Page 16

Searching for Always Page 16

by Jennifer Probst


He was crude, and rude, and impossible. Why had she ever thought for a moment something could work with them? Or had she? Maybe her body had just responded and her brain had melted like a Popsicle. So embarrassing.

She clenched her fists and shimmered with outrage. "Don't talk to me like that," she snapped. "I will not have you bullying me on the street. We'll talk in class or not at all, and you'll just have to respect that. Now move."

She didn't wait for his answer. This time she ducked and fled down the street, hurrying into her car. There. Take that. This was better, anyway. They'd be a disaster, and maybe his holding back was a sign for her to stop the crazy train ride before it was too late.

A few blocks in, she noticed the big muscle car bullying her on the road, keeping tight to her bumper. She seethed, maneuvering through the town until she got to her bungalow. Parking quickly, she climbed out and stomped over. He did the same, slamming the door and facing her down.

"How dare you follow me! I should've stopped short and forced you to rear-end me. Don't cops know how to drive, or are you too big and bad to follow your own rules?"

He made a noise deep in his throat and sneered, "If I had followed my rules, I would've had your pretty ass locked up last week in my jail. To say I'm regretting it is the fucking understatement of the year."

"Watch your language," she hissed. "My neighbor likes to spy. I suggest you take your car and your attitude and leave." Turning her back, she marched up the stairs, unlocked the door, and stepped inside.

He was right behind her.

"Hey! I didn't invite you in!"

"Too bad," he said. He shut the door behind him. "I don't feel like yelling at you in the damn street."

"What's your problem? Are you frustrated because I didn't fall all over myself trying to catch you over one lousy kiss? Get over it. I'm your teacher, and that's all I'm ever going to be."

He gritted his teeth and hissed, "I'm telling myself to breathe right now, woman. If I don't, I'm gonna lose my shit. And guess what? It's not working, just like I tried to tell you."

"Stop cursing!"

"Stop being a damn hypocrite!"

Arilyn panted for breath and tried to scramble for calm. Dear God, she was supposed to set a good example, but this man drove her to the insane asylum within minutes. "A hypocrite? Oh, this will be interesting. How do you possibly imagine I'm a hypocrite?"

He moved closer. The air between them sizzled and crackled. Her breasts lifted as she tried to draw in air, and his gaze roved over her body, trying to eat her alive. The anger combusted and turned into something dangerous and dark, but Arilyn fought with all her strength not to surrender. His husky growl dragged over her skin like velvet and thorns. "Oh, you are one. Begging us to tell you our secrets, and the moment we do, you judge. You disappoint me."

"What are you talking about?"

"The divorce," he ground out. "You heard I was divorced and judged me. Hell, I didn't even get a trial, just a conviction." He leaned in, his minty breath striking her mouth. "Sorry I don't have a clean, pure past like you do. I made a crapload of mistakes, rolled around in the muck, and moved on. Sorry if I'm not good enough, but you don't have to ignore me and treat me like I'm the Elephant Man. I get it. I won't bother you again."

Each word struck a deliberate blow. Her lungs collapsed, and before he turned, she reached out and grabbed his arm. "It wasn't like that," she said. "I wasn't judging you."

"Yeah. Sure. I saw the look on your face. Must be nice not to have made mistakes."

Arilyn shook, fighting to understand the strong connection between them. Fighting the whole mess that threatened to overwhelm her. Still, he couldn't go without knowing the truth. Her fingers tightened around his arm, refusing to let him walk away. Her voice tore out in ragged fragments. "It wasn't your divorce. I don't care about that, I never did. It's--"

"What?" He leaned back in. His demand vibrated against her skin, almost tangible with its command. "Tell me."

"You never told me." She half closed her eyes, not wanting him to see the depth of her emotions, then forced herself to face it for both of them. "I was hurt. I felt . . . stupid. It was a huge part of your life, and you didn't say anything in counseling. It wasn't in your file. I had no idea, and when you threw it out in class, like it was no big deal, I got hurt." Her cheeks flushed. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. But don't think I was judging you. I was judging me, and my reaction to it." Arilyn forced a laugh. God, this was a humiliation he'd never let her live down. One lousy kiss and she wanted a heart-to-heart. "Can we just forget this whole thing? I'm sorry. We can go back to class and maybe, in a strange way, be friends. Or maybe not. I don't know anymore," she muttered. Stop, Arilyn, just stop. It was getting so much worse, and then he closed his eyes as if her confession made things awkward. Desperate for distance, she let go of his arm and took a step back.

