by Tillie Cole
“No,” he snapped fiercely, and held me tighter. “No,” he repeated, just as powerfully.
Pushing back from his hard chest, I stretched to the tips of my toes. Placing my hands on his arms, I pleaded, “Trust me. I need you to come with me. I just… please, Flame… for me.” I pressed his hand against my heart and continued. “I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you. So, please, trust me. I am your Maddie. I would never steer you wrong.”
“Maddie,” Flame murmured, his dark eyes blinking.
“Trust me,” I pushed, and reluctantly Flame dropped his head. In seconds he had taken me outside to his bike. Minutes later we were on the road.
He drove slowly, and I knew he wanted to avoid what I needed him to face. I held him tightly the whole way. When we arrived, Flame parked our bike in front of the familiar white building.
His body was taught with apprehension. And I knew this was going to be difficult. But I wanted my Flame back. I wanted him to claw through whatever dark fog plagued and tortured his mind.
I slid off the bike, and stood beside Flame. Running my hand down his arm, I laid it over his hand. Flame sighed, then slid off his bike, his fingers immediately wrapping around mine.
As we stood on the sidewalk, Flame’s feet were firmly planted on the ground. Slowly, I coaxed him forward. He panicked, and admitted, “I don’t think I can go in.”
My heart clenched at the lost look on his face. Pulling him gently, I nodded my head. “Yes you can. This is not a bad place. You need to see that for yourself, Flame. You need to see that the places, the atrocities we endured growing up, were not the norm.” Flame’s expressionless face never moved. I reiterated with emphasis, “Trust me.”
Then Flame’s feet began to step forward. He followed me up the steep white steps, hand gripping mine iron-tight. Then we reached the top. The wooden doors were open.
Looking up at Flame’s tight jaw, I asked, “Are you ready?”
Flame’s teeth gritted, and he shook his head. “No,” he rasped, his eyes darting all around the church looking for what, I did not know?
“But will you follow me?” I prompted.
Flame, this time, did meet my eyes and he replied, “Anywhere.”
Releasing a sigh, I led Flame forward into the main body of the church. When I looked up, I saw him scanning the large building. We were alone in the church. For that, I was glad. Flame needed to see that this church was nothing like the one that had tied him down, and mistook his unique ways and look on life, as evil.
Guiding Flame to the pews, I sat down. My eyes caught sight of a picture of Pastor James hanging in the altar surrounded by candles and flowers, and my body washed with sadness. I knew that Styx had organized for her family to be told of her death, though anonymously. I didn’t know the details, but Mae had told me the conversation had transpired. And I knew they had been sent money. But seeing her kind face smiling from the picture, I did not think I would ever purge her death from my mind. And at the hands of a child, no less.
Flame sat beside me, as still as night. I could hear the heaviness of his breaths, and felt the rigidness of his hands. I was so unbelievably proud of him for coming here. Because he would do anything for me.
Flame’s head twitched as he absorbed the inside of the church. Then sighing, he looked to me and asked, “There are no snakes? No people writhing on the floor?”
“No,” I replied with the minimum of fuss, and laid my head upon his shoulder. “It is not the place you believe it to be.” I looked over to the statue of Jesus I used to hide behind, and said, “All those weeks ago, when you came here for me, fearing I was hurt. I was not.”
I pointed our joined hands toward the tall white marble statue of Jesus and confided, “I used to come here when you were receiving treatment for your neck. I would hide away behind that statue and watch the world go by. I would stay unseen, in the shadows, listening to the choir singing their songs from above, in the balcony, mouthing the words I was too afraid to speak. I was too afraid to sing because I had been told my entire life that it was wrong. Although it was no longer my life, I still held on to those thoughts. Deep down, I feared letting them go.”
Flame exhaled, and asked, “Why didn’t you let them go?”
I closed my eyes, feeling my throat clog with emotion for the girl I had been back then—alive but not living. “I think… I think I kept hold of the old beliefs, because… because I did not know who I was without them. My whole life I had served the disciples. I had been a slave to my fears. Then, when I was free, I would sit in the darkness, watching others embrace the light… watching them sing. And I would mouth the words, wanting so badly to feel the freedom I could hear filling the air. But I just could not. I could not bring myself to let go. I feared the person I was.”
