The holler that tore from me probably shook the windows.
“Shit,” Roam muttered over my head.
“Too soon,” Sniff muttered over my head too.
Roam decided to pack it all in since the damage was done.
“You know, while you’re in this state, Sniff wants his name changed to Julien Jackson, for you . . . and Jules.”
My body started bucking with my tears, but fortunately this time it was silent.
“No offense to you, Shirleen, but you kinda can’t make Shirleen into a dude’s name,” Sniff said.
The sound of my choked laughter could be heard through my continued tears.
If it happened for them, it didn’t matter that it had happened for me.
But like it was for me, it was going to happen for them.
It was going to happen for my sons.
They were going to let the old go.
And be reborn.
“Shit, is she ever gonna quit crying?” Sniff asked Roam.
That was when I pushed myself up and found I was sitting between them on the couch, both of them turned to me, their arms around me, caging me in.
I grabbed hold of Sniff’s jaw, gave it a gentle squeeze and let it go, saying, “Son, if you curse in front of me one more time—”
“Roam cursed and you didn’t give him sh . . . stuff for it,” Sniff clipped.
I turned to Roam and grabbed his jaw, gave it a gentle squeeze, and let it go, saying, “You need to mind that mouth, son.”
“Shirleen, you got a worse mouth than either of us do,” Roam pointed out.
“I’m an adult.”
“We’re both eighteen,” Sniff reminded me.
“There’s worse we could do,” Roam added.
This was all true.
Stymied.
“When I’m not feeding you or putting a roof over your heads, you can talk however you like,” I decreed.
Roam shook his head, his lips twitching.
Sniff rolled his eyes, his lips twitching.
They totally were not going to quit cursing.
Lord.
My boys.
My boys.
Mine.
Roam’s lip twitch vanished as something caught his attention, his face went hard, and he instantly announced, “What I’d like to talk about now is what this player is doin’ here.”
Oh boy.
I faced front to see Moses standing, looking hot, arms crossed on his chest, still no blazer (though he’d buttoned his shirt), smiling indulgently down at me.
I knew my mascara was everywhere.
Damn.
“Get me a tissue, Sniff,” I ordered.
He did not get me a tissue.
He pushed up to his feet. “Give us an explanation, Shirleen.”
Oh boy.
I pushed up to my feet and Roam came up with me.
“You do not give the orders in this house,” I said to Sniff.
“You didn’t know we’d come back,” Roam accused me.
“What are you doing back?” I rapped out, though I had to admit I was curious.
“You asked us seven thousand times if we’d be gone on Friday and how long we’d be out, and you were in your room every night gabbin’ on the phone, and you had a full Rock Chick Powwow in your friggin’ bedroom, so it was hard to miss you were planning a little somethin’ somethin’,” Roam explained.
“And anyway, you didn’t even try to hide those roses,” Sniff put in.
Hell.
“Not real good with the covert, are you, baby?” Moses teased.
I shot him big eyes.
He shot me a big smile.
“We’ll talk to you in a minute,” Roam bit off.
“Roam!” I snapped.
He shot me a scowl.
I turned to Sniff. “So you knew I had something planned with a gentleman friend and you came home and pounded on my bedroom door?”
“We gotta look out for you,” Roam answered for Sniff.
“Yeah, that’s like, our job,” Sniff added.
Okay.
Now I couldn’t be pissed at them.
Shit.
“And we looked out for you and found out you got yourself tangled up with some player,” Roam finished.
“He’s not a player, Roam,” I said quietly.
“Yeah, he’s not, why’s he all cool with you makin’ sure we’re gone before he’ll come get you for a date? Hunh? Why won’t he walk up and knock on the door like a man and meet your sons like . . .” Roam leaned into me, “a man?”
All good questions.
“Moses has daughters and we were going to give it some time and when,” I slid my eyes to Moses before I looked back at Roam, “we were confident in what was building between us, we were going to bring all of you into it.”
Roam shut his mouth.
Apparently that was a good answer.
Thank the Lord.
“You got daughters?” Sniff asked Moses.
Shit.
Roam reached behind me and smacked Sniff up the backside of his head.
“Dude,” he warned low.
“What?” Sniff asked. “That’s cool. Shirleen’s got two boys. This works with this guy, she might get some girls. That’s pretty awesome.”
Lord God, I loved that kid.
“How about we try this again,” Moses decided to officially enter the conversation. He walked forward with his hand up. “I’m Moses Richardson and I really, really like your momma.”
He aimed his hand at Roam first.
Roam looked at it a beat before he took it and shook it.
When they let go, he offered it to Sniff.
Sniff took it and shook it and they let go.
Moses then took my hand and led me one step toward him.
Both boys closed in at my back.
Yep.
Loved those kids.
“Now, sweetheart, I’m gonna go and let you be with your boys tonight,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze.
“Moses—” I started.
