"Hey," I said when I reached her. "What did you think?"
She hugged me. I stood stunned as her arms held me tight for a second before she was gone again. What the hell was that? "Um... I'm not sure what I think. It was pretty scary."
My mind was still reeling from the fact that she'd purposefully touched me. That didn't happen; usually she went out of her way to ensure there was always distance between us.
My heart raced as I looked into her eyes. She smiled as if nothing had happened and at the same time my phone started ringing.
"Hi, Dad," I said, reading his name before picking up.
"Lucas? Where are you? Are you with Tegan? We can't find her and Alison's really concerned."
"Yeah, she's with me. We went for a drive. She needed to get away for a bit. Sorry, I should've said."
Dad relayed the message to everyone on his end and then asked, "Are you coming back now?"
I looked over at Tegan and she stared at the floor, clenching her fists. "I don't think so. I'll let you know when we're on our way back."
"Alright, just look after her."
"I will do. Bye, Dad."
"Bye."
I turned my phone on silent and slid it back in my pocket. Was she going to freak out now? I studied her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking. Tegan was pretty unreadable. Most of the time she just looked bored or annoyed but there had to be something deeper than that.
She bit her lip and then gave me the most beautiful smile that literally made my heart miss a beat. "Can we go to the beach?"
"Yeah, sure. I'll just go tell the guys we're leaving," I said, pulling my keys out of my pocket.
We pulled into my driveway to swap the cars back over and this distance was there again. I was disappointed, although not at all surprised. I didn't know how to break down that big brick wall she'd built but I wasn't about to give up.
"Let's go," I said, leading her around the back of the house and down the road until we made it to the beach. It was peaceful around here, almost too peaceful. The tourist part of the town was half a mile down, so besides a few dog walkers you didn't meet many people on the beach.
Tegan had a permanent frown on her face and I knew what was going on with her even less than normal.
"You okay?" She didn't answer or acknowledge that I'd asked something so I waved my hand in front of her face. "Earth to Tegan."
She stopped walking and turned to face me. "What?"
"Where were you?"
She looked at me like I was an idiot and I almost laughed. "What?"
I shook my head. "Never mind. I wanna show you something but we're going to have to climb that hill over there." I pointed ahead of us. It was quite steep but I had climbed it so many times now. I go up there to think or just get away from everything sometimes.
"Up there?" she asked. "It's steep and I'll fall."
"I won't let you fall."
She thought for a minute. "If I do I'm holding you personally responsible," she said, raising her eyebrow to show how serious she was.
"Deal," I replied, fighting a smile.
"I mean it, Lucas. If I fall and break or even bruise anything you're being my slave until I'm better."
"I promise you won't fall. But if you do, I will happily be your slave."
She assessed me for a minute, green eyes searching for something I had no idea what but was pretty sure I'd give it to her if she'd just ask. "Okay. Let's go then."
She started walking towards the wrong hill and I let her walk for a bit. "Tegan," I yelled when she was far enough. She turned around and threw her arms up. "We're going up that hill." I pointed to the bigger one a little way along.
She came storming back, eyes narrowed, looking like she was about to murder me. "So you just let me walk all that way up the wrong hill?"
"Come on, you would have done the same to me. Your face was so funny," I said, chuckling.
"You are going straight to hell, Lucas."
"Meet you there, princess." I almost threw up in my mouth when I realised I'd used the nickname Kai gave her. To be fair though, it did suit her sometimes. Still, I wanted to wash my mouth out with bleach.
She growled. "Lead the damn way or take me home."
"Alright, chill. Come on."
She licked her lips, wincing as we hit the steepest part. "How's your dad doing?"
Wow. She didn't ask that.
"He's doing okay. It's early days but the tests he's had done have all come back normal. Your dad had a strong heart."
"So, is there actually a top to this stupid hill?"
It came as no surprise when she changed the subject the second I mentioned Simon. She could, on occasion, talk about my dad but not hers. Never hers.
