Page 37

Remembrance Page 37

by Jude Deveraux


It was a moment before the other two could get their mouths closed. James recovered first. “I see. Callie is trying to seduce you but you, being the very strongest of men, have resisted all of her attempts.”

“Yes!” Talis said fiercely. “I have not touched her.”

“And this not touching her has been easy for you?” James continued, with Philip beginning to smile, seeing where his brother was leading.

“I am a man of honor,” Talis said loftily. “I do not take what I have no right to.”

“So this is why you haven’t been sleeping,” Philip said.

“And why you come from our lady mother’s room in a rage, with tears in your eyes.”

Talis didn’t like anyone to think he was less than a man of great strength and nobility. “What you say is not true. I am immune to Callie’s childish pranks, but she is female and I must allow her to do what she wants. I enjoy the sight of her but I can control myself. I will not touch her.”

“Is this why you do not eat? Is that why your ribs are beginning to show through your clothes? Talis, brother, why do you not just take your beloved Callie to bed, then she will have to be married to you.”

How many times in these last weeks that were so filled with pain and pleasure had he thought this very same thing? But a vow was something that must be honored. When he spoke, his voice was serious. “There are things you cannot know.”

Philip was the first to speak and his voice was bitter. “We know our mother very well. She finds out things about people and uses their own weaknesses against them. Talis, you should protect yourself against her.”

At these words Talis grew angry. Could they not see that their mother was dying? She grew weaker every day, but still not one of her children visited her without a summons. Only Talis visited her every day. And he was ashamed to admit it, but his brothers were right: Most days he emerged from Lady Alida’s room with tears staining his cheeks. Every day Talis begged Alida to release him from his vows, telling her he could not take much more. In a lapse that he now regretted, he even told her the truth about Callie, that she was trying to seduce him. On his knees, Talis had begged Alida, telling her he wanted Callie so much, that he loved her more than he loved money or great deeds. Life would be nothing without her.

But Talis couldn’t tell Philip and James any of this. First of all, he had to protect his masculinity and, second, he would not believe what they were saying about their own mother.

“There are things you do not know,” he repeated stubbornly. “You should not talk about our mother like this.”

“Then why can you not marry Callie?”

There was no answer Talis could give.

“He cannot marry her because that would make our esteemed mother jealous,” Philip said. “Our mother has grown to love you.” Instead of envy or jealousy in his voice, there was a sound of relief.

“I am glad she does not love me as much,” James said. “When my mother loves someone she expects his soul in return.”

Talis could not stay there and listen to what they were saying about a woman who had so little time left to live. But the worst thing was that their words were beginning to sound true to him. He went to stand by Hugh with the horses, stroking a horse and frowning.

“Love is all to a woman,” Hugh said after a moment.

At first Talis did not hear him and when he did, he didn’t understand what he meant. He thought Hugh was talking about Lady Alida. “Yes, perhaps she does love me. I do not count that as a sin.”

“No,” Hugh said. “Not her. Your Callie. She is everything in this matter. Do not make light of her. That Callasandra of yours is full of pride.”

“I know what Callie is like,” Talis snapped at him, tired of all the advice and teasing he’d received that day. No one knew the truth of what he was going through these last weeks. On one side he had Callie doing her best to get him to make love to her, and on the other was his mother daily reminding him of his vows to God to leave Callie a virgin.

Talis knew that it was true that he was many pounds lighter and he hadn’t slept but a few hours in the last weeks. Yes, he thought, Callie was indeed proud, but so was he. He, Talis, was very, very, very proud.

With a glare at Hugh to let him know that he’d heard all he wanted of his advice, Talis walked away from him.

“It begins,” Alida said, leaning back in the bed and holding the letter to her once-plump bosom. “Gilbert Rasher is on the way to claim his son.” Pausing, she smiled a bit. “And the groom has arrived.”

Penella barely looked up from her chore of shoving Alida’s clothes into the big carved oak chest at the foot of the bed. Wrapped inside one of the garments was a small silver dish; later she’d return for the dish and add it to her growing cache of items. Should she ever again be sent away, she would not be without funds. Never again was she going to leave her welfare in the care of others. She explained her thievery by telling herself that the Lord helps those who help themselves.

“Your beloved Talis will not go with his father. His heart and soul are with that girl.” As Alida dwindled in strength, Penella became bolder. What had once been love for her mistress was now disdain.

Alida hardly noticed her maid’s insolence. Her mind was now fully occupied with Talis and providing for his future. “I have thought of that, which is why I have chosen a man for Callasandra to marry.”

At that Penella gave a snort. “The boy will not allow such a marriage, nor will your daughter.” Penella refused to pretend that that great, strapping, black-haired boy was Alida’s son.

Alida lay back against the pillows and closed her eyes for a moment. “I am not so ill that I have lost all my senses. I do not plan to ask either of them what their wishes are. Before I die I mean to see Talis on his way to the queen, and I will do whatever must be done to ensure that. Now, come help me to look good, for the man is here.”

“The man?” Penella said, trying to act disinterested, but she hated it when her mistress did anything that she had not told her about first.

