He opened the front door as I walked up the path. "Hi," he said.
"Hey, Jace."
Stepping aside, he let me in and then closed the door. "Take a seat, Chloe."
I sat on the sofa and looked at him as if he'd called me round and should start.
"Logan's working until four," he said, breaking the silence that seemed to stretch into minutes.
That gave us an hour. "Okay. Actually, that's good."
"It's good?"
"We need to talk."
"And you can't do that in front of your boyfriend?"
"When you say it like that you prove exactly why I can't. This isn't about Logan anyway, it's about us."
"I didn't think there was an us anymore."
Oh my God, I'm going to hit him!
"Alright, sit the fuck down and grow the fuck up."
Jace blinked in shock and I kinda did a little too. But I was fed up of the animosity and bitching.
"Just sit, Jace. We need to sort this out. I don't want to lose you but if things keep going the way they are I don't know how I can have you in my life." I will not cry. "I lost you once, Jace, and I..."
He held his hands up. "Alright, I'm sitting." He flung himself down on the sofa next to me and then I was wrapped in his arms. "I don't want to lose you either."
I pulled back. It was too familiar. Being in Jace's arms used to be my favourite place to be and the first place I ran to if I was having a bad day. Now he was the cause of the bad day and the one I wanted for comfort was his brother. And just to fuck things up that little bit more I wanted to snuggle right back into Jace's arms.
The flood of emotion I felt was so overwhelming I didn't quite know how to handle it. I wanted to cry and scream and throw a party at the same time.
"You've got the floor, Chloe. I don't know where to start."
Neither do I.
"I don't want to talk about why you didn't contact us. We've been over that and I'll never be okay with it. I don't want to fight so let's just say I accept why you did it. I wouldn't want to put the people I love in danger either."
"Thank you."
I didn't expect that thank you so I just nodded. "When you... died I felt like I'd had the ground whipped out from under me and I was just falling. We made all these plans, Christ, our whole future was mapped out. I knew what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life and it was all with you. Then I had nothing. Everything changed and I missed you so much I could barely breathe." I rubbed my aching chest.
Keep it together.
Talking about what a wreck I was brought it all back and I felt what I felt back then.
"I was a mess, Jace, and that's putting a positive spin on it. My whole future disappeared when you did. Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I've ever done. It was saying goodbye to the man I loved as well as a life I so desperately wanted. We'd never have chips on a bench by the sea when we were old and wrinkled."
"Chloe," he groaned.
"No, please. I need to do this. I missed so much school that I failed the year and had to repeat, which is why I'm not done with uni yet. I didn't go out, I barely ate or slept or spoke. I was trying to figure out what I should be doing but there was nothing but emptiness."
"Until?" he said, still reading me like a book.
"Until about a year ago when Logan pulled me out of bed, shoved me in the shower and forced me to leave the house. We went for a walk and he told me he wasn't going to let me live like a shadow anymore. And he didn't. Every bloody morning he called to make sure I got out of bed. He came over after work, sometimes before if I didn't answer. He made me eat and focus on something other than uni. He made me feel emotion again, rather than just emptiness. It was mostly anger when he wouldn't give me a break but it was still something."
I smiled as I remembered his sheer determination to piece me back together again.
"He let me cry over you and talk about you but he never let me wallow. That was the part I couldn't do. I couldn't let myself grieve without getting lost to it. Then he made me come to your house like I used to. I felt such comfort being with your family and being in your room again. It was like you were still there in some way."
Jace said nothing, he just watched me with tears in his eyes.
"I started to feel better and I looked forward to things again. It was all different, my future was nothing like the one I wanted, the one we created, but I knew that it could be good, too. Looking after me is the reason Logan hasn't killed his liver. He drank so much, Jace. Everyone was worried and I feel so bad that I wasn't there for him more at first. But the day he came over and quite literally pulled me out of bed was a turning point for us both. I had someone that was forcing me to get better and he had something other than his grief to focus on."
"Wow," he said. "Logan didn't tell me all of that."
"Did you ever give him the chance?"
"Not exactly."
Well, that's why.
"I'm so sorry, Chloe. I knew you'd be devastated but I had no idea. I thought you would all be okay because you had each other. You've always been close with my family."
"I was okay in the end. We all came together, I'm just sorry it took us so long."
"When did things change between you and Logan?"
"About five or six months ago. I started to feel more than friendship and it scared me. He was the last person in the world that I wanted to have feelings for. I went on a few dates with a guy from work but it never felt right. The only person I felt comfortable with was him. One day we almost kissed and then I tried to forget it, but I couldn't. Then I confronted him and we did kiss."
"Right."
"I ran away from him a few times. The guilt was crushing. But I could only stay away for so long. I realised that I wanted him and we ended up together."
"And that brings us to now."
"Yes."
"Okay." He took a deep breath. "Thank you for explaining. I think I get how you two got together."
Him understanding it doesn't mean he was okay with it. I wanted him to be okay. I couldn't ask for his blessing, it was too messed up, but I wanted it.
"You said you felt guilty."
"Of course, I did, Jace. I'm not that much of a terrible person."
