Chapter 7

Trisha sighed in exasperation. She felt at a loss at what
else to say or do. Rod was being simply impossible. He was so stubborn and
unreasonable. She had tried to phone him to explain and she had sent him email
and had even sent him a few text messages.
She had told him she was sorry that he was angry and that he
misunderstood. But he had not responded. It was two weeks now, and she was
starting to get angry, thinking that he thought so little of her, that he would
accept Jocelyn’s version of what happened. He had never even bothered to hear
what she had to say. He had just assumed the worst about her. Now that her
desperate need to be with him was subsiding, she started to think about him and
wondered why it had been so easy for him to accept such awful lies about her.
Why had he not even bothered to hear what she had to say?
She put her head in her hands and felt the pounding headache
work its way into her brain. There was something she was not understanding or
accepting. She tried to relax, but her brain just went round and round, images
of Rod glaring at her, angry and hurt.
Oh Rod, why were you
so eager to believe the worst of me? Why? Why did your eyes flash so readily at
me, so desperate to believe that about me? That I would betray you in such a
terrible, vicious way? Why did you need to believe that of me? Why? She
started to cry in anger and helplessness and eventually she fell asleep. She
was curled up in her bed in the morning, dreading having to get out of bed on a
Saturday morning. The booming silence filled her bedroom. Rod was not there to
tease her and make her laugh.
But the silence was overpowered by the sound of the
telephone ringing. It was only 6.00.
‘Hello?’
‘Hello. Patricia, it is Rod.’
 ‘Oh hello, what can I
do for you?’
She felt the anger of last night starting to build upon her.
This was the man who had worked hard not to trust her.
‘You said you wanted to talk, so talk.’
She was silent for a while. After two weeks of accusations and pain, he suddenly wants to talk. How
dare he?
 ‘No, that was two
weeks ago. Now I understand, so, thanks for that wonderful offer for me to
explain. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Goodbye Rod.’
She hung up the phone and felt her heart beating hard
against her chest. He had been so cold and clinical. The phone was ringing
again.
 ‘Yes?’
 ‘Patricia, please.
Let’s just talk okay?’
 ‘Why, Rod? What’s
there to talk about? You have all the answers. Don’t you? What could I possibly
say now?’
 ‘Oh Patricia, look, I
have been a total fool, haven’t I?’ His voice was soft now.
 ‘Yes, now, I want to
go back to bed. I have nothing to say about anything. All has been decided. If
you need more information, just ask Jocelyn. I am sure she will be more than
willing to oblige.’
 ‘Yes. Patricia, I
want to come over, so we can sit down and talk. There are things.... I need to
tell you some things.’
 ‘No, Rod, what is the
point? I don’t want to know. Just tell Jocelyn. I am sure she wants to listen
to everything you have to say. I don’t see the point of this discussion. I
really don’t want to know. I know too much already.’
 ‘Fine, I will be
there in 15 minutes.’
 ‘Rod, no. I mean it.
You will not bully me anymore. You will not treat me like some useless fool who
can’t think anymore. I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I was some
fool to be played with. I suppose I was in lust with you. Now, that is over and
I am back. So leave me alone. You made your feelings about me clear. If you
come here, against my will, you will definitely not get my attention.’
 ‘Oh, Patricia,
please, sweetheart. You have every reason to be angry with me. But we need to
talk. I need to talk to you.’
 ‘I see, no matter
what I say, it doesn’t matter. You have never listened to me, not even now. So
basically you are telling me that you have decided that I must listen to what
you have to say. You don’t really care that I don’t want to talk, or listen to
what to have to say. No, I will not listen to what you have to say. Now
goodbye. Also, don’t phone me again, especially so early in the morning. It is
rude and inconsiderate. So go away and find some other victim to bully.
Goodbye!’
Trisha banged the phone down. Then she disconnected it. Now
she was getting really angry. It was true. He had never listened to her. He
always did whatever he wanted, right from the beginning. He had decided he wanted
her and had done exactly that. He had decided everything and had his way with
her. She wondered at her complacency, the way she had simply accepted his
authority over her. It was the lust that had driven her to him, allowing him to
invade her, take her heart and soul and had allowed him to do whatever he
wanted. It had also been a more sinister motive. She had been worried that she
was too powerful, too strong and she had been afraid to frighten him off with
her power and strength. So she had simply given herself to him.