He reached out and yanked her close.

Her breath stopped. Those inky eyes snapped open and suddenly she was gazing into a pit of seething, raw desire. Very deliberately, he slid the pins holding her tight topknot in place out of her hair one by one. She stared, helpless, until the long strands hung down to her waist, masking her face. Never breaking his slow motions, he twisted his fingers into her hair and tugged her head back.

"I don't want to be your friend," he growled.

Arilyn stiffened. Every inch of her body tingled. "Fine, we're not friends. You've never been civil anyway."

"You're right. I'm not civil or even civilized when I get near you. Wanna know what I really want to do?"

"No."

"Tough shit. Gonna tell you anyway." A low moan escaped her lips, because she was burning up for him and hated every minute of it. "I want to strip these organic clothes from your body, lay you out on the bed, and explore every inch. Bite, suck, lick. I want to push inside that wet heat I know is waiting for me and make you come so hard you won't be able to speak for at least five full minutes. I want to do bad things to you, Arilyn. Dirty things. Things that would shock you to the core and cause you to run screaming out the door if you're a nice girl. Are you a nice girl?"

Her skin was on fire. Her ears roared and her thighs clenched in a desperate attempt to stop the rush of warm liquid trickling between them. This type of arousal was insane. Wrong on so many levels. Stone Petty was the type of man who would take his pleasure, be rough, and demand she leave nothing behind. There would be no sweetness or tender words. There would be no gentle care when he finally took her, or slow smiles, or easy climbs to a pleasurable orgasm.

If she surrendered, he'd wreck her completely. He was dangerous.

She was a good girl.

She craved a healthy, satisfying relationship. A deep, abiding friendship with a man on the same spiritual quest. She was searching for always. Forever. He'd give nothing but physical satisfaction and wouldn't look twice when he walked back out the door in the morning.

She was a good girl.

His grip never gentled, but his voice softened. Stone leaned over, his mouth inches from hers. Their breath mingled. She watched, hypnotized, while he ran the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip, bestowing little nips until she began to sag in his arms and moved an inch forward for more.

"You're not sure, are you, little one?" he murmured, pressing that lush, soft mouth to hers in tiny kisses that did nothing but inflame. "You're caught between what you know you should want and what your deepest fantasies torment you to ask for. I warned you that you owed me a favor. I can't be the one to take constantly. You need to walk into this with your eyes wide-open, because I'm a son of a bitch and I know it. Here's my price for saving you and the dog: when you're ready to take the leap with me, you have to ask."

She fought for sanity, but that wicked mouth kept teasing, caressing her jaw, the sensitive slope of her neck, biting, licking, making her crazy. "Ask for what?" she managed to ground out. Another bite on her earlobe caused a shudder to wrack her body.

"God, you're so responsive.
I could devour you whole."

"You smell so good," she muttered. She wanted to savor the deliciousness of woods and musk. Of sweat and man.

His low laugh raked across her ears. His erection notched between her thighs, tempting her to be a very bad, bad girl. "I'm not gonna force you and hear you cry foul in the morning. When you're ready to take the leap, to seize the moment and not think about tomorrow, or what fits in your overall plan, you ask. Ask me to take you."

"I can't." The idea of asking a man to take her to bed, to be so vulnerable before a man who was not her lover or boyfriend, horrified her. Scared her. Paralyzed her.

"You will. Because that's the price." He licked the place where her shoulder connected to her neck and she cried out.

"How do you know I won't lie?"

"Because you're honest. You told me the truth today even though you didn't want to. I trust you. And I'll know from the look on your face."

