“Oh that.” Lexy shakes her head. “I thought you knew—couldn’t you feel it when your magic was coming in?”
I remember the strange tingling in my scalp, the burning in my eyes, the aching in my bones. But still… “I didn’t know,” I say in a shaking voice. “Lexy, you should have told me. I thought there was a stranger in the room.”
“Oh, hon, I’m so sorry!” She hugs me but her arms around me feel different somehow. Looking in the mirror again, I realize why—we’re the same height now!
“Lexy…” I gasp, pulling away. “I…I’ve grown. I can’t believe…I don’t understand…”
“It’s just what happens when your magic comes in,” she says. “Like a second puberty. Remember how I used to be short and pudgy and have stringy dishwater blonde hair before I got my powers?”
I do vaguely remember that. But my cousin has spent so many years being tall and slim with her gorgeous waterfall of long auburn hair that I can barely recall the way she looked when we were both kids. Of course, everyone knows that a witch gets her true eye and hair color when her magic fully manifests for the first time. I just never expected it to ever happen to me. Apparently tonight it did.
“You’re a late bloomer,” Lexy says gently. “But you’ve got some of the strongest magic I’ve ever felt, cuz. That’s why it made such a dramatic difference when it finally came.”
“But…” I look at my new reflection, frowning. I don’t mind the hair—it’s actually the exact same shade as my mother’s hair. Just thinking of her makes me wince so I hurry on, trying to catalog the other changes. I’ve never heard of anyone really having purple eyes but mine are now—a deep jewel-like amethyst fringed with thick black lashes. They’re startling—arresting in a way my old muddy hazel never was.
Despite the more obvious changes to my hair and eyes, what’s hardest to get used to is my new height. My body feels strange—stretched out, taller. But I can’t help noticing that even though I’ve grown a couple inches, I still have a fuller figure than my slender cousin. Which is so not fair. If I’d been able to change anything about myself, I would have wished to change my weight. I want to be skinny and sylph-like instead of hourglass shaped. Why did the magic change everything but that?
Then I realize what I’m thinking. Who cares what I look like now? Not when I just found out that I’m responsible for my mother’s death and Aiden has left me. Who cares about anything? I might as well lie down on the bed and just die.
“You stop that right now.” Lexy shakes me.
I look at her, startled. “Stop what?”
“I can hear every word you’re thinking and I don’t like it one bit!” she snaps. “Your mother loved you. She knew what happened wasn’t your fault. Kids make mistakes—you were only eight.”
“But I killed her, Lexy,” I protest. “That’s more than just a mistake.”
“For the Goddess’ sake, Emma, you’re acting like you went after her with a gun!” Lexy sounds exasperated. “You were precocious—you had a huge power crammed into your little body and it was leaking out like crazy. Remember how I told you what I overheard your mom telling my mom about you being the most powerful witch in a generation? And besides, you were trying to protecther when you started that fire.”
“I know that, Lexy,” I whisper. “I know it in my head. But in my heart I can’t help feeling…feeling that I’m to blame. I loved her so much.”
“And she loved you too, honey.” Lexy hugs me again, enfolding me in a fierce embrace, pressing her cheek to mine. “She knew you started the fire but she forgave you for it. What were her last words to you?”
“She said…” I close my eyes, the memory of my mother wreathed in flames pressing down on me like a weight. “She said she loved me.”
“Of course she did.” Lexy strokes my hair. “She never stopped loving you, no matter what. She forgave you and in time, you’re going to have to forgive yourself.”
I know she’s probably right but it’s hard to think about now. So hard when all I want to do is just curl up in a ball and stop breathing.
“There you go again.” Lexy pulls back and shakes me. “Stop it with the suicidal thoughts already, Emma!”
“How…” I clear my throat. “How can you even hear me?”
“It’s your witch-whisper, of course,” Lexy says. “Now that you’ve learned it, you don’t seem to know how to shut it down.”
“It’s the magic.” I feel stricken. “There’s too much of it and I can’t control it—any more than I could back when I was eight. Goddess, Lexy, I’m a walking time bomb!”
