by Tillie Cole
Flame’s eyes narrowed. I knew he was trying to remember. “It’s not real clear, but someone came and found us. I think we’d been in that dirt hole a while. And I remember it was someone we knew, but I’m not sure who, my mind is real foggy about that day. They took my brother out of my arms. I remember trying to keep hold of him, because I didn’t want to lose him, but I had no strength to fight. Then they put me in a car. We drove for a long time, but I was too tired and hungry to remember much of the journey.”
My eyes closed imagining him holding onto his brother’s corpse, refusing to let go. And Lord only knows the state they were in. What state his little brother would have been in, held in Flame’s thin weak arms.
Flame’s hand began stroking my hair faster. Instantly, I knew something was hurting him. I knew he stroked my hair when he needed strength.
“They took me to a big building. It was dark and they left me at the door. I think I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up I was in a bed I didn’t recognize. A man came in and tried to talk to me. But he laid his hand on my arm and I screamed. I pushed him off and told him about the flames. I told him about the evil in my blood and scratched my wrist to show him I was trying to get them out.” Flame’s eyes had lost focus, completely immersed in his memory. “But he didn’t understand me. I couldn’t make him understand what was wrong. Just like with everybody else, I always said something wrong. Something that made them scared or upset or angry.”
“Flame,” I whispered, but he was still there, inside his head. “They took me somewhere new. A hospital, I think? But I didn’t like it there. They injected me with drugs that made me numb, because I would try to get to the flames. Then I couldn’t feel the flames, but I knew they were there. They tied me down so I couldn’t release the flames. I spent all day, every day, for years and years, burning from inside. I hate fucking being tied down.”
Flame’s gaze moved to meet mine and he explained, “The flames hurt all of the time. They wouldn’t let me release them. They left me alone in a room, tied to a bed, letting the flames burn me alive.”
“Then how did you get free?” I asked. In my mind's eye I pictured Flame, in the bed weeks ago, seeing him thrashing around trying to get free. And then the look on his face when I sliced him with his blade. Because he had been laying, feeling the flames burn him alive.
“They moved somebody in my room with me. People would come and visit him. And there was this one guy that always came over to me. The doctors had injected me with the numbing drugs, but I always remembered his face. He had dark hair and always wore leather. I could always smell the leather.” Flame took in a deep breath, and I could hear his heart racing in his chest. “Then one night, the guy in leather broke in and freed the other man sharing the room with me. I heard him opening the window in our room and I heard them leave. But then I felt someone untying me and, when I managed to look down, I’d been freed from the bed. And the window was still open.”
My body was tense as I listened to his story, and I pushed, “Then what? What happened next? Who was the man who freed you?”
Flame’s finger ran down my cheek and he said, “What happened next is not real clear because of the drugs, but I remember climbing out of the window and running. I don’t know how long I ran for, but I ended up in an alley because I needed to sleep. But when I woke up, I had nowhere else to go. But I had my knife. The knife I’d managed to hide all those years, the one I would strap under the mattress. The knife my poppa used on my back every night.
“I was cutting my arms when I heard footsteps approaching. I’d tensed, gripping my blade in my hands. When I looked up, it was the guy that had freed me. Him and a bigger guy with long red hair. They were both dressed in leather, the devil painted on their backs.”
My eyes widened and I whispered, “Viking… the long red hair? Was it Viking?”
Flame nodded and added, “And AK. AK was the one who freed me. The man in the other bed had been his older brother. They were all Hangmen.”
“And he found you again. He came back for you?”
Flame nodded. “Yeah. I was seventeen.” His gaze fixed on mine and he said, “I was seventeen… seventeen, when I embraced the darkness. Seventeen when I fucking became Flame. Styx’s old man gave me the name because I told him I cut my arms to release them from my body. He never asked anything more. He just accepted me.”
“Flame,” I murmured, kissing along an orange flame tattoo on his chest. But as I did, I asked curiously, “How did you get all of these tattoos and piercings if you cannot be touched?”
