He moaned and it sounded more like a growl. Walking us back, he pushed me against something and pressed his body flush with mine. My hands left his hips and tangled around his hair, gripping and pulling him closer.
He bit my bottom lip, tugging and then his tongue found mine. I shuddered, nails grazing his scalp. I thought I'd hurt him when he groaned but his assault on my mouth turned wild. I was pinned between him and whatever he'd pushed me against. His desperate kiss made me feel faint. His knee nudged my legs apart and then we were the closest we'd ever been but it still wasn't enough.
I moaned or whimpered, I couldn't hear properly over the thudding of my pulse, and he arched his lower body between my legs. Gasping, I bit down on his lip as heat surged through my body. I clawed at him when he arched his lower body against mine. I was painfully turned on and so was he. The kiss was frantic and made me feel alive.
We finally broke apart, gasping for breath, now soaking wet from the rain. I was scared, scared to fall for him, scared to lose him, scared of what people would think, scared that if I didn't give us a chance I would never find someone I wanted badly again.
"I'm soaking," I said, pulling my head back a fraction to speak. He didn't let me go far, I was still moulded to his body, still gripping his hair.
"Yeah, it's hot," he replied. His voice was rough and sent a shiver of desire straight down south.
"I bet I look like a drowned rat."
He brushed my dripping wet hair from my face. "That's the last thing you look like, sweetheart."
His use of sweetheart was swoon-worthy but now it was the sexiest thing in the world and made me melt.
"What happens now?"
"Now we go back to mine and get you dry before you get ill," he said. That was a good start.
I nodded and he moved back, unpinning me from the...tree and his body, and for the first time ever we walked back hand in hand. It was nice - more than nice. "You know what I mean, what happens with us?"
"I want this, a lot actually, and I know things will probably get hard and complicated but I want us to try. No pressure, Chlo, let's just take it one day at a time."
"Okay." That was exactly what I needed to hear. We neared the road and I pulled my hand free. Logan stopped. Biting my lip nervously, I said, "I'm sorry. I just..."
"Don't want anyone to know?"
"That's not it." Not completely. "Look, if we're trying this I want to do it right. That includes telling your family - Jace's family - before some busy body calls them as we walk home. You know what this place is like, how you can't do anything without someone knowing. We owe your family and Jace's memory better than that."
Logan took a minute to take that in and the rain started pouring harder.
Finally, after long, agonising minutes, he replied, "Yeah, you're right." He looked angry with himself and I suddenly understood why he still felt guilty over Jace every day - me. It was because of me. I bloody knew there was more to it than a stupid argument that Jace would have had a second thought about.
Shit, this just got a lot more complicated. I felt our potential happy ending slip that little bit further away.
"One day at a time," I said.
"I'm going to take you back to mine, then I need to do something."
We started walking again, not hand in hand. I missed the contact, it warmed my entire body. "What do you need to do?"
He didn't reply but he didn't really need to. He was going to Jace's grave. To tell him about us? Jace would probably already know. To apologise and ask for forgiveness? To plead for Jace's understanding and blessing? None of those things he'd be able to get from visiting the place where he slept. Jace already gave us that because it was who he was. But I didn't speak up because if it helped Logan to feel better and forgive himself, then it would be worth it.
"Do you want to tell my parents and Cass or do you want to wait?" he asked.
"I'm not sure." I wished we were in the situation where we could shout it out but things were complicated and we had to be sensitive about his family's feelings.
"We can wait, Chloe, see how things go."
It sounded like he wanted to wait and that hurt a little. But it was for the best.
Chapter Twenty-four
Logan
Chlo sat on my bed and flicked through the endless house brochures Cassie had. I was under strict instruction to have a look through them and see which ones were the good ones she should consider. She was out on a much-needed night out with two friends she'd met back in uni so it was up to me and Chlo to pick her some good ones to view.