“No you’re not,” she says fiercely. “You’re just a very powerful witch who hasn’t been trained to control her powers. But don’t worry, we’re going to fix that. I’ll work with you every day until you get them under control.”
“But…what about tonight?” I look at my hands apprehensively, expecting to see blue sparks shooting from my fingertips again at any moment. “What if I accidentally light your house on fire like I did back when I was eight?”
“You won’t,” my cousin says calmly.
“How can you be sure?” I start to move away from her. I should go sleep out in the yard. Or better yet, in the middle of a swimming pool or anyplace that’s not flammable…
“I put some magic dampers in the bath,” Lexy says. “You’ll be safe for tonight and the dampers will have worn off in the morning so we can work on getting your magic under control.”
Hearing this makes me feel a little better. I’m so glad I have a best friend like Lexy. She might seem ditzy at times but when the going gets tough, she does too and I know she won’t let me down.
Lexy makes a face. “I’m glad to have you as a best friend too, Emma. And I’m going to let the ditzy part go…this time.”
“Oh!” I put a hand to my mouth, aware that I was projecting again. “I guess I’d better go get that bath.”
“Guess so.” Lexy smiles and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I know everything seems horribly overwhelming right now but you’re going to get through it, Emma. I promise.”
I kiss her back. “Thanks, cuz. I hope…I really hope you’re right.”
But inside I doubt it. I doubt it very much.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I spend the next several weeks at Lexy’s house, working on my magic. Surprisingly, learning to control it is not as hard as I feared it would be. I’ve already been through all the lessons, back when I was twelve and thirteen and still waiting for my powers to manifest. And I’ve watched my cousins and my aunt practice all my life. So it’s just a matter of putting what I already know into action.
I also try to make peace with the past. I go to visit my mom’s grave and tell her how sorry I am. Sometimes I can almost feel her presence and when I look in the mirror, I see her staring back at me. I know what Lexy says is right—she loved me and forgave me. The question is, will I ever be able to forgive myself?
But the thing that hurts me the most, even more than learning the traumatic truth about my mom, is Aiden’s abandonment. I thought he cared for me, that he wanted to keep me by his side. I guess I was wrong. But then…what about the way he claimed me? The way he insisted I was his and only his? The way he said he loved me. Did he only say those things in the heat of the moment, because we were in such an extreme situation? Lexy assures me that’s what guys do—they make all kinds of promises, swear eternal love and devotion, say whatever it is they think you want to hear—but none of it means anything.
It’s hard for me to believe that about Aiden. I thought he was different. But as Lexy points out, even if he’s a centuries-old vampire, he’s still a guy. And guys are fundamentally untrustworthy, at least according to her.
I keep waiting for him to call, hoping he’ll prove her wrong. Even if he’d just pick up the phone for a minute to make sure I’m okay, I’d be so happy…but he doesn’t. He doesn’t call and he doesn’t come into the shop on the days that I work. For all intents and p
urposes, he seems to have completely disappeared.
Sometimes I wonder if he doesn’t like my new look. After all, he always claimed to like me just the way I was and my magic did a complete makeover when it finally manifested. I think it’s a big improvement—aside from the fact that I’m still plus sized—but perhaps he doesn’t see it that way. I hate to think that Aiden would be that shallow but maybe now that I look so different, he’s lost interest.
I think about going to his house and talking to him but that reeks too much of desperation. After all, he released me from my service to him, what excuse could I give for showing up? I can’t even say I left my things at his place. The day after the incident with the Vampire Council, a big cardboard box arrived for me with all my clothing folded neatly inside. He’d even sent my cell phone and charger—everything was accounted for. I must have hunted through the box for an hour, turning every damn piece of clothing inside out but there wasn’t so much as a note. It hurt so much I sat down and cried afterward. And then I nearly set fire to the shower curtain when I tried to take a hot shower and relax.
All in all, not a good day.