“I wanted them so people wouldn’t come near me. So they could see on the outside, what lived inside.” Flame tensed, and he added, “And they were painful. Tank did them. Did them all over my body for three days nonstop. Viking and AK kept me knocked the fuck out. Then when I woke up, I was this me. I was Flame. No longer Josiah William Cade.”
I stared at the tattoos and I understood. They kept people away. So they wouldn’t touch him. They made people stay away before they chose to stay away.
Every new word from his mouth seemed to gut me.
“Flame…” I whispered and pressed a final kiss to his skin. Then I asked, “And what happened after AK and Viking found you?”
“AK brought me to Styx’s old man, the Prez at the time, and they took me in. They didn’t fucking care that I cut myself. They didn’t fucking care that I was different. They just took me the fuck in. And I never left.”
“And AK and Viking…?”
“Are my brothers. They… understand me. They know how to talk to me. They saved me. They fucking saved me. I owe them everything. Even when AK went on tour with the forces, he always kept in touch with me. Checked in on me as much as he could.”
A lump built in my throat and moving up Flame’s body, I pressed my lips to his. Suddenly, the sound of voices erupted outside. It was laughter. It was happiness, and brotherhood. And it was Flame’s family. Which made them my family too.
“They are loud,” I remarked, smiling.
Flame nodded his head, and my heart swelled when I saw his lip twitch with affection. “They always are. Especially Viking. Ky hits him a lot to get him to shut the fuck up. It never works for long.”
Then, surprising me, laughter erupted from my chest. Flame stopped breathing, then he sat up and crushed me to his chest. Yelping in surprise, I held his head in my hands and asked, “Are you okay?”
Flame nodded against my chest and said, “I like you laughing.”
I sighed and whispered, “And I just love you in any fashion.”
Flame held me tighter still.
*****
I walked out of the bedroom, dressed in my long white dress with my hair pulled back. I saw Flame sitting against the wall, next to the fire, with his blade in hand. He was staring at the hatch in the floor at the back of the room. He was dressed once more in his leather pants, black boots and only his cut. He looked so handsome I thought my heart might burst.
Another round of raucous of laughter erupted outside. Flame lifted his head. I held up my hand, trying not to show my concern. My concern that he had been staring at that door.
Flame got to his feet and approached. Without hesitation, his hand slotted into mine. “You really want to go outside?” he asked, and I nodded my head.
“I have stayed indoors for far too long. I feel safe with you by my side and they are your friends. Your brothers.”
Flame led us to the door. As we entered the clearing in front of the three cabins, I noticed that the entire club was there, including Mae and Lilah, with Styx and Ky.
They were all drinking and eating food from the grill, when Viking suddenly looked up. “Flame!” he called, and he winked at me. “Little One.”
Everyone went quiet again, and feeling the embarrassment of their attention, I curled into Flame’s side, his large strong arm coming around my shoulder to hold me close. I instantly felt safe.
Flame began walking us forward. The closer
we got, the more the voices returned to their previous state.
“Maddie?” Looking up I saw Mae and Lilah sitting with Beauty and Letti. I waved. Flame glanced down and asked, “You hungry?”
I nodded against his chest and said, “I shall wait with Mae and Lilah.”
Flame’s arm seemed to tighten as though he was reluctant to let go, until Viking called his name. “Flame, put down your bitch for a fucking hot minute and come get your crazy ass some steak! You’ve fucking lost weight, and I don’t want the fucking responsibility of being the biggest meanest fucker in this club.”
“Don’t fucking worry, Vike. Tanner’s got that shit down anyway,” Tank said in reply. Viking began ripping off his shirt.
“We fucking doing this again, brother? I swear you keep saying this shit just to get me to strip. You getting hot for my pale ass? Beauty not giving you what you need?”