“The man who is to be Callasandra’s husband. I have found her one. Do not look at me like that! He is a good man, honest and kind. I have done what I could to console the girl for the loss of my Talis, so I have chosen well for her. He is handsome and intelligent. He is everything a woman could want.”

“He is not Talis,” Penella muttered.

Alida ignored her as she turned her face so Penella could comb the other side of her hair. She imagined that she looked like a fair, frail maiden, but in truth she was emaciated, the muscles in her face and neck mere strings, and her eyes glittered with her sickness.

“Is he rich?” Penella asked.

“He is now. I have given him much to marry Callasandra. He is to meet her and marry her in the same day.”

At that Penella paused in her combing, but quickly resumed. It wasn’t any of her business what Lady Alida did to her own daughter.

There was a knock at the door.

“Let him in! Go on, quickly,” Alida said, making Penella give her a look of disgust. She was acting like a girl about to receive her lover. Had Penella not been treated so badly by her mistress, she might have felt sorry for her dying loneliness. But now she felt only repugnance at the woman’s behavior.

Peter Erondell was indeed handsome, with dark red hair and a pleasing freckled complexion. He was not tall, but he was broad shouldered and strongly built. And when he saw Lady Alida he smiled at her without flinching, kissing her raised hand as though she were a beautiful woman instead of the stringy old chicken she was now.

“You are well?” she asked, fluttering her pale lashes at him.

Penella was glad she did not have to remain by the bed to see more of the display, but went instead to answer the door and admit Callie. Penella did her best to harden her heart to the girl, but even now, before Callie heard what was to happen to her in this room today, she had a haunted look in her eyes, as though she had already given up on life.


Penella knew exactly what was wrong with the girl because she had heard every word that Talis had said to Alida, as the ravaged boy had begged and pleaded to be allowed to marry this girl he loved so much. Since Alida had so very cleverly, so heartlessly not allowed the boy to tell his beloved that he wanted to marry her, Penella knew that Callie, like most girls, worried whether her love was returned.

Penella snapped her head around. It was none of her business!

“Here she is,” Alida said, motioning toward Callie as she stood there with her head down, not seeming to care where she was or what was being done to her. “Is she not what I told you she was?”

Penella knew that any man would want Callie, with her shapely body and her blonde hair peeping from under her cap. She was an appealing little thing.

But Sir Peter shocked both the women. “But this is the girl from the Poison Garden,” he said. “This girl is the light o’ skirt of young Talis.” He turned an angry face to Alida. “Madam, you have played me false. I was given to believe I was to marry a virgin, one of your own daughters. This…this creature is little better than a harlot. All of Hadley Hall and the village know that.”

With that, he turned toward the door, meaning to leave.

It took a great deal of strength that Alida did not have to spare, but she shouted, “No!” with so much force that she halted him.

“The girl is a virgin. I swear it. She will be examined and you will see. Please…” Alida said. “Have I not given you enough money? I have a thousand more acres in Scotland. I will give you that.”

The man paused with his hand on the latch. “I will not marry a girl who gives birth to another man’s bastard within six months. I will not be laughed at the rest of my life.”

“I do not ask you to. Penella will examine her. She will tell you—”

“Do you think that I would trust your maid? No, she will be examined by my sister’s maid. She is here with me. I will fetch her.” At that, he left the room, showing Alida that he was eager for the match—if the girl proved to be a virgin.

Through all of this, Callie had stood by in wide-eyed silence, not understanding anything that was going on. But now she was beginning to understand. “No,” she whispered.

Seeing that a storm was about to start, Alida waved her hand toward Penella. “Take her away to wait. I do not have time to hear her protests. Go, now, I am tired.”

Penella clamped her hand on Callie’s arm, but Callie jerked away from her and ran to the side of Alida’s bed.

“What!?” Callie demanded. “What is going on? What do you mean to do with me?”

Penella did her best to harden her heart to the look of anguish on the girl’s face. Had Callie been raised with this family she might have been prepared for the sudden and absolute decisions of Lady Alida, but Callie was not. She had grown up under the love and protection of two kind-hearted sweet-natured people, and that love had not prepared her for the machinations of a woman like Alida.

“What is it?” Callie wailed. “What are you doing to me? Please, please, I beg of you to tell me.”

“The man you have just seen is to be your husband by nightfall.”

Callie backed away from her mother until she was against the wall by the head of the bed. “No, this cannot be. I am to marry Talis.”

At that Alida turned to face her, her eyes flashing brilliantly. “Talis!” she said with contempt. “You to marry Talis? Whatever made you think such a thing could be? You think you are so clever, yes, do not deny it, I know what you have been doing. You are no better than a greensleeves for the way you have thrown yourself at the feet of that dear, pure boy. But thank the Lord he has more sense than to throw himself away on the likes of you.”