Cass wasn't good at seeing a place's potential so would likely pass up something perfect because she couldn't look past ugly decoration or a wall that could easily come down to create a bigger room.
Me and Chloe together was everything I'd hoped it would be but there was something not quite right. I wasn't sure if it was the rate that we'd jumped into it - not that I wanted to go slow - or the fact that it was a secret. I tried not to dwell on the why though, because she was all I wanted and I was happy.
"I want a house," Chlo said, pouting at the one she'd just put on the 'view' pile.
My in love with her mind went straight to a house that was ours. It was very early days and we were still together in secret so I was getting way ahead of myself but I'd wanted her forever and I couldn't help planning for the future.
"Yeah, me too. I love my parents but I can't wait to get my own space where there are no glass figurines anywhere."
She laughed. "You really don't like those, do you?"
"I do not."
"Think we'll end up doing this?" she asked, holding one of the brochures up.
It was hard not to cheer. She was on the same page. Her page was about the possibility of it happening in the future whereas mine already had us living together but I'd take it. Being with her was about a million times better than I'd imagined and I'd imagined it a lot.
"I was just thinking about that," I replied.
Her shy smile was so endearing. "You were? Do you think about that stuff a lot?"
Only most days for the last seven years.
"I guess."
"You guess? You're trying to play this so cool, Logan, but I can see in your eyes you do."
Cocky little girl. I fucking loved her.
"Fine, I think about it a lot. I've wanted this for a while now. Didn't really think I'd get to the stage where I'd want to live with another person, have their stuff mixed with my stuff and have to factor someone else in whenever I wanted to do something." Once I thought I could never have Chlo I was convinced there wouldn't be anyone else that I wouldn't mind sharing everything with.
"You didn't want to spend your life with someone? That sounds quite lonely."
"I used to think it was all a load of shit. Why would you settle for one person when there were so many out there? Then I met that one person."
"Me?"
I grinned. "You know it's you. You crashed in my life; actually, you crashed into me into my life and changed everything. I liked you back then, I've liked you for a really long time, Chlo."
"Oh..." She blinked a full five times before continuing, "Wow. Okay, I had no idea it was right back then, too. You gave nothing away, you were always so smug and cocky."
"Of course, I was. I was a teenager and teenagers are smug little fuckers that know everything."
"That's true. I thought everything was going to be different back then."
"You couldn't help or predict him dying, sweetheart."
"I know. That's not what I mean. Just that I was so sure and so naive. My life was mapped out and that was exactly how it was going to be. Me and Jace planned so much that we left no room for change or to grow. I don't think we would have made it, Logan. Looking back now on how we were I think we would have found it really hard when we actually moved out and life started getting real. We expected all of our differences to just work out magically because we'd planned it that way."
"Doesn'
t mean it wouldn't have worked."
"Yeah. I'd like to think that we could have made it. Or I think I want to believe that." She looked away, twiddling her fingers. "Either I wish me and Jace were still together and that means we... Or I don't and I'm just a bitch."
"Hey," I said, lifting her chin. "You're not a bitch. I wish he was still here and if that meant I'd have to continue loving you from a distance I'd do it. As long as you're happy, sweetheart, I can live with whatever."
I heard a little intake of breath and then she was on top of me. I lay slightly shocked beneath her on the bed, the brochures now crumpled up under us.
As surprised as I was by her attack it took just seconds for me to catch up and I did so just as her eager mouth slammed against mine. I made a mental note to say things like that more often if this was the treatment it got me. I reached for her top that as great as it made her breasts look, was just plain in my way.
***
Chloe was a lot less exhausted at the end of our run and I was proud of how far she'd come. It wasn't just fitness, it was her returning almost completely to the person she was before Jace died. The things she used to care about mattered again.
Her bright, all's right with the world smile was back and I was taking credit for some of that. In private, things between us were hot and pretty fucking full on. In public we were friends. I didn't like public time. I wasn't, however, too stupid to know it was the right thing to do. Chloe cared what people thought and I cared about her.