Nodding once, he replied, "I know that. It's hard to get my head around the fact that you both went there. You felt guilty about it but you still did it."
How on earth was I supposed to explain that me and Logan were like opposite ends of magnets, that no matter how hard we tried to stay away we pulled back together. How was I supposed to tell Jace that Logan was on my mind constantly and that all I wanted was to be with him.
"It... We tried, Jace. We tried to ignore it and when we couldn't I tried to stay away. We didn't get a choice."
"Just like I didn't have a choice in staying away."
I bit my bottom lip. He was right. I screamed at him and blamed him for the pain he'd caused me and his family over the last three years but my choice to be with Logan was no more a choice than his not to call. There was still something there that blamed him, though. I didn't want to fight so I held my tongue.
"I'm sorry, Jace."
"So am I. Can't help thinking that if I'd done something, found some way of letting you know I was okay you would've jump into my arms the second I walked back through the door."
Was he fucking serious?
"That is what's making you question your decision not to call? Not the fact that your parents thought they'd outlived a child, or your siblings lost a brother? Me with Logan is why you wished you'd contacted us?"
He groaned. "Can you blame me? It's not like you're with some random guy, Chloe, he's my brother!"
"Yes, thank you. I'm well aware of who he is."
Could we ever get past that so we could have a conversation without it ending in arguing?
Ribbing his jaw, he slumped back in the sofa. "I love you."
No, no, no, don't say that!
I took a deep
breath. "Jace..."
Turning sideways, he tucked my hair behind my ear the way he always had done. "I never stopped. I never even looked at another woman. I love you so much, Chloe, and I'll never stop wanting you."
I registered the front door being closed a little harder than necessary and knew it was Logan. Jace leant away, dropping his hand.
Chapter Forty-Three
Chloe
What was the protocol for situations like this? Logan couldn't exactly punch Jace when I'd been Jace's first. I didn't want them to fight over me or because of me. Behind Logan was Cassie, she muttered something and quickly scampered into the kitchen. I wished I could've gone with her.
"Got off half an hour early," Logan said. His voice was tight and I could see the confusion in his eyes. If Jace had been anyone else he would've kicked off by now.
I wanted longer with Jace because we had to sort this out.
"Me and Jace were talking," I said.
"I saw."
Shit, he really was mad.
Stalking his way over to the sofa, Logan never took his eyes off me, claiming me again. I was sure he was about to pee on me. Instead of peeing he sat on the sofa opposite mine and Jace's.
Finally looking at Jace, he said, "Maybe we should all talk."
That would've been a good idea if there still wasn't so much animosity.
"Chloe wanted to talk to me," Jace said.
"Alright, stop! I'm walking out of that door in five seconds if you both don't cool it. We have to find a way to get past this. I won't be the reason you two aren't getting on, not after everything that we've been through. Sort it out or you both lose me."
Logan's eyes went wild in panic. I'd seen that look the first time I told him I couldn't be with him and walked away. I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from reaching out for him.
"You're expecting too much, Chloe," Jace said. "He crossed a line."
"So did I."
"He's blood, he shouldn't have touched you."
I didn't have to look at Logan to know he'd winced at Jace's words. He said that before, that he shouldn't touch me because he was the brother and you didn't do that.
I wanted to kiss Cassie when she walked back into the living room, scowling at both boys. "You've got to be kidding me? Three years you've been apart from us," she said to Jace, then turned to Logan, "and we thought we'd lost him forever. Chloe is right; you can't let this ruin your relationship. It means too much."
Jace shook his head.
"No," Cassie snapped, pointing at him. "I was there, Jace. You didn't see how hard they tried, how much they battled with their feelings and the guilt. You weren't the one grabbing the bottle off Logan when he was drinking over her for a change or bandaging his knuckles up because he'd punched yet another wall."
What? I gawped at Logan. I had no idea how bad it'd been for him. I wallowed in bed when I was hurt and he drank and punched things. Guess I should've known it'd be the same when he was hurting over me.
Logan's eyes tightened but he refused to look at me.
"We all thought you were dead, Jace. We knew you would want them both to find happiness again. We didn't think it would be with each other and neither did they. Everyone told them you would want them to be happy. You know you would, too."
"But I'm not dead, Cass."
"Thank God. But we didn't know that. What do you expect here, Jace? Do you think Chlo should jump back into your arms? She loves him."
Jace snapped his head round, looking at me appalled. Crap, he didn't know I was in love with Logan.
"Are you serious?" he asked. I looked away from the tears in his eyes. "Tell me you didn't fall for him, Chloe."
"Hey," Logan snapped. "Lay off."
"Lay off? You stole my girlfriend and you're telling me to lay off? How the hell could you have fallen in love with someone else, Chloe? Did you remember nothing we said?"
"That's not fair. I. Thought. You. Died."
"Well, maybe it would've been better if I had."
I slapped him. Hard. My hand stung. "Don't ever say that!" Standing up so fast that I almost fell back down again, I opened my mouth to shout but Jace surged to his feet and gripped my arms.
"I love you and I know you, Chloe, you can't just turn it off. You love me, too."