But the pain in her heart grew as she reflected on their
relationship. His voice, so pleading, had hit her straight in the heart. She
missed his dancing eyes that seemed to smile only at her. She missed him in her
bed right now, his leg stretched over her so possessively and his dark,
mischievous laughter that always made her want to laugh too. She missed him and
wished so much that things had remained the same.
She covered her head and cried. Damn! She had hoped that it would get easier, but his voice had
made her want to go to him, to hold him. She cried and wished she could die.
She did not know whether she hated him or loved him. The banging on the door
shocked her. Was her bell broken? Go
away, whoever you are. Leave me alone! But the banging persisted. She went
to the bathroom and washed her face. Shit!
I can’t deal with this now.

She went to the door and Rod stood there, looking at her.
His eyes were so gentle that she wanted to collapse in his arms. But her anger
soon took over. ‘Oh, you have come to talk.’
 ‘Yes, Patricia, and I
suggest you let me in, because your neighbor is standing outside. Do you want
her to hear what I have to say?’
‘Fine, come inside.’
He followed her in and had to resist the urge to grab her,
turn her around and kiss her. He could see she had been crying and he really
needed to kiss her. ‘I am very sorry that I have been so pushy. I am sorry
about everything, Patricia, for being me, for even having met you. I am so
sorry that I ... hurt you that way. I know you are angry and I accept that.
But, I just have to tell you that I am an idiot, and......’
‘Do you want some coffee?’
He looked at her and she looked away.
‘Yes, come. Let me help you.’
‘No, sit down, I need to think.’
‘Fine, fine.’
He sat down and looked at her painting. It calmed the strong
forces that had ruptured inside him when he had seen her. It calmed his urge to
go to her and just kiss her. He wished he could take it all back, every single
thing he had said to her, even the good things, just so he could start all over
again. He put his head in his hands and wished hard, that he could just start
all over again.
 ‘Rod?’
 ‘Yes, yes. Thank
you.’
He drank the coffee slowly. He closed his eyes and wished he
didn’t hate himself so much at that moment.
 ‘Rod, I understand
what you are saying, that you are sorry. That’s fine. Thank you for saying
that.’
 ‘Patricia. I can’t
even give you a reasonable excuse for what happened. I can’t even begin to tell
you that I can ... I don’t know. Let me explain. Jocelyn told me everything.’
When he had finished talking, he just looked at her.
Patricia did not look at him. She looked on the floor.
‘So, that is what happened. But I cannot tell you why I was
so completely stupid. I just hope that someday you will forgive me.’
 ‘I have forgiven you,
Rod. Really, it is fine. Can we leave this alone now? I really can’t talk about
it now. It has been a long week and I just don’t know what you want me to say.’

 ‘Patricia, will you
look at me?’
‘No, I don’t want to,’ and he watched her clasping her
hands. For once, he was happy that she did that. He went to her and lifted her
face.
‘Please Patricia, just look at me. That is all I ask.’
Patricia felt her resolve failing. His voice was so gentle
now, she felt herself floating into it. She opened her eyes and Rod could have
died a hundred deaths as the tears rolled down her face. He tried to kiss each
tear away and she just cried. He held her.
 ‘Rod, this is all
your fault. I told you we should have just had sex,’ and Rod wanted to laugh
with joy that Patricia was being herself again.
‘Yes, I should have listened to you. Perhaps you can tell me
that again and I promise this time, I will listen.’
Patricia laughed and moved away from him.
‘Don’t make fun of me.’
‘Okay, sorry.’
He smiled at her now and her heart jumped, bouncing up and
down.
 ‘So, now what?’
‘I don’t know Patricia. What do you want?’
‘I don’t know. I feel so...... Rod it is so complicated. I
wish.......I don’t know.’
‘Patricia, is everything alright?’
‘Yes, yes, it has been a long week. I have no energy to deal
with you today. Everybody has been pushing me and I just can’t deal with you
too.’
‘Okay, but if you need anything, will you let me know?’
She clasped her hands and smiled sweetly, ‘okay.’