"That was good," she said, downing the last of her smoothie.
"Yeah, you did great. It's easier, isn't it?"
"So much easier now. I don't want to curl up in a ball or stab you anymore."
I took a step back, holding up my hands. "Alright then. Hey, you want to do something tonight?"
Dates were a bit of a no no to her. We'd been out but it wasn't date stuff. I was kinda looking forward to getting my romance on, or just feeling her up at the back of the cinema.
That was another thing that I really hoped would change soon. Sex. If I dry humped her anymore I was sure my dick was gonna rub off. I'd be seconds from tearing her clothes off with my teeth and she'd stop us. I got the impression it was because of Jace. As far as I was aware she'd only been with him.
"Sure, like what?"
Date. Date. Date.
I shrugged, playing it cool when all I really wanted to do was get on my knees and beg her to let me take her out properly.
"Comedy Club?" she asked. "Cass and Nell mentioned going after I told them about my date with Rhys. So did you, actually."
Rhys got a date. Rhys got a fucking few.
"I was thinking more just me and you."
She tapped the side of her glass. "Yeah, we can go there together, if you want."
"As friends."
"Logan," she whispered, looking anywhere but at me. "You know it's not that easy for me to be out in the open like that. I don't want your family finding out from strangers."
"Then let's tell them. Come on, Chlo, what are you waiting for?"
"I'm waiting to not care like you!"
"I do care." I really did but I knew my parents and Cass would be cool with it. What I was mildly terrified of was admitting how much I fucking loved Jace's ex girl. I shouldn't and I felt weak for not being able to turn it off the second they got together but that love shit was a bitch.
"Sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I know you do but it's not as hard for you, for whatever reason. I love your family so much but we're not related, they don't have to forgive me for wanting who I shouldn't want. I don't want to lose them."
Oh, I was such a prick. I didn't think about it like that. Of course, she was scared, she thought they could wash their hands of her and that'd be it. We weren't related - thank fuck - but she was part of the family.
"Okay. I get it, Chlo, and I can wait. For the record though, they could never hate you."
She took a deep, shaky breath. "I just want to wait until I feel ready to tell them. Please, just give me a few months."
"You want to wait a few months."
"Yes," she whispered.
"Okay," I replied. "I can wait a few months."
"Thank you. God, this is hard. I wish I could stop missing him."
I ran my hand through her long hair. "Yeah, me too."
I still had to make allowances for the fact that my girlfriend - if I could call her that - was going to get upset over another guy here and there.
"Is there anything else?" I asked, sensing her hesitation.
"I worry that they'll react badly at first, even if they come around quickly. I don't know how I'd handle them getting upset about it, even if it wasn't for long." Frowning, she ran her hands over her face. "I'm not trying to lead you on or mess you around, Logan."
I walked around the counter and wrapped her in my arms. That was exactly where she was supposed to be. "I know you're not, sweetheart. We're both trying to figure this out as we go. It's not a normal situation. Let's rewind a bit, okay? There's no rush, so tonight let's go out and just have a good time, no pressure."
She looked up at me, resting her chin on my chest. "I'd really like that. Could do with some chilled out Logan time. Plus, my parents are at my aunt's, helping paint the new rooms in the extension."
"I don't want to get all excited over here so can you be really, really clear on what that means?"
Laughing softly, she placed a kiss just below my Adam's apple and replied, "Not going out. You. Me. Home. Alone. Naked."
My fingers sprouted a life of their own and dug into her back and I momentarily lost the ability to speak. "Yeah, let's skip going out. Who wants to hear amateur stand up comedians anyway? I'd much rather spend the entire night inside you."
I grinned at the tinge of pink in her cheeks.
"All night, Logan? No guy can even keep it up all night let alone go for it the whole time."
"Viagra, sweetheart." I'd fucking order a truckload.
