No!
I went crazy.
I bucked and cried, uncaring that my body couldn’t withstand movement with its injuries. Nothing else mattered but getting free. I wanted to kill Leather Jackal. I wanted to rescue poor Blonde Angel.
Get off her! It wasn’t fair. The poor girl. The poor innocent girl. Ferocity blew the drugs clear for one precious moment and I screamed, “Get the fuck off her! Get off her, you bastard.”
Pain.
Intense, radiating pain.
I retched, activating aches in my chest. The agony swirled in my head, threatening to knock me out.
White Rodent stood above me with a pair of pliers. His eyes were grim, jaw set. “See what you made me do. Learn!”
I looked down, already back in the pit of hallucinations.
My middle finger was snapped in two. Bone protruded from skin and blood ran freely. Worms appeared from the wound, wiggling in the air.
The throb grew worse and worse. I wanted to tear my hand off just to be free of it.
“Nooooooooo!”
“Yes. Fuck yes.” Leather Jackal panted, rutting harder into his victim. She squeezed her eyes and endured.
I cried. It was sick, so sick. I opened my mouth to tell Leather Jackal to stop. To leave her be, but a lasso of panic noosed me.
Retaliation means pain.
My tongue lodged in my mouth and my eyes flew to White Rodent. He waved the pliers in my face. “Are you learning yet?”
Against everything, yes, I was learning. My body had been reconditioned. My mind enslaved to chemicals.
Everything I thought I knew had been reprogramed. Pain was hideous. Pain was atrocious. I wanted to run away from pain and avoid it forever. Never again would I crave the fine line of passion and sweet, sweet agony.
Never again would I want Q to touch me.
Never again would I find myself in the mess I’d become. I was utterly, truly lost.
Leather Jackal groaned, pumping harder, shaking the bed as he came. Blonde Angel half-sighed, half-sobbed as he pulled out of her.
The small relief that he’d finished with her was ruined when his gaze fell on me. “Give me five minutes, puta. Then I’m all yours.”
My lips pulled back to snarl, but the cold bite of metal encircled my pinky. White Rodent murmured, “You sure you want to say whatever you’re about to say?”
I squeezed my eyes. If I said yes, I might force them into killing me. I could make them give me my freedom.
Say it, Tess. Be done with this.
“She probably doesn’t, but I’ll say it for her.”
That voice.
The echoing softness, the fine edge of violence.
I knew that voice. From another life. A happier life.
My heart picked up its sluggish beat, so downtrodden by weariness it barely functioned. It took all my remaining energy to twist my head to the doorway.
The magnificent black raven angel from my hallucinations was back. His three-metre wingspan filled the room, sparking with ebony fire and murderous rage. A flock of crows fluttered around him, turning the melting room into a whirlpool of feathers.
White Rodent spun and faced this new vision. I sighed and wished with all my heart he was real. I wanted him to be real so I could finally relax and be safe again.
“How the fuck did you get in here?” White Rodent growled, pacing toward the figment of my imagination, wielding the pliers. Crows squawked and attacked from above, raining little black bombs with beady eyes and yellow beaks, but it didn’t stop him.
Ryan the Ogre appeared from behind my apparition, launching himself at the angel. But Q spun too fast and a loud bang filled the room.
Ryan’s skull exploded in a fine mist as his body crumbled to the floor. White Rodent backed up, throwing the pliers down as more angels spilled into the room.
Black-winged Q soared toward me, feathers rustling as his eyes drifted over me in horror. I wanted to tell my dream to take me away. To save me. I didn’t care if leaving meant death. Not if I could go with him.
Take me. I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to go with you.
“Franco. Attrape ce fils de pute.” Grab that son of bitch.
I blinked as a man appeared around Q’s black wings. His muscular chest glittered with gold fur and emerald eyes blazed like twin moons.
“It would be my fucking pleasure,” Gold Man muttered.
“Wait. Don’t,” White Rodent said, pressing hard against the weeping mould-riddled wall.