Things are looking up a little now though. I have my powers mostly under control and I’m finally moving back to my own place. Lexy wanted me to stay with her longer but I decided it was time to resume my normal routine—whatever that is. I’ve been living such a strange, surreal existence for so long now I don’t know if I’d recognize normal if it bit me on the ass.
When I finally step in the door of my little second-story loft in Ybor City, my first thought is that it’s good to be home. My second is that everything is dusty from disuse—it’s been ages since I lived here.
I don’t love to clean house but I get to work anyway, trying to put my place back in order…trying to put my lifeback in order. To go back to the way things were before Aiden picked me out of the crowd and claimed me…then tossed me aside like a broken toy he didn’t want anymore.
Thinking of my vampire Master makes me sad and blue. After my cleaning spree, I decide to take a hot bath, drink a glass of wine and go to bed early. I have to be to the shop tomorrow at seven, anyway. We’re training a new person to run it since my aunt declared that letting power like mine go to waste behind a counter is a crime against the Goddess. So I’d better get an early night.
As I snuggle into bed between fresh sheets, I close my eyes and send a silent prayer to the Goddess for deep sleep with no dreams. I’ve been having nightmares lately, dreams of blue witch-fire turning into hungry golden flames that leap from my fingertips and consume everything in their path. I always wake up panting and covered in sweat but they seem to be your garden-variety nightmares.
I’ve only had The Dream once since I went home with Lexy. It presaged my period, as usual, only this time I had a normal cycle. Meaning the cramps were bearable and my period lasted about a week instead of one hideous day from hell. It seems that my blocked magic was also to blame for the terrible stabbing agony I used to get. Now that it’s unblocked, it can flow freely, normalizing my menstrual cycle, which is inextricably tied to it.
Tired of thinking about The Dream and my other nightmares, I close my eyes and count sheep. Around sheep number two hundred, I finally drift off…only to find myself looking right at my mother.
“Emma?” She steps toward me, her arms held out.
My heart jumps. If this is a dream, I don’t want it to end. “Mom!” I rush to her arms and she holds me, our ebony hair mingling around our shoulders. To my surprise I realize that I’m taller than she is now. Well, of course I am. The last time I saw her I was only eight and…and…
“Mom,” I say in a rush. “Mom, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to—I never meant to start that fire. I thought I was helping you. I didn’t know…”
“Hush, sweetheart.” She puts a finger to my lips and then hugs me again. “I know all that. I’m not angry—I love you. I’ll always love you, no matter what.”
“Oh, Mom…” Tears sting my eyes. “Then you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive,” she says firmly. “It was an accident. Any child can burn down a house if you leave the matches lying around where they can get them. It just so happens your matches were inside you, if that makes any sense.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I take a deep, trembling breath.
“I’m just glad you’re safe,” she says softly, brushing a strand of hair out of my eyes. “Thank the Goddess the vampire came when I called him. No one else could have gotten to us in time. No one else could have saved you from the house and protected you from the satyr.” She pats my cheek. “He loves you, you know. Very much.”
“I don’t think so,” I whisper. I feel tears rising to my eyes and try to wipe them away. “He said he did but he hasn’t called or come to see me since he released me from his service. I think he’s completely forgotten about me.”
“Of course he hasn’t.” My mother sounds indignant. “He—” Suddenly her face changes. Her eyes grow large and her cheeks grow pale. “Emma, darling, I love you and I forgive you but now you have to wake up.”
“What?” I look around and see that the edges of this little reality we’re in are melting away. “No, please,” I beg. “I don’t want to wake up, Mom. I want to stay here with you.”
“You can’t.” She gives me a grim look. “You’re in grave danger. Wake up, Emma! Wake—”
“Up, you little bitch. Wake up.”
I gasp as my mother’s frightened face fades completely away. My eyes fly open to see the dark face of Emilio Sanchez leaning over me. His thick, goaty smell is suffocating in the small space of my bedroom. I open my mouth to scream but he grabs me by the throat, choking off the sound before it can even start.