This was the craziest bargain she'd ever heard of. It wouldn't be a problem. She could just keep a safe distance, bury herself in work, and after the course was over she wouldn't see him again. She'd never allow herself to beg a man to make love to her, knowing he wasn't interested in the person she was inside. Arilyn didn't do sex just for sex. It'd be empty and unfulfilling.

Wouldn't it?

She opened her mouth to protest, but he sealed it shut with a deep, soul-stirring kiss that took all the fight from her. Arilyn surrendered to the masterful embrace, reaching up on her toes for more, helpless to every stroke of his tongue until he slowly eased his mouth from hers.

They stared at one another for a long time. His thumb pressed against her bottom lip, dragging across the tender flesh before finally pulling back.

"It's hard for me to share. The marriage was good in the beginning, but too easy. When things got hard, we both gave up without a fight. I worked too hard, too much, and didn't care. Then one night I came home to find her with my partner. Something died in me. Don't think it'll come back." She listened hungrily to every word, every expression flickering across his rough features. "I detest lies and cheats. I'm still a workaholic and suck at relationships. But I didn't mean to hurt you. And I want you, Arilyn Meadows. Real bad." He turned and headed for the door. "But next time you have to ask me. See you in class."

He left.

She pressed shaking fingers to her mouth. The rules had changed, and she wasn't sure what she was going to do about it.

eleven

ARILYN LOOKED IN the mirror.

No. Way.

She couldn't go out looking like a--a tramp. A hot tramp, but still. She turned around to check out her behind and admired the snug fit over her curves. Hmm, she had nice assets back there. Too bad no one was ever around to enjoy them.

She bet Stone Petty was a butt man.

No. Not thinking about him. He was completely off-limits on girls' night out.

Arilyn dragged in a breath, thought about changing, then realized Kennedy wouldn't allow it. She'd probably march her right back inside and wait until she chose another outfit. Might as well stand tall and try to pull the look off.

The short black miniskirt barely skimmed the tops of her knees. The boots covered her whole calves and boasted high, chunky heels, making her even taller. The shirt was a button-down silk, but it was defective. The buttons only began halfway down, so what little cleavage she had was on display. The badass fake leather jacket gave the whole outfit a naughty edge.

She squinted at her face. After carefully checking to make sure the makeup Kennedy dropped off had been produced without animal testing, she buckled and used some of it. Mascara darkened her gold lashes, blush highlighted her cheekbones, and red lipstick brought out the paleness of her skin and the green of her eyes. Pretty cool.

Her hair was left loose, but Kennedy made her curl it with the iron. Fat waves rolled over her shoulders and tumbled over one eye. She looked sexy.

Maybe this wasn't so bad after all. If she could walk in the heels, that is.

A loud beeping echoed down the street. Arilyn grabbed her clutch and raced out the door. The white stretch limo pulled to the curb and a bunch of giggly, happy women waved through the tinted windows. Oh, boy, what was she in for?

A tingle of excitement shimmered down her spine. Maybe she'd let go tonight. Kiss a strange boy. Man, she corrected herself. She'd kiss a hot, sexy man in the club, in the dark. Maybe that would get Stone Petty off her mind. She needed this night to get a fresh perspective. Getting involved with him was bad on all levels. If she was attracted to someone else tonight, maybe it would prove that her hormones were overloaded and it had nothing to do with him.

Oh, she hoped.

Arilyn ran to the limo and climbed in. The scents of mingled perfume, alcohol, and feminine excitement simmered in the air. Kate, Kennedy, and Genevieve were dressed to the max, so she suddenly didn't feel awkward. Everyone wore short skirts or dresses, cool jackets, and super-high heels. Kate's sister-in-law, Jane, even sported a flouncy skirt and boots. She was introduced to three other girls Kate had met from Slade's office, and then they were zooming down the Verily streets toward wildness.

Champagne flowed, gossip flew, and bonding began in the primitive way only females knew. After eating and partying at the famous Lucky Cheng's, they piled back in the car and hit a few trendy after-work bars, then a gay strip club where they danced like no one was watching. And no one really was.

By the time they headed back to Mugs in Verily, they were ushered to the back room. Halfway drunk, relaxed, and finally not caring, Arilyn waited for the big event.

The male stripper.