Gold Man punched him square in the jaw, grumbling in satisfaction as he slammed to the ground.
My eyes darted from Gold Man to Angel Q as he sucked in a ragged breath. “Tess…” His tortured voice caressed my body. I shuddered.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry.” He reached out to touch me, but stopped himself. His face twisted as his shoulders bristled with self-loathing. “This is all my fucking fault.”
Another man appeared beside him. Glowing with a sapphire light, his old-world beauty made me smile. “Q. Not here. Stay together, man. It’s not over yet.”
Q stood upright and shoved him back, screaming in rage. “Do you see? Do you see what they’ve fucking done?”
The Sapphire Man grabbed Q’s face in his large hands, forcing him to look him in the eye. “Yes, I see. But you have work to do, remember?”
For a moment it looked as if Angel Q would tear the man apart, but eventually he gritted his jaw and jerked away. “You’re right.”
He spun to face me. The agony in his eyes shut down until nothing existed but grim determination. His large hand landed on my wrist, fumbling with the rope.
I sighed, watching him, wanting to stroke his feathers, feel the softness of his wings.
Once my wrists were free, he ran a thumb over my tattooed skin, his face spasming with such awful regret. “I’ll make it my life’s work to keep you safe, Tess. Tu es à moi.” You’re mine. “And I’ll never let you down again.”
Releasing me, he turned to my ankles.
“He came for you, Tessie. That’s nice. He did more than I ever did.” Brax stood over me, smiling softly.
I shook my head. “He isn’t real. I’ve finally cracked, Brax. I’m not returning after this. I’m leaving. Dying. I don’t care as long I don’t have to live this life anymore.”
He shook his head. “You’ll survive. You always do.”
The vision shattered as Q leaned over me, pressing his forehead against mine. I breathed in his deep scent, drowning in musk and something heady—a dirtier smell of sweat and blood and toil.
Q’s face twisted with heartbreaking grief. “I’m going to murder the men who did this to you. I’m going to make them fucking scream.” His anger buffeted me, sending my heart rate spiralling.
“He’s going to hit you. And you deserve it for what you’ve done.” My mother appeared.
Q touched my cheek softly, but I cried out. Expecting more pain. Expecting more torture.
He jerked back, eyes glassing with remorse. “Someone get me a fucking blanket!”
His face came over mine again, pale eyes searching mine. “Tess. I’m going to pick you up. I swear on my mother’s grave I will not hurt you. You have nothing to fear. I promise.”
Nothing to fear.
Nothing to fear.
“How can he say that when he whipped you, Tessie? He drew blood from you.” Brax scowled at Q, crossing his arms.
“I asked for that, though. I wanted it. I begged for it.” Even as I said the words, I couldn’t remember why I would ask for such agony.
“Did you, Tessie? I’m not so sure…”
Time shot forward and another block of awareness was stolen.
Stabbing, intense pain from my finger consumed me. Someone wrapped a piece of bedding around it, but already blood stained the cotton.
Swallowing hard, I noticed something warm and scratchy covered me, chasing away the icy chill I’d lived with for weeks. Hard muscle cradled me; Q murmured, “I’m going to take you
home and fix this, esclave.”
Esclave.
The word shocked me from my drug-stupor; I blinked. Q carried me toward the door, his ebony wings shimmered with every colour as he strode beneath dangling lightbulbs.
His jaw was covered in a thicker shadow, lines etched his mouth, and his eyes were aged and sleep-weary. The strain wasn’t in keeping with the perfection of my illusion.
Why did my angel look so…so human?
My eyes distorted, flickering with another vision. An image of Q in a dirty rumpled suit, carrying me as if I was a long ago misplaced possession. Something he had no intention of ever letting go again. Anger permeated around him while sadness wept from every pore.
My heart picked up its sad little rhythm.
Q found me. He’s here.
“Don’t be so stupid.” My mother sneered. “He wasn’t looking for you in the first place. No one wants you, Tess. Stop making up such fanciful stories.”
