jacob said. “It slipped my mind.”
Owen said something she couldn’t hear. Cranking the key, but not starting her knock-ridden engine, she lowered the passenger side window slightly.
“I’ll still ride with you since you’re already here,” Jacob said. He dropped his bag into the open back of the Jeep and then opened the door to climb in the vehicle. He didn’t look in her direction. This really was the end of their time together.
Amanda watched Owen’s Jeep pull away. Her heart sank to the middle of her belly. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected from Jacob. She’d known he wasn’t interested in anything substantial, and she wasn’t either. So why did it hurt so bad to think that all she’d ever have with him was a single night? Why was she paralyzed by the ache in her heart?
Pull it together, Amanda. This isn’t the first time you haven’t gotten the guy you wanted. It won’t be the last.
She took a deep breath and started her car. Before she could put it in drive, Owen’s tail lights brightened, the passenger door flew open and then Jacob was out of the car and jogging toward her. Her heart skipped a beat. He’d probably just forgotten to tell her something, but she couldn’t help but hope.
He paused outside her door and tapped on the glass. She fumbled with the button that lowered her window. She looked up at him expectantly.
“Just so you know, I really am stupid,” he said and before she could protest, he leaned into her open window and kissed her.
What? What did he mean? She lost her train of thought as he deepened the kiss and her body melted.
Jacob.
He tugged his mouth from hers and stared down into her eyes. At least she thought he was staring into her eyes. He was hiding behind his damned sunglasses again.
“I have Julie next weekend,” he said. “I thought she might like to go to the zoo. What do you think?”
“Um…” So he’d dashed out of the car to ask her if Julie would like to go to the zoo? Not exactly what she’d hoped for, but she smiled for Julie’s sake because she cherished that little girl more than her own life and she knew Julie would love to spend the day at the zoo with her father. “She’d love that. She really likes animals and is always full of questions.”
He smiled. “Which I’d never be able to answer. Will you come with us?”
The air rushed out of Amanda’s lungs. “Um… I wouldn’t want to intrude on your time with her.”
“Nah, you’d be helping me out. You’re into animals and stuff, right, biology teacher?”
“Are you sure this isn’t an excuse to see me again?” she asked.
“You really can’t take a hint, can you?”
Hint? “I don’t know what you mean.”
He leaned his forearms on the doorframe and gently stroked a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s really stupid of me to do this, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of not spending more time with you. Even though I know staying apart is for the best, I don’t give a damn.”
She smiled, her chest ready to explode from the joy blossoming in her heart. “I don’t think you’re stupid at all, Jacob Silverton. I think the smartest thing you’ve ever done is get out of that Jeep and kiss me.”
He grinned. “So you’ll join us?”
“I’d love to. I always have a great time with Julie at the zoo.”
“And with me?”
She grinned. “Yeah, I guess you’re all right.”
“We don’t have to have sex,” he said.
“Uh, but we could. If the mood strikes us.” She was going to start training to increase her stamina immediately. So much for getting out of a month’s worth of workouts.
He laughed and kissed her again. “I have to go.”
This time when Amanda watched the Jeep drive off with Jacob Silverton inside, she had a smile on her face and hope in her heart. She just had to ensure her sister never found out that she was seeing Jacob, even on a cursory level. The man didn’t need another reason for his ex-wife to hate him.
Chapter 12“You are the biggest idiot on the planet,” Owen said to Shade as they pulled out of his driveway. “I don’t know what you have floating around in that big head of yours, but it sure as hell isn’t a brain. Why are you fooling around with Amanda Lange?”
Shade shrugged. He was in too good of a mood to let Owen’s words bother him. He was going to get to see Amanda again in less than a week. Spend the day with his two favorite females on the planet. Nothing anyone could have said would have darkened his mood. And before Owen could try, Shade changed the subject.
“Adam stopped by this morning. He looks like shit. Didn’t get any sleep last night. His dad is in the hospital.”
“Well, fuck, why didn’t he call us? We could have been there to support him.”
“You know he’s ashamed of his father.”
“I don’t know which one of you is the bigger idiot,” Owen said.
“He is,” Shade assured him.
Owen laughed. “You two really need to stop going at each other constantly. It stresses us all out.”
“We talked a bit about that this morning too. I think things will start to smooth out between us a little.” Shade doubted they’d ever be as close as they’d once been, but he didn’t want to fight with Adam anymore. Shade would work at not losing his temper. He’d find ways around Adam’s inconsiderate behavior to make his own life easier. And he would no longer take it upon himself to garner Adam’s cooperation; it wasn’t his job to teach Adam responsibility. Maybe
Adam would recognize how he was messing up everyone else if Shade kept his cool instead of adding to their problems by always confronting Adam.
Shit, none of it would be easy, but Owen was right: everyone was stressed out by the constant strife between Shade and Adam. Shade promised himself that he wouldn’t blow up the next time Adam did something selfish and inconsiderate. They were in an endless loop of animosity, and one of them had to step up and break the cycle. He wouldn’t argue with Adam anymore; he couldn’t control another man’s actions. Shade wondered how long he’d be able to