We weren't even halfway up yet. "Yeah, we're almost there."
She sighed. "No, we're not."
"How do you know?"
"Because I would have said the same thing to you."
"Touche."
She groaned as she realised we had a little way to go yet. I let her walk in front of me, partly because if she fell I wanted to be able to catch her and partly because it gave me a very good view of the back of that dress.
We finally reached the top and I walked to the side that has the better view of just the ocean. It was a perfect night to bring her here, the sky was clear and the moon and stars were the only light.
I watched her as she looked out into the ocean. "Oh, wow, it's incredible up here," she whispered. "I forgot things could be this beautiful."
My heart ached for her. She didn't see much good in the world right now. My dad was ill and had been for a long time but we had hope, she had a huge hole in her life.
We lay down on the grass and she opened up about a few minor things like pranks she and Sophie had pulled at school. I felt like I'd at least smashed one brick from that wall. But when I attempted to steer the conversation onto the subject of Simon she cut me off and built another layer.
I felt deflated, like getting close to her was completely impossible and I was fighting a losing battle.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time when the sky started getting lighter. That wasn't a good sign. Shit, it was just after half three in the morning and I had eight missed calls. "Err, Tegan?"
She turned her head and as soon as our eyes met my heart started beating faster. "Yeah?" she whispered.
"It's half three."
"Really?" She frowned. "Wow, you'd think I would be more tired." I shook my head, not knowing what to say to that. Shouldn't she be worried that we were out all night? Well, she hadn't been for the last fuck knows how long so why would she now?
"My parents tried to call but I turned my phone on silent after speaking to Dad."
"Why are you so worried, Luke?" she asked.
"It's half three and I said I would take care of you. Your mum's gonna be pissed." I groaned. This was just great, Alison was never going to trust me with her daughter again.
"You said you would take care of me, which you have, so where's the problem?"
Really? She wasn't getting this? "It's half three, Tegan!"
She laughed. "Say it as many times as you like, it's not gonna get any earlier."
"This isn't funny. Come on, we need to go," I said as I jumped up.
"I'm tired now," she moaned, rubbing her eyes as she stood up.
"You can sleep in the car."
"I don't want to sleep in the car."
"Then sleep when we get back to yours."
"But I'm tired now."
I couldn't help laughing. "You're hard work, you know?"
"Thank you." She smiled as if I had just given her a compliment and started walking down the hill.
Chapter Eighteen
Lucas
We pulled into her driveway thirty minutes later and I was scared to get out of the car. Her mum had every right to be pissed off and I didn't want her to not trust me with her daughter.
"So, are we going or do you sta
y out here? I wasn't kidding when I said I can't sleep in cars."
I couldn't even crack a smile. "Yeah, I guess."
"Oh God, you're scared, aren't you?"
She beamed with amusement. Glad one of us wasn't panicking.
"I don't want to piss your mum off, Tegan, I want to be..." I realised what I was about to say and quickly shut the hell up.
"You want to be what?"
"Nothing I just don't want to piss her off. Let's get inside." I turned to open my door but she gripped my arm.
"Hold up! That was so a lie. You can't just say that and not finish. Tell me, Luke."
It's not obvious?
"Really, it's not important."
"Well, then there's no reason why you can't tell me," she said with a smug grin.
"You don't want to know." I took a deep breath. Fuck it, here goes. "I don't want your mum to be pissed at me because..." I paused and my heart was going wild. This could potentially end badly for me.
Raising her eyebrow, she said, "Because..."
"Because I want be with you, Tegan." Jesus, how could she not see it? Although, she clearly blocked out a lot right now. When she didn't respond and her eyes grew mores distant I knew I shouldn't have said anything. "Please say something."
"I don't know what to say," she whispered. I could tell what she was thinking 'we'd agreed to be friends and nothing more'.
"Right. We should go in."