Flame’s finger played along the skin on the back of my hand, and he inquired in a hushed whisper, “And who are you?”
Tears filled my eyes and a smile graced my lips. “Yours,” I confessed, from the deepest recesses of my heart. “I am yours. It took you falling into darkness to make me see the truth and light.”
Flame stilled, and then lifting my head with his finger under my chin, he groaned, “Maddie…” and he briefly closed his eyes.
Holding his wrist, I continued, “It is true. Yours, is who I am. You gave me a purpose, Flame. You gave me a reason to live… you gave me your love… you gave me you.”
Flame’s forehead dropped to mine and his hands threaded into the sides of my hair. “Maddie,” he rasped. “I… I don’t believe in this shit. Church, God, none of it. I fucking hate all of it. Hate how people get so fucking sucked into it and let it change them, rule them. I can’t be around it no more.”
Feeling a lightness fill my soul, I replied, “Neither do I, Flame. This is not my life any longer. I do not believe in this anymore, either.”
“Then what do you believe in?” he tentatively asked.
Smiling through my tears, I said, “You. I believe in you.” Raising my head, my nose brushed his, and I confessed, “I believe in me. In us. We are all I need. All I’ll ever need from this point on.”
“Fuck, Maddie,” Flame sighed and pressed his shaking lips to my mouth. Then as our lips fused, the sweet heavenly sound of the choir began to fill the air… and it was my favorite song. The one I sang for Flame.
Flame broke from my mouth with a gasp, and proclaimed, “Maddie… the song you sang to me.” His eyebrows pulled down, his mind active, thinking, and he affirmed, “You sang for me? When I was…” he tapped the side of his head. “When I was fucking trapped in here. You sang… and I heard you.”
I nodded my head. “I know.”
“But you didn’t dare let yourself sing before. You said you never sang the words aloud.”
“I know,” I repeated.
“Then why…?”
“Because saving you gave me my voice. You gave me the strength to break free from the bonds that chained me to my past. The bonds that existed only in my mind. You… you freed me.”
I watched Flame’s eyes move from side to side. I knew this to mean he was thinking again.
Then a strained groan escaped his throat. A tear ran down his cheek, and he said, “I lost everyone. He fucking took everyone from me. My mama, Isaiah. He fucking took me from me. Made me into a psycho freak. All my life I’ve had nothing. He fucking took it all. I… I never stood a chance.”
My stomach sank as I felt every ounce of his pain. Flame suddenly stilled and stared at me, as though I were a living miracle. “Then I got you. I have you, and I can’t lose you, Maddie. I can’t ever fucking lose you or I will fucking go insane.”
“You never will lose me,” I assured.
His head dropped and he choked out, “Then I got Asher.” His eyes lifted, and they were plagued with fear. “I got a fucking brother again. I got you, and I got a brother… and what if… what if…”
Sliding my hand to the back of his head, I said, “No one will take us from you.
I am going nowhere. And Asher… Asher only wants his big brother, Flame. He wants you to go to him. Speak to him. He needs you to love him. He has lost everything and everyone too. He has lost it all due to your father. Just like you did.”
Flame held out his arms. “But Isaiah died. He died in these fucking arms. On the eleventh breath, he died. He left me… because of me.” His eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “I killed him.” He tapped his head. “It’s always in here. I see it all the fucking time. Always eleven, because of poppa’s slices and Isaiah’s last breaths.”
“No,” I cried, and bent my head to kiss along the heavily scarred flesh of his wrists. Flame froze, then tried to pull away, but I gripped them tightly. I pressed kiss after kiss to his scars, and when all of them had been covered, I said, “There are no flames, no poison, no evil in your veins. They run with blood, like everyone else. Your father was wrong. Lord, Flame, he could not have been more wrong. He believed scripture and sermons falsely given to him by that Pastor, but they were wrong. He believed wrongly. Especially about you.”