Rod looked at her and wondered if there would ever be a day
when she had not lied to him. He wondered if there would ever be a day when she
would turn to him, for his love and support. He felt the heaviness in his
heart, because he knew that he had closed off that possibility.
The phone was ringing and she ignored it. ‘Do you want me to
answer for you?’
‘Yes, if it is a patient, please, I am away the whole
weekend.’
‘Okay.’
‘Hello’
‘Gareth! Hi. Yes, ur, she is not really.......hold on.’
‘Patricia, it is Gareth. Do you want to talk?’
‘Yes, fine.’
She took the phone from him, assuming he would leave. But he
stood there, watching her. ‘Gareth, how are you?’
 ‘Very well, but you?
Things improving?’
‘No, not really. I will call you later. Is Janine alright?’
‘Yes, why do you ask?’
‘No, no, just polite chat.’ She laughed, ‘I promise. I will
call you later. This is not a good time for that conversation. Go away.’
She smiled as she put the phone down.
‘Sorry, he was just checking in. He is having a lovely
relationship with a beautiful woman and I think it is making him crazy. He
phones me all the time to see if I am okay?’
 ‘Hmm, he is right.
Patricia you need someone to take care of you.’
‘I am fine. I am doing fine. I have learned a long time ago
that I must deal with my own problems.’
 ‘Why, Patricia, why?’

 ‘Because the few men
I relied on always let me down when I needed them the most.’
‘Oh Patricia. I have been a total creep, haven’t I?’
‘Not a word I would have used. But Rod, that has always been
the way it is for me. That is what I said, when we started seeing each other,
that I was not up to a relationship. That is just the way it has to be.’
 ‘No, it does not.’
‘I have yet to see a difference. So far, the pattern has
been fairly consistent. Oh, Rod, don’t look at me like that! I am not trying to
make you feel bad. I really mean it, in the broader scheme of my life. My whole
life. You just confirmed it, I suppose.’
Rod sighed in resignation. 
‘This is one of those moments when I wish I could say a clever, warm
thing, but I am a simple accountant, what do I know?’
Trisha smiled. 
‘Simple accountant? Oh Rod, you are many things, but not that. I am not
trying to make you feel awful. I guess I am trying to explain.’
He looked at her defeated body and soul and he wanted to cry.
He had made whatever plagued her so much, much worse.
‘Patricia, one day, I will prove you wrong. But that day
will come when you share that awful thing, that secret that lurks so much over
you. When you stop being afraid, I will prove you wrong. I am going now. I am
sorry that I bothered you. Call me if you need a friend.’
And he was gone.

Rod could feel his old friend, his angry impatience creeping
into him again. She was hiding something from him. She would always do that. No
matter what he had done or said. Even before the business of Jocelyn, she had
decided she would not share herself with him. He left and went home to try to
calm himself again. There was too much to handle. He should not have touched her.
That had been stupid and completely suicidal. Now he wanted her more and now he
wanted even her secrets. He wanted every, single inch of her and the urge was
going to destroy him. He found Wayne sitting in his car, waiting for him. ‘Wayne,
are you okay?’
‘Yes, yes, I thought we should talk, so I assumed you would
be languishing in pain at home. But clearly, you spent the night somewhere
else.’
 ‘No, no.’
He looked at his brother walking towards him. He moved to
him and hugged him. Wayne was completely shocked. Since they were teenagers,
Rod had made it clear that he was not going to hug him.
 ‘Okay, I believe you.
No need for such drama,’ and he laughed, because he knew Rod had been to her.
Gareth had phoned to tell him that he had answered her phone. Inside, they went
to the balcony and sat for a while. ‘Now, tell me about Kathryn and this
business of not going back.’
 ‘I am going to see if
things are good here. I am tired of New York and from what I have seen since I
have been back, you need some serious guidance, Rod,’ he laughed.  ‘I am teasing you. Relax. Kathryn is one of
the reasons, not the only one. I suppose I was starting to burn out there. I
need a new way of life. Something quiet and gentle. Kathryn is lovely, but I am
doing this for myself. She is just a bonus.’
 ‘How are things with
her?’
 ‘Fine, it has been
fine, but last night, I suppose it got a lot better. I told her things that I
had not bothered to inform her about before. So, yes, we have moved to a higher
level, so to speak. But I need to take it a little slower with her. I have been
in love so many times that I can’t bear to do it again. So I am going to tread
cautiously and hope for the best.’
