He stalked abruptly from the room, leaving Nadiah to stare after him and wonder what had happened. How could he be so sweet and gentle one minute and so gruff the next? And what had he been about to say when he stopped himself and went for the clothes?
* * * * *
Rast cursed to himself under his breath as he rummaged in the small duffle of extra clothes he’d picked up while on Earth. So Nadiah thought he didn’t want to see her or touch her? How in the hell had she gotten such a crazy idea in her head when the exact opposite was true? When all he could think about was her soft, ripe breasts moving under the thin tharp, when even the slightest brush of her hand against his sent his body into overload? He felt like a horny teenager, walking around with a hard-on most of the time. To put it bluntly, she was driving him crazy.
Only her obvious suffering had kept his body from reacting when he’d held her earlier. His anxiety for her pain and his anger at the evil fiancée who was doing this to her had completely overridden any sexual urges he might have had at the time. But now that she was better, he could feel himself reacting again. Now that he’d held her warm and naked in his arms, he wanted her more than ever.
And it wasn’t just the physical desire that was tormenting him—there was a dark, possessiveness that seemed to be growing like a weed inside him. He’d told Sylvan that he didn’t know how he felt about Nadiah but that was no longer true. Now, when he looked at her, there was no doubt what he felt. Mine, whispered a voice in the back of his head whenever he saw her. She’s mine and no one else had better touch her or I’ll fucking kill them!
It was crazy and Rast knew it. Nadiah didn’t belong to him—he had no claim on her at all. But no amount of reasoning with himself seemed to help. He wanted her, wanted to protect her, possess her, provide for her. I want to be the one she comes to if she’s hurt, the one she shares her joy with when she’s happy. The one she tells her troubles to. The one she curls up with at night.
The one she loves.
Rast shook his head. But if I tell her that, what will she think? What will she say? I’ll scare the hell out of her, talking like that, saying that I want to own her, to possess her. I haven’t even known her that long, I can’t dump all these crazy, strong emotions on her out of the blue.
He felt like an idiot. Best not to say anything, he decided as he finally found something in his duffle he thought might fit her. Best to just go back to normal—or what had become normal for them—which was mostly avoiding each other while they waited to get to Tranq Prime and get on with the damn challenge.
“Here,” he said, striding across the narrow corridor and handing Nadiah the bundle of clothes. “These should work.” He turned his back to let her change and nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt her small, soft hand on his shoulder a moment later.
“Thank you,” she said when he turned around. “But I’m afraid only half of it works.”
Rast took a look at her and nearly groaned aloud with sexual frustration. Had he thought the thin tharp she had been wearing was bad? This was a hundred times worse.
He’d given her a pair of his old sweatpants and a white button down dress shirt he’d packed in case he found himself in a formal situation. She was holding the former and wearing the latter—with nothing underneath it.
Rast didn’t remember his shirt being so see-through but he could clearly make out the tight pink points of her nipples pressing against the white cotton material. The shirt was long enough to cover her, at least—it fell to mid thigh—but when his eyes moved down, he saw that her long, shapely bare legs were exposed and the faint shadow of her sex was visible through the hem.
“I’m sorry if you don’t like the way I look,” she said stiffly, obviously misinterpreting his gaze. “But the pants won’t fit—they just keep falling down.”
Her soft voice made him realize that he’d been ogling her like a schoolboy. Quickly, he jerked his eyes upwards to meet hers. “Don’t be stupid,” he said roughly. “You look…fine. And don’t worry about the pants.” He took them from her and threw them back into his own room, directly across from hers. “I’d, uh, better go check the star charts.”
“Wait…” She put out a hand but at her soft touch on his shoulder, Rast flinched away. Nadiah pulled back at once, a hurt look on her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…to touch you when you didn’t want to be touched.”
The innocence and pain in her deep blue eyes moved him. She wasn’t to blame for his crazy feelings, he reminded himself. Nadiah was innocent—a virgin. She truly didn’t know how desirable she was and probably had no idea of the effect she was having on him, just by being near.
Part of Rast thought it might be best to keep it that way. After all, what good could it do for him to admit how much he desired her? Commander Sylvan had made it abundantly clear that she was off limits. Letting her know he wanted her would only make things difficult between them. But the look in her eyes was breaking his heart. Would it be possible to let her know how beautiful he thought she was without actually admitting how desperately he wanted her? Rast hoped so.
“I’m sorry,” Nadiah said again, turning away from him. “I’ll go lay down on my bed and you can study the charts.”
“No, wait.” Rast put a hand on her arm. “I’m the one who ought to be sorry.”
She turned back and frowned. “What for?”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “For avoiding you. For keeping you at an arm’s length all this time when we should have been getting ready for what’s waiting on Tranq Prime together. For not…for not telling you how I really feel.”
