"Chloe, come on, I wanna dance," Nell said for the millionth time.
"I wanna do a shot with Logan!"
"Logan's driving," he said, smirking at me.
I like his smirk.
I held my finger up and pouted. "One teeny little shot?"
He was driving but one shot of something not too strong halfway through the night wasn't going to do any harm, especially not to someone as muscular as Logan.
I like his muscles.
Nell huffed and walked away.
"Please?" I added.
"One," he said, holding back a grin.
"Yay. I'll get it." Before I could hop off the stool he gripped my shoulders.
"You stay right here, little pisshead. I'll get the shot you wanna do with Logan."
Smug bastard.
He touched my arm as he left the table and I felt a shudder ripple through my body. It reminded me of the night I'd fallen asleep to his fingers gliding all over my arm.
I watched him walk over to the bar. Those light denim jeans... Wow.
I like his backside.
The whole time he was at the bar I watched him. I watched the muscles in his forearms and silently thanked him for rolling his sleeves up. I watched him laugh and smile as he spoke to the bartender, and I watched those gorgeous blue eyes shimmer with the spotlights above the bar.
He walked back, smiling wider as he caught my eye.
I stopped breathing and for the first time since Jace died I felt the floor being whipped away from under me. I fell into darkness. I like Jace's brother.
Logan did a little bow as he handed me my shot.
Through the ringing in my ears and churning in my stomach, I managed to ask, "What is it?"
"Jager."
I nodded, not really registering his reply. Raising the glass, I clinked it against his and downed it in one. I liked Logan, and I needed another bloody shot!
"So what's with the heavy drinking tonight, Chlo? Not that I'm not enjoying you being drunk."
"Just needed a night out."
"That didn't answer the question."
"I don't know. I've not been drunk in ages and I wanted to be a normal, almost twenty-one-year-old for a change. It's been three years since I was pissed and carefree."
"Hey, I'm not judging. I like drunk Chloe, remember?"
I like sober and drunk Logan.
What the hell was I going to do now? Ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening was about all I could do. He was Jace's brother for fuck sake, so nothing could happen, and I couldn't lose Logan, too. I could deal with it. It was fine. I was just feeling deflated and vulnerable after things didn't work out with Rhys. Everything is fine.
"Dance with me?" I asked, tilting my head to the side before my brain could register that it probably wasn't a good idea to dance with him.
"Sure. You can walk, right?"
"Yes!" I hopped down off the stool and the world tipped to the right. "Whoa!" Logan's arms were around me quicker than I could blink. "I can walk. I just got up too quickly."
"Sure you can, sweetheart."
I gripped his upper arms. "Don't let me fall."
"I won't."
"Promise?"
Letting go of me with one arm he made a cross over his heart and held onto me again. I kinda loved it when he did that. And when he called me sweetheart, it didn't at all sound like when your grandad said it. Logan made it sexy, painfully sexy.
Before I did something really stupid and kissed him, I pulled back, guiding us through the thick crowd to the dance floor. "We should find Nell," I shouted over the thudding music.
I expected him to agree and for us looking for her but he brought me further into his strong arms and swayed us to the beat of the song. My skin prickled from the heat of so many bodies in such a small space and the look of intensity in Logan's eye. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol in my system or if he really was about to kiss me but it sure looked like he was going to.
We shouldn't. The last person in the world I should be kissing was Logan. He was the worst person I could pick to like, only I didn't pick. I didn't get a choice. It was what it was. And what it was, was pretty shit. What kind of person wants her dead ex's brother? What was wrong with me? I didn't do things like that.
Logan's hands were on my hips but I felt them everywhere. He was a good dancer, he could really move and the way he looked at me made me dizzy. He guided me around the dance floor, or as much of it was we could move through anyway.
I leant in just a little bit further and my breath caught in my throat as my chest pressed against his. There was no distance between us. I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me. My eyes were focused on his lips and I knew I should move them but I couldn't.