“You don’t have to do that,” Sniff said quickly.
“Yeah, we . . . maybe, uh . . . didn’t play this right,” Roam put in.
“And Shirleen’s got a pretty dress on,” Sniff continued.
“So, yeah, maybe we should just head back out and . . .” Roam let that trail.
Moses kept hold of my hand but looked between the boys.
“I think tonight was a big night for all of you.” He looked down at me. “Rain check? Tomorrow night?”
“No really, you guys should go out,” Sniff said, again quickly.
But it was a different kind of quickly.
I turned suspicious eyes to Sniff. “What’s going on?”
He shook his head. “Nothin’. We just . . . Roam and me just wanted to talk to you tomorrow night.”
“About what?” I asked.
“Tomorrow night,” Roam put in firmly. “Go out with, uh . . . Mr. Richardson here and we’ll get into it then.”
My heart squeezed.
But my eyes hit the ceiling.
“Oh Lord,” I looked between them, “which of you got who pregnant?”
“Shirleen!” Sniff bit off.
“Neither, Shirleen, Jesus,” Roam huffed out.
“Then what do you need to talk to me about tomorrow night?” I asked.
“Baby, think maybe now is the time I should—” Moses started, giving my hand another squeeze.
“I’m goin’ to work for Lee after I graduate,” Roam cut him off to declare.
Okay.
All right.
When they were interns, this was fine. They worked computer stuff and watched monitors in the (relative) safety of the office. I could handle the idea of them becoming members of the team when it was all future. All fantasy.
But then it wasn’t real. It wasn’t Roam having his own bulletproof vest in the locker room.
I felt the vapors coming on.
“And
I’m going into the Army,” Sniff announced.
Say . . .
What?
The Army?
The United States Army that fought wars?
It was official.
I had the vapors.
For certain.
Future Was Bright
Shirleen
“BABE.”
That was Moses.
“Nope,” I snapped, listening to my phone ring in my ear as I paced my living room.
“Shirleen.”
That was Sniff.
“Unh-unh,” I bit out, still listening.
“C’mon, Shirleen.”
That was Roam.
I didn’t have to reply to him.
Lee picked up.
“Hey, Shirleen. Everything good?”
“So you had some conversations with my boys about their futures, hunh?”
“Oh shit,” Lee muttered.
“Hell yeah, oh shit. You think to talk to me about that?” I asked heatedly.
When he spoke again, he sounded mildly confused. “They’re already recruits. I thought you were on board with that.”
My voice was pitched so high, it was a wonder all my crystal didn’t shatter when I demanded, “You told Sniff to go into the Army!”
“Shirleen—”
“The enemy shoots at you when you’re in the Army, Lee,” I educated him.
“I know, Shirleen, I was in the Army, remember?” Lee returned.
I ignored that.
“Or they blow you up with land mines and shit.”
“Have you talked with Sniff about this?” Lee asked.
“Yeah, he said, ‘I’m going into the Army.’ Then, after I fought off an attack of the vapors, he shared, ‘Lee and the guys think it’s a good idea.’ So that was when I got my phone and called to lay you out.”
“He wants something that’s his,” Lee said low.
And that low caught my attention.
Lee kept at me.
“He’s been in Roam’s shadow for years. He needs out from that. He needs to find out who he is without his brother always at his side. The right groundwork has been laid for him to be the man he wants to be, but he’s gotta walk that path alone now so in the end, who he becomes . . . it’s his.”
Goddamn, I hated it when these men made sense.
“And Roam?” I clipped out. “He’s eighteen, Lee, and you’re gonna take him on?”
“He knows he has six months in the office working with Brody. Working with Jack. Working with Monty so he can learn how intel that’s gathered is formed into tactics and strategy. Working with you to understand the business side of things.”
“And that puts him at just over eighteen and a half and then you think he’s all good?” I asked.
“No,” Lee retorted. “After that six months, he’s got three months shadowing each man. Hector, Vance, Mace, Luke and finally me. He’ll learn by seeing, then doing, and he won’t be involved in anything that he’s not ready for. That’s for him but that’s also for the protection of the team. After that, he’s got a year where he gets assignments I’d give Bobby or Matt. Assignments where he doesn’t go out without a partner until I’m sure I can step that up and he can go out alone. That’s nearly two years in training and a year of what’s essentially probation before I’ll even consider him taking shit on as a full-fledged member of the team.”
Huh.
Well.
Shit.
“And just so this is all out there, if Sniff gets out of the armed forces and he wants a spot on my team, he knows that’s guaranteed,” Lee continued. “The Army will teach him most of what he’ll need to know and we’ll fill in any gaps. I have no questions in my mind he’ll serve his country and come to me the man I’ll need him to be. And when that happens, Shirleen, I’ll look forward to having him on my crew.”
Huh.
Well.
Shit.
“Are you done laying me out now?” Lee asked impatiently.