Shoving his chest, I replied, "Of course, I do but it's not the same anymore."
"Bollocks it's not."
"I want him, Jace." He took a step back as if I'd burned him. As the tears in my eyes freely rolled down my face, I added in a whisper, "I'm so sorry."
Without another look, he turned and walked away. Cassie gave me a sympathetic smile and went after him.
"You okay?" Logan asked once we were alone.
I was so not okay.
"No. I don't want to hurt him."
He took a cautious step closer. "Neither do I. Shit, you're my girlfriend but I feel like I should give you up. How fucked up is that?"
"You feel like we should break up?"
"No. I don't know. It's not happening if that's what you're thinking. When I said forever I meant it."
I smiled a little. "Actually, you said forever and a day."
He moved closer again, not worried that I was going to flip out anymore. "Right. Forever and a day, Chlo. I'm not giving you up, not for anyone. I will find a way to make things okay with Jace, I won't lose him again but there is no fucking way we're breaking up."
"You swear way too much."
"I tell you how much I want you and you chastise me for bad language."
"Sorry," I said, stepping into his arms. "I love you, Logan."
His grip was tighter than usual. He was scared about us. I was, too. I didn't know what would happen to us if Jace couldn't understand and accept we were together. His brother should come first, they were family but I didn't want to lose Logan. I didn't want to lose Jace either. I hoped we could find a way of being friends because I'd missed him so much.
"Where do we go from here?" I asked against his chest as I breathed him in. His Logan smell was enough to make everything better for now.
"To yours. You wanted me to stay, remember?"
"Don't you think you should speak to Jace?"
"I do, but I'm not sure right now is the best time. He just told you he wants you back. Don't think he'll appreciate me trying to tell him how sorry I am that's he's hurting over the fact that I fell in love with you again."
"Yeah, maybe we should leave it for today. Hey, why don't you two have a boys' night out."
"I'm probably the last person in the world he wants to drink with, Chloe."
"I doubt that, you're his brother. You just need ground rules. Maybe a night out reconnecting will be good."
"I love how naive you can be, sweetheart."
I pinched his bicep. "Not naive, I'm just trying here."
Sighing, he pulled me closer into his chest. "Fine, I'll ask him. I'm not holding my breath though, think it's going to be a while before I get to go out with my little bro again."
Logan sounded regretful, and I knew he was hurting badly as well. He wanted to be a proper brother to Jace again, especially after the things that happened between them the day we thought Jace had died.
"He'll forgive us," I said, hoping I was right.
"I love you," he whispered and kissed me.
Chapter Forty-four
Logan
I stood in the kitchen at the arse crack of dawn, drinking a glass of water and picking at a slice of toast. I needed to exercise and clear my head so that meant putting something in my body to work off but I also felt sick as a dog.
Me and Chloe had agreed to see each other at her house until things cooled down and although I knew that was for the best it still sucked. I wanted her here right now, clinging to me with her head firmly on my chest, whining about how evil I was to make her get up so early.
Jace walked into the kitchen and I had to do a double take. What the fuck was he doing up at this hour?
His ste
ps faltered as he saw me. Then I got the silent treatment. This was getting fucking stupid. He was my brother and we'd just been reunited after three years and the atmosphere was so shitty I'd actually contemplated moving out early.
"Jace, man, we need to sort this out."
His eyes were empty as he looked almost through me. "There's nothing to sort out, Logan, she's with you now."
"Nothing to sort out? You're my fucking brother."
"Funny, that didn't seem to stop you sleeping with my girlfriend."
I knew that one was coming. "You have no clue what you're talking about."
He made a big show of sitting down on a stool. "Well, why don't you explain it?"
Here's where I become a bigger dick to my little brother. I put my glass down and sat opposite him. "You remember when you brought Chloe back here for the first time with Kieran and Jessie?"
"Not really, was years ago," he replied.
"Well, I remember." That day was imprinted on my mind, every single detail but the clearest memory was Chloe's smile. I remember thinking she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. "I liked her from the start. She was different and we had so much in common. The more time I spent around her the more I liked her. I was falling for her and then you two got together."
His jaw muscles clenched periodically. "You never said."
"I know. I'm a couple years older and she was only just fourteen. Looking back I knew I should've said something but I was trying to do the decent thing and wait until I couldn't get arrested for being with her. When you two got together it..." Fucking killed. I shook my head. "Well, I convinced myself it was nothing and my feelings for her would pass. I was sixteen and too young to have lost the one so I tried to ignore it. But it didn't stop, I couldn't ignore it and the more serious things got between you two the harder it was. We argued more and I hated that because it wasn't your fault but I just couldn't stop it hurting. The morning of your trip I was a dick because I'd heard you and her talking the night before about your future." Marriage. "I'm sorry for that."
He scratched the back of his neck. "You've loved her all along?"
"Yes."
"My death worked out real well for you then."
My hands fisted on my lap. "I am seconds from wrapping this chair around your fucking head, stop being such a little prick," I growled.
It was stupid of me not to expect that but I didn't think he'd go there.
"Every fight we had was because you resented me for having what you wanted?"