My lungs faltered in the quest to breathe as pain ricocheted around me.
Why would he come? After all, I was an enemy now. I hurt women. I had blood beneath my fingernails and a kill staining my soul.
“Are you r—real?” I whispered, wincing at the ache in my lungs.
Q faltered, pale eyes connecting with mine. For a never-ending moment he just stared until his mouth tightened and he murmured, “I’m real. It’s over, Tess. You’re safe.”
I tried to smile but centipedes chewed my lips off. I shuddered, slurring, “That’s n—nice. See, Brax. He did come.”
Brax appeared, running a gentle hand through my hair. “He did, Tessie. But you can’t be so naïve to think you can go back to the past. Not now. Not after what you did.”
My heart smashed into pieces. He was right.
Q’s muscles bunched beneath me, hoisting me higher, bringing my chest to his face. He trembled as he whispered tortured words into my neck. “Your mind is not broken. Your mind is not fucking broken.”
Somehow, I didn’t think he spoke to me.
He rambled in French. “Si vous me l’enlevez, je le jure devant Dieu je vais ... Je vais ...” If you take her from me, I swear to fucking God I'll... I'll... He didn’t finish. Instead, he lowered me in his arms, bundled me tight, and roared at White Rodent, “Did you fucking think you could get away with this? Rape women? Traffic them? Drug them? You’re a fucking dead man and the only place you’re going to is hell. I guarantee your corpse will be chopped into little pieces.” Q chewed on every word. His anger was palpable, filling the room with thick tension.
I looked up, bewitched with the way his wings rustled with ferocity and he stood so rigid and unswerving. He looked toward Franco. “Bring them. The pliers, too.”
Q turned on his heel and strode out the room. I curled tighter into his body as the corridor contracted around us, making me feel like I lived in the belly of a ginormous snake. My snapped finger threatened to send me into darkness again, but I held on. More insects came to nibble on my brain and a procession of visions trailed after us. My mum, dad, and Brax all followed as Angel Q whisked me off to safety.
Q bent his head. “I’ll pay them back like for like, esclave. Mark my fucking words, they’ll wish they were dead before I’ve finished.”
A burst of heat filled me as black wings fanned around us, entrapping us in a cocoon. His hotness was a bonfire against my chilled skin, and he carried me as if I was a feather.
A damaged and broken feather.
I didn’t trust anything anymore. This couldn’t be real. I’d done nothing to warrant such saving.
If only this was real. If only I was being taken away. Maybe I was dying. Maybe my brain created its own sense of finality. Saying goodbye to Q. Majestic Q with his raven wings and cloud of crows.
“You are dying. Confess your sins now, child, or you’ll never be welcomed into heaven.” My mother wrung her hands. “Confess how you screwed up our life. How you ruined your brother’s life. How you’ve ruined a man’s heart. Just die already.”
I choked on the intense hatred gleaming in my mother’s eyes. I couldn’t believe the pain she caused.
“I never wa—wanted to be a burden.” The tears I’d been holding all this time spilled. Once they started, they wouldn’t stop.
Q jerked to a halt. “No, esclave. Stop it. You’re not a burden. Never.”
With a shaky hand, I reached up and caught a black oily feather from his wings. They quivered as he wrapped them tighter around us like a shield. I ran my fingers over the quill. “I confess to everything. I’m worthless and want to die.”
Then I passed out.
You’re my obsession, I’m your possession. You own the deepest part of me…
Words lost all meaning.
I became a creature of suffering.
Tess wanted to die. My Tess. The woman who made my heart keep beating had resorted to the last option available.
She wants to die.
She wants to leave me permanently.
Whatever she’d lived through had been too much. Gone was the strong woman I knew, replaced with a shadow, a damaged hologram of who she used to be.
My arms tightened so hard I worried I might snap her in half. My entire body suffered jittery horror at the thought that even though I held her, I’d lost her.
I was too late.
The image of that fucking naked bastard with his rancid cock and the pitiful blonde girl beside Tess raped my mind.