"No, wait. Please, Luke, I don't want things to be weird between us."
"It's fine. It won't be weird, I promise." It was a crap situation but I couldn't blame her for not wanting anything to happen between us. I wasn't exactly the king of patience, especially during the wait for Dad's op, but I could appreciate that she needed more time.
I got out of the car after her and followed her up the path. She was as eager to get away from that situation as I was then. The front door flew open and I groaned. This wasn't going to go well either. I could feel a headache coming on.
"Where have you two been? I've been going out of my mind," Alison snapped.
"We were just out, Mum," Tegan replied. She sounded bored and I wished I'd told her to let me do the talking.
I knew why she acted like that towards everyone, especially those closest to her, but it really wasn't helping. Alison did nothing but stare.
"Yes, I know out, Tegan, but it would have been nice to know exactly where my teenage daughter was."
I stepped in front of Tegan slightly, hoping that she would shut up and diffuse the situation. "I'm sorry, Alison. We went to the beach and completely lost track of time."
"Thank you for apologising, Lucas." She looked at Tegan as she said my name. Tegan rolled her eyes. Sometimes she played the bitch too well and I couldn't tell if she genuinely didn't care or if it was all an act to protect herself.
"Well, at least you were with Lucas." That I didn't expect. Nor did I expect the way it made me feel.
"You mean not with Kai?" Tegan asked.
Where the fuck did that come from?
"It's not okay for you to be out with him. You barely know him for starters-"
"I've known him a while, longer than Luke, I just didn't ask a whole lot of questions," she said.
"That's not better! How long has it been going on?"
"Seriously, Mum? All of the times I said I was staying at Sophie's..." She trailed off. I wanted to shake her and tell her to stop. And to stop fucking around with Kai.
"You were with him? Are you stupid?" Alison yelled. Tegan walked off. "Tegan!" Alison reaching out to grab her as she walked past but she dodged to the side and ran upstairs. Shit, she was more complicated than I first thought.
Alison took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her face. "I'm so sorry you all had to witness that. I just don't know what to do anymore."
All? Sure enough, everyone but my dad was standing around, watching the showdown. Perfect.
Ava hugged her mum as she sobbed harder. I felt so sorry for her, she had to deal with losing her husband as well as a difficult - and that was putting it lightly - daughter. I had no idea what to do either. I thought I could help Tegan and while I was still determined to do just that, I had a feeling it was going to be a lot more difficult than I imagined.
"Are you okay, Lucas?" Ava asked, pulling back from her mum a little so she could face me.
I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."
"She doesn't really like him, you know. We all know why she's doing this."
We all did know why she was doing it but we couldn't just stand around and let her anymore, no matter how much she wanted to push everything and everyone away.
How the hell had I become so deeply invested in someone else so quickly? But Tegan wasn't just any girl, both of our fathers saw to that.
I clenched my jaw. Screw this, I was pretty much falling for her already and I wasn't about to let her push me away, too. "Well, she needs to stop." No one stopped me as I followed Tegan's path. That wasn't necessarily a good thing. Someone had to try, though.
I could hear music coming from her room as I approached. She didn't hear me when I knocked, or she was ignoring me. Well, if I was really trying...
I opened the door and walked in. She was sitting on the bed with a bottle of vodka in her hand. It was only just after four in the morning. What the hell was she thinking?
I stormed over to her and grabbed the bottle out of her hand. "What do you think you're doing?" I growled.
"I was having a drink," she snapped, empty eyes narrowing.
Keep your cool.
Sighing, I sat in front of her. "Why are you doing all this?"
She frowned. "Doing all what?"
"Kai." I spat out his name. "Getting drunk, fighting with your mum, pushing everyone away." Her face hardened and she turned away from me. "Let me help you, Tegan, please? Your dad wouldn't want this."
Her body tensed at the mention of Simon. She looked at me like she hated me. "Leave."