Her breath seemed to speed up and her cheeks got pink. “What do you mean? How…how do you really feel?”
“Come on.” Rast tugged her into the small sitting room across from the food prep area. “We’d better sit if we’re going to talk.”
Chapter Ten
Nadiah couldn’t believe that they were finally going to have a real conversation—one that Rast himself had actually initiated. But what exactly was he going to say? She felt like her heart was pounding in every part of her body at once as she sat down beside him on the tiny, plush love seat which was barely big enough for two—especially when one of them was as big and muscular as Rast.
He settled across from her and took one of her hands in his. “I haven’t been fair to you, Nadiah,” he said, looking at her directly. “I’ve been avoiding you, trying to keep my distance, never really talking. But not for the reason you think.”
“What—?” Nadiah started but he shook his head.
“Please, just…let me finish. You somehow have the idea I don’t like the way you look, that I don’t want to see you or touch you.” He brushed her cheek lightly with his fingertips. “Nadiah, sweetheart, nothing could be farther from the truth.”
Nadiah’s heart seemed to stop in her chest. “What…what are you saying? That you feel something for me?”
“More than something. And a hell of a lot more than I should.” Rast sounded grim.
“Then…you don’t dislike me?”
He frowned. “What the hell would give you that idea?”
“Because of the way I treated you before, when you didn’t believe in my gift.” Nadiah looked down at their joined hands. “I shouted at you…slapped you…”
“I deserved all that and more,” Rast said firmly. “I was being a bastard—I don’t blame you for being upset.”
“But I…I brought up your sister. Jessie…And I know you’d probably rather not talk about her…”
“Not true at all.” Rast squeezed her hand. “You don’t know how many years I went wishing I could talk about her. Wishing I had anyone to listen.”
“Really?” Nadiah looked at him doubtfully. “But your parents—you said before it was a forbidden subject in their house but would they really never even mention her?”
Rast laughed bitterly. “Whenever I try to bring Jessie up, my mother just frowns and says it’s not a polite topic o
f conversation.” His eyes took on an inward looking expression. “I thought she was my mother, anyway,” he muttered.
“What?” Nadiah asked but he shook his head.
“Never mind. We’re getting off subject—way off subject. The point is, I’ve been treating you the way my parents treat anything they want swept under the rug. I’ve been avoiding you because it was easier to do that than to admit what I feel. What I think.”
Nadiah’s heart was thudding so hard she could hear it in her ears. “What…what do you think?”
Rast looked her in the eyes. “I think you’re beautiful, Nadiah. Fucking gorgeous, to be exact. And please don’t think I don’t want to touch you—I do. Uh…” He cleared his throat. “I, uh, hope that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”
Biting her lip, Nadiah shook her head. “No, I don’t mind. It’s better than thinking you found me repulsive.”
He laughed and shook his head. “I could never do that. You’re really have no idea how beautiful you are do you?”
Nadiah felt her cheeks getting hot. “I’ve never had a male tell me that before, if that’s what you mean. Y’dex was always more interested in talking about himself.”
Rast looked angry. “That kind of guy always is. He’s a selfish bastard—not good enough for you.”
“I wish my parents could see it that way.” Nadiah sighed. “I’m so glad you challenged him for me. You don’t know the nightmares I’ve had, imagining what my first sex would be like if I had to have him as a partner.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Rast said grimly. “You’re not going to have to give yourself to him—I swear it, Nadiah.”
“I couldn’t, even if I had to,” she confessed in a low voice. “I can’t stand the thought of his hands on me. I’d fight him, even if it didn’t do any good. Even if he…took me anyway. I’d still fight.”
“Good for you.” Rast nodded. “I like a girl with spirit.”
“I’ve got plenty of that, as long as he doesn’t yank on the blood bond.” Nadiah sighed again. “The thing is, I’ve been promised to him for so long I’ve never even had any hope of escaping before. I try but I can’t…can’t even imagine what…what making love with someone I actually cared for and wanted would be like.” She looked up at Rast shyly. “What is it like?”
“What is what like?”
“You know…making love.” Nadiah nudged him. “I’ve talked a lot about it with my girl friends back home but none of us really has any first hand experience. I’ve always wanted to hear about it from someone who’s actually, uh, done it.”
He looked startled. “What—you want me to describe it or something?”
“That’s exactly what I want.” Nadiah scooted a little closer, looking up at him eagerly. “You’ve done it before, right?”
Rast cleared his throat. “Uh, you could say that, yeah.”
“So you know what it’s like.” Nadiah leaned forward and put a hand on his knee. “Tell me what happens. What do you do when you…when you take a female? When you make love to her?”
“Um…” Rast’s cheeks were dark red now and he seemed ill at ease. “I don’t know…know if that’s something we ought to be talking about, sweetheart.”
“Please,” Nadiah begged. “It’s not like I’m asking you to show me. I just want to hear about it, that’s all.”