My heart combusted with horror when I saw how similar Tess and the blonde looked. Their hair colour was so alike it tore my soul into pieces at the thought that I might’ve been too late. Too late to stop Tess being raped. Too late to stop her from suffering such tragedy again.
But I checked. When Tess passed out as I wrapped her snapped finger in some sheeting, I made sure to check she hadn’t been used. It killed me to invade her privacy, but I needed to know.
I had to know. I wouldn’t live with myself if she’d been violated again. Not after Lefebvre. Not after what I put her through. No one person should ever live through as much as Tess.
I wanted to howl to the bloody moon and shed my body in favour for something vicious with claws and fangs and no fucking conscience. I wanted to be the devil.
My mind dismembered from rational thought. I couldn’t think straight. I doubted I’d ever be sane again. The fact that Tess wasn’t bleeding between her legs helped me stay human for a little longer.
Tess weighed nothing in my arms as I carried her back the way we came. She’d lost so much weight she looked like a wraith. A blonde, delicate wraith with so many black bruises all over her she looked like a fucking domino.
My body wouldn’t stop trembling as every emotion went on hyper-drive. I wanted to kill. Fucking kill and kill and kill.
Tess thrashed, her face scrunched up with whatever hallucination she suffered. The track marks on her arms gave a vivid story of just what she’d endured.
I kept begging over and over. Her mind isn’t broken. Her mind isn’t broken. Once she detoxed, she’d be fine. I had to believe that.
My teeth clacked hard as I remembered what she’d said. She fucking talked to Brax. He lived in her mind, whispering to her, offering all sorts of comfort. Why didn’t she dream of me? I would give anything for her to think of me. To find solace in my memory.
You were never comforting. You were her master who played with her mind. How could she ever think of you fondly?
I couldn’t answer and it killed me all over again.
Coming to the fork in the corridor, I turned left, heading toward the large factory floor where we’d snuck inside.
We found the old fish-processing warehouse after a day of bribing the head of police. He’d had morals and refused for a time, but then we’d found out via other means that Smith paid off airport officials to transport his cargo.
I admit I went berserk at the thought of Tess flying away from me again. I grabbed the police chief by the throat and pulled out my trusty knife, all
while Franco kept watch so we weren’t disturbed.
Faced with losing his life, the police bastard spilled his guts. He knew Smith. He knew enough to make me want to exterminate him, too. However, once he squealed, we walked. Someone else would kill him. I had other men I wanted to bleed.
My skin wouldn’t stop crawling as we entered the compound, moving in shadows and silence. When I found Tess, my heart spontaneously exploded into shards.
I’d never felt this way before. So weak. So afraid. So helpless.
The tightness around my throat squeezed harder as I looked at the unconscious woman in my arms. Blood oozed through the sheet around her finger, and I would never be able to erase the image of her bone sticking through her skin.
Her jaw was swollen and shadowed while other abuse marked her perfect skin. Every mark punctured a hole into my soul.
If only I never went to work. If only I was strong enough to be open and tell Tess I cared deeply for her. Be brave enough to share every secret and swear every promise.
If only I’d asked her for proof that she removed the fucking tracker.
Because of me the Red Wolverine saw through my act and took revenge on Tess. He managed to cut my balls off and bury me alive by taking the one thing I couldn’t live without.
I did this by being selfish. I wanted her too much to let her go, but at the same time she lived in constant danger thanks to me. And it would only get worse. The word was out that I killed cocksuckers who traded women. Death threats were coming and I knew I had to kill them, before they killed me.
I cradled Tess closer, willing my heat to enter her freezing form. Franco appeared, striding toward me, carrying the other blonde girl who had blood smeared on the insides of her thighs. She was white as a corpse and her eyes held an expression I knew all too well: the expression of no return. An empty shell where a soul had flown free to escape reality.
So many slaves had come to me with that look. They were the hardest to fix. To coax back into their bodies and not let them whither into nothingness as they lost the will to live.
Franco set his jaw and didn’t say a word.