The brothers all started to laugh, and Flame reluctantly let go of me to walk to the grill. I turned to join Mae and Lilah, when I caught sight of AK leaving his cabin to my right. So overcome with gratitude for this man, I hurried to where he was walking, blushing as his face broke out in a smile. “Hey, Madds—”
I cut off his greeting by wrapping my arms around his waist. AK stilled. Unable to bear his touch for long, I stepped back, and with lowered eyes, said, “Thank you.”
AK crouched down, his face wearing an expression of confusion. “For what?”
I sensed the silent expectation from behind us. Edging forward I whispered, “For saving him. For giving him a family… for saving him so that someday he could save me.”
AK’s eyes widened and he swallowed. “He told you?” he asked, clearly taken aback.
I nodded my head. “He told me everything.”
AK ran his hand through his hair. “Fuck,” he exclaimed.
“He is… he is fortunate to have you in his life,” I added, then quickly turned away.
Suddenly, AK’s hand grabbed my arm. When my eyes shot to his, he pushed, “Is he good now, Madds? Is he fucking out of whatever hell he was in?”
Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw Flame watching AK’s hand on my arm. His fists were at his side, but he had not moved.
Stepping back, AK’s hand dropped away. “Almost, I believe,” I assured. Just as I gave my reply, the image of Flame sitting, staring at that hatch, with that particular blade wandered idly across my mind.
“Shit. That brother deserves to be rid of his past. Once and for fucking all.” AK smirked and remarked, “At least he’s got you now, Madds. At least he’s finally fucking got you.”
With that, AK joined his brothers. I saw Flame stepping forward to come to me, but I held out my hand and shook my head. “I am okay,” I mouthed. Flame stopped dead.
“Maddie?” I followed the sound of the voice, and approaching were Mae and Lilah. Mae gestured to a patch of grass away from everyone else and I sat down, Mae and Lilah joining me.
Mae glanced over her shoulder to Flame, then faced me again, smiling. “You are not returning to my home, are you?”
Blushing, I shook my head.
Lilah’s hand found mine. “I am really happy for you, Maddie. You deserve to be this happy.”
Tears pricked my eyes and I said, “I am.” And I looked up, my bottom lip quivering. “I am so very happy. And so is Flame.” Mae and Lilah shared my tears. Laughing with joy, I leaned over and gently placed my hand on Mae’s stomach. “Especially now that I am to become an aunt.”
“Aunt Maddie,” Mae whispered and she lifted my hand to her mouth, which she proceeded to kiss.
Then Mae asked, “Was he gentle with you, Maddie? I know it is not my business, but I do know you. I know you will not talk about it. But I just… I just have to know that he was kind.”
My heart stuttered at her question, but lifting my eyes I nodded, and whispered, “Yes. He was perfect.”
Mae’s tears hit the leather of her pants and she replied, “That is good, sister. That is so very good.”
I looked to Mae, then Lilah, and my heart felt so happy that I now knew love. I lifted my head to the sky and closed my eyes, sending a wish to God that my Bella was happy too. Finally, happy that the sisters she had fought so hard to save, had all found true love.
Love, of the perfect kind.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Flame
Three days later…
Waking, I found it was still dark outside. I reached for Maddie. Panicked at finding that she wasn’t by my side, I jumped out of our bed. My cold feet hit the floor and I immediately ran into the living room. Then my heart dropped. Maddie was sitting over the hatch in the floor, that fucking hatch, holding that fucking blade.
“No!” I boomed out and rushed over. Maddie looked up at the sound of my voice. Instantly, she scurried off the door, her back hitting the wall. Then, for the first time in three days, I felt the flames awaken under my skin. The flames that hadn’t stirred once began to move.
And I began to pace, the need to get my blade taking hold. Then—
“Flame?” Maddie’s soft voice stopped me in my tracks. I fought to breathe, to calm down. I looked down to where she sat. Instead she was on her feet. And she was holding that fucking blade in her hand.
And for some reason, the thought of her holding that fucking blade in her hand inflamed my blood. Because it was his. And all it did was hurt. It was my fucking curse.