"You've done Viagra?" she asked, her voice so high pitched it almost broke glass.
I shook my head. "There's no one I've wanted to take it for before."
"Um... Thanks?"
Fuck, I loved this girl.
"Maybe we can just have normal people sex until you're too old to get it up, then we'll get you that little pill."
"Sounds like you're giving yourself to me indefinitely."
"Hey, you said forever and a day, mister!"
"Wasn't complaining. I'll take it. You're mine until we die and decompose, then you'll be mine in wherever we'll be after that."
She snorted. "Hell, probably."
Ouch.
"I don't think what we're doing is quite on the same level as rapists and murderers." Although, I couldn't quite believe there wouldn't be some sort of consequence for it. Karma and all that.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chloe
I was in the kitchen dancing around to Justin Timberlake and cooking dinner while Logan watched me from the other side of the counter. I'd banished him from the cooking side because he was far too distracting and we'd never get to eat if I kept letting him kiss me.
Since we'd got to my house I'd started to have nerves added to the excitement of being with him for the first time. So I suggested dinner as soon as we walked through the door. He'd immediately agreed, I think he was nervous as well. The idea of Logan being nervous about sex was pretty outrageous but I took it as a good thing, obviously it meant a hell of a lot more with me than the women he couldn't even remember.
"I really can't do anything?" he asked, watching me with the breathtaking smile he seemed to have tattooed on his face recently.
"Nope, you just sit there and look pretty."
He tried to look mad but he was grinning too much to pull it off. I bloody loved seeing him happy.
"How long's it going to be?"
"About twenty minutes. You hungry?"
His eyes were suddenly on fire. "Very," he growled. Whoa, I could
see that in his head I was already naked and beneath him. I was momentarily planted to the spot. Naked and under him sounded exactly where I wanted to be and I was no longer hungry for food.
"Well," I said, trying desperately to keep my voice even. "Soon--"
"Fuck, Chloe, turn the oven off."
"Sorry?"
He walked around the counter with purpose - that purpose being getting me in bed.
"I couldn't care less about dinner right now. You've got that look in your eye."
"What look in my eye?"
"The I want him now look. I promised myself that if I ever saw that look for me I would never deny it. So you might want to be careful where you think of us getting naked and sweaty."
My throat went dry.
"So we're just going to turn dinner off?" Why the hell was I still talking about the stupid food?
He reached around me to turn the oven off and as he pressed his body flush with mine I felt how much he wanted this. "That's exactly what we're going to do."
I took his outstretched hand and he led us upstairs. His thumb brushed across my knuckles. I held onto him a touch too tight but my body was buzzing. He hadn't even kissed me and I felt like I was going to burst into flames. His words were sexy; the look in his eye was sexy. "Logan," I whispered. I thought that since he turned dinner off he'd waste no time but he seemed to revel in torturing me.
He closed the door behind us and the sexual tension became almost unbearable. I wanted him so bad I could barely think straight.
I closed my eyes as he very slowly and very seductively walked us back towards my bed. His lips, soft and warm, grazed over my skin so gently it made my toes curl. Lightly nipping my jaw, he lifted me off my feet and I shuddered. Kiss me!
"Logan," I whispered again, wrapping my legs around his waist, again feeling how equally ready he was.
He laid me on the bed, lowering himself with me so we never broke apart. He chuckled deeper than usual; his voice was as lust-filled as those gorgeous blue eyes were smouldering. "I'm going to need to take your clothes off really soon and you're not being very cooperative." His hand slid along my thigh, accentuating his point.
"Right," I replied and pressed my lips together, releasing the death grip my legs had on him. His hands went straight to the bottom of my t-shirt and I pushed myself up, allowing him to get it over my head.
Lying beneath anyone in my bra and jeans would usually make me self-conscious but Logan made me feel beautiful. I hadn't felt like that in a very long time and I tried not to think too much about how Logan's brother was the last person to do that.