“You should have told me,” I declared.
“It’s the men we both want them to be that they wanted to do it and obviously, I agreed,” he shot back.
Huh.
Fuck.
Whatever.
“Roam is an exceptionally gifted writer,” I shared.
“Good. I’ll look forward to reading his mission reports,” Lee returned. “Now are we done?”
“You’re a pain in my ass, Liam Nightingale,” I told him.
“Glad that feeling is mutual. Now we’re done,” he muttered.
And then he hung up on me.
Slowly, I took the phone from my ear and narrowed my eyes at it.
“Baby,” Moses whispered.
I raised narrowed eyes to him.
He did not, as many did (and should), rear back.
He grinned at me.
“Have I failed to tell you I was in the Army?” he asked.
He did, indeed, fail to tell me that.
“You were in the Army?” Sniff asked.
Moses turned to him. “Yeah. It’s a good choice, son.”
Lord!
“The vapors are comin’ back,” I declared.
Three sets of male eyes turned to me.
All three were amused, though two were also exasperated.
The brain behind one of those sets made a decision.
“You’re on duty,” Roam announced, his attention to Moses while tagging the sleeve of Sniff’s shirt and pulling him toward the front door. “Her vapors are serious. Good luck,” he finished.
“You’re gonna need it,” Sniff muttered as he followed Roam.
Moses just shook his head, smiling and watching them go.
I moved to the wide hall that led by the kitchen to the front door.
“Where you boys going?” I called.
“Out,” Roam answered, but he wasn’t done. He stopped at the door and turned my way. “And for the record, we’re not at the place in this situation where we’re down with some dude spending the night with our mom.”
“Totally not down,” Sniff agreed.
I felt Moses come to stand behind me as I studied the ceiling.
But one could say (that one being me) I absolutely loved the words “our mom” coming out of my boy’s mouth.
The front door opened and I looked there.
“Be good. Do right. Make good decisions. And come home safe to your mother!” The last I shouted because the door was closing. “Those boys,” I mumbled irritably after the door shut.
I barely got that out before I was turned into Moses’s body with his arms around me.
I put my hands on his biceps (as best I could with one, seeing as I still had my phone) and looked up at his face.
His eyes were roving over mine.
“Was in the room when both of my daughters were born,” he shared strangely.
“Yeah?” I asked.
His gaze finally stopped on mine. “So that was the third most beautiful thing I witnessed in my life.”
Oh no.
I was going to start crying again.
I swatted his arm and warned, “You’re gonna make cry.”
“Have at it. All your mascara’s gone already. There’s no reason to hold back anymore.”
Oh no!
I put my hands over my face, conking my own damned self with my phone.
Lord, I was a mess.
He shoved my face in his chest.
“Are you even partially clued in to how much those boys love you?” he whispered into the top of my ’fro.
I was.
I absolutely was.
As an answer, I took my hands from my face, wrapped my arms around him and pressed my cheek to his chest.
Boy, it felt so good being in his arms, I could just hug this man . . .
For eternity.
“Yeah,” I whispered back.
“So if anyone ever told me I was gonna get caught by my woman’s two teenage boys after making love to her for the fir
st time, necessitating me scrambling to get my clothes on, and help her with hers, I’d take that blow if they told me I got to witness what I just saw.”
I tipped my head back, mascara traces all over my cheeks and all.
“Sorry they got in your face,” I said.
“I’m not,” he replied.
I smiled at him.
Moses smiled back and gave me a squeeze.
“You hungry?” he asked.
I was feeling a might peckish.
I nodded.
He smiled again. “You wanna fix your face?”
Was he seriously asking that question?
I nodded again.
“Go fix your face, baby,” he urged quietly, dipping his head and touching his mouth to mine. “I’ll wait.”
I touched my mouth to his right back.
Then I scooted out of his arms to my room to fix my face.
When I got there, my bathroom seemed different.
Like it was shiny and new.
I had a feeling I’d have to get used to that kind of strangeness all around me.
Though I wouldn’t know, I’d never experienced it.
But my guess was that was how things seemed when your future was bright.
Just FYI . . .
I would find my guess was right.
She Made Me Believe
Moses
Some time later . . .
“HEY.”
Moses looked to the man walking through the side door that led into the vestibule.
“Hey, son,” he replied.
Roman started toward Moses.
The tux looked good on him.
Roman shifted his trajectory, moved to the closed door to the sanctuary and looked through the windows.
“It’s my understanding you and Julien are supposed to be walkin’ out to stand at that alter right about now, meetin’ me there,” Moses observed.
Roman turned his head Moses’s way and shared, “Sent a message to her. She knows I need some time.”
Moses drew breath in through his nose.
It was then Roman walked to him, asking, “She been cryin’ a lot?”
“Daisy’s had to put her false eyelashes back on three times.”
A ghost of a smile formed on his lips.