Kate bumped into her, spilling some of her drink and groaning. "A, you gotta help me. I don't want another naked man pawing me, and Kennedy won't listen. As the single one in the group, you need to step up and be my wingman."

Arilyn hiccupped. These cosmos were so good. Extra fruity. Oh, and she felt so light and warm. How long had it been since she'd gotten tipsy? Way too long. "Wing woman. What do I gotta do?"

Kate motioned to the chair in the middle of the room. "I overheard the plan. The cop comes in, pretends we're too rowdy, and then drags me to that chair so he can writhe all over me."

"A solid plan, according to Kennedy."

Her friend glared, but it was ruined by the slurp from her drink. "I need you to take the hit for me. When the guy comes in, you take my place."

Another hiccup. "I don't look like you," she pointed out.

"I know! I'll be hiding in the corner, so you go by the chair and offer yourself up. Everyone's drunk, no one will notice. They just want him to take off his clothes."

"Yeah. How did we end up with more women than we started with?"

Kate squinted. "I think we picked up Janet and Evelyn in the gay bar. I don't know about the others. They want to see a stripper. Will you do it?"

Would she do it? On a normal day her response would be a loud "Heck, no." But tonight she was in the mood to view a hot, naked man who wanted nothing from her but to give some visual pleasure. How bad could it be? It would take her mind off the other man who remained nameless who she really wasn't thinking about. At all.

"Okay, I'll do it."

Kate pressed a noisy kiss to her cheek. "Thanks, babe. Oh, here, you'll need a lot of these." She stuffed a handful of dollar bills into her fist.

Cool. She'd finally get to stick money in a guy's G-string. Arilyn hugged Kate. "I love this party!" she gushed.

Kate hugged her back. "Me, too. And I love us." She raised her glass. "To friends forever!"

"Friends forever!"

Their glasses clinked and tipped over, and half their drinks spilled on the floor. They looked at each other and burst into giggles. "Bartender, we need another one!" Kate yelled.

Arilyn snorted with laughter.

This was gonna be good.

"ANOTHER ROLLICKING EVENING IN Verily. Why are we here again, Devine?"

A few days back from his suspension and he was itching
for some action. Not that there was any. Already at the end of his shift, the night was barren of anything interesting. This should be a good thing in Verily, especially since he had never had that problem in the Bronx. Drug raids were routine, gangs were hunted regularly, and crime abounded. He'd craved to take it down a notch, but sometimes on a night cruising the still streets of the small town, he wondered if he'd been nuts to leave.

Not that he'd had a choice. After the shooting and its fallout, the only logical thing was to request a transfer. Stone wondered again how different his life would've turned out if Devine had been on the scene with him a year ago. But he hadn't, and his life had fallen apart. No going back now.

His partner shot him a look. "Good retirement. Great odds we won't be shot at. Excellent karma for our next life."

Stone rolled his eyes. "Now you sound like Arilyn. She gave me an amethyst to help with the smoking cravings. The other day she made us chant 'Om Nemah Shit' something."

"Om Namah Shivaya."

Stone remained silent. "Now I'm worried."

Devine shrugged. "It's a common phrase to reach your highest center. I read about it in a book. Sounds cool."

"It's crazy."

"Like you're not crazy? Dude, you got more issues than a phone book has pages. At least her stuff tries to make the world better."

Yes. She did want to make things better. He couldn't get their last encounter out of his mind. The way she admitted her feelings. Damned if that didn't take balls. Of course, if they ever did manage to get together to explore an affair, he'd probably become her charity project. "I guess."

"Is the amethyst working?"

"Doubt it. Probably the patch." Sure, he'd begun experiencing fewer cravings since he put the amethyst on, but that was coincidence. Crystals didn't do stuff like that. Still, it was nice of her. Most people couldn't care less if he smoked his whole life. There was no one left to care.

That sad thought pissed him off, so he buried it deep and kept driving.

He felt Devine's hard stare. "You kissed her, didn't you?"

Stone winced. "Yeah. Stupidest thing I ever did in my life."

His partner let out a shout of laughter. "Or the best. Why not see what happens? Why do you have to doom everything from the start?"