"What's up?" he shouted in my ear.
I shook my head. There was absolutely no way on earth I was telling him that I was desperate for him to kiss me.
"You feeling okay? You look pale."
And there was my ticket to get out of being this close and wanting more without having to tell him what was going on.
"I need some air."
With a quick nod, he had me tucked under his arm and walked us towards the exit. We'd danced for one song and I couldn't handle even one more.
I sucked in a deep breath as soon as the cool night's air hit me. Logan still held on to me, worried that I would collapse, so I didn't get the full effect of the cold that I wanted. "You alright? Want me to take you home?"
"No, I'm fine. I don't feel ill or anything, just a little hot in there."
His gaze trapped me, drawing out the truth. I prayed that I looked and sounded convincing enough. It wasn't even a complete lie, I was too hot inside, but that was because he was pressed up against me, making me feel desire like I'd never experienced before. It's the alcohol.
"Sure?"
"Yeah," I replied and nodded. "I just need a couple minutes, then we can go back in. I'll let you buy me a cocktail."
"Wow, thanks," he said sarcastically.
"You're happier today," I said.
"Well, not hung over like Thursday. Feeling like shit really puts a downer on my mood. I'm out with friends and I don't have to work tomorrow."
I gripped his arm as the world slanted to the left. "You're working tomorrow. We're going for a run."
"That's not work, you don't pay me to train you."
"Hey!" I snapped. "You wouldn't let me."
"Damn straight, I wouldn't."
"Can we go back in now? I'm okay." And I need another drink.
***
"You can't walk in a straight line even a little bit, can you?" Logan said, leading me to his car. As designated driver he was the only sober one.
Gripping his muscular arm, I planted my feet where I planned to be in a straight line but even I knew I was stumbling.
Logan laughed, pulled my hands from gripping him and wrapped his arm around my waist. I didn't like not having something to cling to so I fisted the front of his shirt. If he let go I wanted something to keep me up. "You're a terrible drunk, Chlo."
"You're a terrible..." Giggling, I buried my head in his chest. "I don't know. I need to sleep."
"Wait until I've chucked you in my car, then you can sleep all you want."
Chuck me in?
"And, Chlo, you're one of my favourite people in the world but if you throw up in my car..."
I laughed again, stumbling sideways as I clung to Logan. "I won't be sick."
Nell hitched a ride on Ollie's back and they'd made it to the car while we were still walking through the car park. As much as my feet ached in my stupid heels I didn't want Logan to carry me. That probably would have brought on sickness.
***
We arrived back at Logan's, magically. Honestly, I remembered nothing of the car journey. I stumbled until my feet left the ground and I was in his arms. My stomach lurched but I managed to hold my breath and close my eyes before I met my stupid shots again.
Logan awkwardly unlocke
d and opened the front door and the first thing I heard was Cassie's laughter, followed by Julia and Daryl's. They were still up. Great.
"Someone had a few too many," Logan said, carefully depositing me on the sofa.
I reached over the back and pulled a blanket down, ready to get comfortable.
"Good night, Chlo?" Cass asked.
"I think so," I replied, looking at all three of her.
"Okay, I'm gonna get you some water," Logan said. "Don't throw up."
I gave him a thumbs up over my head. "What've you guys been doing tonight?"
"Figuring out Cassie's next step," Julia replied.
"Oh?"
"Rick has been posting pictures of Barbie's non-existent bump on Facebook," Cass explained. My mouth hit the floor. "Yep, that's right, she's pregnant."
"Bastard! I can't believe he did that. I'm so sorry, Cassie." She smiled sadly. I added, "Wait, you're still friends with him on Facebook?" My reply was a surprised slur but from the flush in her cheeks she understood.
Daryl scoffed. "That's exactly what I said."
"Not anymore! I removed him a little while ago. It will only driving me insane. I know he didn't do it to hurt me but that's how it feels. It's like he's flaunting his perfect new life in my face and I'm tired of letting it happen. He's having a baby with another woman and I wish her nothing but a healthy pregnancy, I would never wish a miscarriage on anyone, but it hurts so much to watch him be a dad when I couldn't give him that."