 ‘Yes, that sounds
good. You have either grown up a lot or you have just found her. You are
dealing with this very differently. I am pleased. So you want a quiet, gentle
life? Since when?’
 ‘Since I saw how you
run around, going crazy.’
They both laughed. ‘Yes, I have not exactly been the shining
example of the older brother, have I?’
 ‘No, not at all. Now,
how is Patricia?’
‘Fine, I suppose. At least we talked a bit. She even
laughed. So it is fine in the circumstances. Wayne, I am going to spend the
rest of my life feeling sorry about this.’
 ‘Hmm, I doubt it.
Give you an opportunity and you will be accusing me of something else.’ Wayne
smiled at him.
‘How did you know I was with her?’
 ‘Gareth phoned. He
was hysterical. He said she had been crying and that I should go over there and
stop you, whatever you were doing. You see, you now have a reputation for being
the crazy brother. Now, people are going to phone me to stop you from being
crazy.’
 ‘Yes. Despite all
this, I got really angry with her again. She keeps hiding things from me. I
left because I was about to shake her.’
 ‘Damn, Rod, what is
the matter with you? What do you want from her? Jesus! Gareth was right. You
are completely banned from going near her. You really are crazy.’
 ‘Relax. I said I
thought about it, okay. But I left when I felt it coming to me.’
 ‘Coming to you? You
just have the urge to hurt her, every now and again?’
Wayne stared at him.
 ‘Don’t make it sound
like that. I mean, she just shuts down, like a computer that hangs when you are
in the middle of something important, and when it does that, what do you do?’
 ‘I reboot. I don’t
try to shake it.’
Rod laughed.
 ‘I would reboot, but
I don’t know where the button is.’
‘Rod, you are completely losing it. Have you considered
holding her, so she can feel less afraid? Do you think a woman is going to tell
you her most intimate thoughts while you glare at her, wanting to shake her?
Especially with her, since she would already know you want to shake her?’
They were both silent for a while. Wayne could have kicked
himself. Damn! That was very stupid. Rod
looked at him.
 ‘So how does she know
that?’
 ‘Come on. Let her
tell you that. I am not taking responsibility for that too.’
 ‘Wayne, don’t fuck
with me. What is going on?’
Wayne got up and paced. What should he say? He had never
actively lied to Rod before. In fact, he liked the fact that he could always be
honest with him. It was the thing that he liked the most in their relationship.

 ‘Shit, brother, I
don’t know what to say. Fuck, I ... why can’t you ask her?’
 ‘I am asking you, Wayne,
Tell me!’
His phone was ringing. Wayne was so pleased that he pulled
it out to answer it.  ‘Not now, Wayne,
that is too easy. Put it down and stop fucking with my life. I want to know.
Fuck it, tell me.’
Wayne looked at his brother. There was no way he could get
out now. He switched off his phone.
‘Fine, if you insist. But before I tell you this. You have
to promise me, swear on both our parents, that you will not fight with her
about it. Rod, I know you don’t ever listen to me, but this time, it is too
important.’
 ‘No, I promise
nothing. Tell me.’
 ‘Okay, here goes,
here is the big secret. Trisha is psychic.’
Rod looked at him.
 ‘Wayne, stop fucking
with me. It has been a long, hard road. So fucking tell me the truth.’
 ‘I told you. That is
it. She has the wonderful talent, ability or skill that allows her to know
things before they happen. It frightens her and....’
 ‘She knows things?
Like what?’
 ‘When something
important is going to happen. Like she knew that I would meet Kathryn and that
Gareth would meet Janine and that her father was going to be in a bank while a
robbery is taking place.......’
 ‘Or when an accident
is going to happen.’
‘Rod, what are you talking about?’
He sighed, ‘on our first date, she went hysterical and told
me to stop the car. Then later, we saw an accident where we were going to be.
She was freaked out. Also, she knew things about people in the restaurant. She
just told me some story, I can’t recall, about those incidents. I didn’t pay
attention again. Tell me more.’
 ‘Why don’t you just
ask her?’
 ‘Because she will
just lie to me. Tell me.’
 ‘Okay, fuck. She is
going to kill me.’