Anger gave Alida energy. “How could you think yourself clever and not guess the truth? Everyone else has. Talis is not John Hadley’s son; he is Gilbert Rasher’s son. And you who think you are so important that you can disobey me, you are my daughter. You are merely the daughter of a lifetime peer, while Talis is related to the queen. Since Talis knows this, do you think he would go to bed with you and risk impregnating you? If he had to marry you, all he could hope for would be to become a knight. But as Gilbert Rasher’s son, he can go to court and marry according to his birthright. Do you not know how very proud Talis is? Do you not think he wants to marry into the royal family? His father wants to marry him to Arabella Stuart, and if he succeeds, Talis could become king.”

Alida lifted herself up on the bed. “Do you hear that? King! But what would he have if he was forced to marry you? And make no doubt of it that if he did go to bed with you, his sense of honor would force him to marry you. And what would he have then?”

Stretching, she moved closer to Callie, whose face by now was as white as parchment. “How can you be so selfish as to think only of yourself? Can you ask Talis to give up the possibility of being king in order to live with you in some farmer’s hut? For that is what he would have. His true father is coming here now to claim him and everyone knows Gilbert Rasher hasn’t two beans; his only wealth is in his son, Talis. If Talis refuses to go to court and claim what should be his, Rasher will cut young Talis off without a farthing. And my husband will be so angry he will give Talis nothing. All he will have left is that dirty farm he grew up on. How will you feel ten years from now to see your precious Talis bent and stooping over a plow, and knowing that only your lust and selfish motives kept him from the throne of England?”

Callie was too stunned to speak. Talis as king! It was how she had always thought of him, but was it what he truly wanted?

Taking advantage of Callie’s silence, Alida waved her hand. “Take her away to await the man’s maid.”

With her hand firmly on Callie’s arm, Penella pulled the girl into the little antechamber that adjoined Alida’s room. It was in here that Penella slept and spied on her mistress. Painstakingly, she had bored a hole through the wall so she could see and hear whatever her mistress did.

Penella could not bear to look at Callie’s face. Always pale, Callie now looked as though she were all eyes that stared out of hollow sockets, sightless, frightening eyes.

“Here, take this,” Penella said, not unkindly. She had found that with a full belly each night, her former fear and even her memory of those years in the kitchens were dulling and she could once again afford to give kindness.

Callie did not take the wine Penella offered, but turned beseeching eyes up to her. “If you have any mercy in your soul, help me get out of here. Help me to go to Talis. I must see him.”

“I cannot,” Penella said with finality. She was not going to lose all that meant so much to her just to save this chit of a girl. What did the girl mean to her?

“Please, I beg of you,” Callie said, clutching at Penella’s arm.

“No!” Penella said sharply, twisting away and meaning to put an end to the matter.

“You do not know what you are doing when you deny me this,” Callie whispered. “You do not know. Talis is my life. He is all to me. If I do not have him, I do not want life.”

Penella crossed herself at those words, then gave the girl a stern look, the look of an adult who knows everything. “You are just a child and you do not know what you say. You think you love this boy but love is based on years with a person. This man your mother has chosen for you is a good man; he will give you many children and—”

“If I cannot have Talis’s children, I do not want any.”

“You have no idea what you’re saying. Come, drink the wine. When you hold your first child in your arms you will be laughing over this.” Even as Penella said the words, she did not believe them. This was no child talking of losing a childhood sweetheart. There was indeed death in the girl’s eyes.

Callie collapsed on the small bed in the room, drew her knees into her chest and put her head down. “I wish I had burned up in that fire the day after I was born. I curse whoever saved me. I curse that person to the end of time.”

At t
hat epithet, Penella felt her body tremble. She did not know if she believed that a person could curse another throughout time, but if it were possible, she knew this girl was able.

Perhaps Penella was signing her own death warrant, but she could not stand by and let her selfish mistress have her way with other people’s lives. “Take this,” Penella said to Callie, handing her a silver candlestick, one that she had stolen from Lady Alida. “Take this and hit me with it, and when I am insensible, make your escape.”

Penella knew this was the coward’s way out, that being found unconscious and the girl gone put all the blame on Callie and none on her, but it was better than nothing. She had learned her lesson of protecting herself too well to risk everything now.

“Go on,” she urged Callie when she hesitated. “You must do it now while she sleeps. She will awaken soon and your chance will be gone.”

Callie hit Penella with the candlestick, but it was a blow that would not have hurt a kitten. But as the girl went running from the room, Penella took a small fruit knife and made a gash on the side of her head to give evidence that she could not have stopped the child.

“May the Lord watch over you,” Penella whispered as she looked out the window and saw the girl running toward the woods behind Hadley Hall. She dearly hoped that she never saw either Callie or Talis again; she prayed that they would escape.

39

Callie did not hesitate as she made her way to the shed that she and Dorothy had so cleverly prepared for the seduction of Talis. But that day Talis—damn him!—had been even more clever than they; he had found a way out of the shed. Had Callie thought it possible for him to go through the roof, she would have had bricks laid atop it.

But Callie had not thought of that means of escape, and as a result she was still a virgin, a marriageable woman. If he were given a great deal of money as well as the assurance that no man had touched her, that red-haired devil would accept her as his wife.