"You gave him you and that should have been enough," I said, burning with anger that she blamed herself. Logan sat beside me and instead of handing me my water he slammed it down on the coffee table. He was mad too. Rick promised to love her no matter what. There were other ways they could have had a child.
"Are you fucking serious, Cassie?" Logan growled, leaning around me. "He knocks this bitch up and you think--"
"Don't." I gripped his upper arm, or as much of it as I could. I was so not in the right state to referee Logan but it didn't look like I had a choice. He was fiercely protective of the people he loved, especially his siblings, so I knew how pissed off he was that Cass still blamed herself.
"Logan, calm down," Daryl said.
He took a deep breath, jaw clenched and I really didn't think he could calm down but eventually, he obeyed his dad. He leant over and handed me my water. I downed it in about five gulps.
"My head hurts."
"That'll be all the alcohol," Logan said, smirking at my discomfort. I was pretty sure my aching head was a direct result of the confusing spike of my heart whenever I looked at him. That wasn't supposed to happen.
Chapter fourteen
Chloe
I woke up and instantly regretted drinking so much the night before. A marching band had taken up residence in my head, and I felt like I'd been eating sand. A bottle of water sat on Jace's bedside table. I reached for it and unscrewed the lid, drinking awkwardly on my side.
After draining the bottle and not feeling quite so horrendous, I got out of bed. I was in a pair of Jace's joggers and one of his t-shirts and my make-up had been removed. I remembered nothing so either I was that drunk or Cass had looked after me well.
I walked downstairs and came face to face with Logan, standing just outside the kitchen door, arms folded over his chest looking very amused.
"Not now," I said, holding my finger up. "I need more water and paracetamol. Make that happen, please."
He only looked more amused.
"Please, Logan, the marching band just won't quit it. Feel sorry for me!"
"Self-inflicted, sweetheart."
"I gave you sympathy when you were hung over."
A short burst of laugher made me glare. "Not once did you give me any sympathy."
"Well, I am now. Please, Logan, just make it stop hurting."
His face turned serious and he stared at me for a little too long. He was either genuinely concerned that I was in pain or thinking of a comeback.
"Sit down and I'll fix your head."
"Thank you," I said, groaning and curling up on the sofa. Daryl, Julia and Cassie all asked how I was and I groaned in response to every one of their questions. I wasn't human enough to hold a conversation yet, plus, all I could think about was the confusing feelings I now had for Logan.
"Here, pisshead," Logan said, "drink this and take these."
"I prefer sweetheart or Chlo to pisshead but thank you." I sat up and took the pills and water, downing them in one go.
"Want something to eat?"
"I'm doing a fry up," Daryl said, walking into the kitchen. "You in, Chloe?"
"Please," I replied. My stomach turned inside out. I was so ready for food, especially greasy food.
***
I sat next to Logan at the table but felt like I shouldn't. His smile did things to me that had never happened before. What the fuck was wrong with me? I knew that I was more than ready to let someone else in again but not Jace's bloody brother.
Maybe it was because he was the one who dragged me out of my pit and made me get a grip on my life again? Maybe it was just a little crush on a man that meant so much to me and a man that I knew had a drool-worthy body. Or maybe I was just a big sodding bitch and I had real feelings for my dead ex's brother.
"Not hungry anymore, Chlo?" Logan asked, smirking at me pushing the food around my plate.
"Just feeling a little delicate." I felt sick, puke my guts up sick. But I wasn't entirely sure if that was from the alcohol or from wanting to lean closer and breathe him in. He was amazing, incredible and I owed him so much. I wanted nothing more than to snuggle up on his lap and feel his lips against mine.
"Drink your tea, that'll help."