I fought back the anger building in my heart and assured Flame, “You are loved, loved so much. And your heart has so much love to give.” I held back my threatening tears, and listed, “You saved me. You protected me. You sat outside my door, day and night, to make sure I was safe. You paced before my window each night.” I traced along the scar on his neck. “And you took a bullet for me. Your blood, it flows with light and goodness, not flames and sin.”
Tracing the tracks of the tears on Flame’s cheeks, I added, “We are Flame and Maddie. And we have survived.” I pressed a kiss to his fingers and I emphasized, “We have found each other, and we are never letting each other go. Okay?”
Flame groaned just as the choir hit a crescendo. He enveloped me in his big strong arms.
Safe.
Inhaling the rich scent of his leather, I pulled back and suggested, “Let us leave, Flame. Let us go home. And let us never come back.”
We made it home in record time. As we entered the living room, Flame locked the door shut. I turned to face the man to whom I had just vowed my life. He stepped closer, and freeing my hair from its braid, hushed, “I want to be with you.”
My heart fluttered like a humming bird's wings at his need, and I led him into the bedroom. Flame stood and watched as I shed my clothes. Seeing him standing, fists by his sides, I went to move forward to remove his leathers. Suddenly, Flame took me in his arms. I gasped as my feet left the floor. I stared into Flame’s eyes as he gently laid me down on the bed.
I lay unmoving as Flame untied his belt and shed his cut. His clothes dropped to the floor. Then, with dark eyes blazing, Flame climbed upon the bed, his huge body immediately covering mine.
Flame’s hand pushed hair from my face and, just as his lips touched my lips, he murmured, “I love you, Maddie.”
I moaned as his lips crashed to mine, Flame’s strong yet timid hands lifting to run down my waist. My hips rolled as his hands moved north to the base of my breasts. And breaking his lips from my mouth our fearless gazes held. The air bristled with tension as our eyes remained locked. Then Flame’s calloused palm moved slowly to cover my left breast. A burning heat surged between my legs.
“Flame…” I moaned, as his fingers brushed over my nipple. But something flared in Flame’s eyes and he lowered his head. My heart slammed in my chest when I realized his mouth was lowering toward my nipple.
We had never made love like this before. We had never been so unrestrained or so free before.
I had never felt so happy and so safe before.
Flame’s head stilled as he hovered above my nipple. Then when his tongue swiped along the flesh, my back arched off the mattress. My hand dived into his hair. His tongue repeated the action and my thighs pressed together in need.
When I felt I could take no more, Flame pulled back and whispered, “Maddie.” His voice was guttural and rough, but confident. He then proceeded to press kiss after kiss over every inch of my bare skin.
My eyelids fluttered to a close as I fought to gain my composure. My skin was on fire, branded forever with every tender touch of his lips.
Then he lowered even further, his pierced tongue dragging down over my stomach, to the apex of my thighs. Flame panted hard, his warm breath ghosting between my legs. When I felt this new sensation, panic coursed through my blood. I lifted my chest off the bed. “Flame… stop…”
Flame raised his head up, and with such adoration on his handsome face, he pleaded, “Trust me.”
My heart squeezed at the need for my trust in his voice, and I nodded my head as his hand drifted from my ankle to my thigh. My barrier of resistance was lost the moment he used that hand to coax my thighs apart, his broad and hard chest shifting to lay in between.
My eyes shut as Flame’s thumb slipped between my folds, the placement of the pad of his thumb causing my body to flare with need. “Flame!” I cried out, my back thumping into the mattress. As his thumb worked faster, I thought nothing else could ever feel as good. Suddenly his thumb stopped, only to be replaced by his tongue.
This intimate touch arched my back. I had to find purchase on the bed linen for fear of breaking apart. I looked down, only to find Flame’s eyes captivating mine as his mouth and tongue pleasured my core, the metal stud piercing only heightening the sensation with each swipe. Reaching down to touch this man who had commandeered my heart, my body, my soul, I stroked my hands through his hair, only for a lightning bolt of pleasure to seize me in its rapture. “Flame!” I moaned, as my body tensed and splintered apart.
Gasping, I searched for air. Flame broke away from my core, and crawled above me, his large thigh opening my legs further. His hand ran down my body to lift up my thigh, and never moving his beautiful eyes from mine, he pushed inside of me—slowly, gently… lovingly.