“Well…” Rast seemed to be wavering.
“I want to know what to expect,” Nadiah said, pushing a little. “For when I actually do give myself to someone. To the male I’m bonded to.”
He sighed. “All right. But stop me if anything I say bothers you. I don’t want to shock or offend you.”
Nadiah shook her head. “You won’t, really. Just tell me…what do you do when you make love to a woman?”
“All right, then.” He shifted a little and then seemed to settle into a more comfortable position. “Well, first I kiss her. Taste the flavor of her lips. Stroke her hair.” Rast brushed a strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “No rushing, I want to build up slowly. That way things are even more intense when we get to where we’re going.”
“Oh?” Nadiah’s breath seemed to catch in her throat. Rast seemed to have lost his embarrassment for the subject. He was looking at her intently as he spoke. “And then?” she asked softly.
“Then I like to take my time undressing her. Slipping off her skirt, unbuttoning her blouse…” He ran one finger down the row of white buttons on the dress shirt Nadiah was wearing and she bit back a soft gasp. “I pull her bra off slowly, revealing her breasts. If she’s excited her nipples should already be tight and pink. Sometimes I’ll blow a little cool air over them, to make them even tighter.”
“R-really?” she asked.
“Mmm-hmm.” Rast nodded. “Then I take off her panties very, very slowly. I want to give her time to get used to being naked. Some women are shy about that.”
Remembering how he’d held her naked against him made Nadiah blush. “Yes, I…I can see that. Go on.”
“By this time I have her completely naked. But remember…” Rast raised one finger. “I haven’t actually touched her yet—not really. I like to go slow in case she’s shy. Maybe…maybe inexperienced. I want to let her know I’ll be gentle, that I won’t hurt her.”
He held her gaze with his as he spoke and Nadiah knew they weren’t talking about a hypothetical situation anymore. Rast was describing what he would do if he was making love to her—if he was taking her for the first time. It was both frightening and incredibly stimulating. She never wanted him to stop.
“Tell me more,” she breathed. “What would you do next?”
“Look at her.” Rast’s truegreen eyes burned down her body in a scorching gaze. “Have her lay on the bed, open for me, so I can just drink her in.”
“Wouldn’t…wouldn’t she be shy to have you look at her like that?” Nadiah asked softly.
Rast shook his head. “Maybe a little. But I’d be telling her all along how beautiful she is, how much I want to touch her, to taste her and give her pleasure.”
“How…how would you give her pleasure?” Nadiah couldn’t seem to pull her eyes away from his.
Rast smiled. “Slowly. Always slowly. First I’d caress her, pet her like a cat, with long, slow strokes down her arms and legs and belly. I wouldn’t touch her breasts or her pussy just yet.”
“Pussy?” Nadiah bit her lip. “Like a cat? I’m sorry, my translation bacteria…”
“It’s a name for your sex—the place between your legs,” Rast explained. “There are a lot of names for it but most of them are too technical or too crude. Pussy sounds like what it is—soft, warm, something that loves to be stroked and pleasured.”
“Oh.” Nadiah nodded. “I…I like that.”
“I do too,” Rast’s murmured, his eyes half-lidded as he looked at her. “I like looking at it, touching it, and most of all, tasting it.”
“T-tasting?” Nadiah’s eyes flew open. She had heard of such things in secret whispers from her girl friends but no one had actually come out and talked about it to her before.
Rast nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t start with that. First I like to kiss her, to press my body against hers and feel her against me while I explore her mouth. Our bodies touching, skin to skin, the soft press of her breasts under my chest and her thighs against mine…” He stroked her cheek gently. “Have you ever been kissed? I mean, except for the, uh, luck kiss thing we did at Sylvan’s wedding?”
Biting her lip, Nadiah shook her head. “I’m not…not supposed to because I’m promised to Y’dex. And he, well, I never wanted him to kiss me. So no, no I haven’t, other than the luck kiss.”
“I never would have known.” Rast smiled, as though remembering. “Not from the way you kissed me. Definitely the hottest kiss I’ve ever had.”
“Really?” Nadiah asked doubtfully. “You’re not just saying that?”
“I swear,” Rast murmured. Cupping her cheek, he ran the pad
of his thumb over her trembling bottom lip. “I remember thinking during the ceremony that your lips were gorgeous—so full and pink. Thinking they looked just made to be kissed.”
She laughed shakily. “You know, when I first kissed you I didn’t think you were going to respond. You seemed…I don’t know, frozen to the spot.”
“I was surprised, that’s all.” Rast stroked her cheek. “Here I was, dressed up in some ridiculous outfit and forced to be part of a wedding I knew nothing about when suddenly this gorgeous girl walks up and kisses me.”
Nadiah smiled. “I suppose it must have been…what’s the word…weird for you.”