“Told you I’d make you pay,” he growls, grinning fiercely at me, his slotted yellow eyes burning in the darkness. “I’ve waiting to get to you for fourteen years, girlie, but now your number’s up. I’m gonna kill you nice and slow but first I’m gonna fuck you just like I promised.”
“No!” I try to shout but he’s choking off my air and it comes out as a desperate whisper instead. I think of kicking the walls to wake up my neighbors but the condos on either side of me are empty. In fact, there’s only one other person in the whole building, an eccentric musician named Seth, and I’m pretty sure he’s on tour with his band right now. I’m literally all alone with no hope of escaping from the murderous satyr.
No, can’t think like that! I’m not helpless—I have power now. Except I need my voice to cast a spell. A fact that Sanchez doubtless knows or he wouldn’t be choking off my air until I see black spots dancing in my vision. I realize I have to hurry—if I let him make me unconscious, I’ll never wake up.
Burn him, Emma, a voice whispers fiercely in my ear. Burn him like you meant to all those years ago.
And just like that, the solution comes to me. I may not be able to say a spell but I don’t need the power of my voice to call a witch-fire. The last time I tried to use it to drive Sanchez away, it went horribly wrong. But I’m an adult now and a powerful witch. I’m determined to make up for the past and get it right this time.
Lifting my hand, I point my first two fingers at him and call for the flames. Immediately, blue sparks spit from my fingertips and directly into his face. One lands right in his yellow eye and Sanchez gives a cry of horror and lets me go. He knuckles his wounded eye with one hand and slaps at his clothing and hair with the other. But the witch-flames are hungry. They grow and spread, licking over his clothing and his dark, greasy hair.
The satyr howls and stumbles backward. He falls to the floor as the flames consume him and he becomes a living torch. I stare at him in horror, frozen to the spot. There is a horrible smell like cooking meat as he writhes in agony and now the witch-flames are spreading, jumping away, searching for more fuel.
No! My paralysis breaks and I call to the flames. “Come back, turn back! Stop!” But already the fire is beyond me, out of my limited control. They
have been paid their due—the satyr’s writhing form is proof of that. But the witch-flames are horribly fast and voracious. They tear down the hallway and through my front door, spreading to the lofts on either side and the building beyond. Goddess, what have I done?
I watch numbly as the fire ignores my commands and then turns toward me. It rushes across the carpet and climbs the curtains, framing one of my two windows in flames. A feeling of déjà vu fills me. This is exactly how it happened when I was a little girl. I called the fire and then I couldn’t control it. It’s going to eat me now, as it ate the still-twitching Sanchez. As it ate my mother. I’m going to die in agony, alone…
“Emma! Emma!”
A deep, familiar voice is calling my name. I jerk my head around, wondering where it’s coming from.
“The window,” he shouts. “Come to the window!”
I run to the one window not engulfed in flames, just as I did as a child. But this time instead of seeing the face of a monster waiting to hurt me outside, I see Aiden. Fear is etched on his white features as he shouts for me to open the window.
I wrestle with the heavy sash and finally wedge it open. The room behind me is filled with smoke and it billows out, making me cough and choke. “Aiden?” I gasp, looking down at him.
“Emma!” There is unmistakable relief in his eyes. “The whole building’s on fire. I can’t get to you—you’ll have to jump.”
“Jump?” I feel the pit of my stomach freeze in fear. My loft may only be two stories but they are very tall stories. The ground is more than twenty-five feet straight down and I’ve always had a fear of heights.
“Jump!” He is holding out his arms. “Come on! I’ll catch you.”
No way, uh-uh, whispers the voice of fear in my head. I don’t think so. “I’ll come the other way,” I tell him. “Maybe I can get through.”
“No! You’ll never make it!” His roar is loud enough to be heard over the hungry flames. I can feel their heat on my back and I fear that any moment my hair will go up in a gold-and-orange-and-red corona just as my mother’s did so many years ago. Still, I’m afraid. Afraid to climb out onto the ledge and let go.