 ‘I will kill you if
you don’t tell me everything. So it’s your choice.’
Rod was glaring at him now. 
‘Will you please try and relax? I can see why she won’t tell you. Shit,
even I am scared looking at you now. Damn, Rod, calm down, it is not the worst
thing in the world. Okay, she gets these images, I suppose visions, of events.
It happens at random. I suppose she could train her mind to focus it, but her
parents didn’t approve, so she tried to stifle it. It doesn’t seem to go away,
even if she tries really hard. The problem is, the more she wants to stifle it,
the stronger the visions get. Like, when she is with you, the images are
sharper and clearer.’
Wayne sighed. He was hoping Rod had heard enough, but Rod
simply looked at him, waiting.
‘She tries not to talk about it, because she says people,
like me, harass her for answers to their problems. That is what she was doing
that day you came home. I had begged her, pleaded with her. She eventually
agreed on the condition that I do not tell you. I promised that even if you
torture me I would never reveal. I was so desperate to know that I would have
promised her the earth.’
 ‘Why did she not want
me to know?’
 ‘Because I gather
that previous men have taken it rather badly. They find it disturbing,
frightening. She wanted to be with you without the problems. Her own father is
a total bastard about it.’
 ‘Why? Tell me, Wayne,
I need to know what frightens her so much.’
He told his brother about her father and what had happened
when he was there.
 ‘I gather it happens
often. She saves him from something, he acts on it, but then he basically
abuses her, calls her the devil and other things. She was really shaken, but
she tried to underplay it. Rod that is why she is afraid to tell you. She loves
you. It seems the men she loves use it against her. So, she didn’t tell you.’
 ‘I am going to kill
that bastard. How dare he treat her like that? I am going to rip his tongue out
so he never speaks to her again.’
Rod was pacing now.
 ‘Listen to yourself.
Do you now understand why she wouldn’t tell you?’
Rod sighed, ‘okay, sorry. Go on.’
 ‘She has not told me
this, but I think she speak to the animals too.’
 ‘What? Are you
crazy?’
 ‘Perhaps. But Kathryn
told me something the other day. She basically chatted to a dog that was going
crazy. It calmed down and she was sure it would behave after that and it did. I
think that is why she works with animals. Kathryn told me that the animals
never do anything silly or aggressive with her. They never try to bite her.’
 ‘Yes, and she told me
that she knew a horse was suffering from depression. I just laughed, but she
solved the problem. Damn! She has been telling me in so many ways, trying to
see how I react. And all I have done is laughed.’
 ‘Hmm, yes, as usual,
very smooth. Now what else do you want to know?’
 ‘How did you know
this about her?’
 ‘The first time we
met, when she touched my hand, I felt it and I knew. That is why I tried so
hard to engage with her.’
 ‘Yes, I remember. I
was so jealous.’
 ‘Yes, smooth, smooth
Rod.’
 ‘Gareth, what does he
have to do with this?’
 ‘She saved him from
being implicated in some fraud scam at university. He was a brilliant student
and apparently some of the guys tried to set him up. She just went to him and
told him. She was dating his friend. It seems that when the boyfriend found out
and he went crazy. Gareth was there and he developed a protective
possessiveness over her.’
 ‘Okay, anything else
you want to tell me?’
‘I should have told you. I am sorry, Rod. But she said she
had to tell you, her way. That day, when you so deliciously accused us, she had
decided to tell you. But I gather you said unkind things to her.’
 ‘Shit, don’t remind
me.’
 ‘Okay, I might as
well get it all out. The problem seems to be you induce it in her. When you are
around, she does it better.’
 ‘What does that
mean?’
 ‘You somehow make it
easier for her to have visions.’
 ‘What are you telling
me?’
 ‘That if you love
her, you will have to live with images and visions all your life. If you can’t
deal with it, Rod, please, don’t let her know that is the reason. She has had
enough rejection already.’
 ‘Hmmm, yes, I see
what you mean. Does she have these images of me? Or her life?’
 ‘No, not really. She
only has for you when you are distressed. For her, she sees nothing.’
 ‘I am always
distressed. She must think about me all the time.’
‘No, really, she told me to call you that night you were
with Joss. She insisted that you needed to talk.’
 ‘I see. There was
thinking my brother cared.’