I shook my head. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I don't want you, Lucas. Why can't you understand that?" That didn't feel good. It wasn't just her words that kicked the air out of my lungs; it was her tone, too. "Seriously, just go."
I stood up and walked out of the room, taking the vodka with me. Ava and Grace were talking in Ava's room as I passed. They looked up at me with matching sympathetic smiles.
"Lucas," Grace called as walked past. Groaning, I turned around.
"Are you okay? I'm sorry for what she said, she didn't mean it," Ava said.
Since we were having this conversation, I walked all the way in and sat on her computer chair. "Didn't she?"
"No, of course she didn't. You mentioned Dad. That makes her flip out, especially if she's already in a bad mood. She just says the most hurtful thing to get you to stop. She's done it enough times to me and Mum."
"I have no idea what to do," I replied, taking a swig of the vodka. I was in no better position than Alison.
"Neither do we. Ever since Dad's funeral she's completely changed. I just want my happy, loud, dancing, singing, piano playing, annoying baby sister back." She blinked back her tears and took a deep breath. "I hate the cold, hateful person she's become."
"I'm sure in time she'll be okay," Grace said. She always was blindly positive. It was actually one of the things I loved most about my twin.
"Yeah, hopefully," I replied, trying to sound like I believed her. "I'm gonna go to bed, see you guys tomorrow." I got up and left, not wanting to talk anymore.
I was staying on the sofa bed in the study, which was, thankfully, upstairs. I didn't want to see anyone else. After removing my jeans and t-shirt, I got in bed for some much needed sleep. I'd not slept in about twenty hours so I should've been tired. My mind was buzzing with thoughts of Tegan.
Chapter Nineteen
Tegan
I hated being such a bitch to him and seeing the hurt in his eyes. I felt awful for saying those things, but he just wouldn't stop talking. I should have
told him I wanted to be with him, too, because I did. Or I think I did. How bad could it be really?
I know he would be there for me, but the thought of having to go through what Mum and Ava were going through, all that crying and the pain, scared the hell out of me. I wasn't going to willingly put myself through all that.
If being a bitch meant not feeling the pain I felt the day he died then it was worth it, no question. If people got hurt or pissed off in the crossfire then so be it.
I walked down the corridor and stood outside the study door for ages, debating whether I should go in. He probably wouldn't even want to see me after what I said to him. Why would he? I reached for the door handle but something stopped me. What if he tried talking about my dad again? Lucas was dangerous, always on the edge of asking questions.
Turning swiftly, I ran downstairs and straight out the door. My breathing came out in heavy pants and I blinked back tears. Don't cry. Push it away. There was one person that could make all the confusion go away. I dialled his number.
"Kai, can you pick me up, please?" I asked the second he answered.
"Huh? It's four in the morning, is everything okay?"
No.
"Fine, I just need you to get me. Can you come?"
"Yeah, of course. I'm just leaving James' now, you missed a good night. I'm on my way."
It didn't take Kai long to find me at all.
"Hey," he said as he stopped in front of me and wound the window down.
I took a deep breath and opened the door, forcing a smiled onto my face. "Hey, Kai."
"Where do you wanna go?"
I shrugged. "Yours."
He nodded and drove off. The questions never came. He didn't ask why I was running away. I loved that he never asked the difficult questions, almost as if he knew why. Everyone else tried to get me to open up, Kai respected that I couldn't. Shit, he knew. I liked him even more. He knew - of course he did - but he never mentioned it.
"So... you're not eighteen," he said.
"Nope. And you're not nineteen."
"Nope."
"Does it bother you?"
He shook his head. "Has your weekend sucked then?" he asked. Well, that was that done.
Majorly. "It was alright. I'm so not ready to be home now, though." Well, that wasn't exactly true. I was never ready to be at home. Not now. Sinking back into the seat I allowed everything to fall away. There was no other shit going on, there was just me and Kai.