I nodded, not looking at him and picked it up. Could something ever happen between us? Bile rushed up my throat but I gulped it down with a mouthful of tea. Logan was Jace's brother, of course, it couldn't. I couldn't be that person. I couldn't have his family hate me. I couldn't have the stares and bitchy comments whenever I was out. Logan, no matter what happened with this stupid crush from here, couldn't happen.
After lunch I felt human again. A human with an annoying background headache but at least I didn't want to curl into a ball and cry in a dark room anymore. Me and Cassie were laying on the sofas in the living room, watching old romance movies and not talking about Rick getting his new girlfriend pregnant. Cass was holding up well considering.
"London on Saturday," she said. "I can't wait."
"Yeah, it'll be good. Weird but good."
"I thought that too. I'm glad we're doing it though, it'd mean a lot to Jace."
"It would. Bet he'll be laughing watching us look at all those boring buildings," I said. "Me and Logan are going to go off and do some proper sightseeing too. Wanna come?"
Her eyebrows flicked up before she corrected it. What was she thinking? There was no way she could just guess what I was feeling... Was there? "Sounds good, I might do if I'm not in a spa."
Since her rubbish attempt at hiding her initial response, which I still couldn't work out if it was surprise or something else entirely, I was worrying. She would say something if she felt I was getting too close to Logan. She was Jace's sister, too, for Christ sake! There was no way she wouldn't have it out with me if she thought I was betraying him. It was one thing for her to support me moving on with another man but an entirely different thing to support me moving on with the older brother.
Her eyes, which were the same as Logan's, gave nothing away at all. She didn't look mad. She didn't look any different. How was I going to find out what was going through her head if she gave me nothing?
"You're thinking of spa-ing it then?" I said.
"I'll do the Jace tourist bit the first day but I don't know how much he would've loved this I can take. It's easier now but not that easy."
Now that was true. I could talk about him, laugh and smile while thinking of him and be thankful for the time I got with him but it still hurt. Nothing was ever going to sto
p it hurting that little bit - not any amount of time.
Logan, as if he knew I was obsessing about him, came back into the room and lifted my feet, sitting down and putting them back over his lap. Innocent enough... before. It felt really nice. I wanted him to massage my feet, to rub those hands up my legs, anything affectionate. I wanted him to cross that boundary, and I hated myself for it.
I sat up, stretching my back so it looked like I was just getting comfortable. I couldn't be that close to him while I wanted him, while all I could think about was kissing him.
One night was all it had taken me to fuck things up in my head. How could I like Logan? I was probably being too hard on myself. It wasn't as if I chose to feel like this. There was no way I would choose to want Logan but I could choose to ignore it and that was exactly what I was going to do.
"What're you two chatting about and do we really have to watch this shit?"
"Grease is a classic so, yes, we do," Cassie said. "And we were just talking about London. You two're going off and I'm going to a spa."
He frowned. "For the whole weekend?"
"No, just the second day."
"You don't want to do the shit Chlo wants to do with us?" he asked.
Cass's eyes flicked between us so quickly I almost didn't catch it. But I did so that was just one more thing to obsess over.
"Nah, think I'll need the pampering. It'll be a nice weekend but it'll be hard, too."
Logan looked away from us, his posture turning more hostile. He looked like he wanted to bolt for the door. What the hell was up with everyone today? I felt like I went out last night and everything was normal then I got drunk, started having fuzzy feelings for Logan and suddenly nothing made any bloody sense.
"You okay?" I asked.
He nodded and smiled at me, snapping back to us from wherever he was in his mind. "Fine. I'm gonna go for a run. I take it you're giving it a miss?" he said, already getting up. There was no way I wanted to stand up let a lone run anywhere but I got the feeling that he was only asking because he felt obligated to, not because he wanted me there. This was definitely a Logan only run.
"No, thanks," I replied.
He was already walking towards the stairs but grunted what sounded like alright before he disappeared upstairs.
Was I asleep still? I wanted to wake up and have everything be how it was. Most of all I wanted my stupid heart to stop jumping all over the place when he was around.