‘I would have phoned you, but she had the timing right.’
Rod laughed.
‘I see this has been very useful to you.’
‘Oh yes, I told her I want her as a sister-in-law. It would
be perfect. But you went and completely fucked up my perfect plan.’
 ‘Good, because you
are not allowed to use her that way. That is my job. Is that clear?’
They laughed, and for most part, the brothers had restored
their relationship.
‘What can I do now?’
‘I don’t know. But if you tell her I told you, I will never
forgive you.’
Rod laughed. ‘Of course you will forgive me. Because you
still have not told me why you decided to keep something so important from me.
I must be the only person who doesn’t know. I take it that Kathryn knows?’
 ‘Ur, yes, but....I
would have told you....’
‘Liar...... But I need to do something so she feels okay
with it.’
‘I don’t know. You have to be a little sensitive, Rod.’
 ‘Not my style.
Anyway, why did she think I was that kind of man? When we were together, she
should have known better.’
‘Yes, like you knew better than accusing her of having an
affair with your brother.’
 ‘Damn! You will never
let me forget that, will you?’
 ‘No, never. Of all
the awful things I have been called, that was the worst. I am traumatized. I am
scarred for life.’
‘Oh get over it. But I see your point. I get the point.
Okay, where is Gareth now?’
‘Ur, at home, I suppose, what do you want?’
‘Her father’s address, of course.’
‘Rod, listen to me, just once. What do you want with the
father?’
‘For him to leave my woman alone. What else?’
‘Rod, when will you learn?’
‘What?’
‘That you need to deal with things quietly, smoothly?’
‘Never, I want him to leave her alone. I want to meet him.’
‘Shit, she is going to kill you.’
‘That fine. Even if she never speaks to me again, I want to
know that he won’t hurt her again. Simple.’
Wayne stared at him. ‘What are you going to do to him?’
‘Whatever it takes. I love her and nobody is going to make
her miserable.’
‘Except you?’
‘Not even me.’
He phoned Gareth, hoping he had not decided to stop taking
his calls. He felt a rush of relief when Gareth answered quickly.
‘Gareth, hi again, sorry to bother you. How are you?’
‘Fine. And you?’
‘A little better. I need a favor. A huge favor.’
‘Let’s hear it.’
‘I want to know where her father lives. I need to speak to
him.’
‘Whose father?’
‘Come on, Patricia.’
 ‘Why?’
‘I need to speak to him about his daughter’s psychic powers,
that’s all.’
Gareth was silent for a while.
‘I know, okay?’
‘Clearly. Did Trish tell you?’
‘No, but I have my own sources.’
‘Hmm... I see. Can’t you just leave it alone?’
Rod laughed. ‘That is the only advice you have ever given
me. But I remember you also told me that she has special needs. She needs
someone to protect her from the fruitcakes. Her father is clearly one. What is
his address?’
 ‘No Rod, leave it
alone. She has enough trouble dealing with you. The last thing she needs is her
father freaking out. Gosh, the poor girl is still in tears.’
 ‘I plan to stop all
that. Okay, I suppose I will just go to her and squeeze it out of her.’
 ‘No, no. That won’t
do. Rod, will you please try to be reasonable? He is a very difficult man. He
will just make her pay, later.’
 ‘He won’t. I am a
very difficult man, too, if you haven’t already noticed. Now Gareth, please,
let me deal with it. I need to do something to help her. I need to make it okay
for her.’
Gareth was silent for a while.
 ‘Okay, but can you at
least take Wayne with you?’
He sighed, ‘okay, I will take Wayne with me. He is right
here. He can assure you I will behave. Also, I don’t want you to tell her. I
will tell her when I get back.’
 ‘Ur. Okay, put Wayne
on the phone.’
 ‘Wayne, what is going
on?’
 ‘He is still crazy,
but I suppose we can’t have him going there alone. I will go with him. If he
does anything weird, I promise I will get him out of there. I am sure it will
be fine. If he doesn’t go with our help, he might do it alone. God forbid that
we unleash him on society in this mood. I will go with him. But don’t tell her
or she will just fret. I will call you when we leave the house. Okay?’
 ‘Fine, I hope I am
not going to regret this for the rest of my life.’
 ‘Me, too, me, too.’