“Give me the knife,” I snapped, but Maddie stepped back, taking the knife with her. “Maddie—”
“Have you ever been back?” Maddie questioned, shutting me down.
I frowned. Maddie drew in a deep breath and stepped closer. “Have you ever been back to the house where you grew up?”
The air left my lungs at the mention of that fucking house. My hands fisted at my sides and I shook my head.
Maddie stepped even closer. “Do you know where your father went to? Do you know what happened to him?”
I flinched as the thought of my poppa pierced my mind. I shook my head. “No. I have no fucking idea what happened to that cunt,” I snarled. Then Maddie lifted the blade and held it out for me to take.
Maddie walked back into the bedroom and I watched her go. I looked down at the rusted old blade in my hand. All the feelings, about being trapped in that fucking hellhole, rushed back. I looked across at the hatch. The hatch installed when the cabin was built. The door that reminded me I was evil. A place to leach away the flames.
A place where he could continue to take me…
I suddenly felt sick.
Dropping the knife to the floor, I staggered back into the bedroom, to find Maddie on the bed. She was sitting down, naked, with her arms wrapped around bent legs. She was crying.
“Maddie,” I whispered as I inched forward.
She lifted her head and spoke. “In my life I had two things that I used to pray for. Two things that I imagined, if I could just obtain, I would be set free.” Maddie wiped at her cheeks. “I wanted Moses to die. I wanted to stand above him and know he was dead. And I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to feel safe in my heart. I wanted to know that I would never again be hurt.” She sniffed. Looking me dead in the eye, she emphasized, “And you gave me both. In fact, you gave me more than I wished for. Because you also gave me you. I fell in love with you. And I can touch you. I can make love to you, and I know completely, that I will not be hurt.”
My stomach turned and my chest tightened. Then she said, “You are living in a world where you do not know if your torturer is alive or dead. You lived in a house which echoes the methods under which you suffered.” She lifted her head and asked, “Of course your fractured soul cannot be fully… fully… unfractured. Because you are living with uncertainty, you are not truly free.”
Hating to see her crying, I hesitantly moved closer, and whispered, “Maddie.”
I could hear my deep voice break in my ears. Maddie lowered her bent legs and opened her arms. “Come to me,” she hushed out. I rushed to the
bed and lay beside her, crushing her to my chest.
I held her as she cried in my arms. But all I could think about was what she’d said. I never knew what happened to my poppa. I never knew what happened to him after I left. What happened to our house? What happened to Isaiah’s body?
I then thought of the hatch in my living room. The one I’d never had the courage to open or step inside. But the one I kept to remind me of what I was—wrong. Evil. That I was darkness. That I was motherfucking death.
Even after I left that house, then the hospital, he would still take me, he would fuck the sin from my flesh, in my head… until Maddie. Because she made it all better. No getting fucked over the hatch by my poppa. No church. No snakes. No screaming… no pain…
Holding Maddie tighter, she eventually fell to sleep. But I couldn’t. All I saw in my mind was darkness: Isaiah dying in my arms, my mama gripping my fingers through the floorboards, then bleeding out on that bed, blade at her side, my poppa’s whiskey-breath rippling down my neck.
And my muscles tensed, my blood ran hot and I thought one thought …
… that motherfucker deserved to die...
Die by my hand, with my motherfucking blades...
*****
“Two more buyers down. That means the Klan are flexing their fucking muscles. We’re hanging back to see what their next move is, but if it continues, then a war will be coming, whether Rider’s backed the fuck off the women or not.”
I watched Styx sign, and heard Ky translate, “Tanner, you got anymore intel?”
Tanner shook his head. “They’re laying low on tech. But their new guy didn’t manage to hide all their accounts. And there’s a shit ton of money coming from a private offshore account. Israeli.” Tanner shrugged. “Gotta be that cult. And they’re pumping some serious arms to U.S. soil.”
My body tensed at the mention of that fucked up cult. Styx glanced to Ky. I could see the brothers’ rage in their faces too.