“Maddie… my Maddie,” he murmured repeatedly as he filled me so completely, muscled hips tenderly rocking against mine. My hands drifted up his arms, over his neck, and on to the flames tattooed on the side of his head.
And I could feel it.
I could feel the final walls surrounding his fractured soul tear down, and the true man hidden behind, break through. And he was loving, and he was pure, and he was… “Mine,” I whispered, Flame’s eyes flaring and his lips parting on a feral groan at my confession.
“Maddie,” Flame whispered as his arms began to tense, his hips becoming firmer and more vigorous in their movements. His hand holding my thigh lifted my leg higher, and that insatiable pressure only Flame could make me feel, built in mere seconds. His breathing increased in speed, low grunts spilling from his lips. Then as his hard chest brushed across my breasts and his mouth crushed against mine, pure pleasure took hold. Lighting me up and making me soar.
On a long groan, Flame stilled, his mouth slipping away and his head tucking into the crook of my neck. And I held him as tightly as he held me. I held him so tightly as I gently floated from my high. Flame’s hard muscles bunched and jerked under my touch.
Silence descended slowly on the room, and a contented smiled graced my lips. Flame, tired and spent, rolled to the side, his large leg and arm automatically draping over mine. Turning to face him on our shared pillow, I stroked my hand down his face, this simple act conveying how so completely he held my heart.
Flame caught my hand, and holding it next to his cheek, rasped, “I’m gonna board up that hatch in my living room.”
My eyes closed and I sighed a relieved sigh. Flame’s hand clutched mine tighter. I opened my eyes, only for him to add, “And I’m gonna talk to Asher. I’m… I’m gonna talk to my… brother… at least I’m gonna fucking try.”
And the tears did flow this time. They poured and they cascaded down my cheeks. Because I knew he had broken through. My Flame, my tortured boy, had broken through the last of his defenses. He had found his voice. Flame, my always and forever, had found his song, like I had found mine.
And through our love, he had finally
found the courage to sing.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Flame
“And so the psycho returns… again!”
I pulled my bike to a stop in the yard of the compound, Vike already smoking up the grill, and all the brother’s and their bitches drinking and having a good time.
I slid off my bike and lifted Maddie from the saddle. I placed her on the ground and, immediately, her eyes drifted off to the men sitting near Viking. I followed her line of sight, and there he was, Asher. Sitting next to AK. And the kid was already watching me, sitting on the edge of his seat.
Maddie’s hand landed on my chest and she said, “Go to him. I wish to say hello to my sister.”
My heart kicked into high gear, but I dropped my head to Maddie. “Okay.”
Smiling, she lifted to her toes and pressed a kiss to my lips. Then she pulled away, walking to the group of bitches standing to the side.
Hearing a whistle, I looked back over to my brothers. Styx was waving me over. Taking a deep breath, I headed to the group who were all sitting on chairs, eating and knocking back their poison of choice.
A bottle of beer was immediately thrust into my hand. I knocked the top off, just as Styx signed, “You get your shit sorted, brother?”
I read his hands and nodded my head. Ky sat forward and pointed to Asher. “Fucking good little brother you got here, Flame. Smart little shit. He’s got a fucking brain, unlike some of the fucks round here.”
Without looking at Asher, I nodded my head again. But a fucking huge crash of pride ran through me. Asher was smart. Asher had a fucking chance.
Ky sat back in his chair and shrugged at Styx when I didn’t reply.
Tanner walked toward me. I met eyes with one of the only brothers who matched my size, and he said, “Got Little Ash set up with new records, social security and all that shit. Your old man never registered his birth. Had no trace. But he belongs to the Lone Star state now, brother. Said he was homeschooled by his mama until she died. Styx told me to get a tutor to get him up to speed with what he’s missed, which by talking to the kid, will take about five fucking minutes. I’ve got him in a good school nearby, when he’s ready. Private. Discrete. Small. Cash exchanged a few hands, not all of it entirely fucking legal, but at least it’s all done. Your little bro’s here to stay, Flame. He’s the baby of the Hangmen now. We got his fucking back. All good?”